SCENE III.The Street.Enter Dogberry and Verges, with the Watch.
Dogb.
Are you good men and true?
Verg.
Yea, or else it were pity but they should
suffer salvation, body and soul.
Dogb.
Nay, that were a punishment too good for
them, if they should have any allegiance in them,
being chosen for the prince's watch.
Verg.
Well, give them their charge6note, neighbour
Dogberry.
Dogb.
First, who think you the most desartless man
to be constable?
1 Watch.
Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal;
for they can write and read.
Dogb.
Come hither, neighbour Seacoal: God hath
bless'd you with a good name: to be a well-favour'd
man is the gift of fortune; but to write and read
comes by nature.
2 Watch.
Both which, master constable,—
Dogb.
You have; I knew it would be your answer.
-- 314 --
Well, for your favour, sir, why, give God
thanks, and make no boast of it; and for your writing
and reading, let that appear when there is 7note
no
need of such vanity. You are thought here to be
the most senseless and fit man for the constable of
the watch; therefore bear you the lanthorn: This
is your charge; you shall comprehend all vagrom
men; you are to bid any man stand, in the prince's
name.
2 Watch.
How if he will not stand?
Dogb.
Why then, take no note of him, but let him
go; and presently call the rest of the watch together,
and thank God you are rid of a knave.
Verg.
If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is
none of the prince's subjects.
Dogb.
True, and they are to meddle with none
but the prince's subjects:—You shall also make
no noise in the streets; for, for the watch to babble
and talk, is most tolerable and not to be endur'd.
2 Watch.
We will rather sleep than talk; we know
what belongs to a watch,
Dogb.
Why, you speak like an ancient and most
quiet watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping
should offend: only, have a care that your bills be not
stolen8note
[unresolved image link]
:—Well, you are to call at all the ale-houses,
and bid them that are drunk get them to bed.
-- 315 --
2 Watch.
How if they will not?
Dogb.
Why then, let them alone till they are
sober; if they make you not then the better answer,
you may say, they are not the men you took them
for.
2 Watch.
Well sir.
Dogb.
If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by
virtue of your office, to be no true man; and, for such
kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them,
why, the more is for your honesty.
2 Watch.
If we know him to be a thief, shall we not
lay hands on him?
Dogb.
Truly, by your office you may; but, I
think, they that touch pitch will be defil'd: the most
peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is, to
let him shew himself what he is, and steal out of
your company.
Verg.
You have always been call'd a merciful
man, partner.
Dogb.
Truly, I would not hang a dog by my
will; much more a man who hath any honesty in
him.
If you hear a child cry in the night, you
must call to the nurse, and bid her still it.
2 Watch.
How if the nurse be asleep, and will not
hear us?
Dogb.
Why then, depart in peace, and let the child
-- 316 --
wake her with crying: for the ewe that will not hear
her lamb when it baes, will never answer a calf when
he bleats.
-- 317 --
Verg.
'Tis very true.
Dogb.
This is the end of the charge. You, constable,
are to present the prince's own person; if you
meet the prince in the night, you may stay him.
Verg.
Nay, by'rlady, that, I think, he cannot.
Dogb.
Five shillings to one on't, with any man that
knows the statues, he may stay him: marry, not without
the prince be willing: for, indeed, the watch
ought to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay
a man against his will.
Verg.
By'rlady, I think, it be so.
Dogb.
Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night:
an there be any matter of weight chances, call up me:
keep your fellows' counsels and your own, and good
night.—Come, neighbour.
2 Watch.
Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us
go sit here upon the church-bench till two, and then
all to bed.
Dogb.
One word more, honest neighbours: I pray
you, watch about signior Leonato's door; for the
wedding being there to-morrow, there is a great coil
to night: Adieu, be vigilant, I beseech you.
[Exeunt Dogberry and Verges.Enter Borachio and Conrade.
Bora.
What! Conrade,—
Watch.
Peace, stir not.
[Aside.
Bora.
Conrade, I say!
Conr.
Here, man, I am at thy elbow.
-- 318 --
Bora.
Mass, and my elbow itch'd; I thought, there
would a scab follow?
Conr.
I will owe thee an answer for that; and now
forward with thy tale.
Bora.
Stand thee close then under this pent-house,
for it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard,
utter all to thee.
Watch. [Aside.]
Some treason, masters; yet stand
close.
Bora.
Therefore know, I have earned of Don
John a thousand ducats.
Conr.
Is it possible that any villainy should be so dear?
Bora.
Thou should'st rather ask, if it were possible
1note
any villainy should be so rich: for when rich villains
have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what
price they will.
Conr.
I wonder at it.
Bora.
That shews, 2notethou art unconfirm'd: Thou
knowest, that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a
cloak, is nothing to a man.
Conr.
Yes, it is apparel.
Bora.
I mean, the fashion.
Conr.
Yes, the fashion is the fashion.
Bora.
Tush! I may as well say, the fool's the fool.
But see'st thou not, what a deformed thief this fashion
is?
Watch.
I know that Deformed; he has been a vile
thief these seven year; he goes up and down like a
gentleman: I remember his name.
Bora.
Didst thou not hear some body?
Conr.
No; 'twas the vane on the house.
Bora.
Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed
thief this fashion is? how giddily he turns about all
the hot bloods, between fourteen and five and thirty?
-- 319 --
sometime, fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers in
the reechy 3note
painting; sometime, like god Bel's
priests in the old church window; 4note
sometime, like
the shaven Hercules in the 5note
smirch'd worm-eaten
tapestry, where his cod-piece seems as massy as his
club?
Conr.
All this I see; and see, that the fashion
wears out more apparel than the man: But art not
-- 320 --
thou thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou
hast shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the
fashion?
Bora.
Not so neither: but know, that I have tonight
wooed Margaret, the lady Hero's gentlewoman,
by the name of Hero; she leans me out at
her mistress's chamber-window, bids me a thousand
times good night—I tell this tale vilely:—I should
first tell thee, how the prince, Claudio, and my
master, planted and placed, and possessed by my
master Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this
amiable encounter.
Conr.
And thought they, Margaret was Hero?
Bora.
Two of them did, the prince and Claudio;
but the devil my master knew she was Margaret;
and partly by his oaths, which first possess'd them,
partly by the dark night, which did deceive them,
but chiefly by my villainy, which did confirm any
slander that Don John had made, away went Claudio
enraged; swore he would meet her, as he was appointed,
next morning at the temple, and there, before
the whole congregation, shame her with what he
saw o'er night, and send her home again without a
husband.
1 Watch.
We charge you in the prince's name,
stand.
2 Watch.
Call up the right master constable:
We have here recovered the most dangerous piece
of lechery that ever was known in the commonwealth.
1 Watch.
And one Deformed is one of them; I
know him, he wears a lock6note