London* note.
Enter Sir John Falstaff, with his Page bearing his sword and buckler.
Falstaff.
Sirrah, you giant, what says the doctor, to my
water?
Page.
He said, Sir, the water itself was a good healthy
water. But for the party that own'd it, he might
have more diseases than he knew for.
Fal.
† noteMen of all sorts take a pride to gird at me. The
brain of this foolish-compounded-clay, man, is not able
to invent any thing that tends to laughter, more than I
invent, or is invented on me. I am not only witty in
myself, but the cause that wit is in other men. I do
here walk before thee, like a sow, that hath overwhelmed
-- 6 --
all her litter, but one. If the Prince put thee into
my service, for any other reason than to set me off, why
then I have no judgment. “Thou whorson* note mandrake,
thou art fitter to be worn in my cap, than to wait at
my heels. I was never mann'd with an agate till now:
but I will set you neither in gold nor silver, but in vile
apparel, and send you back again to your master, for a
jewel. The Juvenile, the Prince your master, whose chin
is not yet fledg'd; I will sooner have a beard grow in
the palm of my hand, than he shall get one on his cheek:
yet he will not stick to say, his face is a face-royal. Heav'en
may finish it, when it will, it is not a hair amiss, yet: he
may keep it still as a face-royal, for a barber shall never earn
sixpence out of it; and yet he will be crowing, as if he
had writ man, ever since his father was a batchelor. He
may keep his own grace; but he is almost out of mine, I can
assure him.” What said Mr. Dombledon, about the satin
for my short cloak and slops?
Page.
He said, Sir, you should procure him better
assurance, than Bardolph: he would not take his bond
and yours; he lik'd not the security.
Fal.
Let him be damn'd like the glutton! may his
tongue be hotter; a whorson Achitophel, a rascally yea-forsooth-knave,
to bear a gentleman in hand, and then
stand upon security! I had as lief they would put ratsbane
in my mouth, as offer to stop it with security. I
looked he should have sent me two and twenty yards of
satin, as I am a true knight; and he sends me security.
Well, he may sleep in security, for he hath the horn of
abundance,† note and the lightness of his wife shines
through it, and yet cannot he see, though he have his
own lanthorn to light him. Where's Bardolph?
Page.
He's gone to Smithfield, to buy your worship
a horse.
-- 7 --
Fal.
I bought him in Paul's, and he'll buy me a horse
in Smithfield. If I could get me but a wife in the stews,
I were mann'd, hors'd, and wiv'd.
John Bell [1774], Bell's Edition of Shakespeare's Plays, As they are now performed at the Theatres Royal in London; Regulated from the Prompt Books of each House By Permission; with Notes Critical and Illustrative; By the Authors of the Dramatic Censor (Printed for John Bell... and C. Etherington [etc.], York) [word count] [S10401].
