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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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Ack Fust.—Enter a lap dorg, carrying a boarding
skool miss in his arms, about 16 hands high —
it makes the dorg puff — the dorg lays down the
boarding skool miss, and orders mint juleks for 2,
with the usual suckshun. The dorg begins tew loll,
the boarding skool miss tells him “tew dri up,” (in
French,) and the dorg sez “he be darned if he
will,” (in Dorg.) [Grate sensashun among the
awjence, with cries, “put him out!”] Finally a
compromize iz affected, the boarding skool miss kisses
the dorg, with tears in his eyes. Konlusion —
Lap dorg diskovers a wicked flee at work on his tale—
pursues him — round and round tha go — dorg
a leettle ahead — sumbody hollers out, “mad
dorg!” — boarding skool girl faints standing — the
curtin drops.

Ack number 2.—Curtin highsts — sevral blind
men in the distanse, looking thru a key whole — one

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ov them sez, “he don't see it!” A shanghi ruseter
cums out, with epaulets on, and crows Yankee
Doodle — musik bi the band. The shanghi lays an
egg on the stage, about the size ov a wasps nest,
and then limps oph, very much tired and redused.
Curtin falls agin.

Ack number 3.—Curtin rizes sloly — big bolona
sarsage on a tabel — bolona sarsage lifts up her hed,
and begins tew bark — band plays “Old Dorg
Tray.” Cat cums in — cat's tail begins tew swell
bad — bolona sarsage and cat haz a fite — tha fite
14 rounds — the stage iz covered with cats and
dorgs. Konlusion — tha awl jine hands, and walk tew
the foot lights — an old Bull Tarrier reads the President's
call for “300 000 more” — band plays “Go
in Lemons!” — a bell rings, and the curtin drops.”

Ack number 4. — A scene on the Eri kanall — a
terribel storm rages — the kanall acks bad — sevral
line botes go down hed fust, with awl their boarders
on board — kant make a lee shore — tha drag their
ankers — sum ov the kaptins tri tew pra, but moste
ov them hav the best luck at swareing — the water
iz strewd with pots and kittles — sevral ov the cook
maids swim ashore, with their cook stoves in their
teeth — tha hav tew draw oph the kanal tew stop

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the storm. Konlusion — men are seen along on
the banks ov the kanall spearing ded hosses and eels—
band plays “a life on the oshun wave.” Amid
tremduous applauze the curtin falls, and the awjence
disperce, single file.

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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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