Mercutio.
Mer.
Where the devil should this Romeo be* note?—
Came he not home to-night?
Ben.
Not to his father's; I spoke with his man.
Mer.
Ah, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline,
Torments him so, that he will sure run mad.
Ben.
Tybalt, the kinsmen of old Capulet,
Hath sent a letter to his father's house.
Mer.
A challenge, on my life.
Ben.
Romeo will answer it.
Mer.
Any man, that can write, may answer a
letter.
Ben.
Nay, he will answer the letter's master, how
he dares, being dared.
Mer.
Alas, poor Romeo, he is already dead!
stabbed with a white wench's black eye; shot thorough
the ear with a love-song; the very pin of his
heart cleft with the blind bow-boy's butt-shaft3 note
;
And is he a man to encounter Tybalt?
-- 97 --
Ben.
Why, what is Tybalt?
Mer.
More than prince of cats4 note
, I can tell you5 note.
O, he is the courageous captain of compliments6 note
.
He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance,
and proportion7 note
; rests me his minim rest8 note,
-- 98 --
one, two, and the third in your bosom: the very
butcher of a silk button9 note
, a duellist, a duellist; a
gentleman of the very first house,—of the first and
second cause1 note
: Ah, the immortal passado! the
punto reverso! the hay2 note!—
Ben.
The what?
Mer.
The pox of such antick, lisping, affecting
fantasticoes3 note
; these new tuners of accents!—By
-- 99 --
Jesu, a very good blade!—a very tall man!—a very
good whore!—Why, is not this a lamentable thing,
grandsire4 note, that we should be thus afflicted with
these strange flies, these fashion-mongers, these
pardonnez-moy's* note 5 note, who stand so much on the new
form, that they cannot sit at ease on the old bench6 note
?
O, their bons, their bons7 note
!
-- 100 --
Enter Romeo.
Ben.
Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.
Mer.
Without his roe, like a dried herring;—
O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified!—Now is he
for the numbers that Petrarch flowed in: Laura, to
his lady, was but a kitchen-wench;—marry, she
had a better love to be-rhyme her: Dido, a dowdy;
Cleopatra, a gipsy; Helen and Hero, hildings and
harlots; Thisbé, a grey eye or so8 note
, but not to the
-- 101 --
purpose.—Signior Romeo, bon jour! there's a
French salutation to your French slop9 note
. You gave
us the counterfeit fairly last night.
Rom.
Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit
did I give you?
Mer.
The slip, sir, the slip1 note
; Can you not conceive?
Rom.
Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was
great; and, in such a case as mine, a man may
strain courtesy.
-- 102 --
Mer.
That's as much as to say—such a case as
yours constrains a man to bow in the hams.
Rom.
Meaning—to court'sy.
Mer.
Thou hast most kindly hit it.
Rom.
A most courteous exposition.
Mer.
Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy2 note
.
Rom.
Pink for flower.
Mer.
Right.
Rom.
Why, then is my pump well flowered3 note
.
Mer.
Well said4 note
: Follow me this jest now, till
thou hast worn out thy pump; that, when the
single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain, after
the wearing, solely singular.
Rom.
O single-soled jest5 note
, solely singular for the
singleness!
-- 103 --
Mer.
Come between us, good Benvolio; my
wits fail6 note.
Rom.
Switch and spurs, switch and spurs; or I'll
cry a match.
Mer.
Nay, if thy* note wits run the wild-goose
chace, I have† note done7 note
; for thou hast more of the
-- 104 --
wild-goose in one of thy wits, than, I am sure, I
have in my whole five: Was I with you there for
the goose?
Rom.
Thou wast never with me for any thing,
when thou wast not there for the goose.
Mer.
I will bite thee by the ear8 note
for that jest.
Rom.
Nay, good goose, bite not9 note.
Mer.
Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting1 note
; it is a
most sharp sauce.
Rom.
And is it not well served in to a sweet
goose?
Mer.
O, here's a wit of cheverel2 note
, that stretches
from an inch narrow to an ell broad!
Rom.
I stretch it out for that word—broad:
which added to the goose, proves thee far and wide
a broad goose3 note.
-- 105 --
Mer.
Why, is not this better now than groaning
for love? now art thou sociable, now art thou Romeo;
now art thou what thou art, by art as well
as by nature: for this driveling love is like a great
natural, that runs lolling up and down to hide his
bauble in a hole4 note
.
Ben.
Stop there, stop there.
Mer.
Thou desirest me to stop in my tale
against the hair5 note.
Ben.
Thou would'st else have made thy tale large.
Mer.
O, thou art deceived, I would have made
it short: for I was come to the whole depth of my
tale: and meant, indeed, to occupy the argument
no longer.
Rom.
Here's goodly geer!
Enter Nurse and Peter.
Mer.
A sail, a sail6 note, a sail!
Ben.
Two, two; a shirt, and a smock.
Nurse.
Peter!
-- 106 --
Peter.
Anon?
Nurse.
My fan, Peter8 note
.
Mer.
Pr'ythee, do, good Peter, to hide her face;
for her fan's the fairer of the two* note.
Nurse.
God ye good morrow, gentlemen.
Mer.
God ye good den9 note
, fair gentlewoman.
Nurse.
Is it good den?
Mer.
'Tis no less, I tell you; for the bawdy
hand of the dial1 note is now upon the prick of noon2 note
.
-- 107 --
Nurse.
Out upon you! what a man are you?
Rom.
One, gentlewoman, that God hath made
himself to mar.
Nurse.
By my troth, it is well said;—For himself
to mar, quoth'a?—Gentlemen, can any of you
tell me where I may find the young Romeo?
Rom.
I can tell you; but young Romeo will be
older when you have found him, than he was when
you sought him: I am the youngest of that name,
for 'fault of a worse.
Nurse.
You say well.
Mer.
Yea, is the worst well? very well took,
i'faith; wisely, wisely.
Nurse.
If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence* note
with you.
Ben.
She will indite him to some supper.
Mer.
A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! So ho!
Rom.
What hast thou found?
Mer.
No hare, sir3 note
; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten
pie, that is something stale and hoar ere it be
spent.
An old hare hoar4 note
,
And an old hare hoar,
-- 108 --
Is very good meat in lent:
But a hare that is hoar,
Is too much for a score,
When it hoars ere it be spent.—
Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll to
dinner thither.
Rom.
I will follow you.
Mer.
Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, lady, lady, lady5 note.
[Exeunt Mercutio and Benvolio.
Nurse.
Marry, farewell6 note!—I pray you, sir, what
saucy merchant was this7 note
, that was so full of his
ropery8 note
?
Rom.
A gentleman, nurse, that loves to hear
himself talk: and will speak more in a minute,
than he will stand to in a month.
-- 109 --
Nurse.
An 'a speak* note any thing against me, I'll
take him down an 'a were lustier than he is, and
twenty such Jacks; and if I cannot, I'll find those
that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills;
I am none of his skains-mates9 note
:—And thou
must stand by too, and suffer every knave to use me
at his pleasure?
Pet.
I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I
had, my weapon should quickly have been out, I
warrant you: I dare draw as soon as another man,
if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on
my side† note.
Nurse.
Now, afore God, I am so vexed, that
-- 110 --
every part about me quivers. Scurvy knave* note!—
Pray you, sir, a word: and as I told you, my young
lady bade me inquire you out; what she bade me
say, I will keep to myself; but first let me tell ye,
if ye should lead her into a fool's paradise, as they
say1 note
, it were a very gross kind of behaviour, as
they say: for the gentlewoman is young; and,
therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly,
it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman,
and very weak dealing.
Rom.
Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress.
I protest unto thee,—
Nurse.
Good heart! and, i'faith, I will tell her
as much: Lord, lord, she will be a joyful woman.
Rom.
What wilt thou tell her, nurse? thou dost
not mark me.
Nurse.
I will tell her, sir,—that you do protest2 note
;
which, as I take it, is a gentlemanlike offer.
Rom.
Bid her devise some means to come to shrift
This afternoon;
And there she shall at friar Laurence' cell
-- 111 --
Be shriv'd, and married.
Here is for thy pains3 note
.
Nurse.
No, truly, sir; not a penny.
Rom.
Go to; I say, you shall.
Nurse.
This afternoon, sir? well, she shall
be there.
Rom.
And stay, good nurse, behind the abbey-wall:
Within this hour my man shall be with thee;
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair4 note
;
Which to the high top-gallant of my joy5 note
Must be my convoy* note in the secret night.
Farewell!—Be trusty, and I'll quit thy pains.
Farewell!—Commend me to thy mistress.
Nurse.
Now God in heaven bless thee!—Hark you, sir.
Rom.
What say'st thou, my dear nurse?
Nurse.
Is your man secret? Did you ne'er hear say—
-- 112 --
Two may keep counsel, putting one away6 note?
Rom.
I warrant thee7 note; my man's as true as steel.
Nurse.
Well, sir; my mistress is the sweetest
lady—Lord, lord!—when 'twas a little prating
thing8 note
,—O,—there's a nobleman in town, one
Paris, that would fain lay knife aboard; but she,
good soul, had as lieve see a toad, a very toad, as
see him. I anger her sometimes, and tell her that
Paris is the properer man; but, I'll warrant you,
when I say so, she looks as pale as any clout in the
varsal world. Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin
both with a letter9 note
?
-- 113 --
Rom.
Ay, nurse; What of that? both with an R.
Nurse.
Ah, mocker! that's the dog's name. R.
is for the dog. No; I know it begins with some
other letter1 note
: and she hath the prettiest sententious
-- 114 --
of it, of you and rosemary, that it woulddo
you good to hear it.
Rom.
Commend me to thy lady.
[Exit.
Nurse.
Ay, a thousand times.—Peter!
Pet.
Anon?
Nurse.
Peter, take my fan, and go before2 note
.
[Exeunt.
James Boswell [1821], The plays and poems of William Shakspeare, with the corrections and illustrations of various commentators: comprehending A Life of the Poet, and an enlarged history of the stage, by the late Edmond Malone. With a new glossarial index (J. Deighton and Sons, Cambridge) [word count] [S10201].
