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But I did refu&longs;e him, Celia, tho' my
little rebellious heart would have fain
played the traitor. Be &longs;till, little fool, &longs;aid I,
Meriel will learn to be thy mi&longs;tre&longs;s: think
not, by thy flutterings and throbings, to
counteract re&longs;olutions which rea&longs;on tells me
are right and laudable. So, my dear girl,
I per&longs;evered in the determination of not giving
Rainsforth my hand, till the &longs;ummer's
crui&longs;e was over, and he was obliged to submit
with as good a grace as he could, tho'
I a&longs;&longs;ure you, he looked quite blank upon it.
And now, my dear girl, I will give you my
rea&longs;ons for thus ob&longs;tinately oppo&longs;ing the proposed
union. You know I &longs;hall be eighteen
in September, when being mi&longs;tre&longs;s of my fortune,
I may di&longs;po&longs;e of it as I have already
de&longs;igned, without being an&longs;werable to any
one. Now, if I marry fir&longs;t, I certainly make
my hu&longs;band ma&longs;ter, not only of my&longs;elf, but

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of all I po&longs;&longs;e&longs;s; and how do I know what objections
may ari&longs;e on his part in the cour&longs;e
of a few months. I do not mean, that I
doubt Rainsforth's genero&longs;ity; but a change
of circum&longs;tances produces a change of ideas,
and I think it is be&longs;t not to tru&longs;t too much
to the firmne&longs;s of our own hearts.

My aunt laughed the other day, and &longs;aid
&longs;he que&longs;tioned if I &longs;hould ever be married,
for ab&longs;ence and &longs;alt water are in general a
cure for love. It may prove &longs;o with &longs;ome, but
I do not much fear the con&longs;tancy of a man,
who braves even the &longs;haft of ridicule, by
openly avowing me the woman of his choice;
for I can &longs;ee many a &longs;neering &longs;mile, glance
from my aunt to her &longs;on, whenever they are
witne&longs;s to his attention to your Meriel.
My father and mother &longs;eem totally regardless,
whether I am married now, or when he
returns; and I believe, if the truth was
known, are very little concerned about my
future welfare. But yet, Celia, my bo&longs;om
cannot forget its natural affections, or dive&longs;t
it&longs;elf of tho&longs;e &longs;trong &longs;en&longs;ations of duty, love
and veneration, which ever have warmed it,
&longs;ince my infant tongue fir&longs;t li&longs;p'd the tender
name of mother. As to my father, I cannot
&longs;ay I feel any emotions in his favour, nor
can it be expected I &longs;hould, after the &longs;cenes
which I have imparted to you, the horrors

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of which will never be removed from my
mind. Alas! they often recur to my imagination
and ca&longs;t a gloom over every ri&longs;ing
plea&longs;ure. Yet, as a man who&longs;e happine&longs;s is
nearly connected with my mother's; as the
man whom nature requires me to regard, I
will pay him every nece&longs;&longs;ary re&longs;pect, and as
far as the narrow limits of my power will
permit, will promote his intere&longs;t and felicity.

May 19th.

Celia, he is gone; I have this moment
bade him farewell. I feel there are moments
when all the fortitude, we boa&longs;t, &longs;inks into
nothing oppo&longs;ed to the &longs;truggles of nature;
would you believe it, at the moment when
I &longs;aw him &longs;tep into the chai&longs;e, I would have
given worlds, had I po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ed them, to have
been his wife, that I might have gone with
him, beheld him to the very la&longs;t moment of
embarkation, and even then have &longs;tood on
the &longs;hore to catch a la&longs;t look at the expanded
&longs;ails which bore him from me, till by degrees
they le&longs;&longs;ened to my view, and at length
were lo&longs;t in the va&longs;t horizon.

My aunt and cou&longs;ins where with us
drinking tea; Rainsforth came in, when I
in&longs;tantly &longs;aw &longs;omething was the matter.
The order is at length arrived, &longs;aid I,

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mentally, and he comes to bid me adieu; I handed
him a cup of tea, he put it to his lips but
did not ta&longs;te it. “I am come Mi&longs;s Howard,”
&longs;aid he, “to take my leave; the fleet &longs;ails
in a few days.” “Do you go this evening,”
&longs;aid my mother. “In a few moments, madam,”
&longs;aid he, “I ju&longs;t recieved the letter,
and accidently met with two brother officers,
who were going in a chai&longs;e, and gladly accepted
me as a third; we mean to take two
&longs;tages to night, and &longs;hall be in Port&longs;mouth
by to-morrow noon.” At that moment the
chai&longs;e &longs;topped at the door. Rainsforth ro&longs;e,
bowed to my aunt and cou&longs;ins, thanked
them for all civilities, wi&longs;hed my father
and mother health, and then turned toward
me. My heart was full, &longs;o was his; we neither
of us &longs;poke; he pre&longs;&longs;ed my hands to
his lips, bowed low to hide his emotions,
and was in the chai&longs;e in an in&longs;tant. I knew
&longs;en&longs;ibility would be deemed weakne&longs;s by
tho&longs;e who were witne&longs;s to our parting; I
therefore &longs;truggled to &longs;uppre&longs;s my ri&longs;ing
tears, offered up a &longs;ilent prayer for his &longs;afe
return, and endeavoured at a look of composure,
that was very foreign to my heart.

What may be his fate, heaven alone can
tell; yet &longs;ure if worth is its peculiar care,
he will not only be protected in this, but in
every other danger. But alas! Celia, how

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often do we &longs;ee merit cut off in its full prime,
whil&longs;t the unworthy are &longs;pared.

Surely, when the brave and good fall in
their country's cau&longs;e, it mu&longs;t be that their
virtues merit &longs;uch rewards as only heaven
can give. They are &longs;uffered to appear on
the va&longs;t theatre of life, to act a little while
bright &longs;hining parts, and then are called
home to receive the glorious mead of heavenly
and uncea&longs;ing joys. My mind dwelling
on this &longs;ubject the other evening, (you
know I am fond of indulging in little effusions
of poetry,) and painting to my&longs;elf the
&longs;ituation of a &longs;oldier's wife, who has followed
her hu&longs;band to the very &longs;cene of battle,
and in the morn, &longs;ending him forth to brave
the ho&longs;tile foe, at night &longs;ees him covered with
wounds and in the agonies of death; I for
a moment fancied my&longs;elf in her &longs;ituation,
and wrote the following trifle. I &longs;end it to
my Celia without an apology, becau&longs;e trifles
become valuable when they proceed
from the friend we love.