Let the reader judge of the effect of such an
announcement upon my tormentors and myself. I
had an uncle, then, and he had arrived—nay, he
had paid me a visit, and was in the house; I could
hear him stumping up the stairs! My debtors were
struck dumb, and so was I; and at that moment of
confusion he stepped into the room. I looked at
the gentleman, and, upon my soul, I was somewhat
disappointed. His appearance was scarce genteel
enough for my uncle; he looked like a country
squire of low degree, who might pass for a man of
quality better in an unsophisticated village of the
backwoods than anywhere else; and he had an
atrocious white fur hat, with a big brim all puckered
and twisted like the outer casing of a cabbage.
There was a vulgar vivacity and good-nature about
his visage, an air of presumption and familiarity in
his motions, and his nose turned up. On the whole,
I did not like his appearance, and my first impulse
was to give him a look of contempt; but I recollected
he was my uncle, and had come in a carriage;
and seeing him stand staring about in great
astonishment, as not knowing what to make of such
a rout of ragamuffins as I had about me, nor how

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to distinguish his nephew among them, I stepped
up to him, and taking him by the hand, said,—

“My dear saw, ah! looking for me? What!
my uncle Wiggins?”

“Wiggins!” said he; “ods bobs, don't you
know the name of your own uncle Wilkins?”

“Wiggins?” said I; “ged, 'twas a mere slip of
the tongue.”

“Ods bobs!” said he, “and is this you, Ikey, my
boy? The very picture of your aunt, poor Mrs.
Wilkins! but, ods bless her, she's dead. Ha'n't
seen you since you was a baby; do declare, you're
as big as Sammy. Come to live in your town,
Ikey, my dear; tired of living among the clodhoppers;
have plenty of money, and mean to be a
gentleman now. Glad to see you, Ikey; but I
say, Ikey, who is all these here people? Always
heard you was a great gentleman; but don't much
like your acquaintance, Ikey.”

This was pronounced in an under voice, much to
my satisfaction; for the liberty the old gentleman
took with my name was not grateful to my feelings.
Ikey, indeed! None but a vulgarian would have
made so free with me.

But he was my uncle, he said he was rich, and
I perceived he might be made serviceable.

I shook him by the hand a dozen times over,
swore “I was so glad to see him he could not conceive;”
assured him—in his ear—the fellows he
saw were ambitious cobblers and stitchers, who had
come to beg my favour and recommendation to the

[figure description] Page 172.[end figure description]

fashionable circles, for my countenance was a fortune,
and the rascals would persecute me; declared
my friend Tickle, who stood enjoying the scene
from a corner, was a young blood and intimate, who
had just lent me a thousand dollars to pay a poor
fellow who was in distress; and concluded by assuring
him, that as I did not like being obliged to a
man not a near kinsman, I would hand the sum
back again, and borrow it of him if he had brought
so much to town with him.

The warm welcome with which I began my
speech greatly delighted my uncle's heart, as I
saw; my apology for the appearance of the duns,
it was evident, caused him to look upon me as a
young fellow of great importance and distinction;
the reference to the young blood who had just
lent me a thousand dollars, confirmed his opinion
of my lofty stand among the rich and fashionable;
and to all these members of my discourse he
hearkened with respect and satisfaction; but when
I arrived at my climax, and professed a readiness
to borrow that sum of himself, I thought his
eyes would drop out of his head, they stared
out so far. In a word, I perceived that, let him
be as rich as he might, he was not the man to lend
me money; for which reason I despised the relationship
more than ever, and resolved to disown it
as soon as my convenience would permit. But it
was proper to make it useful at the present moment.

I turned round upon my duns, who were yet in

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confusion. “Gentlemen,” said I, giving them a bow
of dismission, “I will remember your claims; you
may depend upon me; but at present, as you see,
I must attend to those of my excellent uncle. You
understand me, ehem.”

“Ehem,” said they all; and I thought they
would have all turned somersets, so profound were
their congees, as, one by one, they sneaked out of
the room. The only ones who hesitated were
my landlord, Nora Magee, and Snip the tailor.
The first was probably overcome by a sense of
having dunned me too hard, and despair of forgiveness;
on which supposition I gave him a frown,
and waved my hand, and he retired. As for Nora,
she perhaps loitered to feast her eyes with the
spectacle of the rich man, from whose pockets
were to be drawn her ten dollars; but I gave her
a wink (a very vulgar way of conveying a hint, I
confess—but one can't be genteel with one's creditors),
and she rolled smiling away. What kept
the tailor I could not say; till, having given him
divers significant looks and gestures, he began to
drawl out, “Can't controvert no gentleman, but—”
when I stepped up to him, took him by the arm,
and led him from the apartment.

“What, you dog,” said I, in a familiar, affectionate
sort of way, as soon as I had him out of
my uncle's hearing, “do you want to raise a hubbub,
and put the old fellow in a passion? Come,
you rogue, your fortune's made:—seven grown
sons—seven broadcloth suits a year (extravagant

p016-183 [figure description] Page 174.[end figure description]

dogs they!)—shall have them all, you shall, upon
my honour: can twist the young apes round my
finger, and you shall have'em. Seven times seven
is forty-nine, seven fifties is three thousand and
odd; 'ged and demmee, you'll make a fortune out
of them!”

With that I pushed the giggling cormorant
down stairs, and ran back to my uncle.