XLVII. TO MY LADY CORRESPONDENTS.
[figure description] Page 137.[end figure description]
Cora.—Now yu ask me tew mutch. I kant giv
no sartin resippee tew make a feller pop the question.
Sum men are awful slow on a court, tha are
like olde houn dogs, all tha want iz to be sure tha are
on the rite track, and don't seem tew kare if tha
don't never cum up with the game. If i was a gal,
and one ov this kind ov dogs got after me, i wud
hole rite off, and if he didn't commense tu dig me
out at onst, i shud kno he waz only hunting for fun.
Rebekar. — I am dredful sorry tew hear yu are a
-- 138 --
widder. I kno how tu pity yu, i haint never bin a
widder miself, but i hav bin in a habit ov pittying
widders, for a grate length ov time. And yu tell me
yu are a yung widder too, wuss and wusser. If yu
find that thare aint nobody in yure naberhood who
understands pittying yung widders, let me kno at
onst, and i will see what kan be did for yu.
[figure description] Page 138.[end figure description]
Flora.— I like yure spirit, yu hav got a soul.
Thare aint no diskount on to it. Stan yure ground,
don't giv an inch, the olde man will cum to hiz milk
bimeby. The idee that yu kant hav a bonnet az
good as Sal Parker haz got, iz darned likely. If i
waz a gal, and mi olde man wouldn't go 50 dollars for
me a plane bonnet, blame me if i wouldn't go into a
dekline, spit blood, or have a pane in the bak, or see a
ghost, and set and shiver till the olde man cum doun
with the bonnet.
Lizzy.— Yu sa yu are sixteen years old, and aint
marrid yet. That looks a little dusty, but don't dispare,
az long az thare iz life theres hope. If i hear
ov enny boddy looking around for a woman, ill let
yu kno forthwithly. Send me forty or fifty ov yure
fotograffs, tha are good things tu skatter around luce.
Az i ced in mi last letter i kant la doun no rule tu
kech a hustband, men kant tell themselves half the
time what ketched them, awl tha kno iz that tha
git keched the cussedest evra now and then.
Matilda.— Lap dogs are verry skase jist now -- 139 --
prinsipally owing tew the skasity ov them. I see
one yesterda that was almost heavenly. The owner
[figure description] Page 139.[end figure description]
asked 50 dollars for him, he had sore eys, and the
itch, but tha tell me that awl lap dogs haz theze
trifling komplantes. I saw anuther one, which the
owner onla asked thirty-five dollars for, he had small
sized fits, but waz warrented not tew hav more than
three fits in enny one da. I think this dog iz jist
what yu are looking for; i offered thirty-seven dollars
for him, if the owner wud heave in a vial ov fits
medisin. He is tew giv me an anser tomorrow.
P. S.—I hav bought the dog and will send him bi
xpress. hiz name iz Agusty Seazer.
Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 , Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].