March 7th, 1789.

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I hardly dare take up my pen to write
to the worthy On&longs;low: for I have rendered
my&longs;elf totally unworty of his friendship.
Will you and your amiable Amelia
believe it? No you will think it impo&longs;&longs;ible,
that I—I, who &longs;o often have &longs;worn to protect
her, &longs;hould act in &longs;o thoughtle&longs;s a manner
as to drive the lovely Meriel from my
hou&longs;e. Yes, On&longs;low, &longs;he left my hou&longs;e in
the night, unattended and ru&longs;hed into dangers,
of which her delicate mind could form
no idea; and my folly was the cau&longs;e. I
forgot what was due to her honour and my
own, and dared to &longs;olicit her to quit her husband
and remain with me. Oh! fool,
madman that I was, when I knew the dignity
of her mind, to think &longs;he would &longs;uffer
&longs;uch a thought to harbour in her bo&longs;om for
a moment. She once loved me;—yes, and

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with a voice &longs;oft as harmony, yet with looks
and manners cha&longs;te as Diana, has &longs;he lately
confe&longs;&longs;ed &longs;he &longs;till does and ever &longs;hall love
me. But did I not know the heart of Meriel
Howard. Was I not &longs;en&longs;ible, that with all
her &longs;exes &longs;oftne&longs;s &longs;he po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ed the firmne&longs;s
and intrepidity of a Spartan matron? But
I am tormenting you with &longs;u&longs;pen&longs;e while I
am writing an eulogium on her, with who&longs;e
virtues you are already well acquainted.

The dear creature had recovered &longs;o far as
to be able to leave her apartment, when
the conver&longs;ation pa&longs;&longs;ed between us, which
frightened her from the protection I had
vainly hoped would have henceforth sheltered
her from all the ills of life. She had
&longs;upped with me, and on retiring, wi&longs;hed
me a good night with a look and voice &longs;o
full of tenderne&longs;s, that I longed to pre&longs;s her
to my heart: but I forbore and only ki&longs;&longs;ed
her hand. Early the next morning, I was
awakened by poor Doborah, who a&longs;ked me
if I knew where her lady was—for &longs;he was
not in her apartment, nor had the &longs;ervant
who &longs;lept in her room &longs;een her. Terrified,
lea&longs;t her unfortunate malady &longs;hould have returned,
I ha&longs;tily aro&longs;e and inquired of every
per&longs;on in the hou&longs;e if they had &longs;een her;
but to no purpo&longs;e. The &longs;treet door was
found unlock'd and on &longs;earching her

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apartment her hat and cloak with a few necessaries
were mi&longs;&longs;ing. It then ru&longs;hed into
my mind that her own &longs;en&longs;ibility and &longs;trict
&longs;en&longs;e of rectitude had driven her from my
protection. Where could &longs;he go? Her
friends or rather tho&longs;e who had once &longs;tiled
themelves &longs;o, had all for&longs;aken her in her
misfortunes—to whom then could &longs;he go?
Di&longs;tracting as the thought was, I concluded
&longs;he was gone to her ba&longs;e treacherous husband.
Impre&longs;&longs;ed with this idea, I went immediately
to the pri&longs;on; but &longs;he had not
been there. I did not attempt to &longs;ee Rooksby,
I could not have &longs;poken to him with
calmne&longs;s. I returned home almo&longs;t deprived
of rea&longs;on, nor had I any tidings of the dear
fugitive, till late in the afternoon, when
I received the following note.

You are no doubt unea&longs;y; let this
calm your fears, I am &longs;afe. Rea&longs;on
told me I mu&longs;t not remain any longer with
you. I came to my hu&longs;band; but &longs;omething
has occurred, which I cannot now explain,
and which makes it impo&longs;&longs;ible for me to
remain with him. We have parted, I

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believe, forever.—But I charge you, Kingly,
endeavour not to find me out,—I wi&longs;h not
to &longs;ee you again. It is meddling world.
They have been already too bu&longs;y with our
names.—Think me not ungrateful for
your friend&longs;hip: it will never be obliterated
from my mind while I have life; but it is
fit, it is proper we &longs;hould meet no more.—
I know my faithful Deborah will wi&longs;h to
come to me. Bid her come with the bearer
of this, who waits. But oh! Kingly, unle&longs;s
you wi&longs;h to add another weight to my already
in&longs;upportable afflictions, make no attempt to
&longs;ee me.—Heaven ble&longs;s you, forever ble&longs;s
you, I cannot expre&longs;s all I wi&longs;h; perhaps
did I feel le&longs;s, I could write with more
eloquence.—As my la&longs;t reque&longs;t I intreat you
not to withdraw your bounty from the children
of Clara. They are innocent, whatever
are the crimes of their parents. Oh Kingly,
if you could &longs;ee my heart, you would &longs;ee it
bleed with real angui&longs;h, while I tell you we
mu&longs;t not cannot meet again. Once more,
God ble&longs;s you, and reward you for your
kindne&longs;s to the wretched

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Though I earne&longs;tly de&longs;ired to &longs;ee the suffering
angel, her commands, her pathetic
entreaties to me were &longs;acred; I &longs;ent for
Deborah and giving her ten guineas bade
her ha&longs;ten to her mi&longs;tre&longs;s and to let me know
when &longs;he wanted more ca&longs;h. The faithful old
woman &longs;obbed with joy when I told her that
her lady was &longs;afe; and left the room almo&longs;t
with the alacrity of a girl, when &longs;he was told
to follow the me&longs;&longs;enger who brought the
letter.

The next morning, the money was returned
in a &longs;mall parcel, which I received and
opened without knowing from whence it
came. On the inner paper were the&longs;e words.
“Dear generous Kingly, I am already overwhelmed
with obligations from you. Pardon
me, I can receive no more.” There was no
name annexed; but I knew the dear characters
had been traced by the hand of Meriel.—
Re&longs;olved, if po&longs;&longs;ible, &longs;till to &longs;erve her, even
again&longs;t her inclination, I went to my agent
and de&longs;ired him to go to the bench, make
inquiry for Deborah and pretend to pay &longs;ome
money that was owing to old Mr. Howard.
But here I failed; for when my agent returned,
he informed me that Mrs. Rook&longs;by
had been with her hu&longs;band that &longs;he remained
only a &longs;hort time and where &longs;he was gone
no one could tell. He al&longs;o informed me

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that Rook&longs;by had a woman in the apartment
with him, who had been thrown into pri&longs;on
about three weeks before by a Mercer, to
whom &longs;he was indebted upwards of a hundred
pounds, and that both of them expected &longs;oon
to be relea&longs;ed. From his de&longs;cription of the
woman's per&longs;on, I &longs;hould &longs;uppo&longs;e it to be the
infamous Clara; but think it almo&longs;t impossible,
as I was informed &longs;he was living at
Bru&longs;&longs;els only a &longs;hort time &longs;ince in great
&longs;plendor with a man of the fir&longs;t rank and fortune.
Should it prove &longs;o, I &longs;hall pronounce
him a blacker villain than I ever thought
him: and how like an angel will the villainy
of the one and the ingratitude of the other
make Meriel appear, who in the very moment
that &longs;he was &longs;o cruelly treated by them
could recommend their children to my care.
I will obey her, On&longs;low. They &longs;hall &longs;hare
the education of my own boys, and I make
no doubt of being able to provide for them
either in the army or navy.—

Every inquiry after Meriel is vain. She
has hid her&longs;elf &longs;o effectually as to elude the
&longs;tricte&longs;t &longs;earch; I can no longer &longs;tay in England
I have &longs;olicited employment in the We&longs;t
Indies and &longs;hall &longs;oon &longs;ail. I have

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commissioned my agent to continue his &longs;earch for Mrs.
Rook&longs;by and &longs;hould he di&longs;cover the place of
her retreat to &longs;upply her with ca&longs;h, without
&longs;uffering her even to &longs;u&longs;pect from whom it
comes. I am certain wherever &longs;he is, &longs;he is
in nece&longs;&longs;ity. Good heavens, that I &longs;hould
live to &longs;ay, while I am in po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ion of all the
&longs;uperfluities of life, Meriel Howard, the fir&longs;t
choice of my heart, the woman I love and
revere above all her &longs;ex, is perhaps languishing
for want of the means to &longs;upport existence.
I will write no more I am almo&longs;t
devoid of rea&longs;on when I think for a moment
on the &longs;ubject.

I hardly dare de&longs;ire my remembrance to
your Amelia. I know how &longs;he loved and
e&longs;teemed Meriel, and I have &longs;ome faint
hope that &longs;he will hear from the dear sufferer's
own hand how &longs;he has di&longs;po&longs;ed of herself;
for certain I am, that while life warms
the heart of Meriel Howard, it will glow
with grateful affection for Amelia Sidney.
And while I live, I &longs;hall remain your's in
friend&longs;hip.

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