SCENE I.
Enter Falstaff and Mrs. Quickly.
Fal.
Pr'ythee, no more pratling;—go.—I'll hold:
This is the third time; I hope, good luck lies in odd
numbers. Away, go; they say, there is divinity in
odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.—
Away.
Quic.
I'll provide you a chain; and I'll do what I
can to get you a pair of horns.
[Exit Mrs. Quickly.
Fal.
Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head,
and mince6 note
.
Enter Ford.
How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the matter
will be known to-night, or never. Be you in the
Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall
see wonders.
Ford.
Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you
told me you had appointed?
Fal.
I went to her, master Brook, as you see, like
a poor old man: but I came from her, master Brook,
like a poor old woman. That same knave, Ford her
husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him,
master Brook, that ever govern'd frenzy. I will tell
you.—He beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman;
for in the shape of man, master Brook, I fear
not Goliath with a weaver's beam; because I know
also, life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with
me; I'll tell you all, master Brook. Since I pluck'd
-- 354 --
geese, play'd truant, and whipp'd top, I knew not
what 'twas to be beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll
tell you strange things of this knave Ford; on whom
to-night I will be reveng'd, and I will deliver his wife
into your hand.—Follow: Strange things in hand,
master Brook! follow.—
[Exeunt.
SCENE II.
Windsor Park.
Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender.
Page.
Come, come; we'll couch i' the castle-ditch,
till we see the light of our fairies.—Remember, son
Slender, my daughter.
Slen.
Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we
have a nay-word7 note how to know one another. I come
to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries, budget; and
by that we know one another.
Shal.
That's good too; But what needs either your
mum, or her budget? the white will decipher her well
enough.—It hath struck ten o'clock.
Page.
The night is dark; light and spirits will become
it well. Heaven prosper our sport!8 note
No man
means evil but the devil, and we shall know him by
his horns. Let's away; follow me.
[Exeunt.
-- 355 --
SCENE III.
Enter Mistress Page, Mistress Ford, and Dr. Caius.
Mrs. Page.
Master doctor, my daughter is in green:
when you see your time, take her by the hand, away
with her to the deanery, and dispatch it quickly: Go
before into the park; we two must go together.
Caius.
I know vat I have to do; Adieu.
[Exit.
Mrs. Page.
Fare you well, sir. My husband will
not rejoice so much at the abuse of Falstaff, as he will
chafe at the doctor's marrying my daughter: but 'tis
no matter; better a little chiding, than a great deal
of heart-break.
Mrs. Ford.
Where is Nan now, and her troop of
fairies? 9 note
and the Welch devil Evans?
Mrs. Page.
They are all couch'd in a pit hard by
Herne's oak1 note, with obscur'd lights; which, at the very
instant of Falstaff's and our meeting, they will at once
display to the night.
-- 356 --
Mrs. Ford.
That cannot chuse but amaze him.
Mrs. Page.
If he be not amaz'd, he will be mock'd;
if he be amaz'd, he will every way be mock'd.
Mrs. Ford.
We'll betray him finely.
Mrs. Page.
Against such lewdsters, and their lechery,
Those that betray them do no treachery.
Mrs. Ford.
The hour draws on; To the oak, to
the oak!
[Exeunt.
SCENE IV.
Enter Sir Hugh Evans, and Fairies.
Eva.
Trib, trib, fairies; come; and remember
your parts: be pold, I pray you; follow me into the
pit; and when I give the watch-'ords, do as I pid you;
Come, come; trib, trib.
[Exeunt.
SCENE V.
Enter Falstaff with a buck's head on.
Fal.
The Windsor bell hath struck twelve; the
minute draws on: Now, the hot-blooded gods assist
me!—Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa;
love set on thy horns.—Oh powerful love!
that, in some respects, makes a beast a man; in some
other, a man a beast.—You were also, Jupiter, a swan,
for the love of Leda;—Oh, omnipotent love! how
near the god drew to the complexion of a goose?—A
fault done first in the form of a beast;—O Jove,
a beastly fault!—and then another fault in the semblance
of a fowl;—think on't, Jove; a foul fault.—
When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do2 note
?
-- 357 --
For me, I am here a Windsor stag; and the fattest,
I think, i' the forest: Send me a cool rut-time, Jove,
or who can blame me to piss my tallow3 note
? Who comes
here? my doe?
Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page.
Mrs. Ford.
Sir John? art thou there, my deer?
my male deer?
Fal.
My doe with the black scut?—Let the sky rain
potatoes4 note; let it thunder to the tune of Green Sleeves;
hail kissing-comfits5 note
, and snow eringoes; let there come
a tempest of provocation9Q0151, I will shelter me here.
-- 358 --
Mrs. Ford.
Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.
Fal.
6 noteDivide me like a bribe-buck, each a haunch:
I will keep my sides to myself, my shoulders for the
7 note
fellow of this walk, and my horns I bequeath your
husbands. Am I a woodman? ha! Speak I like
Herne the hunter?—Why, now is Cupid a child of
conscience; he makes restitution. As I am a true
spirit, welcome!
[Noise within.
Mrs. Page.
Alas! what noise?
Mrs. Ford.
Heaven forgive our sins!
Fal.
What shall this be?
Mrs. Ford. Mrs. Page.
Away, away.
[The women run out.
Fal.
I think the devil will not have me damn'd,
-- 359 --
lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire; he
never would else cross me thus.
Enter Sir Hugh like a satyr; Quickly, and others, dress'd like fairies, with tapers.
Quic.
Fairies, black, grey, green, and white,
You moon-shine revellers, and shades of night,
8 note
You orphan-heirs of fixed destiny,
Attend your office, and your quality.—
Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy o-yes.
Eva.
Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys9 note
.
-- 360 --
Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap:
Where fires thou find'st unrak'd, and hearths unswept,
There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry1 note
:
Our radiant queen hates sluts, and sluttery.
Fal.
They are fairies; he, that speaks to them, shall die:
I'll wink and couch; No man their works must eye.
[Lies down upon his face.
Eva.
Where's Bede?—Go you, and where you find a maid,
That, ere she sleep, hath thrice her prayers said,
2 note
Rein up the organs of her fantasy;
Sleep she as sound as careless infancy:
-- 361 --
But those, as sleep, and think not on their sins,
Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins.
Quic.
About, about;
Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out:
Strew good luck, ouphes, on every sacred room;
That it may stand till the perpetual doom,
3 note
In state as wholsome, as in state 'tis fit;
4 note
Worthy the owner, and the owner it.
-- 362 --
5 note
The several chairs of order look you scour
With juice of balm, and every precious flower:
Each fair instalment coat, and several crest,
With loyal blazon, evermore be blest!
And nightly, meadow-fairies, look, you sing,
Like to the Garter's compass, in a ring:
The expressure that it bears, green let it be,
More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;
And, Hony Soit Qui Mal y Pense, write,
6 note
In emerald tufts, flowers purple, blue, and white;
-- 363 --
Like saphire, pearl, and rich embroidery,
Buckled below fair knight-hood's bending knee;
Fairies use flowers for their 7 note
charactery.
Away; disperse: But, till tis one o'clock,
Our dance of custom, round about the oak
Of Herne the hunter, let us not forget.
Eva.
Pray you, lock hand in hand; yourselves in order set:
And twenty glow-worms shall our lanthorns be,
To guide our measure round about the tree.
But, stay; I smell a man 8 note
of middle earth.
Fal.
Heavens defend me from that Welch fairy!
Lest he transform me to a piece of cheese!
Eva.
Vile worm9Q0152, thou wast o'er-look'd even in thy birth9 note
.
-- 364 --
Quic.
1 note
With trial-fire touch me his finger-end:
If he be chaste, the flame will back descend,
And turn him to no pain; but if he start,
It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.9Q0153
Eva.
A trial, come.—
[They burn him with their tapers, and pinch him.
Come, will this wood take fire?
Fal.
Oh, oh, oh!
Quic.
Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!—
About him, fairies; sing a scornful rhime:
And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.
Eva.
2 noteIt is right; indeed, he is full of leacheries
and iniquity.
The SONG.
Fie on sinful phantasy!
Fie on lust and luxury3 note!
4 note
Lust is but a bloody fire,
Kindled with unchaste desire,
-- 365 --
Fed in heart; whose flames aspire,
As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher.
Pinch him, fairies, mutually;
Pinch him for his villainy;
Pinch him, and burn him, and turn him about,
'Till candles, and star-light, and moon-shine be out.
5 noteDuring this song, they pinch him6 note. Doctor Caius comes
one way, and steals away a fairy in green; Slender another
way, and he takes away a fairy in white; and Fenton
comes, and steals away Mrs. Anne Page. A noise of
hunting is made within. All the fairies run away. Falstaff
pulls off his buck's head, and rises.
Enter Page, Ford, &c. They lay hold on him.
Page.
Nay, do not fly: I think, we have watch'd you now;
Will none but Herne the hunter, serve your turn?
Mrs. Page.
I pray you, come; hold up the jest no higher:—
Now, good sir John, how like you Windsor wives?
7 note
See you these, husband? do not these fair yoaks
Become the forest better than the town?
-- 366 --
Ford.
Now, sir, who's a cuckold now?—Master
Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly knave; here
are his horns, master Brook: And, master Brook, he
hath enjoyed nothing of Ford's but his buck-basket,
his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money; which
must be paid to master Brook; his horses are arrested
for it, master Brook.
Mrs. Ford.
Sir John, we have had ill luck; we
could never meet. I will never take you for my love
again, but I will always count you my deer.
Fal.
I do begin to perceive, that I am made an ass.
Ford.
Ay, and an ox too; both the proofs are extant.
Fal.
And these are not fairies? I was three or four
times in the thought, they were not fairies: and yet
the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprize of my
powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a receiv'd
belief, in despight of the teeth of all rhime and
reason, that they were fairies. See now, how wit
may be made a Jack-a-lent8 note
, when 'tis upon ill employment!
-- 367 --
Eva.
Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your
desires, and fairies will not pinse you.
Ford.
Well said, fairy Hugh.
Eva.
And leave your jealousies also, I pray you.
Ford.
I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou
art able to woo her in good English.
Fal.
Have I lay'd my brain in the sun, and dried it,
that it wants matter to prevent so gross o'er-reaching
as this? Am I ridden with a Welch goat too? shall
I have a coxcomb of frize9 note? 'tis time I were choak'd
with a piece of toasted cheese.
Eva.
Seese is not good to give putter; your pelly
is all putter.
Fal.
Seese and putter! have I liv'd to stand in the
taunt of one that makes fritters of English? this is
enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking,
through the realm.
Mrs. Page.
Why, sir John, do you think, though
we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the
head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without
scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made
you our delight?
Ford.
What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?
Mrs. Page.
A puff'd man?
Page.
Old, cold, wither'd, and of intolerable entrails?
Ford.
And one that is as slanderous as Satan?
Page.
And as poor as Job?
Ford.
And as wicked as his wife?
-- 368 --
Eva.
And given to fornications, and to taverns, and
sacks, and wines, and metheglins, and to drinkings,
and swearings, and starings, pribbles and prabbles?
Fal.
Well, I am your theme; you have the start
of me; I am dejected; I am not able to answer the
Welch flannel1 note
; 2 note
ignorance itself is a plummet o'er
me: use me as you will.
Ford.
Marry, sir, we'll bring you to Windsor, to one
master Brook, that you cozen'd of money, to whom
you should have been a pandar: over and above that
you have suffer'd, I think, to repay that money will
be a biting affliction.
3 noteMrs. Ford.
Nay, husband, let that go to make amends:
Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends.
-- 369 --
Ford.
Well, here's my hand; all's forgiven at last.
Page.
Yet be cheerful, knight: thou shalt eat a
posset to-night at my house; where I will desire thee
to 6 notelaugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: Tell
her, master Slender hath married her daughter.
Mrs. Page.
Doctors doubt that; if Anne Page be
my daughter, she is, by this, doctor Caius' wife.
[Aside.
Enter Slender.
Slen.
Whoo, ho! ho! father Page!
Page.
Son! how now? how now, son? have you
dispatch'd?
Slen.
Dispatch'd!—I'll make the best in Glocestershire
know on't; would I were hang'd, la, else.
Page.
Of what, son?
Slen.
I came yonder at Eaton to marry mistress
Anne Page, and she's a great lubberly boy: If it had
not been i' the church, I would have swing'd him, or
he should have swing'd me. If I did not think it had
been Anne Page, would I might never stir, and 'tis
a post-master's boy.
Page.
Upon my life then you took the wrong.
Slen.
What need you tell me that? I think so, when
I took a boy for a girl: If I had been married to him,
for all he was in woman's apparel, I would not have
had him.
Page.
Why, this is your own folly; Did not I tell
you, how you should know my daughter by her garments?
Slen.
I went to her in white, and cry'd, mum, and
-- 370 --
she cry'd budget, as Anne and I had appointed; and
yet it was not Anne, but a post-master's boy.
Eva.
Jeshu! Master Slender, cannot you see but
marry boys4 note?
Page.
O, I am vex'd at heart: What shall I do?
Mrs. Page.
Good George, be not angry: I knew
of your purpose; turn'd my daughter into green;
and, indeed, she is now with the doctor at the deanery,
and there married.
Enter Caius.
Caius.
Vere is mistress Page? By gar, I am cozen'd;
I ha' married un garçon, a boy; un paisan, by gar, a
boy; it is not Anne Page: by gar, I am cozen'd.
Mrs. Page.
Why, did you not take her in green?
Caius.
Ay, be gar, and 'tis a boy: be gar, I'll raise
all Windsor.
[Exit Caius.
Ford.
This is strange: Who hath got the right Anne?
Page.
My heart misgives me: Here comes master
Fenton.
Enter Fenton, and Anne Page.
How now, master Fenton?
Anne.
Pardon, good father! good my mother, pardon!
Page.
Now, mistress? how chance you went not
with master Slender?
Mrs. Page.
Why went you not with master doctor,
maid?
Fent.
You do amaze her; Hear the truth of it.
You would have married her most shamefully,
Where there was no proportion held in love.
The truth is, She and I, long since contracted,
Are now so sure, that nothing can dissolve us.
The offence is holy, that she hath committed:
And this deceit loses the name of craft,
-- 371 --
Of disobedience, or unduteous title;
Since therein she doth evitate and shun
A thousand irreligious cursed hours,
Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.
Ford.
Stand not amaz'd: here is no remedy:—
In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state;
Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.
Fal.
I am glad, though you have ta'en a special
stand to strike at me, that your arrow hath glanc'd.
6 note
Page.
Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!
What cannot be eschew'd, must be embrac'd.
Eva.
I will dance and eat plums at your wedding.
Fal.
When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are
chac'd.
Mrs. Page.
Well, I will muse no further:—Master Fenton,
Heaven give you many, many merry days!—
Good husband, let us every one go home,
And laugh this sport o'er by a country fire;
Sir John and all.
Ford.
Let it be so:—Sir John,
To master Brook you yet shall hold your word;
For he, to-night, shall lye with mistress Ford.
[Exeunt omnes.
