Audrey.
Jaq.
There is, sure, another flood toward, and
these couples are coming to the Ark. 5 noteHere come
a pair of unclean beasts, which in all tongues are call'd
fools.
Clo.
Salutation, and greeting, to you all!
Jaq.
Good my Lord, bid him welcome. This is
the motley-minded gentleman, that I have so often
met in the forest: he hath been a Courtier, he swears.
&plquo;Clo.
&plquo;If any man doubt that, let him put me to
my purgation. I have trod a measure; I have flatter'd
a lady; I have been politick with my friend,
smooth with mine enemy; I have undone three taylors;
I have had four quarrels, and like to have
fought one.&prquo;
Jaq.
And how was That ta'en up?
Clo.
'Faith, we met; and found, the quarrel was
upon the seventh cause.
Jaq.
How the seventh cause?—good my lord,
like this fellow.
Duke Sen.
I like him very well.
Clo.
God'ild you, Sir, 6 noteI desire of you the like:
I press in here, Sir, amongst the rest of the country
-- 380 --
copulatives, to swear, and to forswear, 7 noteaccording as
marriage binds, and blood breaks: a poor virgin,
Sir, an &wlquo;ill-favour'd thing, Sir, but mine own; a
poor humour of mine, Sir, to take That that no
man else will.&wrquo; Rich honesty dwells like a miser,
Sir, in a poor house; as your pearl, in your foul
oyster.
Duke Sen.
By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.
Clo.
According to the fool's bolt, Sir, and such
dulcet diseases.
Jaq.
But, for the seventh cause; how did you find
the quarrel on the seventh cause?
&wlquo;Clo.
&wlquo;Upon a lie seven times removed; (bear
your body more seeming, Audrey) 8 note
as thus, Sir;
I did dislike the cut of a certain Courtier's beard;
he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut
well, he was in the mind it was. This is call'd
the Retort courteous. If I sent him word again,
it was not well cut, he would send me word, he
cut it to please himself. This is call'd the Quip
modest. If again, it was not well cut, he disabled
my judgment. This is call'd the Reply churlish. If
again, it was not well cut, he would answer, I
spake not true. This is call'd the Reproof valiant.
-- 381 --
If again, it was not well cut, he would say, I lye.
This is call'd the Countercheck quarrelsome; and so,
the Lye circumstantial, and the Lye direct.&wrquo;
Jaq.
And how oft did you say, his beard was not
well cut?
&wlquo;Clo.
&wlquo;I durst go no further than the Lye circumstantial;
nor he durst not give me the Lye direct,
and so we measur'd swords and parted.&wrquo;
Jaq.
Can you nominate in order now the degrees of
the Lye?
&wlquo;Clo.
&wlquo;9 noteO Sir, we quarrel in print, by the book;
as you have books for good manners. I will name
-- 382 --
you the degrees. The first, the Retort courteous;
the second, the Quip modest; the third, the Reply
churlish; the fourth, the Reproof valiant; the
fifth, the countercheck quarrelsome; the sixth, the
Lye with circumstance; the seventh, the Lye direct.
All these you may avoid, but the Lye direct;
and you may avoid that too, with an If. I knew,
when seven Justices could not take up a quarrel;
but when the parties were met themselves, one of
them thought but of an If; as, if you said so, then
I said so; and they shook hands, and swore brothers.
Your If is the only peace-maker; much
virtue in If.&wrquo;
Jaq.
Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? he's good
at any thing, and yet a fool.
Duke Sen.
He uses his folly like a stalking-horse,
and under the presentation of that he shoots his wit.
Alexander Pope [1747], The works of Shakespear in eight volumes. The Genuine Text (collated with all the former Editions, and then corrected and emended) is here settled: Being restored from the Blunders of the first Editors, and the Interpolations of the two Last: with A Comment and Notes, Critical and Explanatory. By Mr. Pope and Mr. Warburton (Printed for J. and P. Knapton, [and] S. Birt [etc.], London) [word count] [S11301].