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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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[figure description] Page 209.[end figure description]

Dear Doktor Hirsute: — I reseaved a tin cup
ov yure “Hair purswader,” also a bottle ov yure
Salvashum Bitters,” bi express, for which, I express
my thanks. The greenbak, which yu enklozed waz
the kind ov purswader that we ov the press fully
understand. Yur hair greese, shall hav a reglar
gimnastik puff, jist az soon az i kan find a spare
time. I tried a little ov it on an old counter brush
in my offiss, this morning, and in 15 minnitts, the
brussells grew az long az a hosses tale, and i notis
this afternoon, the hair begins tew cum up thru,
on bak ov the brush, 'tis really wonderful! 'tis almoste
Eureka! I rubbed a drop or two on the head ov mi
cane, which haz bin bald for more than 5 years, and
beggar me! if I don't hav to shave the cane handle,

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evry day, before I can walk out with it. I hav a
verry favrite cat, she iz one ov the Hambletonian
breed ov cats, and altho she iz young, and haint bin
trained yet, she shows grate signs ov speed. I
thought I would just rob the corck ov the bottle on
the floor, in the corner ov the room whare the cat
generally repozes. The consequents waz, sum ov
the “purswader” got onto the hair ov the cat's tale.
When the cat aroze from her slumbers she caught
sight ov her tale, which had growed tew an exalted
size; taking one more look at the tale, she started,
and bi the good olde Mozes! sich running; across
the yard! over the fence! up wun side ov an apple
tree! and down the other! out into the fields, away!
away! The laste i saw ov the cat, she waz pretty
mutch awl tale. I wouldn't hav took 10 dollars for
the cat, with her old tale on her. In a fu daze,
i shall find a spare time, and then i shall write up,
for our paper sumthing pyroteknik, which will make
the hair grow on the head ov a number 2 mackrel,
to read it.

Dear Doktor, the fact iz, “sum men are born
grate, sum men git grate after they are born, and
sum men hav grateness hove upon them.” Doctor,
you are awl 3 ov these men, in one. You are a

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kind ov vegatable trinity, sassyfrass, pokeroot, and
elderberry. It waz a happee thought in you, tew call
your “Salvashun Bitters” a “vegatabel tonicks,”
although, old rye aint one ov the vegatabels,
whiskee iz one ov the tonicks. The peopel must
hev tonicks, and the more vegatabels you kan git
into the gratest amount ov whiskee, the more the peopel
will luv you. Thare is nothing the christian world
long for so mutch, just now, as a vegatabel bitter.
Sassyfrass is good for a lonesum stummuk, pokeroot is
an alteratiff, and Elderberry was known to the anshients,
but what! oh tell me what! yee whispring
winds, what! are awl these without whiskee. Thank
the Lord, that at laste, we hav got a bitter, that
will tonick a man up. Nothing, sinze the good old
daze ov Jamaka Rum, and sider Brandee, haz sent
sich a thrill ov joy thru the wurld, az “Hirsute's Salvashun
Bitters,” sold respektably bi awl druggists,
far and near.

Go on Doktur, manafaktring, and selling, let the
cod liver, and pattent truss men, howl out in envy,
let pills rant, and plasters rave, you hav got what
the wurld wants, and will have, and that iz, an erb
bitter, with a broad whiskee basis.

N. B. — Bizziness, Doctor, iz bizziness. The hi

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prise ov material, and laber, haz put up puffs with
us, but upon the reseipt ov 50 Dollars more, yu kan
rely upon sumthing, in our weekly, that will send
“Salvashun, and Purswashun” whirling thru the

P. S.— Let me advize yu az a friend; if it iz
indispensible necessary tew cheat a little, in the
manufakter ov the “Salvashun Bitters,” let it by
awl means be in the rutes, dont lower the basis.

Yures quietly,
Josh Billings.

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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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