SCENE I.
A street in London.
Enter Hostess; Phang, and his boy, with her; and Snare following.
Host.
Master Phang, have you enter'd the action?
Phang.
It is enter'd.
Host.
Where is your yeoman? Is it a lusty yeoman?
will a' stand to't?
-- 470 --
Phang.
Sirrah, where's Snare?
Host.
O lord, ay; good master Snare.
Snare.
Here, here.
Phang.
Snare, we must arrest sir John Falstaff.
Host.
Ay, good master Snare; I have enter'd him
and all.
Snare.
It may chance cost some of us our lives, for
he will stab.
Host.
Alas the day! take heed of him; he stabb'd
me in mine own house, and that most beastly: he cares
not what mischief he doth, if his weapon be out: he
will foin like any devil; he will spare neither man,
woman, nor child.
Phang.
If I can close with him, I care not for his
thrust.
Host.
No, nor I neither; I'll be at your elbow.
Phang.
An I but fist him once; 9 notean he come but
within my vice;—
Host.
I am undone by his going; I warrant you,
he's an infinitive thing upon my score:—Good master
Phang, hold him sure;—good master Snare, let him
not scape. He comes continuantly to Pye-corner, (saving
your manhoods) to buy a saddle; and he's indited
to dinner to the 1 notelubbar's head in Lumbart-street,
to master Smooth's the silkman: I pray ye, since my
exion is enter'd, and my case so openly known to the
world, let him be brought in to his answer. 2 note
A hundred
-- 471 --
mark is a long loan for a poor lone woman3 note to
bear: and I have borne, and borne, and borne; and
have been fub'd off, and fub'd off, from this day to
that day, that it is a shame to be thought on. There
is no honesty in such dealing; unless a woman should
be made an ass, and a beast, to bear every knave's
wrong.—
Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, and the Page.
Yonder he comes; and that arrant 4 note
malmsey-nose
knave, Bardolph, with him. Do your offices, do
your offices, master Phang, and master Snare; do me,
do me, do me your offices.
Fal.
How now? who's mare's dead? what's the
matter?
Phang.
Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of mistress
Quickly.
Fal.
Away, varlets!—Draw, Bardolph; cut me off
the villain's head; throw the quean in the kennel.
Host.
Throw me in the kennel? I'll throw thee in
the kennel. Wilt thou? wilt thou? thou bastardly
rogue!—Murder, murder! O thou 5 notehoney-suckle
-- 472 --
villain! wilt thou kill God's officers, and the king's?
O thou honey-seed rogue! thou art a honey-seed;
6 notea man-queller, and a woman-queller.
Fal.
Keep them off, Bardolph.
Phang.
A rescue! a rescue!
Host.
Good people, bring a rescue or two.—7 noteThou
wo't, wo't thou? thou wo't, wo't thou? do, do, thou
rogue! do, thou hemp-seed!
8 noteFal.
Away, you scullion! you rampallian! you
fustilarian!9 note
I'll tickle your catastrophe1 note
.
Enter the Chief Justice, attended.
Ch. Just.
What's the matter? keep the peace here,
ho!
-- 473 --
Host.
Good my lord, be good to me! I beseech
you, stand to me!
Ch. Just.
How now, sir John? what, are you brawling here?
Doth this become your place, your time, and business?
You should have been well on your way to York.—
Stand from him, fellow; Wherefore hang'st thou on him?
Host.
O my most worshipful lord, an't please your
grace, I am a poor widow of East-cheap, and he is
arrested at my suit.
Ch. Just.
For what sum?
Host.
It is more than for some, my lord; it is for
all, all I have: he hath eaten me out of house and
home; he hath put all my substance into that fat
belly of his:—but I will have some of it out again,
or I'll ride thee o'nights, like the mare.
Fal.
I think, I am as like to ride the mare,2 note
if I
have any vantage of ground to get up.
Ch. Just.
How comes this, sir John? Fie! what
man of good temper would endure this tempest of
exclamation? Are you not asham'd, to enforce a poor
widow to so rough a course to come by her own?
Fal.
What is the gross sum that I owe thee?
Host.
Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself,
and the money too. Thou didst swear to me upon
-- 474 --
3 note
a parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin-chamber,
at the round table, by a sea-coal fire, on wednesday
in Whitsun-week, when the prince broke thy head
4 notefor likening his father to a singing-man of Windsor;
thou didst swear to me then, as I was washing thy
wound, to marry me, and make me my lady thy wife.
Canst thou deny it? Did not goodwife Keech5 note, the
butcher's wife, come in then, and call me gossip
Quickly? coming in to borrow a mess of vinegar6 note
;
telling us, she had a good dish of prawns; whereby
thou didst desire to eat some; whereby I told thee,
they were ill for a green wound? And didst thou not,
-- 475 --
when she was gone down stairs, desire me to be no
more so familiarity with such poor people; saying,
that ere long they should call me madam? And didst
thou not kiss me, and bid me fetch thee thirty shillings?
I put thee now to thy book-oath; deny it, if
thou canst.
Fal.
My lord, this is a poor mad soul; and she
says, up and down the town, that her eldest son is like
you: she hath been in good case, and, the truth is,
poverty hath distracted her. But for these foolish
officers, I beseech you, I may have redress against
them.
Ch. Just.
Sir John, sir John, I am well acquainted
with your manner of wrenching the true cause the
false way. It is not a confident brow, nor the throng
of words that come with such more than impudent
sawciness from you, can thrust me from a level consideration;
7 noteI know, you have practis'd upon the easy-yielding
spirit of this woman, and made her serve
your uses both in purse and person.
Host.
Yes, in troth, my lord.
Ch. Just.
Pr'ythee, peace:—Pay her the debt you
owe her, and unpay the villainy you have done her;
the one you may do with sterling money, and the
other with current repentance.
Fal.
My lord, I will not undergo 8 note
this sneap without
-- 476 --
reply. You call honourable boldness, impudent
sawciness: if a man will make curt'sy, and say nothing,
he is virtuous: No, my lord, my humble duty remember'd,
I will not be your suitor; I say to you, I do desire
deliverance from these officers, being upon hasty
employment in the king's affairs.
Ch. Just.
You speak as having power to do wrong:
but 9 noteanswer in the effect of your reputation, and satisfy
the poor woman.
Fal.
Come hither, hostess.
[Taking her aside.
Enter a Messenger.
Ch. Just.
Now, master Gower; What news?
Gower.
The king, my lord, and Henry prince of Wales
Are near at hand: the rest the paper tells.
Fal.
As I am a gentleman,—
Host.
Nay, you said so before.
Fal.
As I am a gentleman;—Come, no more
words of it.
Host.
By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must
be fain to pawn both my plate, and the tapestry of
my dining-chambers.
Fal.
Glasses, glasses, is the only drinking: and for
thy walls,—a pretty slight drollery, or the story of the
prodigal, or the 1 note
German hunting in water-work, is
-- 477 --
worth a thousand of 2 note
these bed-hangings, and these
fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten pound, if thou
canst. Come, if it were not for thy humours, there
is not a better wench in England. Go, wash thy face,
and draw thy action9Q0731: Come, thou must not be in
this humour with me; do'st not know me? Come,
come, I know thou wast set on to this.
Host.
Pray thee, sir John, let it be but twenty nobles;
I am loth to pawn my plate, in good earnest, la.
Fal.
Let it alone; I'll make other shift: you'll be
a fool still.
Host.
Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my
gown. I hope, you'll come to supper: You'll pay
me all together?
Fal.
Will I live?—Go, with her, with her; hook
on, hook on.
3 note
[To the officers.
Host.
Will you have Doll Tear-sheet meet you at
supper?
Fal.
No more words; let's have her.
[Exeunt Hostess, Bardolph, Officers, &c.
Ch. Just.
I have heard better news.
Fal.
What's the news, my good lord?
Ch. Just.
Where lay the king last night?
-- 478 --
Gower.
4 noteAt Basingstoke, my lord.
Fal.
I hope, my lord, all's well: What's the
news, my lord?
Ch. Just.
Come all his forces back?
Gower.
No; fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse,
Are march'd up to my lord of Lancaster,
Against Northumberland, and the archbishop.
Fal.
Comes the king back from Wales, my noble
lord?
Ch. Just.
You shall have letters of me presently:
Come, go along with me, good master Gower.
Fal.
My lord!
Ch. Just.
What's the matter?
Fal.
Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to
dinner?
Gower.
I must wait upon my good lord here: I
thank you, good sir John.
Ch. Just.
Sir John, you loiter here too long, being
you are to take soldiers up in counties as you go.
Fal.
Will you sup with me, master Gower?
Ch. Just.
What foolish master taught you these
manners, sir John?
Fal.
Master Gower, if they become me not, he was
a fool that taught them me.—This is the right fencing
grace, my lord; tap for tap, and so part fair.
Ch. Just.
Now the Lord lighten thee! thou art a
great fool.
[Exeunt.
Samuel Johnson [1778], The plays of William Shakspeare. In ten volumes. With the corrections and illustrations of various commentators; to which are added notes by Samuel Johnson and George Steevens. The second edition, Revised and Augmented (Printed for C. Bathurst [and] W. Strahan [etc.], London) [word count] [S10901].
