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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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I hav studdyed cats clussly for years, and hav found
them adikted tew a wild state. Tha haint got affek
shun, nor vartues ov enny kind, tha will skratch
their best friends, and wont ketch mice unless tha
are hungry. It haz bin sed that tha are good tu
make up into sassages; but this iz a grate mistake,
i hav bin told bi a sassage maker that
tha dont kompare with dogs. Thare is one thing
sartin, tha are verry anxious tew liv, yu ma
turn one inside out, and hang him up bi the tale,
and az soon az yu are out ov sight, he will manage
tew turn back summerset and cum around awl rite
in a fu days. It iz verry hard wurk tew looze a
cat. If one gits carried oph in a bag bi mistake a
grate ways into the kuntry, tha wont sta lost onla a
short time, but soon appear tew make the family
happy with their presence. Old maids are very

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fond ov cats, for the reason i suppose that cats never
marry if tha hav ever so good a chanse. Thare iz
one thing about cats i dont like, if yu step on their
tales by acksident tha git mad rite oph, and make a
grate fuss about it. Thare iz anuther thing about
them which makes them a good investment for poor
folks. A pair ov cats will yield each year, without
any outlay, something like eight hundred per cat.
It iz a verry singular fack that cats dont like a millpond,
i never knu one tew git drowned bi acksident.
Tha luv cream, but it seems tew be agin their religgun
tew tutch soap. Cats and dogs have never bin
able tew agree on the main question, tha both seem
tew want the affirmatiff side to onst. I think if i
could hav mi way thare wouldn't be enny more cats
born unless tha could sho a certifikate ov good moral
karakter. Thare is one more thing about cats which
seems tew me tew be awl affektashun, and that iz
making sich a devlish noise under a fellers window
nights, and then kall it musik. If i waz tew hav
mi choise between a cat and a striped snake, i would
take the snake bekause I could git rid ov the snake
bi letting him go. Thare aint no sartin wa tew kill
a cat, if yu git one wurked up into sassage, and yu
think yu are awl right, jist az likely az not tha will

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cum to and take off a whole lot of good sassage with
them.—Theze are mi views about cats, rather hastily
hove together, and if i haint said enuff agin them it
iz onla bekause i lack the informashun.

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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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