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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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[figure description] Page 149.[end figure description]

Piety iz a good kind ov dissease for a man tew
hav, but when he has so mutch ov it that he has tew
go behind the door on Sunday to drink his whiskee,
it will dew tew watch him the rest of the week.

Menny think tha luv their husbands almost tew
deth, when in fack, tha are only jealous ov them.

Thoze familys who are really fust class, never are
afraid that tha shall git cheated out ov their respektability,
while the codfish familys are alwus nervous
lest tha mite.

The onla sure resipee tew govern mankind with,
iz the rod; yu ma festoon it with flowers and case it
with velvet, if yu pleze, but it iz the rod, after all,
that duz the bizzness.

-- 150 --

[figure description] Page 150.[end figure description]

I kant conseive a more despikable opjek than a
proud and arrogant man; he makes me think ov an
old Tom Turkey trieing tew git mad at a red flannel
pettycoat on a clothes line.

It iz not onla highly natral tew luv the femail sek,
but 'tis highly pleasant.

Verry few people enjoy munny, bekauze tha kant
git enuff ov it.

We are told that a contented man is happy, and
we mite hav bin told, at the same, that a mudturkle
could fly if it onla had wings.

It wont dew tew stir up a man when he is thinking,
enny more than it will a pan ov milk when the
cream is rising.

Thare is one time when awl men are comparitiffly
pure, and that is when tha are in luv.

Humbolt was a man ov verry high attainments.

It iz eazy enuff tew raize the devil, but he iz a
hard crop tew reap.

-- 151 --

[figure description] Page 151.[end figure description]

It appears tew me that a poor story iz a good deal
like a grist, the oftner it iz told, the less thare iz ov
it; but then, perhaps, i am mistaken.

I hav bin told that swine Lager iz the Dutch for
root beer.

-- --

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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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