Page.

Sir, here comes the nobleman that committed the Prince, for striking him, about Bardolph.

Fal.

Boy, stand before me, I would not be seen.

Ch. Just.

What's he that goes there?

Serv.

Falstaff, an't please your Lordship.

Ch. Just.

He that was in question for the robbery?

Serv.

He, my Lord. But he hath since done good service, at Shrewsbury: and, as I hear, is now going with some charge to the Lord John of Lancaster.

Ch. Just.

What, to York? call him back again.

Serv.

Sir John Falstaff.

Fal.

Boy, tell him, I am deaf.

Page.

You must speak louder, my master is deaf.

Ch. Just.

I am sure he is, to the hearing of any thing good. Go, pluck him by the elbow. I must speak with him.

Serv.

Sir John.

Fal.

What! a young knave, and beg! are there no wars? is there not employment? doth not the King lack subjects? do not the rebels need soldiers? though it be a shame to be on any side but one, it is worse shame to beg, than to be on the worst side, were it worse than the name of rebellion can tell how to make it.

Serv.

You mistake me, Sir.

Fal.

Why, Sir. did I say you were an honest man? setting my knighthood and my soldiership aside, I had lied in my throat, if I had said so.

Serv.

I pray you, Sir, then, set your knighthood and your soldiership aside; and give me leave to tell you, you do lie in your throat, if you say I am any other than an honest man.

Fal.

I give thee leave to tell me so? I lay aside that which grows to me? If thou gett'st any leave of me,

hang me; if thou tak'st leave, thou wer't better be hang'd: you* ^note hunt-counter, hence; avaunt.

Serv.

Sir, my Lord would speak with you.

Ch. Just.

Sir John Falstaff, a word with you.

Fal.

My good Lord! heav'n give your Lordship good time of day! I am glad to see your Lordship abroad; I heard say your Lordship was sick. I hope your Lordship goes abroad, by advice. Your Lordship, though not clean past your youth, hath yet some smack of age in you, some relish of the saltness of time; and I most humbly beseech your Lordship to have a reverend care of your health.

Ch. Just.

Sir John, I sent for you before your expedition to Shrewsbury.

Fal.

If it please your Lordship I hear his Majesty is return'd with some discomfort, from Wales.

Ch. Just.

I talk not of his Majesty: you would not come when I sent for you?

Fal.

And I hear, moreover, his highness is fall'n into this same whorson apoplexy.

Ch. Just.

Well, heav'n mend him! I pray let me speak with you† ^note.

Fal.

This apoplexy is, as I take it, a kind of lethargy, an't please your Lordship, a kind of sleeping in the blood, a whorson tingling.

Ch. Just.

What tell you me of it? be it as it is.

Fal.

It hath its original from much grief; from study and perturbation of the brain. I have read the cause of it in Galen. It is a kind of deafness.

Ch. Just.

I think you are fall'n into that disease: for you hear not what I say to you.

Fal.

Very well, my Lord, very well: rather, an't please you, it is the disease of not list'ning, the malady of not marking, that I am troubled with.

Ch. Just.

To punish you by the heels, would amend the attention of your ears; and I care not if I be your physician.

Fal.

I am as poor as Job, my Lord; but not so patient: your Lordship may minister the potion of imprisonment to me, in respect of poverty; but how I should be your patient, to follow your prescriptions, the wise may make* ^note some dram of a scruple, or indeed, a scruple itself.

Ch. Just.

I sent for you, when there were matters against you for your life, to speak with me.

Fal.

As I was then advis'd by my counsel learned in the laws of this land-service, I did not come.

Ch. Just.

Well, the truth is, Sir John, you live in great infamy.

Fal.

He that buckles him in my belt, cannot live in less.

Ch. Just.

Your means are very slender, and your waste great.

Fal.

I would it were otherwise: I would my means were greater, and my waist slenderer† ^note.

Ch. Just.

You have mis-led the youthful Prince.

Fal.

The young Prince hath mis-led me. I am the fellow with the great belly, and he my dog.

Ch. Just.

Well, I am loth to gall a new-heal'd wound; your day's service at Shrewsbury, hath a little gilded over your night's exploit on Gads-hill. You may thank the unquiet time, for your quiet over-posting that action.

Fal.

My Lord?

Ch. Just.

But, since all is well, keep it so: wake not a sleeping wolf.

Fal.

To wake a wolf, is as bad as to smell a fox.

Ch. Just.

What? you are as a candle, the better part burnt out.

Fal.

A wassel candle, my Lord; all tallow.

Ch. Just.

There is not a white hair on your face, but should have his effect of gravity.

Fal.

No, my Lord, his effect of gravy, gravy, gravy* ^note

Ch. Just.

You follow the young Prince, up and down, like his evil angel.

Fal.

My Lord, you that are old, consider not the capacities of us that are young; you measure the heat of our livers, with the bitterness of your galls; and we that are in the† ^note va-ward of our youth, I must confess are wags too.

Ch. Just.

Do you set down your name in the scrowl of youth, that are written down old, with all the characters of age? have you not a moist eye? a dry hand? a yellow cheek? a white beard? a decreasing leg? an increasing belly? is not your voice broken? your wind short? and every part about you blasted with antiquity? and will you yet call yourself young? fy, fy, fy, Sir John.

Fal.

My Lord, I was born about three of the clock, in the afternoon, with a white head, and something a round belly. For my voice, I have lost it with hallowing and singing of anthems. To approve my youth further, I will not. The truth is, I am only old, in judgment and understanding; and he that will caper with me, for a thousand marks, let him lend me the money, and have at him. For the box o'th' ear that the Prince gave you, he gave it like a rude Prince, and you took it like a sensible Lord. I have checkt him for it, and the young lion repents: marry, not in ashes and sack-cloth, but in new silk and old sack.

Ch. Just.

Well, heav'n send the Prince a better companion!

Fal.

Heav'n send the companion a better Prince: I cannot rid my hands of him.

Ch. Just.

Well, the King hath sever'd you and Prince Harry. I hear you are going with Lord John of Lancaster, against the Archbishop and the Earl of Northumberland* ^note.

Fal.

Yes, I thank your pretty sweet wit for it; but look you, pray, all you that kiss my lady Pease at home, that our armies join not, in a hot day; for I take but two shirts out with me, and I mean not to sweat extraordinarily: If it be a hot day, if I brandish any thing but a bottle, would I might never spit white again! There is not a dangerous action can peep out his head, but I am thrust upon it. Well, I cannot last ever—but it was always the trick of our English nation, if they have a good thing, to make it too common. If ye will needs say I am an old man, you should give me rest: I would to heav'n my name were not so terrible to the enemy, as it is! I were better to be eaten to death, with a rust, than to be scour'd to nothing, with perpetual motion.

Ch. Just.

Well, be honest, be honest, and heav'n bless your expedition!

Fal.

Will your Lordship lend me a thousand pound, to furnish me forth?

Ch. Just.

Not a penny, not a penny; you are too impatient to bear crosses. Fare you well. Commend me to my cousin Westmorland.

Fal.

If I do, fillip me with a† ^note three-man-beetle. A man can no more separate old age and covetousness, than he can part young limbs and wantonness: but the gout galls the one, and disease pinches the other; and so both the degrees prevent my curses. Boy.

Page.

Sir.

Fal.

What money is in my purse?

Page.

Seven groats, and two pence.

Fal.

I can get no remedy against this consumption of the purse. Borrowing only lingers and lingers it out, but the disease is incurable. Go, bear this letter to my Lord of Lancaster, this to the Prince, this to the Earl of Westmorland, and this to old Mrs. Ursula, whom I have weekly sworn to marry, since I perceived the first white hair on my chin. About it; you know where to find me. [Exit Page.] A plague of this gout, for it plays the rogue with my great toe: it is no matter, if I do halt, I have the wars for my colour, and my pension shall seem the more reasonable: a good wit will make use of any thing; I will turn diseases to commodity.