MERIEL, IN CONTINUATION.
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It was not long after this letter was dispatched
before Mr. Prevott came and
per&longs;onally offered to Harriet an a&longs;ylum in
his hou&longs;e. Their meeting was tender I &longs;hared
her joys as far as my own unhappy &longs;ituation
would permit, but cordial as was the offered
friend&longs;hip of her uncle I could perceive he
felt, &longs;everely felt, poor Harriet's di&longs;honour.
I was greatly relieved by her having found
&longs;o able, &longs;o proper a protector; for indeed,
my dear Celia, I was reduced very low, and
two days after &longs;he left me I removed from
the hou&longs;e at Pimlico and which we had taken
ready furni&longs;hed. I di&longs;charged my &longs;ervant and
would have per&longs;uaded good Deborah to return
to Wales to her friends, offering to pay
her expen&longs;es home. But this was attempting
an impo&longs;&longs;ibility. She told me I might &longs;end
her from my pre&longs;ence; but no power &longs;hould
force her from London. She would remain
near me, nay, &longs;he would &longs;erve me while &longs;he
had life. Such a proof of di&longs;intere&longs;ted &longs;idelity
awakened all my gratitude, and from that
moment I took her for my companion, my
friend, my advi&longs;er, and we removed together
to a &longs;mall lodging near the King's bench
pri&longs;on, where poor Rook&longs;by was by this
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time removed; for his di&longs;tre&longs;&longs;es were &longs;o
complicated and his affairs in &longs;uch a distracted
&longs;tate it was impo&longs;&longs;ible to procure his enlargement.
Here it was I fir&longs;t began my
letter to you, in which I meant to have included
the whole account of my &longs;ad change,
but my dear girl &longs;ickened with the mea&longs;les,
and after langui&longs;hing near a month was
taken to eternal bli&longs;s. I fear, my beloved
Celia, I behaved in a manner unbecoming a
Chri&longs;tian, I did not &longs;ubmit as I ought I gave
way to de&longs;pair and was puni&longs;hed by the lo&longs;s
of rea&longs;on, for &longs;everal weeks. In this &longs;ituation
Kingly once more&longs;tepped forward to pre&longs;erve
and re&longs;cue me from the horrors of a mad
hou&longs;e; for to that dreadful &longs;tate, or perhaps
wor&longs;e to that of a poor wandering lunatic
de&longs;titute and forlorn, I might have been reduced
but for his timely interpo&longs;ition. He
had me removed to his own lodgings, attended
by the be&longs;t Phy&longs;icians, nay, he even
extended his benevolence to my unfortunate
hu&longs;band, who&longs;e feelings had been &longs;trongly
awakened by the death of his child. But
tho&longs;e feelings were &longs;oon overcome, and his
heart again become calous. When I fir&longs;t began
to recover my recollection, it was carefully
concealed from me where I was. Deborah
by degrees informed me of all that had pa&longs;&longs;ed
and told me Kingly reque&longs;ted to &longs;ee me. I
was too weak in mind and body to re&longs;i&longs;t,
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and for &longs;ome time I was accu&longs;tomed to pa&longs;s
an hour or two with him every day, I &longs;aw
not the danger, the impropriety of my situation,
till rou&longs;ed from my dream of &longs;ecurity by
the following circum&longs;tance.
I was well enough to leave my apartment
for the adjoining room, where I had dined
for the fir&longs;t time with Kingly, who, as he
&longs;aid, to &longs;urprize me agreeably had &longs;ent for
his dear boys from &longs;chool, and al&longs;o Clara's
two children, whom he has taken under his
protection. At the fir&longs;t &longs;ight of the children
my &longs;orrows all revived and I gave wayto a violent
bur&longs;t of tears, which relieved the oppression
that &longs;eemed like a cord to be bound
round my heart. I wept plentifully, nor did
any one attempt to prevent me. The dear
children had all by degrees drawn nearer to
me, and the younge&longs;t boy climbing on my
lap, wiped off my tears with his frock, whil&longs;t
he ki&longs;&longs;ed me and bade me not cry any more.
I know not how it was; but the angui&longs;h of
my heart gradually &longs;ub&longs;ided. I am not
de&longs;titute of comfort &longs;aid I mentally; the&longs;e
dear children, the friend&longs;hip of Kingly, is
&longs;omething yet! how many at this moment,
a thou&longs;and times more de&longs;erving, are more
wretched, more forlorn than I am. During
dinner the&longs;e reflections occupied my mind.
I &longs;poke little, but I felt a degree of &longs;erenity
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pervade my brea&longs;t, to which it had long
been a &longs;tranger. When the de&longs;ert was removed,
the boys growing rather boi&longs;terous
in their play were di&longs;mi&longs;&longs;ed to another apartment.
Kingly &longs;eated him&longs;elf next me. We
were for &longs;ome moments &longs;ilent.
“I hope,” &longs;aid Kingly, “my dear Mrs.
Rook&longs;by, you will now &longs;oon be able to reap
the benefit of fre&longs;h air, and go for a &longs;hort
time into the country. It will be of great
&longs;ervice to you.”
“I hope I &longs;hall,” replied I, “&longs;oon be able
to go out; for then I can go to poor Rooksby,
for I wi&longs;h to &longs;ee him and learn how he is
accommodated; I fear he has been very uncomfortable
during my illne&longs;s.”—“Surely
my dear creature,” &longs;aid he, fixing his eyes
on my face with a look of expre&longs;&longs;ive tenderness,
“&longs;urely you cannot mean to return to
that man.”
“Why not, Mr. Kingly. He certainly
wants a friend and comforter under his
pre&longs;ent unea&longs;y circum&longs;tances.”—
“But are not his pre&longs;ent calamities the
fruit of his own folly; and has he not behaved
in the ba&longs;e&longs;t manner to you? has he not forfeited
all right—
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“Not to my duty and attention,” &longs;aid I,
eagerly interrupting him, “if he has forgot
his duty, it is no rule for me to neglect
mine.”
“But &longs;hould you leave him, all the world
would acquit you.”
“Yes Kingly; but I mu&longs;t be acquitted by
a higher, a more &longs;acred tribunal than the
world. I &longs;eek the approbation of my own
con&longs;cience, and the continued protection
of a Being; wi&longs;e! as he is great and merciful.”—
“But &longs;urely, my dear Meriel, as you have
done your duty, nothing more can be expected
from you.”
“Yes Kingly, yes while I live, and Rooksby
is in exi&longs;tence I know my marriage vow
is in full force; and may I &longs;oon be able to
fulfill the &longs;acred engagements I entered
into.”
“Oh! Meriel you &longs;urely love, &longs;pite of his
errors this ungrateful Rook&longs;by.”
“No—no,—mi&longs;take me not, I mean not
to arrogate to my&longs;elf the merit of a virtue to
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which I have no claim. I pity him from my
&longs;oul, nay would &longs;acrifice my own peace; to
re&longs;tore his tranquillity; but did I love him;
Oh! gracious heaven, did I love him, I could
not live and retain my rea&longs;on under my present
circum&longs;tances.”
“Then, why Meriel, why will you sacrifice
your own peace, to a chimerical notion
of duty? If you love him not, why return to
him: why fly from a man, who not only
loves, but almo&longs;t adores you? Then &longs;tay
with me, thou beloved of my &longs;oul, &longs;hare
my fortune and be the friend of my bo&longs;om;
Rook&longs;by &longs;hall enjoy all the comforts, nay
if you require it, all the elegancies of life.”
Shall I tell you, my friend, &longs;hall I confess
that &longs;trong as was my &longs;en&longs;e of rectitude,
I felt my re&longs;olution &longs;lacken. My
treacherous heart even debated whether I
&longs;hould not &longs;tand excu&longs;ed, if I accepted his
offer.—Oh, God! pardon the weakne&longs;s of
frail humanity, if for a moment, I forgot
what was due to the Deity I &longs;erved—the
religion I profe&longs;&longs;ed. Yes, Celia, I li&longs;tened,
I thought my&longs;elf convinced, and had consented
to leave the man to whom I had promised
love and obedience to the late&longs;t period
of our lives.
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Kingly, though ardent in his wi&longs;hes for
me to be &longs;eperated from my hu&longs;band, was
re&longs;pectful in his behaviour and we pa&longs;&longs;ed the
evening in a friendly conver&longs;ation, which
would not have called a blu&longs;h on the cheek
of a brother and &longs;i&longs;ter. Deborah had during
my illne&longs;s always. &longs;lept in my apartment.
But a few nights preceding the one I have
mentioned, we had prevailed on her to go
to another room and &longs;uffer one of Kingly's
&longs;ervants to occupy her place on a mattre&longs;s by
my bed-&longs;ide.
When I was retired to re&longs;t, when I no
longer &longs;aw the expre&longs;&longs;ive countenance, or
heard the per&longs;ua&longs;ive tongue of Kingly, reflection
returned with double force, and I perceived
I was &longs;tanding on the brink of a precipice,
from which if I receded not in time,
I mu&longs;t plunge into everla&longs;ting ruin. Weak
as I &longs;till was from the effects of my disorder,
I re&longs;olved to fly, while I had &longs;ufficient
rea&longs;on left to direct me from the dangerous
temptations which &longs;urrounded me.—Forsaken,
injured by my hu&longs;band, and under
the immediate protection of the man, who
fir&longs;t taught my heart to beat with affection,
who had conferred on me obligations I
could never repay, who &longs;till loved:—And,
Oh! my dear Celia, (the glow of
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confusion covers me as I write it,) who &longs;till was
beloved by me.
To deliberate a moment; was to be lo&longs;t,
another &longs;uch an interview as the la&longs;t, and I
might ru&longs;h on irretrievable de&longs;truction.
The &longs;ervant who &longs;lept in the room with
me, wearied by the employments of the day
enjoyed a &longs;ound and undi&longs;turbed repo&longs;e.—
The clock had &longs;truck three, when convinced
of the danger of remaining longer under his
roof, I re&longs;olved to fly from Kingly. A candle
was always burning in my room: I aro&longs;e
with as little noi&longs;e as po&longs;&longs;ible, wrapping myself
as warm as I could and tying up a
change of linen in a handkerchief, I glided
&longs;oftly down &longs;tairs, and opening the &longs;treet
door ventured into the &longs;treet. I knew
there were coaches employed in the night
as well as the day, and did not fear but I
&longs;hould &longs;oon find one to convey me to the
hou&longs;e where I had lodged, previous to the
death of my ever regretted Clementina, and
where I knew I &longs;hould be received and might
remain till the hour when I could be admitted
into the pri&longs;on to my hu&longs;band.
You will, perhaps, blame me, for leaving
the protection of Kingly, in &longs;o abrupt a
manner. Perhaps you will &longs;ay why not &longs;tay
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till the morning, and then inform him of
my re&longs;olution.—Alas! my friend, I dared
not &longs;tay. I was &longs;en&longs;ible of the weakne&longs;s of
my heart, and had he intreated! had he
looked unhappy! I know it would not have
been in my power to per&longs;evere.
His lodgings were in We&longs;tmin&longs;ter near
the park, and I found no &longs;tand of coaches
near. Add to this, my weakne&longs;s and the
penetrating keenne&longs;s of the night air, made
my head &longs;wim, and I &longs;taggered like a person
intoxicated. I was proceeding as well as I
was able toward We&longs;tmin&longs;ter bridge, when
a cry of thieves and a watchman's rattle arrested
my attention. I was then near the
end of Parliament-&longs;treet, and before I had
time for a moments thought found my&longs;elf
&longs;urrounded by a number of watchmen, constables
and other &longs;trange looking people,
who one and all, per&longs;i&longs;ted that I was an accomplice
with a gang of thieves, who had,
by the a&longs;&longs;i&longs;tance of the hou&longs;ekeper, broke
in and robbed a lady's hou&longs;e in Georgestreet.
I attempted to &longs;peak; but had not the
power. A cold chillne&longs;s &longs;eized me, and my
limbs failed, though I &longs;till retained my senses
and felt the horrors of my &longs;ituation in
their full force!—Imagine, my dear
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Celia, for a moment what my feelings were.
I feared my rea&longs;on would again wander:
but it plea&longs;ed Heaven to pre&longs;erve me from
that dreadful calamity. They conveyed me
without re&longs;i&longs;tance to the watch-hou&longs;e, where
they threw me like a bea&longs;t upon the floor,
imagining my inanimation to proceed from
the effects of liquor. Though unable to
&longs;peak, I groaned pitiou&longs;ly and felt the tears
gu&longs;h in torrents from my eyes: but &longs;till I was
unnoticed by all, except a young creature
who I am &longs;ure could not have counted above
&longs;ixteen years, and who habited in a white
bedgown, a tattered &longs;ilk petticoat, and a
pair of old &longs;attin &longs;hoes that would &longs;carcely
&longs;ave her feet from the ground, &longs;at in a corner
of the place near where they had thrown
me down; and as I then verily believed,
where I was to end my days. For the sudden
&longs;hock that had deprived me of the power
of &longs;peech and motion &longs;eemed like the &longs;troke
of death, and I li&longs;ted up my &longs;oul to that Power
who I thought was calling me to him&longs;elf
from a world, where from a child, I had experienced
little el&longs;e but &longs;orrow.
The poor girl, whom I heard them call
Peggy, knelt down be&longs;ide me rai&longs;ed my
head on her knee and put a &longs;mall gla&longs;s of
warm punch to my mouth, which the constable
had ju&longs;t given her.—“Let her alone
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Peggy, &longs;aid he, &longs;he has had enough already.
She is &longs;o drunk &longs;he can neither &longs;peak nor
&longs;tand.—
“Poor &longs;oul,” cried Peggy, in an accent
of the &longs;ofte&longs;t compa&longs;&longs;ion. “She is ill I can
&longs;ee &longs;he is, and may die for want of assistance.
Come, continued &longs;he, &longs;wallow a
drop of this. It may revive you.”
Celia, the love of life is &longs;o &longs;trongly impressed
on human nature, that though bending
beneath the weight of almo&longs;t insupportable
afflictions we &longs;truggle &longs;till to pre&longs;erve
exi&longs;tence. I &longs;wallowed the offered refreshment,
Peggy chaffed my hands and laid my
head upon her bo&longs;om; my &longs;pirits revived,
my &longs;trength began to return and in le&longs;s than
half an hour I could articulate my thanks to
my pre&longs;erver. Till ten the en&longs;uing morning
I remained in this mi&longs;erable place, nor
was I even able to procure the lea&longs;t accommodation
for my&longs;elf or companion in sorrow;
for they had not only taken my bundle
from me but even ri&longs;led my pockets of
a guinea and a half, which was all that I
po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ed in the world. At ten o'clock a
coach was called and with &longs;everal others I
was carried to a ju&longs;tice's for examination;
for it was alledged that I was the woman,
who had opened the door to the thieves and
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that having got what booty I could my&longs;elf,
I was making off when they &longs;topped me; in
evidence of which they produced my little
bundle which contained two &longs;hifts a petticoat
two mu&longs;lin handkerchiefs and a linen
gown. The con&longs;table al&longs;o &longs;wore that I had
more property about me; but that I had
thrown it away when they pur&longs;ued me and
they could find nothing but a gold watch
chain which they had picked up, and which
they immediately produced wrapped in a fine
cambrick handkerchief. Judge my &longs;urprize,
Celia, when on opening the handkerchief I
&longs;aw my own watch chain, to which was fixed
a miniature of my departed child &longs;et round
with pearls, and on which I had de&longs;ired
Deborah to rai&longs;e &longs;ome money, I imagine the
faithful creature had deceived me and raised
the money on &longs;omething of her own—yet
how the chain could be dropped by me was
a my&longs;tery, unle&longs;s as I have &longs;ince rea&longs;on to
think it was with the gown I had packed up
and might drop from the bundle. During
my examination, a coach &longs;topped at the
door and an elderly lady entered. It was
the lady, who&longs;e hou&longs;e had been attempted.
The moment &longs;he &longs;aw me &longs;he pronounced me
not guilty.
I never &longs;aw her before, &longs;aid &longs;he, with visible
emotion, and even had &longs;he lived in my
hou&longs;e. I could not have &longs;u&longs;pected her.—
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I cannot, my dear Celia, de&longs;cribe this lady
to you &longs;uch as &longs;he appeared to me. There
was a mixture of maje&longs;ty and conde&longs;cen&longs;ion
in her manner, her countenance beamed benignity,
and it appeared a countenance rendered
grave by affliction rather than that by
nature. Several other per&longs;ons were now
brought in, who had been apprehended by
other watchmen, and from a variety of evidences
I was acquitted; when I heard tho&longs;e
words pa&longs;s the ju&longs;tice's lips, I was ha&longs;tily
leaving the place, but a man &longs;topped me and
told me I could not go till I had paid all
fees.—“Indeed &longs;ir,” &longs;aid I, in a voice
&longs;carcely audible, “I have no money; that
watch chain I think was mine, yet how it
came here I know not nor dare I demand it.
Permit me to go and if ever it is in my
power”—“I &longs;hall do no &longs;uch thing, mistress,”
&longs;aid the man, “either pay the fees
or &longs;tay in our cu&longs;tody till you can.”
I could not an&longs;wer, but rai&longs;ing my hands
and eyes to heaven was returning in &longs;ilent
agony when the lady advanced and inquired
the cau&longs;e of my new di&longs;tre&longs;s.
“And are the&longs;e your Briti&longs;h laws” &longs;aid
&longs;he, “that when a per&longs;on is fal&longs;ely accu&longs;ed
and their innocence made perfectly appear,
are they to be detained from their families
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for the paltry con&longs;ideration of a few shillings?”
She then put her hand in her pocket
and pre&longs;ented me with two guineas, at the
&longs;ame time a&longs;king if &longs;he could be of any further
&longs;ervice to me; I would have thanked her, but
my feelings were too powerful to permit me
to &longs;peak, &longs;he &longs;aw my gratitude, &longs;he perfectly
comprehended from my looks more than
words would convey.—“You intere&longs;t me,”
&longs;aid &longs;he, “can you not tell me how I may
&longs;erve you. Oblige me, madam; make me
your friend I will not abu&longs;e your confidence;
but pardon me, I am to blame. This is no
place for conver&longs;ation. Do me the favour
to wait till I have fini&longs;hed the di&longs;agreeable
bu&longs;ine&longs;s that brought me here, and then
give me leave to take you to any place you
wi&longs;h to go to in my carriage.”—I curt&longs;yed
my a&longs;&longs;ent to this humane propo&longs;al, for indeed
Celia, I was unable to walk, and could
but ill afford to procure a coach. Harra&longs;&longs;ed
as my &longs;pirits had been, my &longs;trength was exhausted
and I was almo&longs;t &longs;inking with faintness.
When the lady had ended her bu&longs;ine&longs;s,
&longs;he de&longs;ired me to follow her, ju&longs;t as we were
&longs;tepping out of the door, poor Peggy who
was ju&longs;t relea&longs;ed, pa&longs;&longs;ed us on the &longs;teps.—
“Forgive me, madam,” &longs;aid I, “if I presume
to &longs;hare with this benevolent girl, the
bounty of your hand. She did all in her
power la&longs;t night for me, I fear I &longs;hould have
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peri&longs;hed, but for her humanity.”—I then
gave her the remainder of the guinea I had
changed to pay the fees of the office. “God
ble&longs;s you,” &longs;aid &longs;he, pre&longs;&longs;ing the hand that
offered her the money, while the tears started
in her fine blue eyes. “And was &longs;he
kind to you?” &longs;aid the lady. I repeated
the circum&longs;tance of the preceding night.
“Good girl,” &longs;aid &longs;he, “have you any
friends?” addre&longs;&longs;ing Peggy.
“Oh! no Madam,” I am a poor, guilty,
forlorn creature: lo&longs;t to every thing but a
&longs;en&longs;e of my own mi&longs;ery.”
“So young, and yet accu&longs;e your&longs;elf of
guilt.” “Alas Madam, I was involved in
guilt before I knew the value of virtue.”
The lady an&longs;wered not; but giving her a
card, bade her call on her in the afternoon,
and &longs;he would do &longs;omething for her.
“And now,” &longs;aid &longs;he, as &longs;he &longs;eated herself
in her carriage, “tell me where you
wi&longs;h to go.”
“To the Kings bench pri&longs;on, madam.”
“To a pri&longs;on, good heavens! have you
friends there?”
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“My hu&longs;band, madam, is confined there.”
“Have you any children?
“I had, madam, one, a &longs;weet girl:—
but”—I could not proceed. I turned
my face from her, and we both remained
&longs;ilent for &longs;everal minutes.—
“I too,” &longs;aid the lady, &longs;tarting as it
were from a deep reverie. “I too, once had
a child—a girl—nay, perhaps have
&longs;till; but for many! many! years, &longs;he has
been lo&longs;t to me.”
When we drew near to the end of our little
journey, &longs;he told me &longs;he felt inclined to be
my friend, and if I would do her the favour
to call at her hou&longs;e and point out the means,
&longs;he would readily exert her utmo&longs;t abilities
to alleviate the afflictions, which &longs;eemed to
pre&longs;s &longs;o heavily upon me. She then told me
her name was Harcourt and wi&longs;hed me a
good morning.
Weak, oppre&longs;&longs;ed, dejected my trembling
limbs being &longs;carce able to &longs;upport me, I slowly
a&longs;cended the &longs;tairs, which led to the apartment
occupied by Rook&longs;by. The door was
opened. I was ju&longs;t entering, but a &longs;ight met
my eyes that almo&longs;t annihilated me. It was
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Rook&longs;by &longs;eated be&longs;ide his infamous Clara,
with tea and coffee on the table before them.
From their own di&longs;habille and the appearance
of the room, I perceived they were but ju&longs;t
ri&longs;en. I know not what I &longs;aid in the fir&longs;t
moment of &longs;urprize, but I remember clasping
my forehead hard with both my hands
and exclaiming, “grant me patience heaven.”
As I ran down &longs;tairs, my brain
&longs;eemed whirling in perpetual motion and
had I not been detained by one of the keepers
of the pri&longs;on I fear I &longs;hould have ru&longs;hed into
the &longs;treet in a &longs;tate little &longs;hort of in&longs;anity.
The recollection of what I then &longs;uffered
is too much for my weak &longs;pirits. I cannot
proceed in my narrative. Adieu, my friendly
Celia, I am now in a place of &longs;afety and
will, when I am able, inform you of every
occurrence down to the pre&longs;ent time. Heaven
ble&longs;s you.
MERIEL.
-- 096 --
Rowson, Mrs., 1762-1824 [1795], Trials of the human heart, volume 4 ('printed for the author, by Wrigley & Berriman', Philadelphia) [word count] [eaf328v4].
