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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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[figure description] Page 178.[end figure description]

Up-and-down men are skase, but the horizontal
are less skaser.

Thare iz sum disseazes that kant be kured even bi
deth, for we oftin see them brake out on a man's
tombstun more violent than ever.

The burden ov menny ov the songs that are ritten
iz the song itself.

Thare iz no better kompliment tew vartue than
this: “That Vise alwus konkocts her grate plans in
the naim ov vartue.”

The tempel ov Fame iz lokated on an exceeding hi
mountin, and yu hav got tew fli or kreep tew git tew
it. (N. B. This provarb haz bin ced before, and
ain't one ov mine, but it iz jiss as tru as tho it was.)

-- 179 --

[figure description] Page 179.[end figure description]

Buty iz a short suckcess, but while it lastes it iz
quite pretty.

“The flour ov the familee,” iz, alas! quite oftin a
little injun.

If innersense iz onla the result ov ignoranse, it
ain't enny more one ov the vartues than buty iz;
but if it iz the effek ov eddikashun it iz the queen ov
the vartues.

Vartue needs awl the enemys she haz got, tew
keep her tools bright and in order.

I never beleaved mutch in spirits unless tha kum
direk from Jamaka, and then onla in small-sized ones.

“Absense ov mind;” about 2 thirds ov the humin
rase are trubbled with this kalamitee.

It taiks 2 tew maik a bargin; it ought tew taik 2
tew brake it.

Yu ma differ as mutch as yu plese about the stile
ov a yung lady's figger, but i tell yu konfidenshally,

-- 180 --

[figure description] Page 180.[end figure description]

if she has got $40,000, the figger is about as near
rite as yu wil git it.

“Glory enuff for one day;” attending a kamp

Goldsmith sez, “Larn the luxury ov dewing
good;” but the luxury, now a daze, consiss in larning
how tew du a leetle better.

I often hear affekshunate husbands kall their wifes
“Mi Duck,” i wunder if this ain't a sli delusion tew
their big bills?

-- --

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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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