[figure description] Page 146.[end figure description]

A merry incident gave a
perfect in&longs;ight into the practice of the several
phy&longs;icians I have ju&longs;t eulogized. A
drunken jockey, having fallen from his
hor&longs;e, at a public review, was taken up
&longs;en&longs;ele&longs;s, and extended upon the long table
of the tavern. He &longs;oon recovered
his breath, and groaned mo&longs;t piteou&longs;ly.
As his head &longs;truck the ground fir&longs;t, it was
apprehended by &longs;ome, unacquainted with
its &longs;olidity, that he had fractured his &longs;kull.
The faculty ha&longs;tened, from all quarters,
to his a&longs;&longs;i&longs;tance. The learned, scrupulous
phy&longs;ician, after reque&longs;ting that the
doors and windows might be &longs;hut,

[figure description] Page 147.[end figure description]

approached the patient; and, with a &longs;tately
air, declined giving his opinion, as he had
unfortunately left at home his Pringle
on contu&longs;ions.

The cheap doctor immediately pronounced
the wound a compound fracture,
pre&longs;cribed half a do&longs;e of crude opium, and
called for the trepanning in&longs;truments.

The &longs;afe doctor propo&longs;ed brown paper,
dipped in rum and cobwebs, to
&longs;taunch the blood. The popular physician,
the mu&longs;ical doctor, told us a jovial
&longs;tory; and then &longs;uddenly relaxing his features,
ob&longs;erved, that he viewed the groaning
wretch as a monument of ju&longs;tice: that
he, who &longs;pent his days in tormenting
hor&longs;es, &longs;hould now, by the agency of the
&longs;ame animal, be brought to death's door,
an event, which he thought ought to be
&longs;et home upon our minds by prayer.

While my new pupil, pre&longs;&longs;ing through
the crowd, begged that he might &longs;tate the
ca&longs;e to the company; and, with an

[figure description] Page 148.[end figure description]

audible voice, winking upon me, began. The
learned doctor Nominativo Hoc Caput, in
his treati&longs;e on brains, ob&longs;erves that, the
&longs;eat of the &longs;oul may be known, from the
affections of the man. The re&longs;idence of
a wife man's &longs;oul is in his ears; a glutton's,
in his palate; a gallant's, in his
lips; an old maid's, in her tongue; a
dancer's, in his toes; a drunkard's, in
his throat. By the way, landlord, give us
a button of &longs;ling. When we learned
wi&longs;h to know if a wound endangers life,
we con&longs;equently inquire into the affections
of the patient, and &longs;ee if the wound
injures the &longs;eat of his &longs;oul. If that escapes,
however deep and gha&longs;tly the
wound, we pronounce life in no danger.
A hor&longs;e jockey's &longs;oul—gentlemen, I wi&longs;h
your healths, is in his heel, under the left
&longs;pur. When I was pur&longs;uing my &longs;tudies,
in the ho&longs;pitals in England, I once &longs;aw
&longs;eventeen hor&longs;e jockies, &longs;ome of whom
were noblemen, killed by the fall of a

[figure description] Page 149.[end figure description]

&longs;caffold in Newmarket, and all wounded
in the heel. Twenty others, with their
arms, backs, and necks broken, &longs;urvived.
I &longs;aw one noble jockey, with his nominativo
caret, which is Greek for a nobleman's
head, &longs;plit entirely open. His brains
ran down his face, like the white of a
broken egg; but, as his heel was unhurt,
he &longs;urvived; and his judgment in hor&longs;es is
&longs;aid not to be the lea&longs;t impaired. Come,
pull off the patient's boot, while I drink his
better health. Charmed with the harrangue,
&longs;ome of the &longs;pectators were about
following his directions, when the other
doctors interfered. They had heard him,
with di&longs;dainful impatience, and now each
rai&longs;ed his voice, to &longs;upport his particular
opinion, backed by his adherents. Bring
the brown paper—compound fracture—
cobwebs I &longs;ay—hand the trepanning instruments—
give us &longs;ome tod, and pull off
the boot, echoed from all quarters. The
landlord forbad quarrelling in his hou&longs;e.

[figure description] Page 150.[end figure description]

The whole company ru&longs;hed out, to form
a ring on the green, for the medical professors;
and they to a con&longs;ultation of fisty
cuffs. The practitioner in &longs;heep, hor&longs;es,
and cattle, poured a do&longs;e of urine and molasses
down the patient's throat; who &longs;oon
&longs;o happily recovered as to pur&longs;ue his vocation,
&longs;wop hor&longs;es three times, play
twenty rubbers of all fours, and get dead
drunk again before &longs;un&longs;et.

p407-158

Previous section

Next section