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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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[figure description] Page 152.[end figure description]

Good Lord, deliver us from the Falt finder! one
ov yure kronick grunters. i mean. Theze kind ov humin
critters are alwuss full ov self consait; if tha waz
humble and wud dam themself okasionally, i wud try
tew pity them. Yure falt-finding old-bachelor, for
instanze, odars a pair ov No. 8 boots, and then
kolides with his shumaker insted ov his big feet; he
walks tew the depo tew saive hack-hire and misses
the trane, and then kolides with the time-table; he
kourts a gal till she has tew marry sumboddy else
tew keep from spileing, and then he don't believe
thare is a vartuous woman living. If he enjoys ennything
he dus it under protess, and if ennyboddy else
enjoys ennything he knows tha lie about it. He is
like a seckund rate bull tarrier, alwus a fiteing, and
alwus gitting licked. These kind ov critters never
are reddy tew die, bekause tha haint never begun

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[figure description] Page 153.[end figure description]

tew live. I never maik their ackquaintanse enny
more than i dew sumboddy's small pox, bekause i am
a looking after bright things and haint got enny to
lose. Thare aint enny remedee for this dissease but
hunger, and that aint parmanent unless it results in
starvashun. Good Lord, deliver us from the falt-finder!
if yu undertake tew argy with them yu onla
flatter them, and if yu jine in with them yu onla
maik them mad with themselfs.

I had rather be a target for awl the bad luk in
this wurld than tew go thru life shuteing a pizen arrow
at awl the good luk. The more i think ov it, the
more i keep thinking that falt-finding iz verry much
like bobing for eels with a raw potater; a fust rate
wa tew git out ov consait ov awl kinds ov fishing, and
a fust rate wa not tew ketch enny eels.

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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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