BOOK VI.
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MEANING to remain &longs;ome time
in a certain town to which he came,
the Captain had his hor&longs;e put out to pasture,
and took private lodgings. The fir&longs;t
day at dinner, he was &longs;truck with the appearance
of a young man who &longs;at at table,
but could not be &longs;aid to dine with them;
for except a little water, and a bit of bread,
he ate or drank nothing; and though sometimes
addre&longs;&longs;ed, he made no an&longs;wer.
There was a &longs;ettled melancholy in his countenance,
and he often &longs;ighed deeply. He
had been in this hou&longs;e &longs;ix weeks, and had
behaved uniformly in the &longs;ame manner.
In the evening he would walk by him&longs;elf
till midnight. Whence he came, or what
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was his object, no one knew. He had
be&longs;poke a back room, and wi&longs;hed to have
one where there was but little light; al&longs;o,
that a little water, and a bit of bread might
be &longs;ent when he &longs;hould require it. The
landlady not chu&longs;ing to have a per&longs;on in
the hou&longs;e who was unwilling to be &longs;een,
declined the circum&longs;tance of &longs;ending in
provi&longs;ions to his room; but thought it
proper he &longs;hould come to table. He did
&longs;o; but entered into no conver&longs;ation, tho'
much pains was taken to engage him. He
had paid his boarding regularly, and did
not &longs;eem to be in want of money. This
was the account given by the family, when
the youug man retired from dinner.
The Captain's curio&longs;ity was much excited;
for being a philanthropic man, he
found him&longs;elf intere&longs;ted in the hi&longs;tory of
this per&longs;on. Taking an opportunity that very
evening, when the young man was walking
in the back porch, he joined him, and
with the bluntne&longs;s of a plain man, in&longs;i&longs;ted
to conver&longs;e with him. Sir, &longs;aid he, it is
from no motive of vain curio&longs;ity, that I
thus &longs;olicit. It is from a di&longs;po&longs;ition to
know and alleviate your griefs. For it is
evident to me that &longs;omething hangs heavy
on your mind. I am a man, as you
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&longs;ee, advanced in life, and have had &longs;ome
experience. It is po&longs;&longs;ible it might be in
my power to &longs;ay or do &longs;omething that
might &longs;erve you; at lea&longs;t, it is my disposition
to &longs;oothe your melancholy. If it
&longs;hould be an unfortunate murder, the
guilt of which lies upon your mind, you
will find no accu&longs;er in me; I &longs;hall preserve
a &longs;ecret obtained in this manner. Probably
it might have been a duel, and with
&longs;uch alleviating circum&longs;tances, that though
the law would take hold of it, humanity
will excu&longs;e.
The young man finding the charge of
murder, or &longs;u&longs;picion of it, ready to be
fixed upon him, &longs;poke. Said he, I am no
murderer, but a murdered man my&longs;elf. I
am in love with a young woman of the
mo&longs;t cele&longs;tial beauty, but of a cruel heart.
The beauty may be more in your brain
than in her face, &longs;aid the Captain; for,
as the poet &longs;ays, `There are three, the
`children of imagination, the madman,
`the lover, and the poet. The madman
`&longs;ees more devils than va&longs;t hell can hold;
`the lover, all as frantic, &longs;ees Helen's beau
`ty in a brow of Egypt.' I am not unacquainted
with the nature of this pa&longs;&longs;ion;
and have &longs;een a gyp&longs;ey my&longs;elf, in my time,
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that have had dominion over me. Perhaps
I may have been carried to as much extravagance
as other people; and therefore
am a proper per&longs;on to advi&longs;e again&longs;t it. A
principal &longs;ource of my extravagance, was
an opinion that the jade who had hold of
my affections at the time, would pity me
when &longs;he heard of the pain which her
beauty gave me; that &longs;he would be afraid
I would hang my&longs;elf for her &longs;ake; that &longs;he
would come to &longs;oothe and care&longs;s me, in
order to prevent it. Far from it. My uneasiness
was the proof of her power to
wound; and the more di&longs;tre&longs;s I felt, the
greater credit to her beauty. She would
not have lo&longs;t a &longs;igh which &longs;he cau&longs;ed me
for any con&longs;ideration. My lamentations
were as agreeable to her, as the groans of
the damned are to the devil. And &longs;o it
mu&longs;t be with every woman; becau&longs;e &longs;elf
love induces it. Hanging is the la&longs;t thing
they would be at. If they could get the
lover brought to this, they are then at the
height of fame. It falls but to the lot of
one here and there to have a man drown
him&longs;elf for her; and when it does happen,
it makes &longs;uch a noi&longs;e that all covet it.
I would venture to &longs;ay, that this female
whom you fa&longs;t and pray about &longs;o much,
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would be very unwilling to breathe the &longs;oul
into you, were it once out. In&longs;tead of
fa&longs;ting, &longs;he is eating; and while you &longs;igh
in the night, &longs;he &longs;nores.
You have an opinion, perhaps, that
you may bend her by your per&longs;everance.
That is a mi&longs;take. A man that once comes
to this &longs;tate of &longs;ighing, and dying, has
but little chance; becau&longs;e he has surrendered
him&longs;elf; and there is nothing more
to be won. Were there any po&longs;&longs;ibility of
&longs;ucceeding, it would be by fir&longs;t conquering
your&longs;elf; di&longs;mi&longs;&longs;ing all idea of her partiality
for you; for it is owing to this secret
vanity, and &longs;elf-flattery, that you &longs;till
pur&longs;ue. Ab&longs;olute de&longs;pair is the fir&longs;t &longs;tep
towards the cure of love. It is either drowning
or curing, with you at pre&longs;ent. As
you have not drowned your&longs;elf, you are
in a fair way to be cured.
I know very well how you mi&longs;&longs;ed the
matter with this hu&longs;&longs;y. You appear to be
a young man of great &longs;en&longs;ibility of feeling;
and I pre&longs;ume made your addre&longs;&longs;es with
great refinement of thought and manners.
You talked to her of flames and darts, and
flowers and ro&longs;es; read poetry in the mean
time, and thought a great deal of Phillis,
and Amaryllis; and entertained her with
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names and incidents in romances, and &longs;ung
and recited &longs;oft love &longs;ongs about Amanda,
and Phebe, and Colin; whereas your
way was to have talked carele&longs;s non&longs;en&longs;e,
and &longs;ung &longs;uch &longs;ongs as Pady Kelly, and
Tri&longs;tram Shandy-O; and told her &longs;tories
of girls that had run off with pedlars, or
gone a campaigning with the &longs;oldiers.
The&longs;e ideas are light and frolic&longs;ome, and
co-natural to &longs;pringing love. Hence it is
that men of but loo&longs;e and irregular education,
&longs;ucceed better with the fair, than
&longs;cholars that are learned in the cla&longs;&longs;ics.
But to bring the matter to a point, the
true way is to get another mi&longs;tre&longs;s; and profit
by your experience with the fir&longs;t. No
more of &longs;ighing and dying in the ca&longs;e;
but &longs;inging, and laughing, and jumping
like a young fox. Hint a little with respect
to certain matters that are between
the &longs;exes; but let it be done in &longs;o delicate
a manner, that, though &longs;he under&longs;tands
you, &longs;he is not obliged to do it. What
I mean, is to make her think you would
rather debauch her than marry her. Bring
her to this &longs;u&longs;picion, and I warrant you.
Her whole &longs;tudy will be to entrap you into
matrimony. For it is natural for the
human mind, when it ob&longs;erves a great
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&longs;ecurity and confidence in another, to
imagine there mu&longs;t be &longs;ome ground for
it. It will argue a con&longs;ciou&longs;ne&longs;s, on your
part, of having as good or better in your
power. It will impre&longs;s her with the &longs;ame
idea; and imagination governs the world.
When the mind is bent upon any object,
it is relieved by the conver&longs;ation of
tho&longs;e who under&longs;tand it; and, as it were,
di&longs;&longs;olve with them in the &longs;ame ideas.
The young man was plea&longs;ed with the conversation
of the Captain, and &longs;eemed
cheared; agreed to join the family, and
be a little &longs;ociable. By degrees he became
&longs;o; and what by the conver&longs;ation of the
Captain, &longs;ometimes explaining and sometimes
ridiculing the pa&longs;&longs;ion of love; and
the young ladies of the family, in the
mean time, rallying him on his weakne&longs;s,
he came a little to his &longs;en&longs;es, (for love is
a phrenzy), and began to behave like a
common man. For it having come out
now, that love was the cau&longs;e of his distress
and &longs;ingularity of conduct, &longs;ome
pitied him, and others rallied it with good
humour and philanthropy. It had, however,
become the general topic in the family,
and was carried down to the kitchen
among the &longs;ervants.
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Teague hearing of it took it into his
head that he mu&longs;t be in love too; and
counterfeiting a demure look, and absence
of mind, and walking by him&longs;elf,
and living on &longs;pare diet, as he had heard
the young man that was in love did, he
wi&longs;hed to have it under&longs;tood that his
mind was under the dominion of the &longs;ame
pa&longs;&longs;ion. This being ob&longs;erved, was represented
to the Captain; who being at a lo&longs;s
to know what was the matter, called
Teague, and began to interrogate him.
The bog-trotter, with &longs;ome &longs;eeming reluctance,
acknowledged that it was love.
Said the Captain, You in love, you great
bear; with whom are you in love? That
dear cratur, &longs;aid the Iri&longs;hman, that has
the black hair, and the fair face, and her
name is Mrs. Sally, in the hou&longs;e there.
She is a fair as the wool or the &longs;now, and
gives me the cholic, and the heart-burn,
every time I look at her fair eyes; God
&longs;ave her &longs;oul from damnation, but I love
her as I do the very food that I ate, or
the cloathes that I ware upon my back.
It appeared to be Mi&longs;s Sally, a very
pretty girl, the elde&longs;t daughter of the landlady;
who, by the bye, I mean the ladlady,
was a widow, and had two daughters
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and a niece with her; the hand&longs;ome&longs;t of
whom was this Mi&longs;s Sally, with whom
Teague had become enamoured. For simple
and ignorant nature will fa&longs;ten on
beauty, as well as the mo&longs;t in&longs;tructed
in the principles of ta&longs;te.
The Captain having been a good deal
troubled, heretofore, with the preten&longs;ions
of this valet, in wi&longs;hing to be a member
of the legi&longs;lature, a philo&longs;opher, a preacher,
and now a lover, thought he had now
a good opportunity of repre&longs;&longs;ing his presumption
for the future. There was a
young man, a brother in the family, who
had been &longs;ome time in the &longs;ervice, as a
lieutenant, and had leave of ab&longs;ence at
this time, on a vi&longs;it to his mother and
&longs;i&longs;ters. The Captain well knew, that being
in the pride and heat of youth, he
would con&longs;ider Teague's advances to his
&longs;i&longs;ter as an in&longs;ult on the family, and chastise
him accordingly. With this view,
counterfeiting every po&longs;&longs;ible di&longs;po&longs;ition to
&longs;erve the bog-trotter, the Captain recommended
to him to make a confident of
the brother, and endeavour to gain his interest
with the &longs;i&longs;ter.
Accordingly, one morning when the
officer was in his chamber, Teague made
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his approach; and compo&longs;ing his woe begone
countenance as well as he could, and
explaining the cau&longs;e of it, &longs;olicited his interest
with the lady.
There was a whip in a corner of the
room, with which the lieutenant had been
riding; &longs;eizing this ha&longs;tily, he made an
attack upon the per&longs;on of the lover, in a
manner far beyond what was decent or
moderate. The valet retreating with considerable
outcries, made complaint to the
Captain; who gave him to under&longs;tand,
that as this outrage was committed by his
intended brother in-law, it mu&longs;t be considered
in the nature of a family quarrel,
and he could not interfere.
The advances of Teague became the
&longs;ubject of conver&longs;ation in the family, and
of much mirth and laughter. The young
man who had been in the &longs;tate of melancholy
before de&longs;cribed, and had been
cheered a little, was now in a great degree
cured by the imitation of the valet.
For ridicule is a better cure for love than
pa&longs;&longs;ion. It is better to make the patient
laugh than think.
Having now a di&longs;po&longs;ition to pur&longs;ue his
travels, the Captain &longs;ent for his hor&longs;e,
and &longs;et out.
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THE ob&longs;ervations which we make when
the narration of the fact is ended, are
&longs;omething like the &longs;entiments delivered by
the chorus in the ancient plays; a kind of
moral on what was &longs;aid; or like the moral
as it is called to a fable. In this view therefore;
we &longs;hall endeavour to &longs;ay &longs;omething.
The young man that we have &longs;een &longs;o
deeply in love, was of a hand&longs;ome personal
appearance, and of an eye and physiognomy
that indicated &longs;en&longs;ibility and understanding;
and yet it is probable the female
of whom he was &longs;o much enamoured, may
have been both homely, and de&longs;titute of
good mental qualities. Whence could a
repul&longs;e in this ca&longs;e happen. From a thousand
cau&longs;es. We will &longs;pecify &longs;ome of
them. The very circum&longs;tance of his being
beyond her fir&longs;t hopes, may have put him
beyond her la&longs;t wi&longs;hes. A female wooed
by a man her &longs;uperior, may be led to think
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&longs;he has &longs;till a chance for better; and that
there mu&longs;t be diamonds in her hair, or
&longs;ome hidden advantages on her part, of
which &longs;he was her&longs;elf ignorant; otherwi&longs;e
&longs;uch advances would not be made to her;
or &longs;he may apprehend &longs;ome defect on the
part of the lover, of which he is con&longs;cious;
otherwi&longs;e, he would not &longs;toop beneath his
natural expectations.
It is po&longs;&longs;ible the Amanda may not have
been of the &longs;ame cla&longs;s and quality with
him&longs;elf. This would of it&longs;elf account for
the repul&longs;e. Should the eagle come from
the firmament, and make his advances to
the phea&longs;ant, he would find him&longs;elf unsuccessful;
for the brown bird would prefer
a lover of her own &longs;pecies: or, &longs;hould
the rein deer, which is a mo&longs;t beautiful
creature, woo a frog, the croaking animal
would recede into the mar&longs;h, and solace
it&longs;elf with a paramour of its own
chu&longs;ing. When, therefore, unexperienced
young per&longs;ons place their affections
on an object, and do not find a &longs;uitable
return, they ought to &longs;ave their pride, and
make the inference, that they had descended
from their element, and fa&longs;tened on an
animal unworthy of their notice.
The&longs;e ob&longs;ervations, in addition to tho&longs;e
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made by the Captain to the young man,
may be of u&longs;e to unfortunate lovers; and
if &longs;o, it will be a recompence for the trouble
we have given our&longs;elves in making
them.
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Brackenridge, H. H. (Hugh Henry), 1748-1816 [1793], Modern chivalry: containing the adventures of Captain John Farrago, and Teague O'Regan, his servant. Part I. Volumes 1-3 (John M'Culloch, Philadelphia) [word count] [eaf800].
