Welcome to PhiloLogic  
   home |  the ARTFL project |  download |  documentation |  sample databases |   
Briggs, Charles F. (Charles Frederick), 1804-1877 [1839], The adventures of Harry Franco. Volume 1 (F. Saunders, New York) [word count] [eaf025v1].
To look up a word in a dictionary, select the word with your mouse and press 'd' on your keyboard.

Previous section

Next section

Main text

-- 001 --

HARRY FRANCO. CHAPTER I. Being the beginning of the Book, is very properly devoted to the beginning of the Hero. ANCESTRAL.

[figure description] Page 001.[end figure description]

It is a generally received opinion in some parts
of the world, that a man must of necessity have
had ancestors; but, in our truly independent
country, we contrive to get along very well without
them. That strange race, called Aristocrats,
it is said, consider every body as nobody, unless
they can boast of at least a dozen ancestors. These
lofty people would have scorned an alliance with
a parvenu like Adam, of course. What a fortunate
circumstance for their high mightinesses, that
they were not born in the early ages. No antediluvian
family would have been entitled to the

-- 002 --

[figure description] Page 002.[end figure description]

slightest consideration from them. When the
world was only two thousand years old, it is
melancholy to reflect, its surface was covered with
nobodies; men of yesterday, without an ancestry
worth speaking of. It is not to be wondered at,
that such a set of upstarts should have caused the
flood; nothing less would have washed away their
vulgarity, to say nothing of their sins.

But in this blessed country, as is known to all
the world, men rest their claims to notice on their
own merits; and as we neither hold ourselves
accountable for the vices, nor take credit to ourselves
for the virtues of our ancestors, it will not
be necessary for me to trace my pedigree any
farther back than to my immediate progenitor;
and of him I shall write but very sparingly, as it
is my intention, in these pages, to confine my
narrative to my own personal adventures.

Every body has heard of the long Embargo;
but every body, it is probable, has not heard as
much about it as I have. It was by that wise and
patriotic measure, that my father was ruined; and
it will not be wondered at, that it should have
formed, ever after, the staple of his conversation.
It was not the fashion in those days for a man to
set up his carriage after he had failed in business;
so my father conformed to the custom of the times,

-- 003 --

[figure description] Page 003.[end figure description]

as he would have done, probably, if his misfortunes
had overtaken him later in life, and having
paid all his honest debts, he scraped together the
odds and ends that were left to him, and removed
to his native village, there to await for better
times; and in due course of events, I made my
appearance in the world.

My native village was a quiet little
out-of-the-way place, about a day's ride from one of the
steamboat landings on the Hudson. Like every
other little out-of-the-way village, its quiet was in
appearance only, for the men and women who
made up its body politic, were as much under the
dominion of the enemy of man's peace, as ever
were the dwellers of a great and crowded city. Of
this fact, my unfortunate parents very soon became
convinced. My father, it is probable, always was
convinced of it; but my mother, who was city
bread, and who had picked up her ideas of human
nature from novels and romances, expected to find
country people and villagers, as innocent as the
lambs that frisked about on their meadows; and
the first outbreak of uncharitableness, which she
witnessed in her new neighbors, caused as much
astonishment in her mind, as though she had found
a thorn on the stem of a butter cup.

Having thus accounted for my being in the

-- 004 --

[figure description] Page 004.[end figure description]

world, I shall close this chapter, and in the very
next, proceed at once to the business in hand, and
relate my adventures with as little digression as
possible. And I trust that my kind reader, when
he shall arrive at the end, will not be compelled
to ejaculate, as the old woman did when she read
the dictionary through from A to izzard, that she
could make neither head nor tail of the story.

-- 005 --

CHAPTER II. Although very short, will contain more than half my life.

[figure description] Page 005.[end figure description]

I once had a maiden aunt, who used to say it
was easier to raise children than chickens; from
which it might be proper to infer, that she hated
little boys and girls, and loved poultry. The inference
may be true, or not; but none, except the
inexperienced, will doubt the truth of her saying.
Certain it is, children will thrive upon means incredibly
small; and where one little existence is
suffered to go out for want of sustenance, dozens
are surfeited out of the world, before they are
surfeited with it.

I had one sister; she was two years older than
myself, and we grew up together almost miraculously;
for my father having expended nearly all
his means in a legal contest with a stubborn lawyer,
had but a trifle to bestow upon his offspring.
The next ten years of his existence he lived upon
hope, expecting, at the death of my grandfather,
who was rich, to come into possession of his property,
jointly with my uncle. But my grandfather
was an implacable old man, and for some reason,
which I never rightly understood, he took a

-- 006 --

[figure description] Page 006.[end figure description]

dislike to my father, and bequeathed him but one
dollar, leaving the bulk of his property to my
uncle. Although the disappointment to my father
was very great, when the only prop upon which
his hopes rested was knocked from under him, yet
the reflection that his father had gone into an unchangeable
existence with hatred in his heart
against him, gave him more pain than the mere
loss of the property. When the full extent of
our misfortunes was known, domestic matters
were much straiter with us than before my grandfather's
death. My father had seemingly lost
all his energy; and my mother, to solace herself,
took to two articles of domestic manufacture,
which owe their support chiefly to indolent old
ladies, and romantic young ones; viz., novels
and snuff.

My sister and myself were left to follow the
bent of our own inclinations, which would no
doubt have led us into the street, where the inclinations
of young folks generally lead them, had
it not been that we were very proud, and our little
hearts could not brook the sight of our cousins
better dressed than overselves, and, as we were
taught to believe, at our expense. We had no
companions, and all our little stock of knowledge
was gained from the books which my mother read.

-- 007 --

[figure description] Page 007.[end figure description]

Miserable food it was for the minds of young creatures
like us, who had no opportunities of correcting
by observation the strange accounts we read of the
world we lived in. And so, in this idle manner I
grew up, ignorant of every thing around me, and
with dreamy, ill-defined apprehensions of the way
of the world. I had attained to my seventeenth
year; and I might have continued until now doing
nothing better than reading novels, or what is
worse, perhaps, writing them, had it not been for
a very trifling incident, which sent me forth into
the world to encounter the adventures which I am
now about to relate, for the especial instruction and
benefit of my kind reader.

-- 008 --

CHAPTER III. The first impulse which set the locomotive of my destiny in motion.

[figure description] Page 008.[end figure description]

It was one of those peculiar days in March, of
which the words bitter, intense, freezing, chilly, or
piercing, do not convey an adequate idea, but
which the term raw, very nearly defines. I had
been on an errand for my mother, and was returning
home chilled to the midriff, for I had neither
cloak nor great coat, when, as I turned the corner
of the street, I met my cousin John, who was
advancing towards me clothed in a handsome surtout
with a fur collar; his flushed cheek, and his
laughing mouth, showed how well at ease he felt,
and how well he was defended against the inclemency
of the weather. He was a proud, overbearing
boy, and I had always tried to avoid him;
but I encountered him so suddenly now, that I
could not get out of his way without appearing to
be either afraid or ashamed of meeting him.

“What,” he said, tapping me on the shoulder
with his rattan, “have you got no cloak to wear
this chilly weather, cousin Harry?”

“I do'nt mind the cold,” I said, trying to look

-- 009 --

[figure description] Page 009.[end figure description]

very warm and cheerful, although my lips were so
benumbed I could hardly move them.

“I see you do'nt,” he replied.

I felt too indignant to make him any answer,
and I turned to leave him, when he called me

“I will tell you something,” he said, “if you
will promise not to let on to any body.”

“What is it?” I asked eagerly, thinking it
might be something in relation to my grandfather's

“I am a prophet,” he said.

“Is that all!” I replied.

“O, no, not quite all; I prophesy that you will
die the death of old Cole's dog one of these days.
Do you know what complaint he died of?”


“He died of pride and poverty.” And so
saying, he laughed sneeringly, and we parted.

There is neither heat nor cold, sunshine nor
gloom, in outward nature; they exist in the mind
alone. The raw east wind still beat in my face—
the long icicles still hung from the branches of the
leafless trees—the ground was still frozen beneath
my feet, and my back was still unprotected by the
friendly warmth of a furred great coat — but I no
longer shivered with the cold; the blood burned

-- 010 --

[figure description] Page 010.[end figure description]

in my veins, and the sweat started upon my forehead.
The words of my cousin entered into my
heart; they had either created or put in motion
feelings which I had never known before. In a
moment, in the twinkling of an eye, I was changed.
I was an altered being. I felt desires and aspirations
springing up within me, which almost drove
me mad.

I hurried home, and throwing myself on the
floor, covered my face with my hands, and burst
into tears. I had never known the bitterness of
grief before. My heart seemed to be running out
at my eyes, and at each sob the cause of my grief
seemed but to increase. My mother was in the
middle of a new novel, but she threw it aside, and
caught me in her arms, and began to examine to
see if my limbs were broken; and my sister, without
asking the cause of my grief, lifted up her
voice, and wept from sympathy. My father looked
on in silent wonder, until finding that none of my
bones were broken, he said it was extremely indecorous
for a lad of my time of life to behave so

I could make no reply to my father's remarks,
nor to my mother's tender inquiries, other than to
beg them to ask me no questions, and to let me retire
to my chamber.

-- 011 --

[figure description] Page 011.[end figure description]

“Alas! alas!” I exclaimed, when left to myself,
“it is too true; I shall die, as my cousin has
predicted; pride and poverty will lead me to an
ignominious grave. I must live, while I do live,
known to but few, and despised even by them; and
at last I shall die, despised by myself.”

After a while my grief began to subside; the
fountain of my tears was exhausted; the dreadful
words of my cousin grew more and more indistinct,
and in their place came thronging into my brain
the many wonderful stories I had read, of good
luck befalling the poor and the friendless; of
great men having taken a fancy to adventurous
boys, who had left their homes with nothing but a
wallet and a mother's blessing; and of their making
their fortunes, and returning with their pockets
lined with gold. These fine stories, it is true,
were nothing but fictions; but I did not then
know nor indeed dream, that there were men and
women in the world wicked enough to invent stories
to mislead the minds of the young and simple.
They were to me veritable histories, the truth of
which it had never entered into my head to call in
question. And so I asked myself why I might
not be as acceptable to fortune as others who had
stood in need of her favors, and boldly sought
them at her hands; and as I could make no

-- 012 --

[figure description] Page 012.[end figure description]

objection to this very reasonable demand, I resolved
at once, that I would set out in quest of a fortune
myself, and trust to that friendly divinity for aid,
who had conferred favors on others no better entitled
to them than myself.

“Yes, yes,” I exclaimed, in the pleasant excitement
of my feelings, “I will prove my cousin a
lying prophet; I will gain a name among men—I
will become rich—my parents shall lean on me as a
staff in their old age, and my sister shall look to
me for support, and she shall not look in vain.”

With such bold exclamations as these on my
lips, and with high resolves in my heart, I fell
asleep, and bright and pleasant were the visions
which visited me in my slumbers. When I awoke
in the morning, I made fresh resolutions to avert
the doom which the sneering prophecy of my
cousin had invoked upon my head; and when I
told my parents of my determination to seek my
fortune in the world, they made fewer objections
than I had anticipated. In truth, I believe my
father was not at all displeased to have the responsibility
of providing for me shifted from his shoulders
to mine; and my mother was so sanguine of
my success, that she could not find it in her heart
to oppose my wishes. Indeed, she had always
said I should some day get to be governor,

-- 013 --

[figure description] Page 013.[end figure description]

and my early ambition she considered as an earnest
of my future greatness. But my poor sister
did nothing but cry at the prospect of our being
parted, and for her sake I should have been willing
to give up all my ambitious designs.

After many days spent in debating the subject,
it was at last determined that my father should
furnish me with all the money he could raise, and
that I should proceed to New York, and seek for
employment as clerk in a counting house, it being
agreed on all hands that that was one of the genteelest
avenues which led up to the temple of the fickle
goddess; for it was a primary consideration with
my parents, that whatever I did should be done
genteely. But I made a mental reservation myself,
that fortune should not be rejected, let her
approach in what guise she might, but particularly
if in the shape of a young and beautiful heiress.
My plan of operations having been determined
upon, no time was lost in getting me ready for my
entrance into the world. Although my wardrobe
was by no means extensive, it required a great
many days to complete all the ripping and altering
which my mother considered necessary. I thought
there would never be an end to the preparation
for my departure; but at last the end came, and
unfortunately, the last article of dress which my

-- 014 --

[figure description] Page 014.[end figure description]

mother completed was a white Marseilles vest,
which she had altered out of an old one of my
father's, but it was so bespotted with tears and
snuff I was never able to wear it; I prized it more
highly, notwithstanding, than I did my new coat,
which was made at the tailor's. Very much to
my surprise, I succeeded in packing all my clothes
into a small hair trunk, which had been a travelling
companion of my father's many years before; the
corners of it were secured with strong iron clamps,
and the top was studded with my initials in brass
nails; altogether, I thought it made a very grand
appearance, and felt very proud of it. All things
being prepared, the night before my departure was
spent in talking over with my parents and sister
the great things that I was to accomplish in the
world; and every moment I felt myself increase
in importance, as the time drew near when I
should not only be uncontrolled in my actions,
but should also have the care of making provision
for my own wants.

As you, gentle reader, have no doubt known
the sad feelings of one who leaves his home for
the first time, it would be superfluous to relate
what mine were on this melancholy occasion.
Were I a poet, or, indeed, had I any other object
in view than simply to make a record of my

-- 015 --

[figure description] Page 015.[end figure description]

adventures, this would afford me an excellent opportunity
for dilating to the very edge of endurance
upon this most interesting period of a man's life.
But I shall spare the reader any further reflections
on this momentous occasion; and in the next chapter,
we will take our seats together in the stage
coach, and so proceed on.

-- 016 --

CHAPTER IV. The departure and the journey.

[figure description] Page 016.[end figure description]

The day had just begun to show itself in the
east, when the rattling of wheels was heard approaching
nearer and nearer, and presently the
shrill notes of the stage driver's tin horn saluted our
ears. It was the signal for me to get ready, and
I obeyed it as well as I could; but my eyes were
so blinded with tears, I could scarcely see to do
any thing. I kissed my mother and sister again
and again; and when the coach stopped at the
door, I was ready with my trunk, and prepared to
step in. My father alone had followed me out,
and while the driver was securing my baggage,
he took my hand, and gave me a few words of

“Your mother, Harry,” said my worthy parent,
“is, of course, entitled to your affection, and it is
your duty to obey her in all things, as the good
book says; but, you must be aware, that women
are not the fittest persons in the world to give advice
to young men on their entrance into the
world; therefore, when her advice comes in opposition
to mine, your own good sense will tell you

-- 017 --

[figure description] Page 017.[end figure description]

that mine is entitled to your first consideration.
Never, my son, be ashamed or afraid of speaking
to any body, either to solicit a favor, or for any
other purpose; bear in mind that men are but
men, and there is no station whatever can make
more of them; we are all very much alike, and
you can judge from your own feelings that there
is no man so good as not to feel secretly flattered
by the attention of any body who will notice him.
And let me once more remind you never to eat
an egg out of a tumbler; nature, my son, has bestowed
more care upon eggs than upon her other
productions, and has furnished in their shells the
vessels out of which they should be eaten.”

The driver having strapped on my baggage,
my father put a small roll of bank bills into my
hand, saying it was all he had to give, me, and
that I must use it with discretion. I squeezed his
hand in reply, jumped into the coach, and the next
minute I was fairly on my journey. The first
bound of the coach imparted life to my feelings,
and I should very soon have been in a high state
of excitement, but we soon came to a dead halt at
the post office, where we were kept waiting half an
hour or more for the post master to make up his
mail bags. At length the mail bags were ready,
and again we started, and again we stopped; it

-- 018 --

[figure description] Page 018.[end figure description]

was at the tavern, and here we were forced to
wait another half hour for the driver to get his
breakfast. The passengers all kept their seats,
and some of them grew very impatient at the delay.
One threatened to write an article and put
into the papers, and others proposed appointing a
committee to wait on the driver, and request him
to hurry with his breakfast; but while they were
debating the matter, he made his appearance with
a cigar in his mouth; but instead of jumping on
to the box, as he ought, he stood talking quite
composedly with the hostler about his horses. A
little gentleman who sat along side of me, dressed
in a satinett frock coat and a white cravat, put his
head out of the window, and spoke to the driver.

“Capting,” said the passenger, “I wish you
would be so good as to let us be going, if you

“O, I presume there's no occasion for hurrying,”
said the driver. “Yes there is though, you
pisen critter,” said another passenger, “for I shall
have a note protested if I don't get to Simpsonville
before three o'clock.”

But the impatience of the passengers had but
little effect upon the driver, who continued to puff
his cigar, and talk to the hostler; when he did
mount the box, however, truth compets me to say

-- 019 --

[figure description] Page 019.[end figure description]

that he drove in handsome style. Good humor
was soon restored among all the passengers but
one, a very pale faced man, with a bombazine
stock, who remarked that whoever served the public,
whether he held the reins of government or of
a stage coach, ought never to be behind the
wishes of his employers.

“No politics if you please, mister,” said a red
faced gentleman; upon which the discontented
passenger drew his chin within the circumference
of his bombazine stock, and said not a word.

This was the first coach I had ever seen the inside
of, and it appeared to be a very grand affair.
The cushions were stuffed very curiously with spiral
wires, and some of them had worked through
the leather, and at every jolt of the carriage they
scratched me very unpleasantly, besides making a
rent in my trowsers, which I could not very well
conceal. The gentleman who sat behind me said
his great objection to wire cushions was, that they
attracted the electric fluid in a thunder storm. But
I was glad to observe from the bright face of the
sky, that there was no danger of a storm before
our journey would be at an end. There were just
nine passengers, and but one female among them;
she sat opposite to me on the front seat, but as she
wore 2 green hood, I had not been able to catch a

-- 020 --

[figure description] Page 020.[end figure description]

glimpse of her face. A very finely dressed young
gentleman sat next to her, and from his magnificent
appearance, I set him down for the governor's
son at the least; for I had then no idea of the
cheapness of finery, or that a governor's son could
dress in any other than the very genteelest clothes.
He wore a lilac calico shirt, with a little ruffle
bristling in the bosom, and a cameo breast-pin almost
as large as a saucer; he appeared quite unconscious
of there being any body in the coach
besides himself, for he amused himself by whistling
a tune, and occasionally tapping the side of his
long nose with a little ebony stick which he carried
in his hand. After we had travelled some
distance, he turned to the young lady, and asked
her if she didn't consider Bulwer a very powerful

The young lady raised her head, so that I
caught a glimpse of her face, and replied in the
sweetest, gentlest voice I had ever heard, that she
had never read his works.

“What! never read Pelham,” exclaimed the
magnificent gentleman, in apparent astonishment.

“I have not, indeed,” replied the young lady,
more sweetly, if possible, than before.

“Then I pity you,” said the supposed governor's

-- 021 --

[figure description] Page 021.[end figure description]

As this remark seemed expressive of disrespect
for the young lady, I thought I had a right to resent
it, for I had conceived a liking for her the
moment she spoke.

“I have not read Bulwer either,” I said smartly.

“Then I pity you,” said the gentleman.

I felt highly indignant at this cool reply, but I
remembered the advice which my father gave me,
never to speak when I was in a passion, and so I
bit my lips and remained silent.

“Is Pelham a good thing?” inquired one of
the passengers.

“It's splendid,” replied the gentleman; “so

After this, there was a good deal of conversation
on various subjects among my fellow travellers,
all of which I remember very distinctly, for
I noted the leading ideas at the time in my memorandum
book; but as I have doubts about its
possessing much interest for the general reader,
I shall relate no more of it.

I had made up my mind to be very polite to the
young lady on the very first occasion which should
offer; but, when we stopped at the Eagle Tavern
to dine, instead of helping her out of the carriage,
my attention was so completely absorbed by the

-- 022 --

[figure description] Page 022.[end figure description]

exhibition of a monstrous circus handbill, that I
left that delicate duty to be performed by the Lambert-like
landlord of the tavern. As I stood gazing
with intense curiosity at the grotesque figure
of the clown in the handbill, somebody struck me
a smart blow with a rattan across my shoulders,
which caused them to smart not a little, and turning
around briskly, I perceived it was the finely
dressed gentleman with the calico shirt, who had
given me this gentle tap; I felt strongly disposed
to be angry, but as he seemed to consider it a
good joke, I thought it was one of the ways of
the world; and I remembered that my father had
told me, that if I set myself up in opposition to
them, I should have a rough time of it.

“Come, Colonel,” said the gentleman, slapping
me on the shoulder, “what'll you take?”

“Nothing, I thank you,” I replied, “I have
taken enough already.”

“What! don't you liquorate?”

I shook my head, for I did not exactly understand

“Don't drink, hey?”

“Sometimes,” I answered.

“What! temperance man? Signed a pledge?”

“No, I have not signed a pledge not to drink.”

“Then you shall take a horn, so come along.”

-- 023 --

[figure description] Page 023.[end figure description]

And so saying, he dragged me up to the bar.
“Now what'll you take? julep, sling, cocktail, or
sherry cobbler?”

“Any thing you choose,” I replied, for I had
not the most remote idea what the drinks were
composed of which he enumerated.

“Then give us a couple of cocktails, bar-keeper,”
said the gentleman, “and let us have them as
quick as you damn please, for I am as thirsty as
the great desert of Sahara, which old Judah Paddock
travelled over.”

I was shocked to hear such language from a
gentleman who dressed so genteely, and who professed
to be an admirer of Bulwer; but I kept
my thoughts to myself, and watched the bar-keeper
as he mixed the cocktails: they were a mixture
of gin and water, and sugar and nutmeg, and a
few drops of a red liquid, which he poured out of
a little cruet like an ink bottle with a quill stuck
in the cork.

My companion tossed off his cocktail almost
at a single swallow, smacked his lips, and pronounced
the gin damn'd splendid. But the splendor
of the gin proved too much for my unpractised
throat, for in my attempt to imitate my companion
in pouring down the cocktail, it almost took away
my breath, which gave the black hostler and the

-- 024 --

[figure description] Page 024.[end figure description]

bar-keeper such lively pleasure that they came near
laughing themselves into convulsions.

The bell soon rang for dinner, and I followed
my fellow traveller into the dining room, and took
a seat at table by the side of a jolly looking double-chinned
gentleman, who, as he drew his chair
up with one hand, reached out the other and
seized a covered dish, one half the contents of
which he emptied into his own plate; and I emptied
the remainder into mine.

“That's right,” said the double-chinned gentleman,
“always eat oysters at a place like this,
because you can eat them quick; no bones to
bother you, toast soft, too, nice and brown.
What's that, mace? mace, I declare! Capital!
What a fat one! it just fills up the mouth, touches
all the organs of taste at the same time, and leaves
nothing to be desired. Delicious! what a fat
one! Lovely! I knew a man once, an acquaintance
of mine—first rate, ain't they?—an
acquaintance of mine who—best stew I ever sat
down to!—'quaintance of mine who—lovely!—
most expeditious eater I ever knew; never was
gone from his store more than fifteen minutes to
his dinner; in twelve months eat himself into dyspepsia;
next twelve, into consumption; travelled

-- 025 --

[figure description] Page 025.[end figure description]

on a railroad for his health; next twelve months
on his way to kingdom come—in his grave.”

“He was expeditious,” I said, drawing a long
breath, and laying down my spoon as I finished
the last oyster upon my plate. The double-chinned
gentleman finished his at the same moment,
although he had been talking all the while,
and I had not spoken a word.

“Very, indeed,” he said, in reply to my remark,
“very expeditious. He lived wretchedly,
but he died rich.”

“Poor fellow!” I exclaimed.

“Poor fellow,” he repeated; “why he was president
of a bank; poor fellow, indeed! he left a
great estate. But don't waste time; let me help
you to a piece of this steak; how do you like it?
speak quick.”

“I have no choice, I thank you, sir,” I replied.

“What, no choice, no choice, bless me!”

“None, sir.”

“Then, my friend, do allow me the pleasure of
choosing for you. What a steak! how rich! what

The ejaculations of my jolly companion, and
the sight of the juicy steak, caused my mouth to

Delicious, ain't it?” he said.

-- 026 --

[figure description] Page 026.[end figure description]


“Very indeed, very, how tender; what bread!
Salt, sir?”

“Thank you.”

“Stop a moment, don't disturb it; let me tell
you a secret. When you sit down at a table, always
look at the salt first; you will find it a sure
index of the quality of the fare, nine times out of
ten. Never knew it to fail. Now look at this,
ain't it a gem? none of your finical flutings and
notchings about it; but a piece of plain unpretending
glass, polished like a diamond. How
nicely it is filled, how smooth and white on its
surface: it looks like a piece of alabaster inserted
in a crystal. How fine and spotless! look, it
scarce touches the steak before it is dissolved; not
a particle of it will grate against your teeth, but
its delicate flavor will gratify your palate without
your being at all aware that you owe an exquisite
enjoyment to so common an article as salt. See,
the little heap on the side of your plate looks like
a snow flake just fallen.”

“Salt is certainly a great thing,” said the gentleman
with the lilac shirt, who sat opposite, and
who had been listening, with his knife and fork
suspended, to the remarks of my double-chinned

-- 027 --

[figure description] Page 027.[end figure description]

“'Tis indeed, a very great thing, very indeed.”

“Quite an article of commerce,” said the other.
“I should'nt wonder if Congress laid a duty
upon it.”

“I should'nt wonder,” replied the jolly gentleman,
winking slyly at me.

“Where on earth does salt come from?”

“Knowing, aint he?” said the jolly gentleman,
aside to me.

“Quite an extensive assortment on the table,”
remarked the elegantly dressed gentleman, apparently
ambitious of being noticed by the double-chinned
gentleman. But his sagacions remark
gained him no further notice from the object of
his attention, for just at that moment the tin trumpet
of the driver was heard, and a general rush
took place from the dinner table to the bar-room,
and after paying half a dollar a piece for our dinner,
we scrambled into the stage again; the young
lady, I blush while I write it, was handed in by
the driver, after all were seated.

“Do you know the name of that individual
who helped you to steak?” asked the supposed
governor's son in a whisper.

“No, Sir, I do not,” I replied; “do you?”

“I know him all to pieces,” replied the gentleman.

-- 028 --

[figure description] Page 028.[end figure description]

“Who is he; some great man?”

“He is so. He is the celebrated Mr. Bulbief,
the importer of spool cottons.”

I looked again at Mr. Bulbief, but he had covered
his face with his pocket handkerchief, and
was apparently sound asleep. I should soon have
dropped asleep myself—but I sat on the middle
seat, with a gentleman each side of me, who commenced
smoking segars, very much to my annoyance.
I thought it was ungentlemanly, and I had
a good mind to have told them so, for the smoke
made me deadly sick; but I bore in mind my father's
saying, “that in private, as well as in public,
the will of the majority ought to be the law, even
though the minority suffer in consequence;” and
I bore the nauseous smoke from principle as long
as I could, for I supposed there was a point of endurance,
beyond which rebellion would be justifiable.
When they lighted fresh cigars, I ventured to hint
that the smoke might not be agreeable to the
young lady. Whereupon one of the smokers replied,
“that he would not smoke another cigar if it
was productive of the least discomfort to her; but
he presumed the fragrance was rather pleasant
than otherwise, as he smoked none but the best regalias,
which cost him three cents apiece.”

“I should be sorry to deprive the gentleman of

-- 029 --

[figure description] Page 029.[end figure description]

a pleasure,” replied the young lady, very much
to my mortification.

“I thought so,” replied the smoker, lighting
another cigar.

-- 030 --

CHAPTER V. The Steamboat.

[figure description] Page 030.[end figure description]

It was dark when we reached the landing place
on the river, and we had but just time to get our
baggage on to the dock, before we heard the distant
ringing of the steamboat bell, which was soon
followed by the noise of her wheels splashing in
the water, and the hissing of the steam, and then
the boat herself came in sight, vomiting forth
smoke and fire. It was the first steamer I had
ever seen, and the dim outline of her huge form,
partially illuminated by the lights on her deck, as
she floated past on the dark bosom of the river,
filled my mind with extravagant and grotesque
ideas of her size and shape. As I stood gazing
at her with absorbing curiosity, a small boat suddenly
darted up to the dock with the velocity of
lightning, the sparkling white foam rising from
her bows like a snow drift. Two men jumped on
to the dock, and began to throw the baggage into
the boat, and one by one, my companions in
travel all disappeared. I was completely bewildered,
and at a loss what to do with myself.

-- 031 --

[figure description] Page 031.[end figure description]

“Bear a hand,” cried a gruff voice from the
boat, “or you'll be left.”

“Why don't you get in, boss?” said one of the
men on the dock.

“I don't see how I can,” I replied, looking
over the end of the wharf. Without more ado,
somebody gave me a push, and I tumbled headlong
into the boat; fortunately, I lighted upon a
heap of carpet bags, and although I was not much
hurt, I was most terribly frightened. The boat
was drawn with amazing velocity through the water,
and we were very soon alongside of the steamer.
The passengers scrambled on board, but as
I had so far recovered my senses as to perceive
my beautiful fellow traveller sitting in the stern
of the boat, I resolved not to let this last opportunity
escape of showing my gallantry, and seeing
somebody near her, I stepped briskly past, and
asked her if I should have the pleasure of assisting
her out of the boat; she thanked me very
sweetly, and took hold of my extended hand; but
as I stepped back my foot slipped, and I fell my
whole length in the bottom of the boat. When
I got upon my feet again, she was gone. I hobbled
on board the steamer, but I could see nothing
of her; I had caught her pocket handkerchief
in my fall, and as I could not find her to

-- 032 --

[figure description] Page 032.[end figure description]

restore it, I put it into my pocket, to keep in remembrance
of her.

The deck of the steamboat was crowded with
passengers, and a little bow-legged negro was running
about, with a bell in his hand, crying out,
“passengers what hasn't paid his passages ull
please call to the capn's office and set-tel.” So
I obeyed the call of the little negro, and having
paid my passage, I ascended a pair of stairs close
by, and found myself alone on the upper deck.
There was no moon, but the stars were shining in
all their brightness and beauty, and by their light
I could trace the outline of the banks of the river,
which rose high above my head in black and indistinct
masses. The water looked black and cold,
and the night wind was damp and chilly. Below,
all was light and life; but here, a step removed, all
was solitary, dark, and still. I took the handkerchief
of my beautiful fellow-traveller from my pocket
and kissed it, and pressed it to my heart; I felt
very grand, and clasped my hands together, and
looked up to the stars, but blushed as the thought
crossed my mind, that they might be intelligent existences,
which were looking down into my breast,
and reading my thoughts.

I now felt that I was in reality afloat upon the
wide world, ignorant of its ways, with no definite

-- 033 --

[figure description] Page 033.[end figure description]

object of pursuit, and with but slender means of
support. I thought of my mother and sister, and
my eyes filled with tears. Vague and indistinct
apprehensions of evil rushed through my mind,
and I looked forward to the termination of my
journey, and the return of day, with dread. And
then I called to mind the scornful prediction of my
proud cousin, and the feelings it awakened absorbed
all others. I threw my hands above me with
a feeling of confidence and pride, and I vowed
never to despair, nor to slacken in my exertions,
until I had attained to wealth and fame, and proved
my haughty cousin a liar.

To prevent a return of dull and gloomy forebodings,
I left the upper deck, and found my way
down into the cabin, where the brilliancy and
gayety of the scene completely staggered me; so
great was the change from darkness and solitude,
to light and revelry. The cabin was crowded with
passengers; some were lolling on the sofas; some
were reading; but the greater part were clustered
around the card tables, where they were playing
for money. My fellow traveller in the lilac shirt
was dealing out the cards at one of these tables,
and after dealing them round for a few times, he
exclaimed, “vantoon,” and without more ceremony,
he caught up a little heap of sixpences and

-- 034 --

[figure description] Page 034.[end figure description]

shillings, and rose up from the table; and seeing me
standing by, took me by the arm, and would make
me drink with him at the little bar at one end of
the cabin; and then we went on deck together,
when he pulled out his pocket book, and asked me
to accept his card; it was as follows:





Presented by J. Lummucks.

I read this card over and over several times before
I could exactly understand its import; but the
thought occurred to me that it was intended for an
introduction, and that my new friend must be Mr.
Lummucks. I felt very much embarrassed, for I
had no card of my own to return, and I was at a
loss how to make myself known to him.

“Mr. Lummucks, I presume?” I said, inquiringly.

“Yes, sir,” replied the gentleman, lifting his hat.

“I have no card about me,” I said, “but my
name is Franco.”

“Mr. Franco, how do you do,” said Mr. Lummucks,
taking my hand and shaking it very

-- 035 --

[figure description] Page 035.[end figure description]

warmly, as though he had met with an old friend after a
long separation, “I am very happy to see you.”

“I am very well, I thank you, sir,” I replied,
with as much solemnity as though I had an insurance
upon his life, “how is your health?”

So our introduction being over, we talked quite
freely again, and I thought Mr. Lummucks was
the noblest hearted, the genteelest, and the finest
fellow breathing; and I looked upon it as a very
favorable omen, that I should in the very outset of
my career, gain the friendship of so fine a gentleman.
Finding that I was unacquainted in New
York, he invited me to go with him to the City
Hotel, where he lived. I promised to do so, and
we parted for the night.

Being tired and sleepy, I went down into the
cabin again to go to bed, but to my amazement, I
found not only all the births occupied with sleepers,
but all the settees, and chairs, and tables. I looked
all about, but I could find no vacant spot to
stretch myself out upon. The cabin was very warm,
and the air disagreeable, and the music of three or
four hundred men snoring in concert, was any
thing but pleasant. I went on deck again, and
having found a vacant place, I spread out my plaid
cloak and lay down to sleep. Seeing something

-- 036 --

[figure description] Page 036.[end figure description]

round and glossy near me, and supposing it to be
a pumpkin, I rested my head upon it for a pillow,
and should very soon have been fast asleep, but for
the difficulty of keeping it steady. It kept rolling
away from under my head, till at length I caught
hold of it with both hands, determined, if possible,
to keep it still.

“Murdther! murdther! murdther!” cried out a
voice close by my ear. I started up affrighted, and
half a dozen men, in red shirts and begrimed faces,
came running to the place where I lay, when I discovered
by the light of a lantern, which one of
them carried, that the pumpkin which I had been
trying to keep under my head, was the bald pate
of a drunken deck passenger. When I had succeeded
in convincing the men that I had no murderous
designs upon the deck passenger, I crept
away to another part of the boat, and was soon
fast asleep.

When I awoke, it was broad day light, the boat
had arrived at the wharf, and the passengers were
hurrying ashore; I jumped up and rubbed my
eyes, very much alarmed, for fear that Mr. Lummucks
had gone off and left me; but luckily I
found him, and he called a coach, and we rode up
to the City Hotel together, where I was

-- 037 --

[figure description] Page 037.[end figure description]

accommodated with a room in the fifth story; it was a weary
long way up to it, and when I got there, I felt no
disposition to go down again. I had never been
so far from the earth before.

-- 038 --

CHAPTER VI. My first dinner at a Hotel, and the consequences of taking wine too freely.

[figure description] Page 038.[end figure description]

Having thrown myself upon the bed, I slept until
the bell summoned me to dinner. I dressed myself,
and hurried down to the dining room; and seeing
at a glance that there was no standing upon
ceremony, took a seat at one of the long tables,
which were spread the whole length of a very long
room. I eat a plate of black looking soup which
was placed before me, and then waited to be helped
to something else, but nobody spoke, nor even
looked at me. There was a constant shouting of
“waiter! waiter! waiter!” and a confused noise
of the popping of corks, the rattling of dishes, and
the smacking of lips, enough to have confused my
senses, if they had not been sharpened by hunger.
The gentleman who sat at my left hand, was a lank
cadaverous looking personage, with long black
hair, and keen glossy eyes; he wore a white cambric
cravat, tied in a large bow knot in front, the
projecting points of which had intercepted not a
few droppings of tobacco juice; he spoke in a
drawling effeminate voice, but in a peremptory

-- 039 --

[figure description] Page 039.[end figure description]

manner, to a stout negro man who stood behind
his chair, and jumped at his commands with the
greatest alacrity, while I could not get a waiter to
listen to me. There was a decanter of wine standing
between this gentleman's plate and mine, with
a piece of paper stuck round the neck, on which
was marked No. 49, which I took for the number
of the cask out of which it was drawn.

Finding that nobody was disposed to help me
to anything to eat, I thought I would help myself
to something to drink. “Is this Madeira?” I
asked of my left hand neighbor, pointing to the

“I imagine not, Sir,” he replied sharply; “I
kind o'reckon its sherry.”

“Is it indeed,” I said; “then I will try a glass of
it in remembrance of my father, for I have often
heard him say that sherry was his favorite wine.”
So I filled my glass, and drank it off with a good
relish, for it was smooth and finely flavored.

“That's right cool,” said my neighbor, fixing
his keen eyes upon me.

“Yes it is,” I replied; “I guess it has been iced.
I believe I shall try another glass.” And so I
took hold of the decanter again to help myself,
upon which the sallow faced gentleman started
upon his feet, and squealed out, “You infernal

-- 040 --

[figure description] Page 040.[end figure description]

son of a northern abolitionist, I will teach you to
drink a gentleman's wine;” and at the same time
seizing a table knife, he made a pass at me, which
I fortunately dodged, and seized hold of the decanter
of wine, and aimed a blow at his head,
which would infallibly have cracked his skull, had
not the big negro interposed his head, and caught
the decanter in its descent upon his own wool,
thereby saving his master's head, but not his wine,
for the decanter was shivered into a thousand pieces,
and its contents flew over me and my antagonist.
My next impulse was to lay hold of a dish
of cranberry sauce, with which I might have
been more successful than with the decanter, but
before I had time to reach out my hand, I was
surrounded by a dozen, or more, men, who caught
hold of me, and dragged me out of the room, amid
a wild uproar of voices, which sounded in my ears
like the yells of demons. They dragged me
through the hall into a small room adjoining, two
having hold of my collar, and a stout fellow
hold of each arm. Some eight or ten men followed
into the room, and then one of them stood
with his back against the door to keep the others
from crowding in. Somebody on the outside
knocked and kicked very hard against the door,
and demanded entrance on the score of his being

-- 041 --

[figure description] Page 041.[end figure description]

one of the gentlemen of the press. But the man
who was guarding the door refused to move, and
the gentleman of the press on the outside gave
another savage kick, and swore that the public
should be informed of the outrage it had suffered,
in the disrespect shown to his person.

Among the gentlemen who were admitted into
the room, was an elderly man with gold spectacles,
and a high bald forehead; they called him
“judge;” his heavy black eyebrows, and a protuberant
under lip, gave his face an expression of
sternness, and I trembled as he bent his eyes upon
me. He took a piece of paper and a pencil out
of his pocket, and asked me my name, and where
I was from; but I was so terrified I could make
no reply to him, but burst into tears.

“Don't be frightened, sir,” said the judge,
quietly; “nobody shall harm you, unless indeed
you deserve it very richly, which I am inclined to
believe is not the case.”

After a few sobs, which I could not suppress, I
told the judge my name, where I was from, and
the particulars of the affray, without being at all
aware of the offence I had committed.

“Ha! ha! ha!” roared the judge, as I concluded
my account; “I see through it all, I think;

-- 042 --

[figure description] Page 042.[end figure description]

you did not attempt, then, to entice away the gentleman's

“A slave!” I exclaimed, in amazement, “I
never saw a slave in my life.”

“Well, well; but how is this, colonel?” said
the judge, addressing one of the gentlemen, “you
said you could swear you saw the young man put
a tract into the nigger's hand.”

“Well, I wish I mought never see ole Virginny
agin, if I could'nt a took a right smart oath I seen
him do it, any how; but praps I was mistaken, it
mought a been a napkin.”

“Very likely it was,” said the judge.

“Hows'ever,” said the colonel, “I'll take my
oath I seen him, if you wish; but as the young
gentleman says himself he did'nt done it, I reckon
I might as well not.”

“So I reckon,” said the judge. “Well, gentlemen,”
he continued, “I think you must be pretty
well satisfied of the young gentleman's innocence.”

“O, perfectly,” they all replied, without appearing
to have any will of their own about the

“I am satisfied if you is, judge,” said the colonel,
“but as you and I were at college together,
I should like just to swear to something to oblige

-- 043 --

[figure description] Page 043.[end figure description]

The judge thanked him for his kind feelings,
but said there was no particular occasion just

For my own part, my amazement and terror
increased ever moment, and I was expecting to
hear sentence of death pronounced upon me, when
the judge cleared up all the mystery which hung
about the proceedings. “Let me advise you, Mr.
Franco,” said the judge kindly, “the next time
you feel an inclination for a glass of sherry, to
call for a bottle yourself, and not to drink another
gentleman's, unless he should offer it to
you. I don't know what the custom may be where
you were raised, but such things won't do down
south. That gentleman whose wine you made
free with with, was no less a person than the Honorable
Sylvanus Spliteer, the celebrated southern
orator, and these gentlemen are his particular
friends, who, hearing something said about abolitionists,
for their ears are very quick to catch
any thing that is said on that subject, and seeing
you and the orator in an antagonistic position,
they very naturally concluded that you were trying
to entice away his black boy, who was waiting
upon him at table.”

I did not think the conclusion was a very

-- 044 --

[figure description] Page 044.[end figure description]

natural one, by any means, but I felt no inclination to
dispute the point.

“But I am very happy to find that all the difficulty
has arisen from a very natural mistake of
yours, in supposing that the wine upon the dinner
table, like the brandy and the butter, was for the
benefit of the public.”

Although the explanation of the judge had relieved
my fears, yet I felt so mortified and abashed,
in finding that I had been guilty of a gross breach
of good manners, that my face burned with shame,
and I could not raise my eyes from the floor. But
one of the gentlemen having stepped out of the room,
returned again, bringing Mr. Spliteer himself with
him, who having heard all the particulars, shook
me heartily by the hand, and insisted on my returning
to table, and drinking a bottle of wine
with him. The judge, and the colonel, and the
other gentlemen, said they would join us, and of
course I could not refuse so kind an invitation; so
we all returned to the dining room, where, as the
orator himself expressed it, the remainder of the
afternoon was spent with “a perfect looseness.”

I must confess that, after this, the titles of judge
and colonel lost something more than half their
awe inspiring influence over me; for such songs,
and such speeches, as came from the mouths of

-- 045 --

[figure description] Page 045.[end figure description]

these gentlemen, I never listened to before nor since.
Even the orator himself outdid the colonel. The
other gentlemen, one of whom was a doctor, and
another a major, told several stories, and related
circumstances which they swore had happened to
themselves, although I had read of the same things
in an almanac when I was a little boy, and I remembered
that my grandmother told me they had
happened when she was a girl. I have no distinct
recollections of the manner in which the dinner
terminated; but I remember very vividly, that I
found myself, the next morning, lying on my
chamber floor, with a burning thirst, and a violent
pain in my head.

-- 046 --

CHAPTER VII. Shows with what ease a man may enter into a commercial speculation, when he has the means and the inclination so to do.

[figure description] Page 046.[end figure description]

I had as yet seen nothing of the city; so after
breakfast, not being able to find my good friend Mr.
Lummucks, I ventured to take a stroll through
Broadway alone, to see the sights, and put myself
in the way of fortune. I had not rambled far,
when I caught sight of a little red flag hanging
upon a pole which was stuck out of a shop door,
and hearing a man talking very loud inside, I stepped
in, to see what was going on.

It was a little narrow place, hung round with
lithographic prints, and double barrelled rifles, and
duelling pistols, and other works of art, both instructive
and destructive. There was a counter
in the centre of the shop, and at one end of it, elevated
on a high stool, stood a little bald headed man,
with protuberant black eyes and prominent front
teeth. He had a little ivory hammer in his hand,
which he flourished about with great earnestness,
cyring out all the while, “a hof, a hof, a hof, a
hof,” till at last he struck the counter fiercely
with it, and said, “Mr. Smit takes the lot at

-- 047 --

[figure description] Page 047.[end figure description]

eighteen and a hof.” There were two or three
gentlemen standing about the counter, but I could
not discover that they took the slightest interest in
what was going on.

“Now, gentlemen,” said the man with the hammer,
“I will give you very great pleasure; you
shall all bless your lucky stars, which has superinduced
you to enter this store at this present time.
I shall now, gentlemen, put up lot number twenty
one, and it must be sold to the highest bidder,
pos-i-tive-ly — it must indeed, upon my honor.
Here, gentlemen, is something worthy the very
highest consideration of connoisseurs, amateurs,
and epicures; it is indeed. You see, gentlemen,
it is a most magnificent rose wood casket, all inlaid
with the mother of pearls and divers other waluable
minerals, very rare to be got or obtained. But,
gentlemen, before I open this casket, and dazzle
your precious eyes with the contents thereof, let
me tell you its history.

“This casket, gentlemen, is the property of a
wirtuous young orphan lady, which lives in the upper
part of the city, who is reduced to the unfortunate
extremity of disposing of a part of her personal
effects, because she done so many charitable
acts to the poor, and therefore it must be sold.
Why don't you bid!”

-- 048 --

[figure description] Page 048.[end figure description]

So saying, he opened the casket, and emptied
its contents on to the counter; they consisted of a
necklace, a pair of ear rings, a silver bodkin, a
needle case, a musical snuff-box, and a cameo
breast pin. They all looked bright and new, and
for aught that I could discover, were none the
worse for wear.

“Come, gentlemen,” exclaimed the little man,
flourishing his hammer, “why don't you bid! I
shan't take offence at any thing, say two hundred;
one hundred; any thing to start with; say fifty dollars;
the casket alone is worth five times the money.
Any gentleman as wants to make an operation, has
now a beautiful opportunity to make four or five
hundred dollars, by purchasing this splendid article.
Has'nt he, Mr. Isaacs?”

“You may well say that, Mr. Shooda,” said
the gentleman addressed; “any shentleman is a
fool which does'nt buy that bargain at any price.”

The demon of avarice whispered in my ear that
now was my time to turn a penny, and I resolved
to bid for the casket, and so lay the foundation of
my fortune. And then the blood rushed to my
cheek at the base thought of taking the advantage
of a poor orphan girl's necessities to enrich myself;
and then I resolved I would do no such thing.
But as the auctioneer went on setting forth the

-- 049 --

[figure description] Page 049.[end figure description]

value of the casket, and the low price at which
he would sell it, I reasoned with myself thus: if I
do not buy the casket, another will; and if I do
buy it, and give more for it than another would, of
course I shall do a good deed, and while I enrich
myself, I shall benefit the poor orphan girl. And
then I thought it might possibly belong to the beautiful
young lady, my companion in the coach, for
whom I felt so great a regard, and if it should be
hers, with what pleasure I would restore it to her.
This last thought overcame all my scruples, and I
determined to buy the casket at all hazards.

I am ashamed to confess that, although these
thoughts did pass through my mind, still it was the
desire of gain that influenced me. So easy is it,
when we do a mean action, to flatter ourselves
that it is from good motives we do it.

“Do you think he would take a bid of fifty
dollars?” I asked of the gentleman whom the
auctioneer addressed as Mr. Isaacs.

Mr. Isaacs had a nose both high and long, and
his eyes were very black, but large and heavy;
his hair was black and crispy, and he had a stoop
in his shoulders; he wore a blue frock coat, with
a black velvet collar, and altogether his dress had
a second hand appearance. Upon my putting
this question to him, he drew me aside, and

-- 050 --

[figure description] Page 050.[end figure description]

whispering in my ear, told me not to bid as high as fifty
at the first going off, although he didn't believe the
auctioneer would sell the casket for less than two or
three hundred dollars; and then, in a very solemn
manner, he advised me not to let the opportunity
slip of buying the casket. And he told me upon
his honor as a gentleman, that he would buy it of
me the very next day at just double the money
which I might give for it, if I should buy it, protesting
that he would bid it off himself, if he had
not left his pocket book at home.

So good an opportunity to make money, I was
fearful might not occur again very soon, and I
resolved to make the most of it. And according
to the advice of Mr. Isaacs, I bid thirty dollars for
the casket.

“For shame, for shame,” exclaimed the auctioneer,
“to bid thirty dollars for a magnificent
article like this.”

I blushed very red, and bid forty.

“Forty, forty, forty, forty, forty, and five, did
you say; five, five, five, five, five.”

I did not hear any body bid five, but as the auctioneer
had said that nods and winks would
be taken as bids, I supposed that some gentleman
had given him a sly wink.

“Forty-five, forty-five, forty-five, forty-five,

-- 051 --

[figure description] Page 051.[end figure description]

forfive, forty-five,” he exclaimed with astonishing
rapidity, and just as he was on the point of letting
fall his hammer, I bid fifty.

“Fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty, fifty,” he exclaimed
more than fifty times, my heart all the while beating
time to the flourishes of his hammer, 'till it
descended to the counter, and I found myself the
purchaser of the valuable casket, and its contents,
for the very small sum of fifty dollars. I paid for
it immediately, and to make sure of it, wrapped it
up in my pocket handkerchief, and tucked it under
my arm.

Mr. Isaacs said I had made a great purchase,
and tried to persuade me to stop and bid for something
else; but I was too much elated, and in too
great a hurry to get to my chamber, and glut my
eyes with my treasure.

As I left the store, I heard a loud whistle, and
suddenly turning my head, I perceived Mr. Isaacs
with his cheeks distended like a bladder, and his
broad lips screwed up like the mouth of a tightly
drawn purse, whistling with all his might; but
I was so eager to get to my chamber that I did
not turn back to inquire the cause of it.

-- 052 --

CHAPTER VIII. A school for morals, and the beginning of an adventure.

[figure description] Page 052.[end figure description]

At the tea table I met Mr. Lummucks; he had
heard of my encounter with the great orator from
the South the day before, and he laughed heartily
at my blunder, and said, if I would put myself
under his tuition, he would soon make a man of
me, and learn me what life was. By way of giving
me an introductory lesson, he said, I must go
to the theatre with him that evening; and as he
offered to pay for my ticket, I did not feel at
liberty to refuse.

As I had often heard the theatre spoken of as a
school for morals, I was not much surprised to
meet a good many people there whose morals
seemed to stand in need of a pretty severe schooling;
for my own part, I do not think my own
morals were much the better for any thing that I
saw or heard while there.

Mr. Lummucks said he was acquainted with all
the principal actors and actresses, and he promised
to take me behind the scenes, and introduce me
to some of them, but first he took me up two or
three flights of stairs into a long room with green

-- 053 --

[figure description] Page 053.[end figure description]

walls and red moreen curtains, with a bar at one
end, behind which were half a dozen yellow women
serving out cakes and coffee, and all manner
of liquors. There were a great many young ladies
moving about, some with gentlemen, and
some without, but all very gayly dressed, and very
free in their manners; indeed, one of them had
the boldness to ask me to treat her to an orange,
which I did, and then she asked me to treat her
to a glass of cordial, which I could not refuse to
do, because she was a lady, and I judged from
the familiar manner in which Mr. Lummucks
spoke to her, that she was an intimate acquaintance
of his. Another young lady came up to me,
and offered me her card, which I took, and promised
to call on her. Mr. Lummucks appeared to be
perfectly at home; he called one Bess, another
Sue, and another Liz. If this, I thought, is the
first lesson in life, I shall not be astonished at any
thing which I may meet with hereafter.

I heard a great clapping of hands and stamping
of feet, and as I began to grow tired of the
company I was in, I made an excuse that I wanted
to see the play; so I went out of the punch room
into the gallery to see what had called forth the
clapping of hands, and to take a lesson in morals.
On the stage, which was a long distance below

-- 054 --

[figure description] Page 054.[end figure description]

me, were a man and a woman singing with all
their might, with their hands stretched out as if
imploring mercy from the audience. He was tall
and thin, with sunken cheeks, which were, notwithstanding,
very red; and she was short and
fat: they were both dressed in the strangest looking
clothes I had ever seen, but apparently very
richly. I listened attentively, but I could not understand
a word of the song, and the musicians
kept up such a noise I was hardly able to distinguish
the tune. I must acknowledge that I was
greatly disappointed in the exhibition; but it
would be wrong in me to condemn what I could
not understand, and, as some do, pronounce every
thing bad which is above my comprehension.

Not feeling any interest for the people on the
stage, I began to look around among the audience,
and soon discovered something more interesting
and beautiful than I had anticipated. There
were a great many ladies among the audience,
who, being dressed in gay clothes, gave a bright
and beautiful appearance to the theatre; but the
lights were so glaring, and the whole scene was so
strange to me, it was some time before I could look
composedly, and view in detail the lovely beings
who were clustered together in the circle below
me. When my eye had become more familiar

-- 055 --

[figure description] Page 055.[end figure description]

with the scene, and my perception keener, as I
glanced from group to group, my attention was
suddenly arrested by a beautiful girl, who sat in
the lower tier of boxes, dressed in white, and looking
like a lily in a bed of tulips. Upon looking
at her more attentively, I was electrified at discovering
in her my gentle companion of the stage
coach. It gave a momentary shock to my feelings
to find one whom I had, in imagination, invested
with a pure and holy character, breathing
the atmosphere of such a place; but descending to
the next tier of boxes, I took a seat opposite to her,
and soon became so completely absorbed in the
contemplation of her beauties, as to be insensible
to every thing else. She was very beautiful, and
having gazed on her for hours, I thought her image
was stamped upon my heart, and that it would
be ever present to the eyes of my mind; but when
I could see her no longer, and I tried to recall her
to my mind, it was in vain; I could only remember
that I had seen a being of light and loveliness,
but the form she wore had left no distinct impression
upon my memory.

She sat between an elderly gentleman, and a
lady apparently older than herself, to whom she
occasionally spoke; and I thought I could distinguish
the gentle tones of her voice above all the

-- 056 --

[figure description] Page 056.[end figure description]

noise of the orchestra and the hubbub of the pit.
When the performances were ended, I hurried
down to the lobby, that I might catch a parting
glimpse of her as she left the theatre. I saw her
come out leaning on the arm of the elderly gentleman
who sat by her side, and I got as close to
her as I dared, hoping to catch the sound of her
voice. They stood on the steps a few minutes,
until a carriage drove up, into which they got with
the other lady; the footman banged too the door
and got up behind, and away they drove. I stood
for a moment almost bewildered, and then darted
off in pursuit of the carriage; I ran with all my
might, and hard work I had to keep it in sight.
It was a weary long chase, up one street and down
another, 'till at length, when I was quite exhausted,
and scarcely able to move another step, the
sweat pouring from every pore in my body, and
my wind quite gone, it stopped in front of a brick
house opposite to a large square filled with trees.

The party got out of the carriage, and the old
gentleman handed the ladies up the steps of the
house. “Good night, uncle,” said the youngest
lady, in a voice which I could have distinguished
among all the babel tongues of the world. “Good
night, Georgy, good night,” said the old gentleman.
The door closed upon the ladies, and the

-- 057 --

[figure description] Page 057.[end figure description]

old gentleman stepped into the carriage again,
and drove off.

I sat down opposite to the house, under the
shade of the trees, to recover my breath; and
having rested myself, I very reluctantly quitted
the spot; but not until I had noted down the number
of the house, and read the name on the silver
door plate; it was simply, “Mrs. Smith.”

It was past midnight when I got back to the
hotel, but I found Mr. Lummucks sitting in the
bar-room, drinking and smoking with two or three
bilious looking gentlemen, whom he introduced
to me as merchants from Mississippi. Mr. Lummucks
tried to make me sit down and smoke and
drink with them, but I resolutely refused, notwithstanding
the Mississippi merchants joined in the
request, promising me that they would tell me a
mighty big heap of good stories, and that the way
they would amuse me would be sinful to a christian.
But I was in a hurry to be alone in my
chamber, where I could shut my eyes upon the
world, and think only of her who had enchanted

When I got to my chamber, I locked the door,
and took out the pocket handkerchief, of which I
had by a lucky accident become the possessor, and
having pressed it to my heart, spread it out for

-- 058 --

[figure description] Page 058.[end figure description]

examination, with the hope of discovering about
it some clue to the name of its owner. It was a
beautiful bandkerchief; the material was of a
delicate texture, surpassing any thing of the kind
I had ever seen before; it was edged with broad
lace, and the corners were curiously embroidered
with fruits and flowers, the like of which I had
never seen in nature; on one of the corners was
a scroll, surrounded by a wreath of roses, and on
it was printed, in delicate little letters, “Georgiana
De Lancy.” I pressed the name to my lips, and
kissed it a thousand times, and did many other
foolish things, 'till at last growing weary, I lay
down upon my bed with the handkerchief in my
hand, and dreamed that the lovely Georgiana was
hovering over me, poised in the air by a pair of
purple wings, the gentle motion of which fanned
the cool air across my brow.

-- 059 --

CHAPTER IX. Getting into a Newspaper.

[figure description] Page 059.[end figure description]

In the course of my limited reading, I had met
with accounts of men who had become famous by
accident, and gained an immortality without having
labored for it; but, I had never, in my wildest
dreams, imagined that such a lot would be mine.
I did, indeed, indulge in the pleasing hope of
achieving fame and fortune, but I did not expect
to have notoriety thrust upon me at the very commencement
of my adventures.

The morning after my visit to the Theatre, I
was sitting in the bar room of the hotel, reading
the morning papers, when I was startled at seeing
my own name in print. The sensations which I
experienced on the occasion, can be imagined by
those who have found themselves unexpectedly in
a newspaper. I was seized with such a fit of
trembling, that it was some time before I could
gather my senses sufficiently together to enable
me to read the following article, which fully accounted
for the mark of distinction which had
been bestowed upon me.

Serious Affair.—We have been at great pains

-- 060 --

[figure description] Page 060.[end figure description]

to gather the particulars of the late disgraceful
outrage at the City Hotel, knowing the anxiety
of the public mind in relation to this event, and
feeling the full weight of the responsibility which
rests upon our shoulders, as public journalists, to
furnish our subscribers,—who, we are proud to say,
are daily increasing, having added more than two
thousand to our lists within the last week, which
we happen to know, is more than the entire subscription
of any of our cotemporaries,—with the
latest and most correct in formation.

“Now we distinctly charge, that our contemporary,
with whose vile name we will not soil our
columns, has presented his readers(?) with a garbled
and incorrect statement of the transaction
alluded to, notwithstanding he knew we were in
possession of the entire particulars of the affair,
which we had obtained at a great expense, and
with vast trouble. However, we feel ourselves
touched in a very tender point, and we shall condescend
to hold the wretch personally accountable;
and were it not beneath the character of a gentleman
to bandy terms of abuse with a blackguard,
we should call him an ingrained villain, a brute
dyed in the wool, a dirty contemptible creature
who could not speak the truth, though it were for
his interest to do so, and who never does stumble

-- 061 --

[figure description] Page 061.[end figure description]

upon it, unless he surreptitiously filches it from our
columns; but we will not make use of the homely
phrases of our vernacular; we forbear; we have
no wish to take the bread out of innocent lips.
We understand our contemporary has an interesting
family dependent upon him; but how he came
by anything interesting, is to us a matter of astonishment,
and, indeed, we doubt the fact. We leave
the creature to work his own ruin, and hasten to
lay the particulars of this gross outrage before
our numerous readers, premising, merely, that a
paper is left at our office for signatures, requesting
the Mayor to call a meeting of our fellow citizens
to express their feelings on the subject.

“One of those pestiferous vermin, a travelling
abolitionist, by the name of Franco, had the unparalleled
audacity to enter the City Hotel
yesterday, and endeavor, by his damnable arts, to
entice away the faithful slave of the Honorable
Sylvanus Spliteer, the chivalric orator of the
South, who being at his dinner, and having just
finished a plate of oxtail soup, a delicacy than
which none know better how to concoct than the
worthy hosts of the City, and having taken a decanter
of sherry in his hand for the purpose of
taking wine with a distinguished Senator, and
perceiving an attempt made by the at olitionist to

-- 062 --

[figure description] Page 062.[end figure description]

force an incendiary pamphlet into the hands of his
honest negro, with that promptness peculiar to
southern climes, and with that indignant energy
with which the chivalry of the South defend their
rights, jumped from his seat, and, with unerring
aim, hurled the decanter at the head of the fanatic.
But unfortunately the decanter was shivered to
pieces instead of the head, and the shrivelled creature
got his hide well soaked with good wine, a
piece of good luck which, we will venture to assert,
never befel one of the fraternity before. We regret
to add, that Franco was allowed to escape
without farther chastisement.

“Now we sincerely deprecate any attempt at
violence or an infringement of the peculiar privileges
of the law, but there are cases, which of necessity
must occur, which call upon the high-souled
and the chivalrous to take the law into their own
hands, and inflict summary punishment. This
may be one of those cases; we do not say it is, and
therefore if any violence should be committed, let
no one lay the blame at our door. We have not
recommended a coat of tar and feathers, neither
have we made any allusions to the salutary effects
of a ride upon a rail.

“Franco's first name, we gather from the books
of the Hotel, is Harry; he is a youngish person,

-- 063 --

[figure description] Page 063.[end figure description]

apparently not more than twenty-one, of a fair
complexion, light blue eyes, and chestnut hair. His
clothes are healthy in their appearance, that is,
they appear never to have suffered from a fit of
any kind.”

Having always believed implicitly every thing
which I saw in print, I could hardly persuade myself
that I had not been guilty of the outrage of
which I saw myself accused. I felt all the shame,
at least, of a real culprit, and hung down my head
and pulled my hat over my eyes for fear of meeting
the scornful glances of the men who were moving
about me. I was terrified beyond measure at the
allusion to the coat of tar and feathers, and a ride
upon a rail. The prophecy of my haughty cousin
flashed across my mind, and now, I thought,
the time of its fulfilment had come. The unfeeling
allusion to my clothes filled me with indignation;
for my mother had exhausted her skill, and
her strength too, in making them, and I thought they
fitted me to a hair. I sat in a corner of the bar-room,
with apprehension, trembling and expecting every
moment that violent men would lay their hands
upon me, when I heard the voice of Mr. Spliteer
himself in the bar-room. I rose up, and with tears
in my eyes, showed him the paper, and begged him
to screen me from the threatened violence. He

-- 064 --

[figure description] Page 064.[end figure description]

read the article, and laughed heartily at it, which
I thought showed a great want of feeling in him;
but he could well afford to do so, for he got a
good deal of praise at my expense.

“Don't be alarmed, young man,” he said, “abuse
and misrepresentation are the unavoidable penalties
of newspaper notoriety. I have had a heap of
it in my day, I can assure you, and I care nothing
for it now; but I must confess it did grind me
at first no ways slow. As for tar and feathers, and
a ride upon a rail, dont care a fig about them;
there's not a bit of danger; nobody cares any
thing about a newspaper, for although there is
nothing which men read more eagerly, there is
nothing which they heed so little, not even their
Bibles. However, to make all sure, I will take it
upon myself to see the Editor, who is a personal,
as well as a political friend of mine, and to-morrow
you shall see that he will contradict every
word he has said to-day in relation to you. And
now, do me the favor to drink a julep with me,
and you will feel better, I dare say.”

I thanked the honorable Mr. Spliteer for his
kindness, for I did not know how to refuse,
and I had, moreover, a curiosity to know
what a julep was. He gave the necessary orders
to the bar-keeper; and after a great display of

-- 065 --

[figure description] Page 065.[end figure description]

nutmeg graters and muddling sticks, and of sousing
and flourishing of tumblers by the latter gentleman,
the juleps were mixed; and the honorable
Mr. Spliteer himself reached me one of them, for
it would have been quite beneath the dignity of
the bar-keeper to have stooped so far below his
proper level as to have acted in the capacity of a
waiter. What the ingredients were of which the
juleps were composed I could form no idea; there
was a bunch of green mint in the tumbler, topped
off with a cap of snow, and a slender glass tube
was stuck in the middle. As I had never seen a julep
before, I watched the motions of the orator before
I touched the glass; he drew his tumbler up to him
and applied his mouth to the tube, and I did the

“Are you fond of juleps?” he asked, taking
a long breath.

“Very,” I replied, for I found it very palatable.

“So am I,” said Mr. Spliteer, “I like them
because they are so wholesome.”

“Are juleps healthy, then?” I inquired.

“Very,” he said, drawing another long breath.
My father drank so many juleps, that when he
died the mint sprouted up all over his grave, and
one of these days you will see it growing on

-- 066 --

[figure description] Page 066.[end figure description]

“I hope not,” I replied.

“Do you, indeed,” said the chivalrous orator,
“why so?”

“Because,” I answered, “I hope you will never

“Good, good,” he exclaimed, apparently highly
delighted, “right good, considering you tried
only yesterday to break my head with a decanter.”

“You must expect when you take wine, that it
will get into your head,” I replied.

“So I do,” he said, “but not through my
skull.” And then he laughed very heartily, and
I laughed too, and said a thousand other foolish
things. Having sucked the last drop out of our
tumblers, Mr. Spliteer ordered two more juleps,
and told the bar-keeper to make them stiff.

I have not a very clear recollection of what occurred
after drinking the second julep, neither do
I remember exactly how many I did drink; but I
know I felt very valiant and very witty, and that
I threw a tumbler at the head of the bar-keeper,
and told the honorable Mr. Spliteer that he looked
like a bilious baboon. And, I was afterwards
told, that I soon grew stupid and sleepy, and was
taken up into my chamber, and put to bed by some
of the waiters.

-- 067 --

CHAPTER X. Recovering from a Julep.

[figure description] Page 067.[end figure description]

Had I been philosopher enough to have doubted
the truth of a spiritual existence independent of
the body, the effects of the juleps would have
cured me of skepticism forever. It is a curious
fact, that when the senses are benumbed with the
fumes of strong drink, and our limbs can no longer
perform their offices, and we fall down drunk,
stupid, insensible—our bodies deprived of all sense,
sympathy or feeling; when the noble mansion,
which was created for the in-dwelling of our immortal
spirit, has been prostrated by our own follies,
and become a mere heap of breathing matter,
and all of our faculties are benumbed by the
fumes of strong drink, and all of our sympathies,
and feelings, bodily and mental, are paralyzed
and drunken, then our souls, as if exulting in the
release, which our deadened bodies give them, or
as if ashamed of the disgraced habitations to
which their destiny has assigned them, spread out
their wings, and soar away to scenes where the
body is incapable of accompanying them. At
least such was the case with me, for although I

-- 068 --

[figure description] Page 068.[end figure description]

lay on my bed stupid and insensible as a log,
never before was my mind so actively employed
as then, and never did my fancy play such wild
and fantastic tricks, or bear me so high on her
wings, in my sober moments.

It was late in the afternoon when I roused up,
and found myself upon my bed with my clothes all
on. It was a long while before I could convince
myself that I was not somebody beside myself,
and I should have rubbed my eyes and doubted
for a long time, had I not been impelled by a burning
thirst to go in search of water; luckily there
was a goblet full in my chamber, which I soon
emptied, and by degrees became convinced that
I was indeed nobody but myself; a very uncomfortable
conclusion to arrive at, for I should just
then have been glad to have been convinced that
I was anybody in the world besides myself, for I
felt very wretched. Although I soon established
my own identity, I could not easily separate and
distinguish the transactions of the past two days
from the transactions of my drunken visions.

My father was very particular, when I left home,
to caution me against eating an egg out of a wine
glass, but he never said a word about abstaining
from juleps. It was wrong in me to blame him
for my own misdeeds, but I could not help

-- 069 --

[figure description] Page 069.[end figure description]

thinking, that, if he had cautioned me against drinking,
I might have been spared the bitter feelings which
I then experienced. The prophetic words of my
cousin were constantly ringing in my ears, and
the reflection that I might, by my own folly, have
aided to bring on their fulfilment, filled me with
grief and shame. I had not yet done any thing
towards bettering my condition, and I made fresh
resolves not to let another day pass without making
a vigorous effort to obtain employment. But
the saddening thought came over me, that I was
without friends, and I knew not to whom I could
apply for help or advice, and I had not even fixed
in my own mind what kind of employment I should
seek. But I had met with nothing but kindness
thus far, and I felt assured that I should still meet
with kindness and polite treatment; for if men
would, when unsolicited, show me kindness and
favor, surely when I did solicit them they would
grant it more readily. Thus I reasoned with myself,
and very sound reasoning I thought it.

Of all the men whom I had seen, none had
treated me half so politely as Mr. Lummucks.
I never met him, but he would make me drink with
him; he slapped me across the shoulder with the
familiarity of a brother; he would make me go to
the Theatre with him, and he would pay for my

-- 070 --

[figure description] Page 070.[end figure description]

ticket; if I sat near him at table, he would send
me his wine, and after dinner he would offer me a
cigar, although I always refused it; he had given
me his card on board the steamboat, and he had
since pressed me to call at his store and see him.
What but the kindliest feelings, and the most generous
nature, could cause a man to show such civilities
to a stranger. Fortune, I thought, had
evidently thrown me in his way, and I determined
to second her endeavors to help me along, by
applying to him for assistance in procuring a
situation; and, I had not a doubt, but that a gentleman
of his benevolent feelings, would be very
glad of an opportunity of doing so.

With these soothing and comfortable reflections,
I lay down again, to sleep off all effects of my
dissipation, that I might get up in the morning
refreshed and invigorated, and better prepared to
prosecute my schemes for defeating the malicious
prophecy of my cousin. And so I fell asleep, and
dreamed of my mother and sister, and of the
beautiful Georgiana. For all the cares and
anxieties and disappointments of this wicked
world, cannot deprive us of the privilege of visiting,
in our dreams, the gentle beings whom we love.

-- 071 --

CHAPTER XI. Tells of my reception by Mr. Lummucks, and of the manner in which that polite gentleman answered my solicitations.

[figure description] Page 071.[end figure description]

Having dressed myself in my very best clothes,
which, to tell the truth, were my very worst also,
I set out, soon after breakfast, in search of the
store of Messrs. J. Smith Davis & Co., whose
names were on the card which Mr. Lummucks had
given me.

It was a bright and pleasant morning; the
streets were full of life and animation, and every
thing looked promising and joyous to me. Men
were hurrying past me in every direction, with
looks full of business and importance, and I
thought, where all seemed to be so well employed,
and in such haste, there could be no difficulty in
finding something to do. But, as I was not stinted
for time, I did not hurry myself, and walked
leisurely along beneath the awnings, stopping
occasionally to gaze at the heaps of goods which
were displayed in the stores, or to read some curious
sign which attracted my attention. After a
while I succeeded in finding Hanover Square,
which I was astonished to find was triangular in
shape, and soon discovered the large gilt sign of

-- 072 --

[figure description] Page 072.[end figure description]

Messrs. J. Smith Davis & Co. Luckily, Mr.
Lummucks was standing in the door with his hat
off, and his hair brushed down smooth and glossy.
As soon as he saw me, he caught me by the hand,
and dragged me into the store.

“How are you this morning, Colonel?” he

“Very well, I thank you,” I replied, speaking
as respectfully as I knew how; “are you well?”

“Fine as silk,” said Mr. Lummucks.

I was glad to hear him say so, and congratulated
myself upon finding him in such a pleasant

The store of Messrs. J. Smith Davis & Co.
was not very large, but it was crowded with goods
to the very ceiling, and in the middle of the floor
were long piles of calicoes, about which were
several young gentlemen, as busily employed as
bees in a hive.

A very little man approached us from the further
end of the store, jerking his little arms and
legs with the precision and ease of an automaton.
His dress was new, and bright, and neat. Mr.
Lummucks introduced me to him. He was no
other than Mr. Smith Davis himself, the principal
of the firm. I was almost struck dumb to see so
much importance confined within so small a

-- 073 --

[figure description] Page 073.[end figure description]

compass. He shook me cordially by the hand, and
asked Mr. Lummucks if he knew me.

“Know him like a book,” replied Mr. Lummucks.

Mr. Smith Davis shook me by the hand again,
and said he was very happy to see me; he asked
me how the times were, and offered me a cigar,
which I took for fear of giving offence, but the
first opportunity I got I threw it away.

“Buy for cash, or time?” he asked.

I was a little startled at the abruptness of the
question, but I replied, “for cash.”

“Would you like to look at some prints, Major?”
he asked.

“I am much obliged to you,” I replied, “I am
very fond of seeing prints.”

With that, Mr. Smith Davis commenced turning
over one piece of calico after another, with
amazing rapidity.

“There, Major,—very desirable article—splendid
style—only two-and-six; we done a first rate
business in that article last season; cheapest goods
in the street.”

Before I could make any reply, or even guess
at the meaning of Mr. Davis's remarks, he was
called away, and Mr. Lummucks stepped up and
supplied his place.

-- 074 --

[figure description] Page 074.[end figure description]

“You had better buy 'em, Colonel,” said Mr.
Lummucks, “they will sell like hot cakes. But
did you say you bought for cash.”

“Of course,” I said, “if I buy at all.”

He took a memorandum book out of his pocket,
and looked in it for a moment.

“Let me see,” he said, “Franco, Franco,
Franco, what did you say your firm was, something
and Franco, or Franco and somebody?”

“I have no firm,” I replied.

“O, you haven't, haven't you? all alone, hey?
but I don't see that I have got your first name down
in my tickler.”

“My first name is Harry,” I said.

“Right, yes, I remember,” said Mr. Lummucks,
making a memorandum; “and your references,
Colonel, who did you say were your references?”

“I have no references,” I replied, “indeed I
know of no one to whom I could refer, unless to
my father.”

“What, the old boy in the country?”

“My father is in the country,” I answered seriously,
not very well pleased to hear my parent
called the old boy.

“Then you have no city references, hey?”

“None at all, sir; I have no friends here except

-- 075 --

[figure description] Page 075.[end figure description]

“Me!” exclaimed Mr. Lummucks, apparently
in great amazement. “Oh, ah! But how much of
a bill do you mean to make with us, Colonel?”

“Perhaps I may buy a vest pattern,” I replied,
“if you have got some genteel patterns.”

“A vest pattern,” cried Mr. Lummucks, “what,
hav'nt you come down for the purpose of buying

“No, sir,” I replied, “I came to New York to
seek for employment, and as you had shown me
so many kind attentions, I thought you would be
glad of an opportunity to assist me in finding a

Mr. Lummucks' countenance underwent a very
singular change when I announced my reasons for
calling on him.

“Do you see any thing that looks green in
there?” he said, pulling down his eyelid with his

“No, sir, I do not,” I replied, looking very earnestly
into his eye.

“Nor in there, either?” he said, pulling open
his other eye.

“Nothing at all, sir,” I replied.

“I guess not,” said Mr. Lummucks; and without
making me any other answer, he turned on his
heel and left me.

-- 076 --

[figure description] Page 076.[end figure description]

“Reg'larly sucked, Jack?” asked a young
man who had been listening to our conversation.

“Don't mention it,” said Mr. Lummucks.

“No you don't,” said the other.

Mr. Lummucks walked up to Mr. Smith Davis,
and whispered in his ear a few words, upon which
that little gentleman turned round, and frowned
upon me most awfully.

I was about to demand an explanation of this
strange conduct, when Mr. Smith Davis came up
to me, and told me he was not a retailer, but a jobber,
and advised me if I wanted to negotiate for
a vest pattern to go into Chatham street.

My first impulse was to take Mr. Smith Davis
up in my arms, and give him a good smart cuff on
his ears. But I restrained my indignation, and
merely remarked to him, that if he was not a retailer,
he was in a remarkably small way.

“Leave my store, sir,” said Mr. Smith Davis,
turning very pale.

“Don't be frightened,” I said, “I would not
stay in it upon any account.” And without more
ado I did leave it; but with feelings very different
from those with which I had entered it. To meet
with such a rebuff upon my first application for assistance,
was a cruel disappointment to me, and I
could scarcely refrain from tears. I thought of

-- 077 --

[figure description] Page 077.[end figure description]

my poor mother and sister, and above all of my
cousin's prophecy, and my heart sunk within me.
It was not until I had gone to my chamber, and
given vent to my feelings in a flood of tears, that
I could regain my self-possession, and revolve in
my mind some other plan of operations.

I sat opposite to Mr. Lummucks again, at dinner,
but he did not even give me a look of recognition.
I thought it was well, perhaps, that I had
met, at the very outset of life, with such an instance
of hollow heartedness and deceit, as it would learn
me forever after to be on my guard in my intercourse
with strangers, and not to put too much dependance
upon their professions of friendship, until
I had an opportunity of testing their motives.

Mr. Lummucks, I found out afterwards, was a
drummer, who, having been sent out to drum up
customers for his employers, was returning home
when I met him in the stage coach, and imagining
that I was a country merchant, on my way to New
York to purchase goods, he endeavored, by his
attention, to lay me under an obligation to make
my purchases of his employers.

-- 078 --

CHAPTER XII. A change of quarters, and a new friend.

[figure description] Page 078.[end figure description]

I found that the high rate which they charged
me for board at the hotel, would soon exhaust my
slender means, so I applied at a genteel boarding
house in Pearl street, kept by a Mrs. Griggs, and
agreed with her for a bed in a room with only five
other young gentlemen; the price which she asked
was something less than half what they charged at
the hotel. I was very glad to make the exchange,
for I was not only continually annoyed by the sight
of Mr. Lummucks, but by the frequent mention of
my ludicrous encounter with the Southern orator.

The first time I dined at Mrs. Griggs's, I was
reminded of the advice given me by my fellow
traveller, about the salt cellar, for on casting my
eyes upon that piece of table furniture, I perceived
that it did not indicate a very sumptuous dinner:
it was a little gilt edged glass dish, with a piece
broken out of each corner, and its contents were
coarse and damp; consequently I was prepared to
find the soup cold, the mutton overdone, the vinegar
sweet, and the salad warm. But, thanks to the
poverty of my parents, I had learned to eat my

-- 079 --

[figure description] Page 079.[end figure description]

dinner without finding fault with its quality, always
satisfied if it was not deficient in quantity; and although
I flattered myself I could distinguish a good
meal from a poor one, I could be content with

Mrs. Griggs's boarders were all young gentlemen,
fashionably dressed, apparently full of fun,
and with most excellent appetites. Their greatest
care seemed to be who should eat the greatest
quantity in the shortest space of time. I must confess
I could not but regard them with feelings of
envy, for they were mostly clerks in counting
houses and stores, and I knew it was employment
which gave them such light hearts and happy faces.
They were somewhat rude in their behavior, but,
as it was the rudeness of buoyant spirits, and not
of ill nature, there was nothing offensive about it.
A very tall young gentleman, with a ring on his
forefinger, and a gold chain round his neck, filled
the office of carver, and his perquisites of office
were, as a matter of course, sundry little pieces of
the outside, which he contrived very ingeniously
not to touch when he was helping round.

“Mister Barilla, will you, if you please, sir,”
said one of the young gentlemen to the carver, “be
so kind as to send me, per bearer, a small invoice
of that mutton?”

-- 080 --

[figure description] Page 080.[end figure description]

“Sorry to be under the disagreeable necessity
of informing you, sir,” said Mr. Barilla, “have
none remaining in first hands, but will be'stremely
happy to send you this tumbled lot,” pointing to a
scrag on the side of his plate.

“Not as you know on, you may say to your
friends when you write home,” replied the other.

“I say, Mrs. Griggs,” said another, “hav'nt
you a very good memory, mem?”

“Why yes, sir,” said Mrs. Griggs, “I believe I
have, I was never called unforgitful; my husband
used to say I was very good at remembering
things. Why did you ask, sir?”

“Nothing in particular, mem, I only wanted to
inquire how long it might be since this bread was
baked?” said the boarder.

Mrs. Griggs blushed very red, but all the young
gentlemen tittered as though they were highly delighted
at this piece of wit; but for my part, I
looked upon it as a piece of great rudeness, and I
did not even smile.

“I will tell you what I do remember,” said Mrs.
Griggs to the quizzical boarder, “and that is, that
you hav'nt paid your last month's board, you impudence,
and I wish you would, or else leave my
house. A poor widow lady, like me, can't afford
to keep a genteel boarding house for nothing.”

-- 081 --

[figure description] Page 081.[end figure description]

There was a general burst of laughter at this
reply of Mrs. Griggs; and the witty gentleman
turned very red, and looked very sheepish, but he
made no reply.

A young gentleman, who sat at my right, observing,
I suppose, that no one took any notice of
me, and pitying my loneliness, commenced a conversation
with me, by asking if I was fond of Manhattan

“Is it mineral?” I asked.

“I should think it was,” he replied; “it is very
hard, at least.”

“Does it promote longevity,” I inquired, thinking
that my neighbour must be a scientific gentleman,
and that it would be necessary to speak in a
dignified manner.

“It promotes longevity of office,” he replied;
“his honor, the Recorder, drinks a pint before
breakfast every morning, and he has held his office
these twenty years. And the company which supplies
it will live forever, they have got a perpetual

“Indeed,” said I, “that is very curious,” not
knowing exactly what else to say. “Pray, what
are its component parts?”

“Professor Silliman analyzed it once,” replied
my communicative neighbor, “and found it contained
two parts cats and dogs, and the other parts

-- 082 --

[figure description] Page 082.[end figure description]

different kinds of salts, the names of which I have

“Does any body besides his honor, the Recorder,
drink it?” I inquired.

“O, yes, sir, it is drank to a very great extent in
this community — you have been drinking it yourself.”

“O, no, I have never tasted it, I am certain,” I

“O, yes, I am certain you have.”

“No, sir, I have not,” I replied sharply, not
liking to be contradicted in so positive a manner.

“Allow me to insist that you have, sir; that is
the very article in your tumbler.”

At this moment, Mrs. Griggs removed my plate,
and placed before me a saucer full of bread pudding,
and a copper tea spoon to eat it with; but the
remarks of my communicative neighbor had taken
off the keen edge of my appetite, and I rose up
from the table without tasting it.

After dinner, I wandered about the streets until
I was tired and weary, and then I returned to my
boarding house, and went early to bed, with a
vague hope of being warned in a dream of some
piece of good fortune, which might be in store for

About midnight, I was aroused out of a deep

-- 083 --

[figure description] Page 083.[end figure description]

slumber, by the entrance of three of my room
mates; two of them had been to the theatre, and
they commenced singing “Meet me by Moonlight,”
while the third, who had been practising
at a Thespian club, delivered himself of Hamlet's
soliloquy, trying to make my head answer the purpose
of Yorick's skull, which caused a great deal
of merriment; but I twitched my head away,
and drawing the counterpane over it, pretended to
be asleep.

It was not long before my other two room mates
came in. They were firemen. They were dressed
in red flannel shirts, drab jackets and trowsers,
and large leather caps. They were not both members
of the same company, and they began talking
about their respective machines in a very animated
manner, and I expected every moment to see
them get into a fight; but after they had abused
each other, in a shocking manner, for a few minutes,
they suddenly stopped, and joined in the
song of “Meet me by Moonlight.” I ventured
to lift up my head to take a peep at them, when
one of the firemen, a little black haired man, with
steel spectacles, cried out, “hollo! chummy! come
jump out of that, and see the lions dance;” and
without more ado, he took hold of my heels and
dragged me out on to the floor before I had time

-- 084 --

[figure description] Page 084.[end figure description]

to make any resistance. I jumped upon my feet,
full of indignation, but perceiving it was all a joke,
I joined in the laugh, which was raised at my expense,
and was very soon on as good terms with
my five room mates as need be.

They were whole-souled liberal hearted young
fellows, and therefore they would have something
to drink. They cast lots to see who should pay
for the drink, and then drew a card out of a pack
to see who should go after it, and oddly enough it
fell to the lot of the same person to do both; the
amateur Thespian was the unfortunate individual.
He went out to a neighboring bar-room, and soon
returned with a couple of tumblers, and a pitcher
full of mint juleps, which were no sooner drank,
than we were all seized with a desire to sing.

The little curly-headed fireman, it is proper that
I should mention, being pious, refused to drink
any of the juleps, but he lighted a cigar, and almost
suffocated us with smoke.

The breakfast bell rang the next morning before
any of us were awake, but my room-mates
all started up at its summons, and began to dress
themselves with great expedition, and with a most
generous indifference about whose clothes they put
on. There appeared to be a complete abandonment
of all individual ownership in such articles

-- 085 --

[figure description] Page 085.[end figure description]

as shirt collars and stockings, and one of these
free-hearted fellows put on my stockings without
showing the slightest compunction of conscience.
One furnished a bottle of cologne water, and another
a pot of bear's grease; one a hair brush, and
another a comb. But I believe each one confined
himself to his own particular tooth brush; at all
events, I was determined to do so myself.

These young gentlemen made a very genteel
appearance when they were dressed, and I have
no doubt they made a great show in Broadway of
an evening, when they were released from their
business. I could not avoid reflecting on the ease
with which mankind can be imposed upon; and
as I had myself been most grossly deceived by
outward appearances, I determined to be on my
guard for the future, and take nothing upon trust.

I was highly delighted with the profundity of
my reflections, and flattered myself that I had made
a discovery in morals. The reader will discover,
long before he will arrive at the conclusion of my
adventures, in what manner I profited by this great

-- 086 --

CHAPTER XIII. A new field, and another speculation.

[figure description] Page 086.[end figure description]

One of my room-mates was a tall slender youth,
with light blue eyes and whitish hair; he wore a
blue frock coat, with a stand-up collar; a black
stock, and a blue cloth cap very much pulled over
his eyes; he usually carried a little ebony stick
under one arm, and a half-bound book under the
other. Sometimes, when he did not forget to put
them on, he wore a pair of steel bowed spectacles,
the glasses of which were slightly tinged with
blue. He had once been a cadet at West Point, and
he still wore a certain military air, which, although
very easily recognised, would be very difficult to
describe. He was very grand in his conversation,
and made use of the choicest words in the dictionary.
His name was D. Wellington Worhoss.

I was sitting in my room after breakfast, with
my eyes resting on Miss De Lancey's handkerchief,
while the eyes of my mind were looking
into the dim future which the light of my imagination
was beginning to enliven, when Mr. Worhoss
came in, and having pulled off his cap and
gloves, he sat down, and resting his heels upon the

-- 087 --

[figure description] Page 087.[end figure description]

mantel piece, he tipped himself back in his chair,
and without apparently observing that I was in
the room, began to read aloud.

I did not feel myself very highly complimented
by the little notice which Mr. Worhoss took of
me, and to show him that I held him as cheaply
as he seemed to hold me, I opened a book, and
began to read aloud myself. He looked at me
over his shoulder with as much sternness as a
young gentleman with blue eyes and whitish hair
could assume, but perceiving that I showed no
signs of immediate dissolution from the effects of
his glances, he threw down his book, and I did the

Mr. Worhoss and I were, a very few minutes
after, established friends. He swore he would
never desert me, and made me his confidant on
the spot.

I was sorry to learn from Mr. Worhoss that
times were hard. He informed me that the
“House” in which he had been employed as a
clerk, had “bursted up,” and that he was, in consequence,
a gentleman at large. “However,” he
said in a solemn manner, “I don't care a tenpence
about it; I never did like mercantile pursuits. It
indicates a want of soul to be devoted to them.
Business has a tendency to blunt the finer feelings

-- 088 --

[figure description] Page 088.[end figure description]

of our nature, and I will acknowledge to you in
confidence, that I always found it an extremely
difficult operation to adjust my mind to the level
of a counting-room.”

“Ah,” I said, “I should be very glad of an
opportunity to adjust my mind to any occupation
which would yield me a small salary.”

“Be content,” said Mr. Worhoss, “to cultivate
your sensibilities in some gentlemanly manner,
and don't throw away your talents upon trade.
However,” he continued, “if gain is your object,
I can put you in a way of making a handsome
per centage on a small investment.”

I told Mr. Worhoss I should feel myself under
great obligations to him, if he would; that I had
got a little money left, and that I should have no
objection in the world to investing it to a good

“Then you are just the gentleman I wanted to
see,” he replied, taking my hand, and squeezing
it very warmly. “I have written a prize article
for the Mirror, for which I expect to obtain fifty
dollars, and if you will advance me five dollars, I
will return you ten, when I receive the prize.”

I thanked Mr. Worhoss for his liberal offer,
and ventured to ask, if there was not a possibility
of his not receiving the prize?

-- 089 --

[figure description] Page 089.[end figure description]

“Not the slightest in the world,” he replied;
“it is to be awarded by a committee of literary
gentlemen, all men of taste, and they cannot do
otherwise than decide in favor of my article.
But you shall judge, yourself, of the probability
of their doing so. I will read the article to you.”

I told Mr. Worhoss he might spare himself the
trouble, as I had great confidence in his representations.
But, in spite of all I could say, he would
read it to me.

As mankind are prone to wreak their vengeance
on the innocent when they cannot on the offending,
I do not feel myself at liberty to break through
an established custom, as I might thereby subject
myself to be called a fanatic, or some other evil
name; I shall, therefore, revenge myself upon
you, most gentle reader, for the sin of Mr. Worhoss,
by repeating to you the prize article which
that gentleman wrote for the Mirror. Here it is:

Dedicated to the Thoughtful.

Augustus de Satinett was a jobber; a choicer
spirit the region of Hanover square boasted not.

-- 090 --

[figure description] Page 090.[end figure description]

Pearl street and Maiden Lane may have known
his equal, his superior never. He had risen from
junior clerk to junior partner, in one of the oldest
firms. The best blood of the revolution flowed in
his veins; his mother was a Van Buster, his father
a de Satinett; a more remote ancestry, or a more
noble, it were vain to desire. Augustus had a noble
soul, it was a seven quarter full; his virtues
were all his own, and they were dyed in the wool;
his vices were those of his age—they were dyed
in the cloth.

At the time of which I write, Augustus was perfect
in manly beauty; his teeth were white and
even, his lips were finely chiselled, a profusion of
chestnut curls clustered upon his noble brow, and
genius flashed from his hazel eyes. He lifted his
hat to all his acquaintances with an air of easy
dignity, which spoke, as plainly as an air could
speak, that Augustus had travelled in foreign parts,
for he had drummed in Arkansas, and collected
in the lithograph cities of the west.

It required no stretch of classic fancy, in those
who saw de Satinett, to believe that some fond
Pygmalion of the sex, whose existence is a sentiment,
had loved into life a marble Antinous,
which, stepping from his eternal pedestal, had put

-- 091 --

[figure description] Page 091.[end figure description]

on the habiliments with which fashion clothes her

Eugenia Bergenville was the only daughter of a
doting mother. She, Eugenia, and not her mother,
was all loveliness and all sentiment. In her were
all the elements of beauty combined, in parts harmonious.
She was like one of those glorious visions
of light and loveliness, which sometimes visit us
when the soul is warm and plastic, and which leave
upon the tablets of memory, an impression which
time cannot efface.

Her mother had seen much of the world, for she
had once dispensed the culinary offerings of Pomona,
in the temple which bears the honored name
of Fulton; to speak plain, she used to sell kitchen
vegetables in Fulton market. But she had become
rich by the purchase of a lucky ticket in a lottery,
and retired to private life; and all the energies of
her soul were devoted to the education of the young
Eugenia, whom she determined to bring up in the
genteelest manner; with her, to determine was to
do. Eugenia was genteely brought up.

She was an accomplished performer on the piano,
and sang in the Italian style; how could she be
otherwise than accomplished—had she not taken
forty lessons of Goward? Not having a decided
taste for reading and writing, those ordinary

-- 092 --

[figure description] Page 092.[end figure description]

branches were dispensed with, they not being
deemed essentials in a genteel bringing up. But
she knew several French phrases by heart, and she
could sing an Italian song. What more could the
most fastidious desire? But, she could boast of
more. Her dresses were made by Madam Martineau,
who received the Petit Courier by the Havre
packets, direct from Paris, It was the boast of
Eugenia's mother, that her daughter dressed in the
very first style.

Augustus and Eugenia met: the Fates had designed
them for each other; there was, therefore,
no reason why they should be kept asunder. It
was at a benefit ball in St. Tammany that they first
saw each other.

It may be thought by some, that this was an
improper place for two such beings to visit. Perhaps
it was. Charruaud's might have been more
select, or Niblo's a thought genteeler. But perils
are to be encountered wherever youth and beauty
meet; and we have no desire to interfere with the
doings of those peremptory personages, the Fates;
it was by them ordained, that Augustus and Eugenia
should meet within the walls sacred to St.

Many and fair were the forms that graced that
benefit ball. Chatham street sent forth its

-- 093 --

[figure description] Page 093.[end figure description]

beauties, and the Bowery held not back its gay creatures
from the festive scene. Long wreaths of
greens and paper roses, were suspended from the
pillars of the hall, and the gas lights burned with a
brilliancy which made every thing short of liquid
rouge look pale. Augustus danced a pas de trois
with the Misses P., and Eugenia danced a pas de
with Mr. P.

Augustus had no sooner seen Eugenia, than he
felt that his time was come, and he sought for the
master of ceremonies, who wore a white riband in
his button hole, and requested to be introduced.
Now, the master of ceremonies had never seen Augustus
before; but being a perfect stranger, is no
bar at a benefit ball, to an introduction; so the
master of ceremonies took Augustus under his
arm, and introduced him to Eugenia, as his particular
friend. Augustus bowed to Eugenia, and
requested the pleasure of dancing with her in the
next quadrille. Now, Eugenia had engaged herself
for every dance that might be danced, and for
the rustic reel at the close; but feeling that her
destiny was sealed, with an ingenuousness peculiar
to the place, she suddenly forgot all her promises,
and yielded at once to the solicitations of Augustus;
and he had the pleasure, not only of dancing

-- 094 --

[figure description] Page 094.[end figure description]

the next quadrille with her, but of dancing all the
quadrilles that were danced on that eventful night.

Many months did not pass by before Augustus
spoke of marriage; but Eugenia was a child of nature,
and with an artless simplicity, peculiar only to
children of nature, and to the disciples of Madam
Darusmont, she exclaimed, “what is marriage?”

Augustus endeavored to explain to her how it
was necessary, before two souls could be made one,
that some form of ceremony should be submitted
to, although a very trifling one would satisfy the
law; very trifling indeed, compared with its enduring
effects. But Eugenia could not understand
why she could not love and be loved, as purely
and as ardently, without the aid of priests as with.
“What is marriage?” she exclaimed again, in simple
purity of soul; “if it is to love my dear Augustus
better than any other object on earth, better
even than my music master, or my mother, then
am I married already.”

But, if Augustus was satisfied that Eugenia
needed not the ties of the matrimonial statutes to
ensure her felicity, he knew that they were necessary
to ensure his, so he insisted on being married
in the old fashioned manner. Eugenia at last consented,
and one bright and pleasant moonlight
night, they were made one by a Roman Catholic

-- 095 --

[figure description] Page 095.[end figure description]

priest, in his back parlor, in Orange street. The
priest being an Irishman, his foreign accent imparted
a degree of romance to the ceremony;
which, in a measure, softened the feelings of Eugenia,
and made the requirements of the law less
odious to her susceptible soul.

The honey moon had fulled and waned, when I
received an invitation to spend a sociable evening
with Augustus. I found him seated with his wife.
He welcomed me with a cordial welcome, but she
neither looked at me nor welcomed me. An illnatured
observer might have said she was in the
sulks, but doubtless her heart was too full; she was
too happy to speak.

Augustus was a ripe scholar, and he loved to
talk of books. His library was choice and elegant;
it contained Bulwer and Scott complete, and
the “Encyclopedia Americana,” and books of a
graver cast were not wanting; the works of Hannah
Moore held a conspicuous place on his shelves,
and their contents were familiar to his mind: he
had read Coelebs when a boy, and he had the
highest regard for its author; and when speaking
of her, he called her “his Hannah,” and his “favorite
Miss Moore
.” In the course of the evening,
he frequently spoke of her by these familiar names,

-- 096 --

[figure description] Page 096.[end figure description]

which showed the warmth of his affection for his
favorite authors.

Time will pass away even when familiar friends
are discussing their favorite authors. Mrs. de Satinett,
for so we must call Eugenia, began to give
hints, which could not be misunderstood, that it
was time to retire. The rain was pattering against
the windows, and the house was far up town. Augustus
pressed me to take a bed; I could not refuse.
As he showed me to my chamber, he took
my hand, “Belville,” he said, with a solemn earnestness,
“You are not married.”

“No,” I said, “but you are.”

“Yes,” he said, “I feel that I am.”

He could say no more, and I bid him good

My chamber adjoined that of Augustus and his
wife, and as it was a genteel house, the wall was
not so thick but that I could hear the conversation
that passed between them. I was unwilling to do
so, of course, but I could not avoid it.

“I wish I was dead and in my grave,” said

“How can you, my dear, distress me to death,”
said Augustus to this unnatural wish of his wife.

“No danger of your being distressed to death,”
said Eugenia, sobbing.

-- 097 --

[figure description] Page 097.[end figure description]

“What on earth have I done, my dear, to deserve
this?” said Augustus.

“You have broken my poor heart,” said Eugenia.

“My dear, you will drive me mad,” said Augustus.

“No danger of your going mad,” sobbed Eugenia.

“Don't say so, dear, don't; there,” a kiss,
“there, then.”

“Let me alone,” exclaimed Eugenia.

“Oh! oh!” groaned Augustus, “what have I
done or said to offend you?”

I could hear him pacing the room with quick
and rapid strides, and I thought to myself, how
surprising it was, that he did not pursue the only
obviously proper course in such a case. I will not
name the course of action which appeared to me
proper on the occasion, for fear of giving offence;
for I am aware that there are differences of opinion
on this as well as on other subjects.

Eugenia, after sobbing hysterically a few minutes
longer, exclaimed again, “I wish I was dead
and buried.” “Don't, my dear,” said Augustus,
“tempt me to say I wish you were.” “You cruel
wretch,” exclaimed Eugenia, “you are trying to

-- 098 --

[figure description] Page 098.[end figure description]

kill me. To sit there all the evening, before my
face, and talk about that nasty Hannah.”

“What Hannah?” exclaimed Augustus, in
great consternation.

“Your old flame, Miss More, your favorite, as
you call her; to my face too.”

Augustus laughed outright. He expostulated
with Eugenia; he explained to her that Hannah
More was only his favorite author; that he had
never seen her in his life; that she was an ugly old
maid, and above all, that she was in her grave.
But it was all to no purpose, he might have rebuked
the angry sea with as much effect. Eugenia
had no conception of such a thing as a favorite
author; all books were alike to her, from a penny
magazine to a polyglott bible; and as to a book having
been written by a woman, it was something entirely
beyond the circumference of her understanding;
she would not believe a word of it. She would
have it that Hannah More was nothing more nor
less than an old flame, or something worse, of her
lord's. She sobbed, and at last he swore.

How they settled the difficulty for the night I am
ignorant to this day, for I soon fell asleep, and
heard nothing farther of their conversation.

From that memorable night I saw a great
change in Augustus de Satinett; but, why

-- 099 --

[figure description] Page 099.[end figure description]

prolong a painful tale, or dwell upon the events which
prostrated a noble nature. Thenceforth Augustus
knew no rest. Eugenia would sit for hours,
and the only words which would escape her lips,
were, “Miss More.” When he sought his home,
after a day of fatiguing toil, the first sound that
struck his ear, was, “Hannah;” and when he laid
his head upon his pillow, instead of the sweet
spirit of sleep which once closed his eye lids, the
sound of his no longer favorite “Hannah's” name
chased the kind sprite away, and he was doomed
to hear more of Miss More.

At last, Augustus took to gin; but, that old
fashioned alleviator failing to bring relief, he
sought for peace amid the din of battle, and on
the plains of Texas joined the brave spirits who
poured out their blood in the cause of liberty and
land speculations.

When Mr. Worhoss concluded his article, he
exclaimed triumphantly, “what do you think

The truth is, thought I, that fifty dollars would
be an extravagant price to pay for the history of
Mr. de Satinett, but I was afraid to say so, for
fear of offending Mr. Worhoss, so I took out my
pocket book and lent him five dollars, and he gave

-- 100 --

[figure description] Page 100.[end figure description]

me a promise in writing, to return ten dollars in
case he should receive the prize of fifty.

As Mr. Worhoss had been so free in his remarks
to me, I frankly told him what my own condition
was, and asked him to recommended me to some
employment. He advised me to take an office
in Wall street, and commence the brokerage business,
or to open an eating house, or to study for
the ministry. But, as neither of these employments
exactly suited my expectations, he promised
to take me under his protection, and procure a
situation for me immediately, with some respectable

I felt myself fortunate in securing, at so cheap
a rate, the friendship of so accomplished a gentleman
as Mr. Worhoss, and I listened to his
conversation for two or three hours with great satisfaction.

“For my own part,” said Mr. Worhoss, as he
threw his heels over the back of a chair and lighted
a cigar, “I am determined to live easy, to live
well and genteely; and work, I wont.”

“Then you have got a rich father to lean upon?”
I said.

“No, I haven't,” said Mr. Worhoss; “I am
sorry to say it, but, my father is very poor. He
was a member of Congress a good many years,

-- 101 --

[figure description] Page 101.[end figure description]

and as he spent all his time in attending to the
affairs of the nation, of course his own affairs all
went to sixes and sevens; and all he ever got for
his patriotism, was an appointment at West Point
for myself, and a midshipman's warrant for my
brother, who was dismissed the service for sleeping
in his watch; and I left the Point, because I
couldn't brook the restraints that were put upon
my actions. The fact is, I had a penchant for a
remarkably fine turkey cock of the Colonel's,
which I endeavored one Christmas eve to introduce
into my room; and this trifling circumstance,
some how or other, caused me to leave the Point.
But, it is not absolutely necessary to have a rich
father, in order to live without work. Society,
you must know, that is, the civilized world, have
agreed that a few of their number shall live in
ease and elegance, while the many shall work and
sweat like slaves.”

“I knew that such was the case,” I remarked,
“but I never knew before that there was any
agreement about the matter. Pray how long is
it since the arrangement was made?”

“Ever since the flood,” replied Mr. Warhoss,
“and probably long before. I do not positively assert
that there have been any writings drawn up and
signed by the parties, but still the agreement

-- 102 --

[figure description] Page 102.[end figure description]

exists, and it has been strictly adhered to in all ages,
and will be in all time to come, at least in my
time; so I have resolved to make the most of it,
without stopping to inquire into the justice of the

“Ah,” I said, “it is the tyranny of custom, and
not an agreement between the parties that causes
such an unnatural state of things to exist.”

“All stuff,” replied Mr. Warhoss; “how can
you call it tyranny, when the strongest party volunteers
to serve the weakest. Tyranny is an unrighteous
exercise of power over those who are
incapable of resistance. If seven eighths of mankind
choose to endure all manner of privations,
that the remaining eighth may enjoy all manner
of comforts, you may call it infatuation, but call
it not tyranny. However, if you are fond of argument,
I will argue with you about the moon
being made of green cheese, because that is a
subject on which there may be doubts; but to argue
about an established fact is an absurdity.
The truth is as I have stated it to you, and I will
tell you in confidence that I have enrolled myself
in the ranks of the minority who receive tribute
from the majority, but in what manner I shall receive
my portion I have not determined. You, I
perceive, are anxious to join the many, and labor

-- 103 --

[figure description] Page 103.[end figure description]

for us; well, every man to his liking; I shall not
dispute with you in a matter of personal tastes,
but, one thing I will advise you to do before you
proceed any farther; and that is, to have your
head examined.”

“My head,” I exclaimed in astonishment,
“there is nothing the matter with my head.”

“Perhaps not,” replied Mr. Worhoss; “I
mean the developments of your skull, that you
may know what pursuit is best adapted to your
powers of mind, and in which you would of course
be most likely to succeed.”

As this was a point on which I was most anxious
to receive information, I thanked Mr. Worhoss
for his suggestion; and he proposed that I
should go with him to the phrenological rooms of
his friend, Mr. Fingrum; whither I accompanied
him, to submit my head, with all its imperfections,
to the examination of that celebrated philosopher.

-- 104 --

CHAPTER XIV. Like a previous chapter, adds another link to the chain of my adventures, without increasing the intensity of interest which they may have excited.

[figure description] Page 104.[end figure description]

The “phrenological rooms,” were a very small
office in Nassau street, with a dark closet attached
to it. There was a little cupboard in one corner,
filled with plaster busts, and most hideous looking
skulls. In the little closet, the floor of which was
covered with a dirty carpet, sat a lady on a high
stool, with her hair over her face, and Mr. Fingrum
the phrenologist standing over her, poking
his long bony fingers over her head, and calling
out the size of her organs to a pale young man,
who marked them upon a phrenological chart, as
they were announced. Mr. Fingrum was a tall gaunt
man, with a very thin face and a very red nose.
He wore a rusty suit of black, and a dirty white
cambric cravat. Altogether, his appearance was
philosophical in the extreme.

After the manipulation of the lady's head was
completed, and all her organs were properly set
down, she glanced over the chart, apparently with
great satisfaction; but, she thought her “amativ.”
was put down a number too high; upon which,

-- 105 --

[figure description] Page 105.[end figure description]

the phrenologist requested her to take off her
bonnet again, and he re-examined that particular
organ, and decided, that instead of its being rated
too high, it was actually a number too low. He
explained, that the reason why the lady had doubts
about it, was all owing to her “self-esteem” being
so very small.

With this explanation, she appeared entirely satised;
and when she left the “rooms,” she said she
should recommend several of her female acquaintances,
who had very interesting heads, to call on
Mr. Fingrum and be examined.

As the phrenological rooms were conducted on
the strictly republican principle of “first come first
served,” I was forced to wait my turn, and a stout
red faced gentleman next took his seat upon the

Mr. Fingrum hesitated for a minute before he
put his hands upon the head of his sitter, and going
to a glass case, he took out a half decayed skull,
which he appeared to regard with great delight.

“This,” said the phrenologist, with great solemnity,
“is the skull of Saint Paul.”

“What, the apostle!” exclaimed the stout gentleman,
starting upon his feet.

“The very same,” replied Mr. Fingrum.

“Bless my heart, bless my heart,” said the

-- 106 --

[figure description] Page 106.[end figure description]

gentleman, almost turning pale, and taking his seat
upon the stool again, “that ever I should live to
see the skull of Saint Paul the Apostle. Why he
has been dead these eighteen hundred years.”

“No he hasn't,” replied the phrenologist, “you
must remember that Saint Paul was a very old gentleman
when he suffered martyrdom, and that he
was not converted until some years after the ascension.”

“That is true,” said the gentleman, “he has not
been dead as long as I thought at first.”

“I want you should observe, sir,” continued Mr.
Fingrum, while he polished the skull with the
palms of his hands, “that a gentleman may have
a development of very bad propensities, and yet
be the best and noblest of his race. Or rather he
may have organs which might be productive of
evil, but which, under proper guidance, will become
instruments of good. Thus you see that destructiv.
and combativ., which are so fully developed
in Saint Paul, and which once sent him on
an errand of cruelty to Damascus, afterwards, when
his conscientiousness, which you observe is also
very large, had aided the Holy Spirit to work his
conversion, caused him to speak out so bravely
before Festus and Agrippa, and enter valiantly
into the theatre at Ephesus.”

-- 107 --

[figure description] Page 107.[end figure description]

“Well, well, I shouldn't wonder,” said the

Mr. Fingrum replaced the skull of Saint Paul
in the glass case, and commenced the examination
of the stout gentleman, who shut both eyes, and
held down his head as reverently as though Mr.
Fingrum was about to pronounce a benediction
upon him.

The phrenologist pressed his hands upon the
head of his sitter, and began to name over the developments
to his assistant, who sat, pen in hand,
ready to take down his remarks on a chart.

“Amativ. large,” mumbled Mr. F.; “Philoprogenitiv.
full; Adhesiv. large; Inhabitiv. small;
Concentrativ. large; Combativ. very large; Destructiv.
very large.”

“What,” exclaimed the gentleman, opening his
eyes, and turning redder in the face, “do you
mean to tell me that I am a destructive?”

“I say that you have combativeness and destructiveness
very largely developed, and that you
must, in consequence, be addicted to fighting,
and —”

“I say I am not,” replied the gentleman, “and
don't you tell me that again. I am one of the
most peaceable men in my Ward.”

“Perhaps you are,” said the phrenologist, “but

-- 108 --

[figure description] Page 108.[end figure description]

I am not accountable for your developments, and
I must repeat, that your destructiveness is very

“Take your hands off of my head,” exclaimed
the gentleman, jumping up, “and take that for
your insolence, you red nosed ghost.” And without
more ado, he struck the phrenologist a blow
under the ear, which sent him reeling up against
his assistant, who stumbled against the case which
contained the head of Saint Paul, which he overturned,
and smashed the glass plate which covered
that valuable relic. The destructive gentleman
then took his hat, and walked out of the “rooms,”
in a state of high excitement.

The phrenologists got upon their feet again, after
a while, but it was a long time before either could

“That is all owing,” said Mr. Fingrum, as soon
as he had recovered from his fright, “to my cautiousness
being so small; confound it, I wish it was
bigger. I perceived, at a glance, that that man's
self esteem and combativ., would make him a dangerous
subject to handle, and so I showed him the
peculiarities of Saint Paul's skull, to prepare his
mind for what I should be obliged to say about
his own; but I ought to have been more cautious.”

-- 109 --

[figure description] Page 109.[end figure description]

“And was that really Saint Paul's skull?” I

“That, no,” said the phrenologist, “it was the
skull of Gibbs, the pirate. I saw that the man's
marvel. was so large that he would believe any
thing I might tell him; if I had told him it was the
skull of Cain, he would have believed it. But he
shall find that my combativeness is as large as his
own; I will go immediately to the police office
and have him arrested.” And so he took his hat
and cane, and walked off, and I was obliged to
leave the rooms without having my head examined,
a circumstance which I regretted very much, as I
felt myself entirely at a loss to determine what pursuit
my talents best qualified me for. My inclinations
rather leaned to the course which my new
friend, Mr. Worhoss, had marked out for himself;
but I thought it would be prudent to try something
else first before I joined his party.

At the tea table I met Mr. Worhoss again, and
that kind hearted young gentleman invited me to
take a walk with him after tea and see the town.
As I was anxious to see every thing worth seeing,
I thanked him for his kindness, and accepted his
offer. He said he would just step up to his room
and dress, and then he should be ready for a walk.

As Mr. Worhoss's “to dress,” meant nothing

-- 110 --

[figure description] Page 110.[end figure description]

more than buttoning up another button of his coat,
and brushing his hair, and pulling down his wristbands,
I thought he was an unreasonable long time
in doing it. At length, however, he made his appearance,
with his slender ebony stick in his hand,
and we walked out together. The street lamps
were lighted, and Mr. Worhoss remarked that as
it was too late to see any thing in Broadway, it
would be advisable to go direct to the theatre. He
said there was to be a sterling English comedy, and
a new French dancer, and consequently, all the
beauty and fashion of the city would be present.

I very gladly assented to his proposal, thinking
that where all the beauty of the city was gathered
together, my beautiful Georgiana could not be

Mr. Worhoss proposed that we should sit in the
pit, as it was decidedly respectable, although not
as genteel as the boxes. Of course, I made no
objections; and when we reached the entrance, I
stopped short, expecting that he would procure the
tickets, as Mr. Lummucks had done, when he gave
me an invitation to go to the theatre with him.
But Mr. Worhoss only pointed to a little round
hole in the partition, and observed that that was
the place where they took the money for the

-- 111 --

[figure description] Page 111.[end figure description]

“Is it indeed?” I said.

“Yes,” said Mr. Worhoss, “and you had better
get a couple of tickets before they begin to
crowd about the doors.”

“O, ah,” I said, feeling very foolish, “I didn't
think of that.”

“I knew you didn't,” replied Mr. Worhoss,
“and that is the very reason why I reminded you
of it.”

According to the delicate suggestion of my new
friend, I bought two tickets, and we entered the
pit about half an hour before the performances
commenced, which gave me an opportunity to observe
all the beauties as they took their seats in
the boxes. I watched them very narrowly, hoping
to discover my beautiful Georgiana among them,
but I was disappointed; she did not come. It was
some consolation, however, to me, to know that
her ears would not be offended by the rude and
ribald language of the people in the pit. They
were a rough set. I thought that the respectability
of the pit was not quite so decided as Mr.
Worhoss had intimated; but he remarked, that
there was an unusual number of butcher boys present,
who were always a great annoyance to the
lovers of the legitimate drama, by their eating of
roasted pea nuts, and encoring all the songs.

-- 112 --

[figure description] Page 112.[end figure description]

I forget the name of the sterling comedy which
was played, but it was all about a wild young fellow,
who ran away with a beautiful young lady,
whom he succeeded in marrying in spite of the
exertions of her old guardian to prevent him. I
was delighted with the plot, and thought that the
moral was most excellent. After the comedy, Mr.
Worhoss, who appeared to know every body in
the Theatre, told me not only the names, but the
personal histories of a good many of the audience.
Amongst the rest, he pointed out to me an elderly
gentleman, with a good humored broad countenance,
a high nose, and a pair of twinkling black
eyes. “That gentleman,” said Mr. Worhoss, “is
Major Rigmaroll, the editor; he has written criticisms
about the stage for the last thirty years. I
know him all to pieces. He is going to publish a
book about Shakspeare, and he has already published
one, in which he proves as plain as the nose
on his face, which you see is plain enough, that the
American Indians are descended from Shem, Ham,
or Japheth, I forget which; he claims relationship,
by the way, with one of them himself.”

“Perhaps,” I said, “he wants to lay claim to
some Indian lands, on the score of family connexion.”

-- 113 --

[figure description] Page 113.[end figure description]

“Upon my soul I believe he has done so already,”
said Mr. Worhoss.

“He must be a very learned man,” I said, “to
be able to trace the origin of a people who are
themselves ignorant of their own descent.”

“I guess he is learned,” replied Mr. Warhoss;
“he knows Josephus Millerius by heart. But
look, see what a long glass he has got in his
hand; he has come here on purpose to criticise
the new danseuse.”

In a few minutes the stage bell rung; the musicians
in the orchestra began to play. “Hats
off,” cried the people in the pit. Up went the
green curtain, and disclosed a scene representing
a forest of trees growing out of a board floor, and
in bounced a fat woman, who, as soon as she got
to the centre of the stage, elevated one foot to a
horizontal position, and whirled round on the
other like a top. I must confess I was shocked
beyond measure, for I had some how or other imbibed
an idea that an opera dancer was a light
and gentle little creature, who tripped and bounded
before your vision in graceful movements,
like a sprite; but nothing could be more unlike
the reality, for here was a full grown woman
throwing about her legs in all manner of

-- 114 --

[figure description] Page 114.[end figure description]

ungainly attitudes, and with such an indecent scantiness
of clothing as to fairly make me blush.

But my ideas on this subject, I must acknowledge,
differed very much from those of Mr. Worhoss,
for he declared she was a magnificent dancer,
and he said, that, after witnessing such an exhibition,
it would be a down right bore to sit
through the farce. As I agreed with him in his
last opinion, we came out of the theatre, and I
was glad to get into the open air again. Mr.
Worhoss proposed taking something to prevent
our taking cold, and I followed him into a showy
bar-room, next door to the theatre. He called
for two glasses of port wine sangaree, and after
he had emptied his tumbler, he appeared to be
deeply absorbed in the contemplation of a hunting
piece which hung opposite to the bar. As
there were a good many young men standing
around, and the bar-keeper seemed to be waiting
for the pay for the sangarees, I threw down a
shilling, upon which Mr. Worhoss turned suddenly
round, and putting his hand into his pocket,
exclaimed, “you don't say you have paid?”

“Yes I have,” I replied.

“Well, that is too bad; come, let us go,” said
Mr. Worhoss.

“Now, sir,” said Mr. Worhoss, “let us have

-- 115 --

[figure description] Page 115.[end figure description]

some oysters, and then we shall be prepared to
finish the evening.”

I observed that I was not in the least hungry.

“That is nothing,” said Mr. Worhoss; “people
don't eat oysters because they are hungry,
any more than they drink wine because they are

I did not want to show my ignorance, so I
made no further objections, but followed Mr. Worhoss
down a steep pair of stone steps into a cellar,
which was brilliantly lighted up with gas
lights, and we took our seats in a little box just
big enough to hold two persons. The front of
it was enclosed by a red moreen curtain, behind
which a man's head obtruded itself as soon as we
entered, and ejaculated, “stew?”

“What is the meaning of that,” I asked, staring
at the head.

“Stew?” ejaculated the head again.

“He wants to know if you want a stew,” said
Mr. Worhoss.

But I did not know whether I wanted a stew or
not. So I made no reply, and the man exclaimed
once more, “stew?”

“No,” said Mr. Worhoss, “none of your stews.
Give us two half dozens fried, and whilst they

-- 116 --

[figure description] Page 116.[end figure description]

are cooking, two half dozens of raw ones in the
shell, and a lemon.”

The head disappeared, and very soon returned
with the raw ones, which were large and delicious.
Although I was not hungry, I succeeded
in swallowing half a dozen without any difficulty.

“I suppose you don't often drink anything?”
remarked Mr. Worhoss, in an inquiring tone.

“Not often,” I replied.

“Neither do I,” said Mr. Worhoss, “but a
glass of brandy and water is indispensable with
oysters. Shall I order a couple of glasses?”

“Certainly,” I replied, and the brandy and
water was brought.

In the next box were two young men regaling
themselves with a bowl of oyster soup. From
the sound of their voices I thought they were very
young. As they talked very loud, I could not
avoid hearing their conversation.

“I say, Nick,” says one, “how much does your
old man allow you per week?”

“Only a dollar,” replied the other.

“Only a dollar! what a mean old skunk he
must be!”

“Isn't he, proper? I'm blistered if I aint ashamed
of him. But I tell you how I manage it.

-- 117 --

[figure description] Page 117.[end figure description]

When I want money, I go to the old woman and
tell her I want to subscribe to the Missionary Society,
and she always forks out.”

“Ha, ha, that is first rate. But you know I
haint got no mother, so I can't do that, of course.
But I will tell you how I work it; when I want
money, I go down to the store and get a new
suit of clothes, and then go and pawn them in
Chatham street.”

“You do? Well I'm blest if that aint capital.
I mean to try that myself. But hurry and
eat up your soup, or we shall miss the after

“What, aint you going to have some pie?”

“No, I never eats pastry.”

“Then let us have some brandy.”

When these interesting young gentlemen were
gone, I remarked to Mr. Worhoss that I didn't
like the cellar at all, it was so close and confined.

“Not like it,” he exclaimed; “why, oysters
would not be oysters if they were not eaten in
a cellar. Don't you know there is an eternal
fitness about every thing, but particularly about
eating. The luxury of a dish does not consist so
much in its material, as in the place and manner
in which it is served. A bowl of greasy soup,

-- 118 --

[figure description] Page 118.[end figure description]

for instance, with kernels of pimento floating in
it, may be eaten in such a place as this with great
gusto; but if it were placed before you at a regular
dinner table, it would cause a rebellion in
your bread-bearer. And what man, in his senses,
would sit down to a table so narrow that his knees
interlocked with his neighbor's opposite, in any
place but an oyster cellar. But there is one exception
to the eternal fitness of things. Fried
oysters are fitting on all occasions and in all places.”

The fried ones were now brought, and Mr.
Worhoss called for more cold slaw, and two more
glasses of brandy, and during the next quarter of
an hour he did not speak a word. When we had
finished our oysters, he drew a long breath, and
we rose up to go, and instead of going up to the
bar to pay, he took up a newspaper, and pored
over it as earnestly as though he was reading it
for a task. The bar-keeper looked at me very
hard, and as Mr. Worhoss was so intensely interested
in the paper he was reading, I could not do
less than offer a bill in payment for the oysters and
brandy. After I had received my change, he
threw down his newspaper, and walked up to the
bar with his hand in his pocket, but the bar-keeper
told him the oysters were paid for.

-- 119 --

[figure description] Page 119.[end figure description]

“Franco,” says Mr. Worhoss, putting on a very
stern look, “don't do that again.”

“No, I won't, I assure you,” I replied.

“If you do you will offend me,” he replied.

And so we ascended into the upper world

“It has just occurred to me,” said Mr. Worhoss,
when he had reached the pavement, “that
to-night is soiree night at No. 8. We will go there
if you have no objection; they will admit me because
I am a volunteer, and they will not object
to you because you are a stranger.”

I told Mr. Worhoss I was entirely at his disposal,
and he might lead me wherever he liked.

“Perhaps you would prefer to go to a musical
party at the Shades,” he said.

“Which will cost the most?” I inquired; “the
Shades or the soiree.”

“O, the Shades, of course,” he said; “it will
cost nothing at the soiree.”

“Then I think I should a little prefer the soiree,”
I said.

“That is a bright idea,” said Mr. Worhoss,
“so come along.”

We walked down Broadway a short distance,
and then turned into a dimly lighted street, where
there appeared to be no dwelling houses, and the

-- 120 --

[figure description] Page 120.[end figure description]

side walks were lumbered up with bales and boxes.
We had not travelled far before we came to a very
small house, jammed in between two very high
warehouses, with large folding doors, painted in
fancy colors, and gilt block letters over the entrance,
indicating that it was the Engine Company
No. 8. I thought it was a very strange place for
a soiree, but I said nothing, and Mr. Worhoss took
a small key out of his pocket, and opened the door,
and I followed him through a dark and narrow
passage, up a pair of steep steps, wondering where
in the world he was leading me, when suddenly he
opened a door, and I found myself ushered into a
brilliantly lighted room, with a long table in the
centre, around which were seated fifteen or twenty
young men; they were all dressed in drab jackets
and trowsers, and red shirts, in the bosoms of
which was the figure 8, embroidered with white
tape. At one end of the table, seated in an arm
chair, which was elevated above the others, I
immediately discovered the little curly headed
captain, with steel spectacles, who had pulled
me out of bed the night before. The room was
elegantly furnished, and every thing in it bore
a strong contrast to the rough dresses of the company.
The chairs were of mahogany, with the
figure 8 carved in their backs; the floor was

-- 121 --

[figure description] Page 121.[end figure description]

carpeted, and the walls were hung round with pictures
in gorgeous gilt frames. One of the pictures represented
the apotheosis of a chief engineer,
whose name I have forgot.

The little captain in the chair requested us to be
seated, but remarked that it was against the rules
of the company to allow any but members to be
present at a soiree. I put my hand upon the handle
of the door to retire, but the little captain begged
that I would remain for his sake, and I hung
up my hat among the leather caps, and took a seat
at the table by Mr. Worhoss.

“That is just the way,” muttered a sallow looking
member, “we make laws and hang them up
in gilt frames, and then we obey them — if we

“Of course,” said the chairman, “it must be a
very bad community where they have not the grace
to make good laws, for nothing can be easier than
to pass virtuous resolutions; and any society or
company, that neglects to do that, must be in a
very bad way. That I take to be an axiom, to
say the least of it.” Saying which, the little chairman
took off his glasses, rubbed them with his
pocket handkerchief, and put them on again, and
looked as though he was determined to frown down
all opposition.

-- 122 --

[figure description] Page 122.[end figure description]

But the discontented member went on growling
and grumbling, utterly regardless of the
chairman's axiom and his severe frowns.

“That is the very thing that I find fault with,”
he said; “we pronounce our own condemnation by
making laws which we have not the virtue to observe.
It is just the way with us as a nation; our
fathers were willing to stake their lives, their fortunes,
and their sacred honors, to maintain the assertion
that all men are born free and equal, while
at the same time they held one quarter part of the
population of their country in bondage.”

“Fine him, fine him,” cried a dozen voices, “he
is talking politics.”

“I won't be fined,” said the grumbling member;
“I am only speaking the truth, and that is not politics,
no how you can fix it.”

“You must be fined,” said another, “for you
are talking religion.”

“I am not talking religion,” said the grumbler;
“I am only speaking my sentiments. I appeal to
the chair.”

“There is no religion in your sentiments, I will
swear,” said the chairman. “But you shall be
fined and turned out too, for you have been talking
abolition, and that is worse than either politics
or religion.”

-- 123 --

[figure description] Page 123.[end figure description]

“Turn him out, turn him out,” they all exclaimed,
starting upon their feet.

“I won't be turned out,” said the refractory
member, putting himself in a position of defence;
“Let not a soul of you dare to put a finger on

But firemen dare do any thing, and the abolitionist
was seized and hustled down stairs, and into
the street, in spite of all his threats and struggles.
Order was very soon restored, and the chairman
being called on for a song, he sang the following,
which he said was his own composition, and we all
joined in the chorus:

When years twice as many as o'er me have flown,
Shall have dropped from their pinions more sorrows and cares,
And I'm left to bear on ward the burthen alone,
Whose weight now a lov'd one endearingly shares.
Fond memory then, with her pencil of light,
Shall depict in bright colors the joys of this night.
When health shall desert me, when friends shall depart,
When wealth shall have open'd his pinions and flown;
When love, even love, shall have fled from my heart,
Then friendship shall cling to me still, though alone.
And memory then, with her pencil of light,
Shall depict in bright colors the joys of this night.
When death, even death, shall approach like a friend,
And I yield myself up to his chilling embrace;
With a hope of hereafter, though here all shall end,

-- 124 --

[figure description] Page 124.[end figure description]

My last effort shall be to help memory trace,
The forms of my friends with her pencil of light,
As she paints in warm colors the joys of this night.

All the rest of the company either sang a song or
told a story, as they were called upon. And then
the little captain was called upon to relate how he
got stuck upon the gable end of an old Dutch
house, down in Coenties slip, one winter night, at
the time of the great fire, by the seat of his trowsers
freezing to the ridge pole; and how all the
engines played upon him two or three hours without
any body discovering his perilous situation,
and how it took two or three kettles of hot boiling
water to make Jack Frost relieve his hold of him.

This he did with surprising exactness, as Mr.
Worhoss observed, considering he had told it so
many times before; for men, he said, were apt to
forget the particulars of a story after having repeated
it two or three hundred times.

The captain appeared gratified by the compliment
which Mr. Worhoss paid to his memory,
and shook his head despondingly, and said, fires
are not what they used to be, and intimated that
the department might go to blazes, for all he
cared, if there was not a turn out soon.

“There has not been a fire worth mentioning
since the great fire,” said one of the members,

-- 125 --

[figure description] Page 125.[end figure description]

who had not opened his lips before, and who
now looked up and down the table very sagaciously.

“That is a fact,” exclaimed one or two other
members, with as much solemnity as though it
was the only fact that had been uttered for the

“Wasn't that a first rate fire?” said another.

“I guess it was,” said two more simultaneously.

“Wasn't it?” said another.

“Didn't Bill Davis do something that night?”
said another.

“Do something?” said another little member;
“you may well say that; he did more than something;
he saved ever so many children. How
many was it, captain?”

“One only,” said the captain, “and a little
one too.”

“Of course it was a little one, or it could have
saved itself,” said another.

“How did it happen,” I asked, for I did not
care to remain silent any longer.

“Is Bill Davis present?” asked the gentleman
to whom I addressed myself.

“No, I see he is not, so I will tell you all about

-- 126 --

[figure description] Page 126.[end figure description]

it. You have heard about the great fire in
Chatham street of course,” he said.

“No, sir,” I replied, “I never heard it spoken
of before.”

“You never did?” he exclaimed; “well, wonders
will not soon cease, I do believe. I thought every
body had heard about that; why, it was on that
memorable occasion that I turned out for the
first time with number eight. It was a bitter cold
night in the month of January, and when I went
up to bed, says I, Mrs. Mix, says I, I should'nt
think strange if we had a fire to-night. I should'nt
wonder, says she, if we had, for I have always
observed, Mr. Smith, that fires happen in very
cold nights. So I went up to bed, and just as I
was in the very act of undoing my stock, bang
goes the jail bell, so down I went and ran for
dear life, and reached the house just as Bill Davis
was taking the machine out all alone by himself.”

“Isn't that Bill Davis a smart fellow?” said
one of the members, interrupting the story teller.

“Isn't he?” said another.

“I guess he is,” said a third.

“That is a fact,” said another, striking the table
enthusiastically with his fist.

-- 127 --

[figure description] Page 127.[end figure description]

The important truth that Bill Davis was a
smart fellow being established, the story teller proceeded.

“Hallo, Smith, is that you,” said Bill; “yes,”
says I; is that you, Davis? That is me,
says Bill, and so we never exchanged another
word until we reached the fire, and then, says he
to me, I tell you what, Smith, it is going to be a
rouser. Isn't it? says I, and then at it we
went. Bill took the pipe, and we began to play,
when up started a lady; where she came from,
we couldn't tell; save my child, she screamed,
save my child. Where is he, says Bill; up
there, says the lady, pointing to a window in the
third story, out of which the flames were bursting.
Bless my heart, says Bill, if he is in there, he is
gone already. O don't say he is gone, says she
I must save him, he is my only boy; and with that,
she steps on the ladder; I can't stand that, says
Bill, turning to me, and letting go the pipe; she
is the ladiest woman I ever saw, and I will save
the child or lose myself; and so he lifted the lady
off the ladder, and up he went, and into the window;
we never expected to see Bill again; but
I'm blest if he didn't soon make his appearance
again, with the child in his arms; and down he
came, and put it into its mother's lap, who was

-- 128 --

[figure description] Page 128.[end figure description]

sitting on the curb stone wringing her hands, and
crying enough to break the heart of a loco foco.
Didn't she then kneel right down in the gutter,
and begin to invoke blessings on to Bill's head.
But, Bill says, don't bother me, good woman,
with your nonsense. We got comfortable lodgings
for her that night, and the next day we got
up a complimentary benefit-ball for her and the
rest of the sufferers, and I wish I may never see
another house afire if her part of the proceeds of
that ball didn't set her up in an elegant thread and
needle store in the Bowery. And they do say
Bill means to marry that woman.”

“Ah, that was something like a fire,” said the
little captain, shaking his head mournfully; “that
happened before the hydrants were invented.
You don't see such fires now-a-days.”

One of the company, after this, favored us with
the following song:

Whose fate 'twill be to weep,
Whose fate 'twill be to die,
Before our feast again we keep,
You neither know, nor I.
But since this hour hath found us,
And friendship together hath bound us,
Pluck memory's flowers, while these moments are ours,
And throw her gay garland around us.

-- 129 --

[figure description] Page 129.[end figure description]

Whose fate 't will be to prove
Women are not all true,
Is known to one above,
But not to me nor you.
But since this hour hath found us,
&c. &c.
Whose fate 't will be to find
How weak is friendship's tie,
We do not know, but may it bind
Most firmly you and I.
But since this hour hath found us,
&c. &c.
Whose fate will 't be to know
The griefs which spring from wine,
To taste the dregs of human wo,
May't be nor yours nor mine.
But since this hour hath found us,
&c. &c.

The captain declared the song to be so decidedly
sentimental that he proposed a turn out and
a race with the machine, to work off its depressing
effects. The proposal was received with
general approbation; but there being nothing on
fire just at that moment, they requested Mr. Worhoss
to go up to the head of the street and give
an alarm. I thought it was a very strange proposition,
but he considered it a very good joke,
and agreed to do as he was requested. So the
soiree broke up, and we all repaired to the engine
house, the members in high glee, and the

-- 130 --

[figure description] Page 130.[end figure description]

little captain full of importance. The preparations
for rolling out were no sooner completed,
than we heard the cry of “fire! fire! fire!”
The doors of the engine house were immediately
thrown open, and away we started, dragging the
engine after us like horses, for I had volunteered
my services, expecting to see some fine sport.
Two ragged little boys ran on ahead with flaming
torches, and another followed in the rear with a
blue signal lantern. The little captain made as
much noise as he possibly could with his speaking
trumpet, shouting out, “pull away, boys, pull
away, boys,” with as much earnestness as though
half the city had been on fire. We had not rattled
over the pavements long, nor far, before the
church bells began to ring, and other engines and
hose carts began to dash up Broadway, thundering
over the pavements, and adding to the din
and confusion. But I got out of breath very
soon, and was compelled to let go the drag rope.
In escaping to the sidewalk, I came very near being
crushed beneath the wheels of a hose cart.
The lights from innumerable torches and signal
lanterns was flashing and flickering on every
side, lighting up the faces of the firemen as they
hurried past, and displaying the gorgeous ornaments
of the engines which they dragged after them.

-- 131 --

[figure description] Page 131.[end figure description]

It was a picturesque and novel sight to me, and
as I looked on to the confused scene, I forgot for
a time that it was all a farce, and that all the
noise, and turmoil, and display, was caused by
half a dozen thoughtless young fellows wanting to
have a spree. The uproar did not continue a
great while, for as soon as it was discovered that
there was no fire, the bells ceased ringing, and the
firemen dragged their machines slowly back to
their respective engine houses.

As I returned to my boarding house, I could
not help reflecting, as I went, on the many false
alarms there had been in the world, calling mankind
from their quiet homes to march like fiends
to battle, neither knowing whither they went, nor
for what reason they offered up their own or
sacrificed the lives of others; and accomplishing
no better end than to furnish picturesque subjects
for painters and poets.

-- 132 --

CHAPTER XV. Shows the benefit of studying morals at the theatre, and the difference between falling in love on the stage and off.

[figure description] Page 132.[end figure description]

Being left alone the next morning after the
night of adventures related in the last chapter, I
had abundant time to ruminate on all I had seen,
as well as to form new plans for my future conduct.
But the moral of the sterling English
comedy which I had seen, took so strong a hold
of my imagination, I could think of nothing else.
I could not but fancy myself in the situation of
the fine, free-hearted, thoughtless young fellow,
who ran away with a beautiful young heiress from
her boarding school, and then cajoled her cross
old guardian into good humor, just before the
curtain fell, by a witty repartee. Nothing could
be more palpable than the moral of such a conclusion,
and nothing more desirable than to imitate
such a proceeding. I found no difficulty in
comparing myself with the hair-brained hero, and
the ingenious architect of airy castles lent her
ready aid to help transform the gentle Georgiana
De Lancey into the heroine of the comedy. That

-- 133 --

[figure description] Page 133.[end figure description]

she was rich I had no doubt; that she was at a
boarding school I knew, for a silver plate on the
door of the house into which I had seen her enter,
announced that fact to the world; that she loved
me was not to be questioned; I had travelled
with her in the stage coach; and that I loved
her, every fibre in my body, and every pulsation
of my heart, bore witness. Nothing could be
plainer. The fates had very obligingly given me
possession of the young lady's handkerchief, as
if on purpose to afford me an opportunity of seeking
an interview with her; and to neglect such
evident advantages would be to tempt fortune;
something I could not well afford to do, seeing
that all my hopes rested upon her caprices. As
I thought over these things, and revolved in my
mind the ease with which an heiress could be obtained
and her guardian mollified, my imagination
became wrought up into a perfect phrensy of
delight. But nothing gave me half so much
pleasure as the thought of triumphing over my
haughty cousin, and of giving the lie to his prediction.

To make all the points of resemblance to my
model as exact as possible, I went to a clothing
store in Maiden Lane, where I furnished myself
with a suit of clothes, at a moment's warning,

-- 134 --

[figure description] Page 134.[end figure description]

precisely like his, namely: a claret colored frock
coat, a pair of striped pantaloons, and a figured
satin vest. It took nearly all the money I had in
the world to pay for them; but I bore in
mind the valuable casket that I had purchased on
speculation, and the ten dollars which Mr. Worhoss
was to pay me when he got paid for his prize
article. But I should not have hesitated in the
purchase, even though I had not had these valuable
reliances to fall back upon in case of need; to
have done so would have been quite out of character
with my original.

Having dressed myself in my new clothes, and
made a pretty liberal use of a bottle of cologne
water which I found in my room, I liked the appearance
of myself so well, that I resolved to set
off without any delay, and call on Miss De Lancey,
under the pretence of returning her pocket
handkerchief, and trust to the kind power who
takes venturesome young fellows under her charge,
to bring matters to the wished for conclusion.

There had been a slight shower in the morning;
but now the sky was clear and blue, and the
sun was shining bright and warm, but the snowy
white awnings stretched across the side walks
gave a cool and delightful shade. The activity
and bustle which I encountered as I made my way

-- 135 --

[figure description] Page 135.[end figure description]

through the crowded streets, added to my hilarious
feelings, and as I emerged from a bye street
into Broadway, they were still more excited by
the lively and elegant scene which that famous
promenade presented, and I pulled up my shirt
collar and mingled in the throng with as consequential
an air as I could assume, and probably
with as light a heart as any in the crowd. When
a man's happiness is based upon things in possession,
it must, of necessity, be limited in extent;
but when it springs from his hopes, there need be
no limits to the amount of it. There was, therefore,
no reason why I should not be perfectly happy,
for I had nothing but my hopes to build

Although I was sufficiently engrossed with a
sense of my own importance, I could not avoid
bestowing a glance, as I sauntered along, upon
the numerous groups of gayly dressed and beautiful
women who tripped past me, chatting and
laughing, and showing their brilliant white teeth.
Some of them were leading by the hand cherublike
children, with golden locks flowing down
their graceful shoulders. Others were stepping
in or out of elegant carriages at the doors of the
fancy stores, while the liveried servants, with gold
bands round their hats and white gloves on their

-- 136 --

[figure description] Page 136.[end figure description]

hands, stood, either holding open the carriage
doors, or leaning idly against the awning posts.
Neatly dressed young gentlemen, with ebony
sticks in their hands, and a tuft of hair on their upper
lips, made a part of the crowd, and paced
along with measured step, and with an air as solemn
and important as though the sun was shining
expressly for their particular pleasure and benefit.

What with the attractions of the shop windows,
the beauty of the women, the loveliness of
the children, and the odd airs of the men, my attention
got completely diverted from myself, and
I forgot the errand on which I was bound, until
I was reminded of it by reaching the street which
led to Miss Smith's boarding school. My heart
fluttered, and the blood rushed into my face, as I
found myself so near the end of my journey; but
I got fresh courage, and strengthened my nerves
with a glass of wine and a cracker at the Independent
Coffee House, and then walked briskly
on until I reached Miss Smith's establishment. I
felt in my pocket to make sure that the handkerchief
was there, and then ran boldly up the white
marble steps, and gave the bell handle a pull.
The door was opened by a stout black girl, and
I asked if Miss De Lancey was at home. “Walk

-- 137 --

[figure description] Page 137.[end figure description]

into the parlor,” said the girl, “and I will call
Miss Smith.” I did walk into the parlor, where
I was left to my reflections for a length of time,
which I could have sworn exceeded an hour, had
not a French clock on the mantel piece assured
me it did not exceed five minutes. The parlor
was altogether the handsomest room I had ever
seen, and besides a great abundance of furniture,
it contained a good many curious works of art,
principally composed of shells, such as grottos and
temples, vases of flowers, and card racks in the
shape of harps set off with blue ribands; there
was also the picture of a young lady and a weeping
willow, looking very much like two sisters,
embroidered on white satin, and hung up in
a highly ornamented gilt frame; this last work
of art was executed by Miss Isabella Davis, aged
eleven years. Having at a glance observed all
these things, and a good many more, I began to
feel very uneasy, and I had just made up my
mind to steal out of the house as quietly as possible,
when I heard a light step on the stairs. It was
light to the ear only, for each step seemed to
strike as palpably upon my heart as though it
had been trod upon; and I am certain if I had
died at that moment, the print of a little shoe
would have been distinctly seen there. I held my

-- 138 --

[figure description] Page 138.[end figure description]

breath with apprehension, but tried to look remarkably
easy. The door opened, and in walked,
not the beautiful Georgiana, but a tall lady,
dressed in a snuff colored silk gown and a turban
of fearful dimensions. It was no less a person
than Miss Smith herself. I made a low bow,
and being entirely at a loss for a remark, waited
for Miss Smith to speak.

“Which of the young ladies did you wish to
see?” asked Miss Smith.

“I called for the purpose of seeing Miss De Lancey,”
I replied, blushing very red.

“Have you a letter from her guardian?” inquired
Miss Smith.

“Not exactly a letter,” I replied.

“Only a note, then, I suppose,” remarked Miss

“I believe not,” I replied, feeling in my pocket
for the handkerchief.

“Perhaps,” said Miss Smith, “you are not
aware, that it is contrary to the rules of my establishment
to allow any young lady under my
charge to see a gentleman without the permission
of her parents or guardian.”

“Indeed I was not,” I replied, drawing a long

-- 139 --

[figure description] Page 139.[end figure description]

“I must then inform you that such is the case,”
replied Miss Smith, with cold dignity.

“Ah, it is very unfortunate that I did not know
that before,” I said, as the recollection of the cost
of my new clothes flashed across my mind.

“Pray, could I have the liberty of addressing
a few lines to Miss De Lancey?”

“By all means,” replied Miss Smith, “provided
you allow me to read them first.”

I thanked Miss Smith for her kindness, made
her another low bow, and wished her a good morning.
As I turned to go out of the hall, I discovered
there were a score of bright eyes peeping over
the bannister at the head of the stairs, and not
doubting that the brightest and bluest pair among
them belonged to the beautiful Georgiana, I consoled
myself with the reflection, that she would recognise
me, and give me credit for trying to see
her. I could not prevail upon myself to give up
her pocket handkerchief; for now that I had been
disappointed in my attempt at an interview with
her, it was more precious than ever in my sight,
and I resolved henceforth, that I would wear it
next to my heart.

I could no longer compare myself with the lucky
scapegrace in the comedy, and nothing could
have been more undramatic than my interview

-- 140 --

[figure description] Page 140.[end figure description]

with Miss Smith. I felt unhappy and dispirited,
and I made my way back to my boarding house,
through lanes and bye streets, avoiding Broadway,
with its gewgaws and crowds.

-- 141 --

CHAPTER XVI. Is full of disappointments, and ends with the commencement of a new career.

[figure description] Page 141.[end figure description]

Mr. Worhoss repeated his kindnesses to me so
often, in showing me the lions, as he called it, that
I was soon left without a sixpence in my pocket;
for it so happened that I was always left to pay
all the expenses incurred for drink and oysters, for
these were necessaries, it appeared, which could
not be dispensed with on any occasion. And as
he had not yet received the money for his prize
article, I had no other resource but the casket and
its contents; and I determined to avail myself of
the offer of Mr. Isaacs, who had promised to buy
them of me at just double what I gave for them;
so I took the casket under my arm, and went in
pursuit of that gentleman, expecting to find him at
the auction store where I made the purchase. But
I was disappointed in not finding him there. I
asked the auctioneer if he could inform me where
Mr. Isaacs was to be seen.

“Bless your innocent heart, my friend,” said
the auctioneer, “how should I know any thing
about him?”

-- 142 --

[figure description] Page 142.[end figure description]

“Why, I thought he was a friend of yours,” I

“A friend of mine,” said the auctioneer contemptuously,
“why I never seen the gentleman
but once in my life, and I probably shall never see
him again.”

I was struck aghast at this intelligence, for all
my expectations of profit were founded upon Mr.
Isaacs' promise. I told the auctioneer that as he
had not promised to give me double the cost of the
casket, although Mr. Isaacs had, I did not think I
could, in strict justice, demand it of him, notwithstanding
he had sworn that it was worth more than
three times the money that I gave for it; therefore,
I would only request him to take back the casket,
and return me the money that I gave for it, as it
was much too costly an article for me to keep.

“That is a very unmercantile proposition, young
man,” said the auctionner, “it is quite out of the
common course of business. I couldn't think of
doing any such thing.”

“Perhaps it may not be strictly according to
mercantile usages,” I replied, “but as the advantage
will all be on your side, I should not think
you would refuse my offer.”

“You talk exactly like a book, young man,” replied
the auctioneer, “but it would never do for

-- 143 --

[figure description] Page 143.[end figure description]

me to make such an unmercantile operation; if I
should, there is no knowing what the Board of
Trade might do with me; they would haul me up
to Albany right off.”

“Is it possible,” I asked, “that the rules of
trade are so positive?”

“Certainly, my dear sir,” replied the auctioneer;
“the Board of Trade is a very positive
body of individuals; look how that respectable
institution used up the Phenix, down there in Wall
street, just because it conferred a favor on an individual
one morning, just as you want me to do to
you. It will never do in the world. But I will
tell you what I can do for you, and perhaps it will
meet your views. I will take the casket, and sell
it for you to-morrow. I expect a very good company,
as I have advertised some splendid watches.”

Being unwilling to take the casket back again,
I thanked the auctioneer, and told him he might
sell it the next day, provided he could get what it
cost me.

“You had better not limit it, young man,” said
the auctioneer, “it would be a pity to lose the sale
of it for the sake of a shilling or such a matter.”

“Well, then,” I replied, “sell it for what it
will bring; but if Mr. Isaacs should come in,

-- 144 --

[figure description] Page 144.[end figure description]

please ask him to take it at the price which he offered.”

“I will with pleasure, sir,” said the auctioneer,
“but I think it is extremely improbable whether
he comes.”

I left the auctioneer's store, and sauntered about
the streets in a very unpleasant state of mind, for
the disappointment of not seeing Miss De Lancey,
and of not finding Mr. Isaacs, added to the
mortifying reflection that I had, in so short a
space of time, spent the little money that my father
had given me, made me very unhappy. I was
still without any prospect of a situation, although
Mr. Worhoss had promised to procure one for
me, and I resolved to keep closely all the money
that I might receive from the sale of my casket.

The next day I called at the auction store, and
was told that my casket was sold for five dollars.

The auctioneer reached me four dollars and a
half, saying that his commissions were half a dollar.

“Five dollars!” I exclaimed; “you mean fifty-five,
I presume.”

“No I don't,” said the auctioneer, “I mean
five dollars; it was every cent the casket fetched;
I can prove it by my book-keeper.”

I grew sick at the intelligence. “Certainly the
silver was worth more than that,” I said.

-- 145 --

[figure description] Page 145.[end figure description]

“German silver is not very valuable,” replied
the auctioneer, at the same time winking to a
man who was paying a bill. “Is it, mister?”

“Not very,” replied the man; “German silver
is something like German philosophy, not
worth much when you come to use it.”

“Here is your money, young man,” said the
auctioneer, reaching me four dollars and a half.

“I won't have it,” I replied, growing angry
at the insolence of the auctioneer. “You have
cheated me most grossly either in the first or the
last sale.”

But the auctioneer, instead of resenting my imputation
on his honesty, only laughed and picked
his teeth. “Very well, young man,” he said, “if
you don't choose to take the money, I shall be very
glad to keep it these hard times.”

“You had better take it,” said the man who
had given his opinion about German philosophy.
“It will be the only satisfaction you can ever obtain;
he has the law on his side.”

After a moment's reflection I came to the same
conclusion, and I took the money and put it in my
pocket, feeling that I owed my disappointment to
my own credulity and avarice. I said nothing
farther to the auctioneer, but as I was going out

-- 146 --

[figure description] Page 146.[end figure description]

of the store, I happened to look behind a green
baize curtain at the end of the counter, and there,
to my great astonishment, I saw Mr. Isaacs himself,
scouring a watch case. It was well both
for him and myself, that I had no deadly weapon
in my hand, for I felt that I could kill him on the
spot. As it was, I said nothing to him, but I
gave him a look which he must remember till
his dying day.

The sale of my casket was a bitter disappointment
to me, and when I reached my chamber I
could not refrain from tears. Mr. Worhoss came
in while I was crying, and asked me if I had
heard any bad news. I told him the cause of my
grief, and requested him to return me the money
I had loaned him, as I wanted it to pay my board
with. But that scrupulous gentleman said that
he could not return it until the committee of literary
gentlemen had decided about his prize article,
as it would not be fulfilling the conditions on
which he borrowed it, if he should. But I told
him if he would return me the five dollars I
would not require ten. He said, however, that
his principles were too honorable to allow him to
do so, and that he could not think of paying me
less than he agreed to. I then reminded Mr.
Worhoss of his promise to procure me a situation,

-- 147 --

[figure description] Page 147.[end figure description]

thinking, of course, that a gentleman who was so
scrupulous in fulfilling all his promises, would
like to be reminded of any that he had forgotten.

“That is very true,” said Mr. Worhoss, “there
is a house of my acquaintance that wants a young
man from the country, and I will give you their
number, and then you can make your own arrangements
with them.”

“What kind of a house is it?” I inquired.

“O, a first rate house,” replied Mr. Warhoss,
“Stripes & Co.; they do a splendid domestic
commission business in Pine street.”

My feelings were so elated with the prospect of
employment, that I told Mr. Worhoss I would forgive
him the debt he owed me, in consideration of
his kindness, and begged him to give me the address
of Stripes & Co., that I might call on
them without delay. He took a newspaper out of
his pocket, from which he cut an advertisement,
stating that Stripes & Co. were in want of a
clerk. I asked him if I should make use of his
name, and he said I might if I chose, but he
didn't think it would be of any particular benefit
to me, as they didn't know him, although he knew
them very well. So I started immediately for
Pine street, hoping to make a favorable

-- 148 --

[figure description] Page 148.[end figure description]

impression upon Stripes & Co., but I was so agitated by
my hopes and fears, that, when I got to their
counting room I could scarcely speak, and my
agitation was not at all soothed by meeting five or
six young men coming out as I went in. I inquired
for Mr. Stripes, and was shown into a little
room just big enough to contain Mr. Stripes and
the desk at which he sat writing. I held my hat
in my hand, and in a trembling voice, asked him
if he was in want of a clerk.

“We have advertised for one,” said Mr.
Stripes, laying down his pen, and looking me full
in the face, “are you an applicant?”

I replied that I should be glad to obtain the
situation, if it would afford me a living.

“What do you think you could live upon?”
asked Mr. Stripes.

I replied that I was a stranger in the city, and
consequently ignorant of the expenses of a clerk,
but that I could, no doubt, live on whatever salary
he might pay me.

“I dare say,” said Mr. Stripes, “young men
can live very cheap when they are so inclined. I
used to live on a shilling a day when I first came
to the city. Do your parents live in the country?”

“Yes, sir.”

-- 149 --

[figure description] Page 149.[end figure description]

“Are they wealthy?”

“Not very; indeed, I am afraid they are quite

“Ah, then they are not in the manufacturing

“Not much; my mother used to make all my

“Indeed; did she make those you have got

“No, sir, I bought these in Maiden Lane.”

“Any relations living in the city?”

“None, sir, that I know of.”

“Are your parents pious?”

“I dont know, indeed.”

“Then I guess they are not. Are you pious

As I didn't know what answer to make to this
question, I only blushed and remained silent, feeling
sensible that I looked very foolish.

“Would you like to distribute tracts?” continued
Mr. Stripes.

“I should be willing to do any thing that was
not dishonorable.”

“What did you say your name was?”


“Franco, hey, what is your first name?”


-- 150 --

[figure description] Page 150.[end figure description]

“Harry Franco, Harry Franco, it seems to
me I have heard that name before. Are you not
the abolitionist?”

“No, sir.”

“Are you not mistaken? I am pretty certain
I saw it in the papers. Are you a colonizationist?”

“I dont know exactly; I believe not.”

“I don't know what to think about it. I
wouldn't have an abolitionist in my employ. Can
you write well?”

“Tolerably; I can show you a specimen.”

“I suppose you have been a good deal to

“No, sir, but very little.”

“Have you any brothers?”

“No, sir, I am an only son.”

“Are you, indeed! There were thirteen of
us; two are dead, and the rest are all doing a good
business. Are you acquainted with domestics?”

“What, servants?”

“No, no; Ticks and Shirtings and bleached

“Not at all, sir.”

“Hem, I don't think we shall want to engage
you now; we have had applications from—let
me see how many—I will foot up the list: six

-- 151 --

[figure description] Page 151.[end figure description]

hundred and eighty-three. But we have engaged
a young man who is to come in the morning.
He is to have nothing for his services the first
year, and the empty boxes the second.”

I was completely astounded at the termination
of Mr. Stripes' catechism, for I had made up my
mind that he meant to employ me, from the minuteness
of his inquiries, and I stood looking at
him without moving, thinking I had certainly
misunderstood him.

“That will do,” said Mr. Stripes, “I have no
farther inquiries to make; we have engaged
an individual to fill the vacancy in our office.”

“Then why did you put all these impertinent
questions to me,” I said, my anger getting the
better of my discretion.

“Don't be saucy, sir,” exclaimed Mr. Stripes,
turning blue, for his face before was as white as his
bleached goods, “or I will send you to the police

I came out of the store of Stripes & Co. with
my heart in my throat; the last hope on which I
rested was knocked from under my feet, and the
terrible prophecy of my cousin seemed about to
be fulfilled. His words sounded in my ears, and
the forms of my heart-broken mother and sister
were the only objects that presented themselves to

-- 152 --

[figure description] Page 152.[end figure description]

my vision. “Alas! alas!” I exclaimed, “O that
the earth would open and swallow me up.” But
my wish was unheeded, and I continued to walk
on over the hard bosom of the earth, if the paved
streets of a city can be so called, until I found
myself at the foot of Pine street, in sight of the
East River and the shipping. This was a new
scene to me, for since the morning on which I
landed from the steamboat, I had not seen the water.
The life and bustle and novelty of every
thing about me soon engrossed my attention, and
I forgot my chagrin and disappointments; and even
the sound of my cousin's hateful voice no longer
range in my ears; it was completely drowned in
the cheerful “ho, cheerly!” which proceeded
from the ships, where they were discharging and
taking on board their cargoes. Every thing around
was full of liveliness and joy, and I wondered at
the stupidity of Mr. Worhoss in taking me to
walk in Broadway, while here was a scene so full
of noble sights. The sky was bright and blue,
and a thousand penons and signals, and the flags
of many nations, floated gracefully upon the breeze.
The magnificent proportions of the ships, with
their beautiful figure-heads, and rich gilding, and
bright waists, and tall taper masts, and outstretched
spars, filled me with amazement; and the

-- 153 --

[figure description] Page 153.[end figure description]

countless multitude of smaller vessels, their curious
and varying shapes, and the regular confusion
of their ropes and spars, gave me no less astonishment.
Perhaps those who are in the daily
habit of seeing sights like these, may think it extravagant
in me to speak of them in such terms;
but those who have spent their lives in a secluded
village will remember with what wondering eyes
they first looked upon the crowded wharves of a
thronged seaport like New York in its hey day of
activity, and they will think my words are cold,
and my descriptions tame, as in truth they appear
to me. Since that day I have seen the navies of
half the world, and the crowds of merchant ships
which fill the walled docks of London and Liverpool,
with their flags floating heavily in the murky
atmosphere of those smoky cities; and I have
visited most of the seaports worth seeing in the
old world and in the new, but I have never seen
any, for brightness and beauty, for liveliness and
joy, that can compare with New York.

As I sauntered along the wharves, I thought of
Robinson Crusoe, and Sinbad the Sailor, and
Christopher Columbus, and Americus Vespucius,
and all of a sudden it struck me that greater things
were to be accomplished on the ocean than upon
the land, and that it would be a greater triumph

-- 154 --

[figure description] Page 154.[end figure description]

if I could achieve a fortune in a foreign land than
if I were to acquire one by regular drudgery at
home. It as suddenly occurred to me, that I had
heard my father speak of a relation of his, whom
he used to call Tom Gunnell, who came down to
New York, a wild youth from the country, and
went to sea in one of my father's ships previous
to the embargo. I thought that by this time he
certainly ought to be captain of a ship at least,
and I determined if possible to find him, and if it
should prove that he had a ship, to ask him to take
me to sea with him. I popped into the first grocery
store I came to, and took up the morning
paper to look over the marine list, with the hope
of finding the name of Captain Gunnell, and almost
the first advertisement that I caught sight of
was the “Ship Two Marys, Captain T. Gunnell,
for Buenos Ayres;” I could scarcely believe my
eyes at first, and I read the advertisement over
three times before I was convinced that there was
no deception about it. This was a piece of real
good luck. I thought the tide of fortune had
turned in my favor, and I took heart again; but
remembering the many disappointments I had encountered
already, I controlled my feelings, and
set off immediately in pursuit of Captain Gunnell's
ship, determined to know, before I went back

-- 155 --

[figure description] Page 155.[end figure description]

to my boarding-house, whether he was my relation
or not. With the help of an old sailor, who
offered his services in consideration of a glass of
gin, I found the Two Marys. She was a smaller
ship, and much blacker and dirtier looking than
those which had attracted my attention at first;
she had neither gilding on her stern, nor a varnished
waist, nor a figure-head; but the old sailor
who had assisted me in finding her, observed that
she was a “good wholesome lump of a barkey.”
Without being very critical in my observations, I
climbed up a rope-ladder at her side and jumped
upon deck. A stout red-faced man, with whiskers
of the same hue, and dressed in a blue coat and a
white marseilles vest, was standing under an awning
on the after part of the deck. I stepped up
to him, and asked him if Captain Gunnell was on

“That is my name, sir,” he said.

I then informed the captain who I was, upon
which he lifted his hat very politely, and shook
me by the hand, and said he was very happy to
seem; told me I was welcome on board the
Two Marys, and inquired very kindly after my
father, and asked me how many sisters I had, and
whether all the girls were married up in the country.
And then Captain Gunnell called out in a

-- 156 --

[figure description] Page 156.[end figure description]

gruff voice, “Steward!” But no steward came,
and in a few moments he called again still more
gruffly, “you steward!” But still no steward
came, and then Captain Gunnell called “Mr.
Ruffin!” “Ay, ay, sir,” answered a voice in
the ship's hold, in a still gruffer tone than Captain
Gunnell's. “Mr. Ruffin,” said the Captain,
“send that black rascal to me.” “Ay, ay, sir,”
answered a voice, which I presume was Mr. Ruffin's.
Presently, a dirty looking negro, with his
head covered with flour, made his appearance from

“You black scoundrel,” said Captain Gunnell
to the steward, “why did'nt you reply to me
when I called?”

“Cause I don't hear,” replied the steward; “I
was stowing away eggs, with my head in flour

“Silence, sir,” said the captain, “don't ma e
any back answers; but the next time I call, do
you answer me whether you hear me or not; or
I'll pick your ears with a crowbar, you black

“Ay, ay, sir,” said the steward. And he was
turning to go away, when Captain Gunnell again
called out, “steward!”

“Sir,” replied the steward.

-- 157 --

[figure description] Page 157.[end figure description]

“What did I call you for, steward?” said
Captain Gunnell.

“Captain Gunnell didn't say what he call me
for,” replied the negro, meekly.

“Steward,” again exclaimed the captain,
“bring me two chairs.”

“Ay, ay, sir,” said the steward, and disappeared
down the cabin stairs, and soon returned, bringing
two chairs with him; one had no back, and the
other but three legs. Captain Gunnell invited
me to sit down, apologizing for not inviting me
into the cabin, as they were stowing away the ship's
grub, and it was not in a fit condition to receive

I was impatient to know whether Captain Gunnell
would take me to sea with him or not, and in
a very few words I told him the object of my visit,
the which he no sooner heard than he put his hat
upon his head, and looked at me from head to
foot. I have found it to be almost invariably the
case, that when I have asked a favor of a man, his
bearing towards me has undergone an immediate
and by no means an agreeable change. Captain
Gunnell was not an exception to this rule.

However, I was not disposed to be very particular,
so I did not pretend to notice that he spoke
to me, after he heard the object of my visit, very

-- 158 --

[figure description] Page 158.[end figure description]

much in the same manner that he spoke to his
steward, as he consented to take me with him, if I
chose to go as a green hand. I did not exactly
understand the meaning of the term, but I told
him I had no objections to going in any capacity
that he thought me qualified for.

“Qualified!” said the captain, “I don't think
you are qualified for any thing but eating duff.
However, young fellow, you are like a young
bear, all your troubles are before you, and if you
insist on going, I will take you with me for your
father's sake; he did me a good turn once, and
one good turn deserves another.” And then he
called for Mr. Ruffin.

Mr. Ruffin answered “ay, ay, sir,” from below,
and then followed his voice by springing out of the
hold on to the deck. He was not by any means a
very pleasant man to look at; he was short, and thin
visaged, and bow legged; he had a most awful
squint, and his nose was all bent on one side; his
shirt sleeves were rolled up above his elbows, and
displayed his long ape like arms as brown as a
piece of old mahogany, and with all their cords
and sinews plainly developed; he was dressed in
a pair of canvass trowsers and a calico shirt,
neither of which was remarkably clean, and on
his head he wore a low crowned drab wool hat,

-- 159 --

[figure description] Page 159.[end figure description]

with a piece of red quality for a band; every time
he spoke he turned over an enormous quid of tobacco
in his mouth, and squirted out a torrent of
juice; he was the chief mate of the ship.

“Mr. Ruffin,” said Captain Gunnell, addressing
the mate, “is all the hands shipped?”

“No, sir,” replied Mr. Ruffin, “there is one

“Then don't give another order, sir,” said the
captain, “this youngster wants to ship as a green
hand, and I will give him an order myself on the

“Ay, ay, sir,” replied the mate; and then
bringing his eyes to a focus, he surveyed me from
head to foot, and jumped down into the hold
again; he had no sooner disappeared, however,
than the captain again called out in his gruff
voice, “Mr. Ruffin!”

“Ay, ay, sir,” again answered the mate, and
sprang on deck once more.

“Mr. Ruffin,” said the captain, “you underderstand,
sir, that I will give this young man an
order myself.”

“Ay, ay, sir,” replied the mate, without showing
the slightest impatience at being called up on
so trifling an occasion, or indeed on no occasion at

-- 160 --

[figure description] Page 160.[end figure description]

Captain Gunnell then gave me an order on the
notary, to ship me as a green hand, at ten dollars
per month, and told me if I wanted a month's advance,
to tell Tom Goin that he would be security
for me. After I had left the ship, he called me
back, and told me to be on board the next day at
twelve o'clock.

-- 161 --

CHAPTER XVII. Will give a peep into a ship's forecastle, and some other places, which the gentle reader may never have had an opportunity of peeping into before, and therefore he is advised not to miss this opportunity of doing so.

[figure description] Page 161.[end figure description]

It may be thought that my prospects were not
very bright, and that I had no great cause for rejoicing;
but whether I had or not, I left the Two
Marys with a heart much lighter than when I went
on board of her. My mind was not occupied with
Captain Gunnell and his mate, but with the silver
mines of La Plata, and my proud cousin, and the all
lovely Georgiana De Lancey.

It is a blessed thing for the poor wretches who
are, by some means or other, defrauded of their
rightful portion of the good things which surround
them, that they can wander at will, and appropriate
to their own use the greenest spots that they can
find in the broad region of Hope. This was my
privilege, and I was by no means heedless of my

I hastened back to my boarding house, packed
up my clothes, paid Mrs. Riggs for my board, and
told her I should leave her in the morning. For
the first time, I wrote to my father, and informed

-- 162 --

[figure description] Page 162.[end figure description]

him of my determination to go to sea, and hinted
that I should not come back until I could come
with a fortune. I said not a word to Mr. Worhoss
about my intentions, for I didn't consider him entitled
to any consideration. As soon as it was dark,
I strolled up to the establishment of Miss Smith,
with the hope of catching a glance of Miss De
Lancey, but without success; there was not a light
to be seen, nor a soul stirring about that respectable
school; so I gave a parting look to the brick
walls, which enclosed the form of the gentle Georgiana,
and turned my back upon them with a sigh,
without even daring to hope that I should ever behold
her again.

In the morning I went to the Notary's office,
and signed my name to the ship's papers; and
while I was reading the articles of agreement, and
the act of Congress which they contained, the notary's
clerk snatched them away from me, and
asked me if I wanted to eat them. I replied, that
I didn't like to sign my name to an agreement
without reading it; upon which he cursed both his
eyes most profanely, and wished he might be
knocked into the shape of a cocked hat, if such a
thing was ever heard of, as a sailor reading a
ship's articles.

A bluff looking sailor who was standing by, said

-- 163 --

[figure description] Page 163.[end figure description]

he had got an old “articles” in his chest, and as
he was going in the Two Marys himself, he would
let me read them in my watch below, when we got
to sea. The notary asked me if I had got a protection,
and on hearing that I had not, he wanted
to know who was going to swear that I was an
American, as it was necessary for some body to do
so before I could get one. I expressed my fears
that I should not be able to get a protection, as I
knew of nobody who could swear to the fact of my
being a native born. As I said this, a greasy looking
man, in a bob tail green coat, said he would
sell me a protection that would exactly answer the
description of my person, if I had no objections to
changing my name to Smith.

“No, sir, I thank you,” I replied, “I don't like
the name of Smith.”

“You are a real fool,” exclaimed the Notary,
“Smith is as good a purser's name as a man need

“I think so too,” said the bob-tail-coated gentleman,
“it's a good name enough for a green
hand any how.”

“But why don't you swear for him, Pete?”
asked the notary.

“So I scall,” said the obliging Pete, “if he
scall give me two skillings?”

-- 164 --

[figure description] Page 164.[end figure description]

“I would do so with pleasure,” I replied, “but
will it not be perjury?”

“Don't make a josey of yourself,” said the notary's
clerk, “if the man is willing to swear for
you, what do you care about his perjuring himself?”

“Well,” I replied, “I am willing.”

So the gentleman swore that to the best of his
belief, &c. that I was born, &c.; and some other
form having been observed, a protection was procured
for me from the custom house, and I received
a month's pay in advance, and was told to be
on board the ship with my duds by two o'clock.
The sailor who offered to lend me the “articles,”
asked me to take a horn with him, and as I was
anxious to offend no one, I followed him into a
grocery close by; he walked up to the counter, and
filled a tumbler half full of whiskey, nodded to me,
and said, “here's luck, shipmate,” and drank it off,
without adding a drop of water to it. But for my
part, I took a very little gin, and a good deal of
water, and nodded to Jack, and repeated his words,
but I could not for the life of me swallow a drop of
the gin and water, the scent of it was so nauseous.
Jack threw down a sixpence, but the bar-keeper returned
him a cent, saying he charged three cents
a glass at retail, but as Jack took his whiskey by

-- 165 --

[figure description] Page 165.[end figure description]

the wholesale, he should only charge him two.
There were three or four dirty looking fellows, and
a couple of negroes, standing round the bar, and
they all laughed very loud at the bar-keeper's wit,
as though they had never heard the joke before.
Jack himself laughed, and the bar-keeper giggled,
and swore it was “too good;” the negroes said it
was “too sweet;” and they all swore with one
voice, that Jack was bound to treat the company;
so he told them to “take hold;” one of the negroes
beckoned in two more darkies, who were luxuriating
in the hot sun on a lazy bench at the door.
While these amiable gentlemen were filling their
glasses, I contrived to make my escape unperceived.

As I had no farewells to take, all my little arrangements
for the voyage were soon completed,
and at the appointed hour, I was on board the
Two Marys, with my chest, which contained a
couple of calico shirts, a pair of duck trowsers, a
monkey jacket, a black silk handkerchief, Blunt's
Navigator, and a jack knife. As soon as I got on
board, Mr. Ruffin, the mate, told me I must take
my long-tail coat off; I told him I would as soon
as I had put my chest away, and found a convenient
place to undress myself in.

I had got my chest half way down the cabin

-- 166 --

[figure description] Page 166.[end figure description]

stairs, when Mr. Ruffin called out in his gruff

“Hollo! youngster, if you want to get into the
after part of the ship, you musn't crawl in at the
cabin windows, but come aft as I did, by degrees,
through the hawse holes, and through every ringbolt
in the ship's deck.”

I have generally found it a safe way, when any
body addressed any conversation to me which I
could not understand, to make no reply, and as I
didn't comprehend a word of what Mr. Ruffin said,
I made no answer, but continued to take my chest
down into the cabin.

“Do you hear me, youngster?” growled Mr.

“Yes, sir,” I replied, looking up, “I hear you,
but I don't understand you.”

“Don't understand me!” exclaimed Mr. Ruffin,
with an oath, “can't you understand English?
Take your traps forward into the forecastle. Do
you understand that?”

I did not exactly understand it, but the steward
came to my assistance, and showed me where the
forecastle was, and helped me to put my chest into
it. I could not help thinking that so much violence
was entirely uncalled for on the part of Mr.

-- 167 --

[figure description] Page 167.[end figure description]

Ruffin, as I would have obeyed the most gentle signification
of his will with the greatest alacrity.

The forecastle was a dark and dirty looking
hole, without a particle of paint, and destitute of
every kind of convenience, for either dressing or
eating. If I had seen it before I signed the ship's
articles, I doubt whether I should have had courage
to have ventured on going to sea. It was not,
however, in my nature, to repine long at any thing,
so I hauled off my coat, and went upon deck, and
bustled about and made myself as busy as possible,
trusting that I should do right, but I doubt whether
I was of much service. The decks were full
of ropes and sailor's chests, and all manner of articles,
not one of which could I call by its right

The crew being all on board, the pilot took
charge of the ship, the lines were cast loose, and
we drifted off into the river, Captain Gunnell standing
on the end of the wharf, hallooing and cursing
until we were out of the sound of his voice. When
the ship reached the middle of the river, the anchor
was let go, the riggers were sent ashore, and the
cook, whom Mr. Ruffin called the “Doctor,” was
ordered to give the crew their suppers. It was an
order I was very glad to hear given, for I was very
hungry; but I looked in vain for the preparations

-- 168 --

[figure description] Page 168.[end figure description]

for eating, which I expected to see. My heart sank
within me, when on going into the forecastle, I
discovered that our supper consisted of a tub of
salt beef, some hard biscuits, and an iron kettle
filled with black tea, sweetened with molasses.

The sailors were the roughest looking set
of men I had ever seen in my life; they were
seated in a half circle on their chests, with each a
tin pot of smoking hot tea, and a long sheath
knife in his hand; they grumbled and damned,
and found fault with every thing before them, for
which I did not think they were much to blame.
They called the tea “water bewitched,” and one
of them swore it was the regular “Yawpan,” which
he had seen sold for sixpence the bushel in Macao.
Another said the beef was part of an old horse, and
swore he found a horse's hoof, with the shoe on it,
in the cook's coppers. As for the bread, they said
they should be obliged to carry a ten penny nail
in their pockets, whenever they went to their
meals, to nail the biscuit down to the deck, to keep
the worms from running away with it.

“I suppose, Bob,” said one, “we shall have
small stores all the voyage?”

“You may swear to that,” replied another,
“Philadelfy small stores, a tar pot and a scraper.”

At the first sight of the beef, I thought I could

-- 169 --

[figure description] Page 169.[end figure description]

not prevail upon my stomach to become a receptacle
for a mouthful of it; but, by degrees, my hunger
got the better of my scruples, and I borrowed
a knife from one of the sailors, and commenced
cutting myself a slice; forks there were none, but
I found that good carving was an accomplishment,
indispensable even in a ship's forecastle, for as my
knife diverged a little from a strait line, to include
a morsel of fat in the vicinity, one of my shipmates
growled out in no very pleasant tones, “cut square,
matey;” “none of your Philadelfy slices,” exclaimed
another, and without further notice, I received
a rap across the knuckles, from the knife
handle of the last growler.

“Who did that?” I exclaimed, starting upon
my feet.

“Who did it? you Johnny raw, I did it,”
replied a sailor; at the sight of whom all my valor
melted away. A stouter person than myself might
have pocketed an insult from him, without suffering
an imputation of cowardice; his huge fists and
broad shoulders inspired me with a feeling of respect
rather than fear. But I felt that I had been
insulted, and a feeling of shame made me shrink
from the notice of my companions, and I crept into
one of the berths, from whence I could look down

-- 170 --

[figure description] Page 170.[end figure description]

and take a leisurely survey of all that was going on.
As I gazed upon the rough faces, and listened to
the profane conversation of the sailors, I felt a misgiving
that there were evil days in store for me,
and I could not but wish that I had never left my
quiet home, to seek my fortune in the turbulent
world; but thoughts of home were always accompanied
with recollections of the cause of my leaving
it; and I dismissed all fears, and thought only
of the sneering prophecy of my cousin.

A smoky lamp, suspended from the ceiling of
the forecastle, gave but just light enough to show
the hard faces of the men who sat immediately
under it; and to reveal but dimly the prominent
features of those who were farther removed, leaving
a part of their persons completely wrapped in
obscurity; so that they appeared like half formed
beings, emerging out of chaos. They were all either
drunk, or in that surly and brutish state, which
succeeds to a drunken revel. When their supper
was over, they kicked the tub of beef into a corner,
and threw their tin pots on one side, and all signs
of a meal were gone: clearing away the supper
things was a short ceremony. Notwithstanding
their apparent surliness and ill humor, one of them
volunteered a song, and in a voice like a

-- 171 --

[figure description] Page 171.[end figure description]

northwester, was proceeding with great solemnity to

“It was a ship and a ship of fame,
Launched off the stocks, and bound for the Main,”
when he was suddenly interrupted by a voice on
deck, exclaiming, “hallo there below! stand from
under!” And down jumped a young sailor, with
a little blue keg under his arm. “Who knows
me?” exclaimed the new comer; “here I am, Jeremiah

Whether it was because of the light hearted and
merry tones of the young sailor's voice, or his neat
and good-looking person, or the sight of the little
blue keg which he brought with him, I cannot say,
but his presence seemed to give universal satisfaction;
and the sailors all gave him a hearty welcome,
although none of them recognized him for
an old acquaintance, which gave Mr. Bowhorn
some surprise, for he said he thought he knew
every body. After he had satisfied sundry inquiries
about the names of his landlord, his sweet-hearts,
and his last ship, he sat down and called for
a tort, upon which, one of the sailors took a little
horn drinking cup out of the till of his chest, and
Jeremiah filled it with gin, out of his little cask,
which he called his “bull,” and passed it in turn
to each of the sailors. As he filled the last tort,

-- 172 --

[figure description] Page 172.[end figure description]

he caught sight of my head, as I stretched it
out over the side of the berth, to see what was going
on, and he swore he would have me out of my
hiding place in a trice, if I didn't jump out and
take a horn. “Come, come, shipmate,” he said,
“it is too early to go to prayers yet, so haul yourself
out, and take a tort of the real stuff.” So I
jumped out of my birth, for my heart yearned towards
the new comer the moment I heard his
voice; and in a valiant attempt to swallow a horn
of new whiskey, I came near being strangled. My
imminent danger, instead of exciting sympathy,
caused the most boisterous merriment among my
shipmates; and to show me what a green horn I
was, each of them drank another tort of the newly
distilled poison without winking. A song appears
to be always the natural effect of drinking. The
singer, who had been interrupted by the sudden
dropping in of Jeremiah Bowhorn, again commenced
his solemn ditty, which was patiently listened
to by all hands until the close. But I will only transcribe
this one verse, for the benefit of my readers:

“It was a ship and a ship of fame,
Launched off the stocks, and bound for the Main,
With a hundred and fifty bold young men,
They were picked and chosen every one.”

It may, however, be considered ungenerous to

-- 173 --

[figure description] Page 173.[end figure description]

give but one verse, and as the next one seems to
be necessary to complete the sense of the first, I
will transcribe that too:

“Benjamin Jones was her captain's name,
He was a fine and a brisk young man,
And as brave a sailor as ever went to sea,
And we were bound for the coast of Africa.”

After this song, there was more whiskey drank,
and another song was sung, “'T was down in Cupid's
garden,” and then another and another. All
the songs had choruses, in which I joined with all
my might, and a terrible uproar we made. The
fish in the river, as they swam past our ship's
bows, must have been frightened at the noise.
For my own part, I began to think myself fortunate
in falling into the society of such a fine set
of fellows, and my unfavorable impressions were
fast wearing away. Even the man who had rapped
me over the knuckles with his knife handle,
no longer looked as forbidding as at first sight he
appeared; his black shaggy eyebrows, it is true,
cast a dark shadow over his face, but the eyes
which looked out from beneath them were as blue
and as mild as an infant's; and then his broad,
manly chest, and bull like neck, to which his curly
black hair clung like the tendrils of a vine to the

-- 174 --

[figure description] Page 174.[end figure description]

trunk of an oak, gave an assurance of strength
which it was comfortable to know I could depend
upon in time of need.

The tort was passed around so freely, that at
last my pleasant companions began to lose their
relish for music, and commenced making sounds
which were any thing but indicative of harmonious
feelings. In the place of singing, they all
evinced a decided inclination for fighting, and
more than one boasted of his individual prowess.
Fearing that I might get into a broil, and distrusting
my ability to defend myself with credit, I
again retreated to my berth, that I might be out
of harm's way; but it was no easy matter to get
into it, for it appeared to be flying round and
round, and I was obliged to stand still some time
before it got steady.

The stout sailor with the shaggy eye brows,
whose name I found was Jack Snaggs, had remained
remarkably quiet for some time, sitting
with his lips tightly compressed together, apparently
waiting for one of his shipmates to begin
a quarrel with him. But stout men are generally
the last ones that quarrelsome individuals
choose to interfere with, and Jack Snaggs would
probably have had to forego the pleasure of a
fight, if he had not provoked one himself. He

-- 175 --

[figure description] Page 175.[end figure description]

sat for some minutes looking steadily at Jerry
Bowhorn, who, nothing daunted by his frowns,
shot fiery glances at him from his keen hazel

“I say, shipmate,” at last said Jack Snaggs to
Jeremiah Bowhorn, “what are you looking at
me for?”

“Because you were looking at me,” replied

“Well, how do you like the looks o'me?”
said Jack.

“I don't like the looks of you at all,” replied
Jerry, with an oath.

“How are you going to help yourself, shipmate?”
growled Jack.

To this interrogatory, Jerry made no other reply
than to untie his black silk neckhandkerchief
and throw it upon the floor.

“I say, shipmate,” said Jack, “warn't you
once in Jib-boom alley?”

“I disremember,” replied Jerry, “whether I was
or not; 'spose I was?”

“I know blasted well you was,” replied Jack,
getting more excited, “and you are the highbinder
which took away my young woman, the boy
Jack, one night at old mother Dooqueen's, when
I was swipy.”

-- 176 --

[figure description] Page 176.[end figure description]

“Did I?” said Jerry, tauntingly.

“Yes, you are the very highbinder which did
that thing,” replied Jack.

“Do you call me a highbinder, you drunken
swab,” exclaimed Jerry, starting upon his feet,
and at the same time pulling off his shirt, and
flourishing his fists in the air.

Jack Snaggs no sooner witnessed this feat,
than he imitated it without the least possible delay,
and made a pass at Jerry with one of his
huge fists. But the other sailors interfered, and
said if there was going to be a fight, it should be
done in ship-shape fashion or not at all. They
then pulled a chest into the middle of the floor,
and having placed the two combatants astride of
it, with their faces to each other, at a proper distance
apart, they fixed them in their places
by driving a couple of nails through the seats of
their trowsers to prevent them from rising and
closing in.

Jerry squared his arms, and looked with an undaunted
eye upon his antagonist; but I trembled
with fright when I contrasted his slight and delicate
form with that of Jack Snaggs, who, now
that he had divested himself of his shirt,
display-a broad chest covered with crispy hair, and an
arm with prodigious muscular developments; my

-- 177 --

[figure description] Page 177.[end figure description]

heart was in my mouth, and I felt that the only
hope for Jerry was, that liquor might have rendered
that arm powerless.

They made several ineffectual passes at each
other, and at last Jerry succeeded in giving his
antagonist a blow in his left eye, which immediately
began to swell and turn black. Jack, however,
didn't appear to notice it, but sparred away,
and presently Jerry got a blow in his chest which
staggered him for a moment, and then, as if he
had received new vigor from the effects of it, he
plied his fists so well, and parried his antagonist's
blows with such dexterity, that he soon planted
another blow on his right eye, which evidenly discomposed
him, so much so, that it was plain to
perceive he threw about his fists at random, and
although he had a decided advantage in the
length of his arms, yet Jerry, from the quickness
of his motions, soon succeeded in gaining complete
mastery over him, when the sailors interfered,
and declared Jerry the victor. Poor Jack
was dreadfully disfigured; the blood was streaming
from his mouth and nostrils, and his eyes
were frightfully swollen; he acknowledged that
Jerry had flogged him fairly, and threw his arms
around his neck, and wept like a child. I could
not refrain from weeping myself to see him, apparently
without a particle of animosity, take the

-- 178 --

[figure description] Page 178.[end figure description]

young sailor in his arms, who had so beaten and
bruised him, and hug him to his shaggy breast,
while tears, mingled with blood, ran down his
rough face.

One of the sailors took a bottle of brandy out
of his chest, and washed the faces and hands of
both the combatants, and it was discovered that
they were neither of them as badly hurt as they
appeared to be. As soon as Jack could speak,
he declared it was the first time he had been licked
since his name was Snaggs.

“Your name aint Snaggs?” said Jerry.

“But it is though,” replied Jack.

“What, Jack Snaggs,” exclaimed Jerry.

“Ay, Jack Snaggs,” replied the other.

“Wasn't you in the Vandilly?” inquired Jerry.

“I was quarter-gunner of that barkey,” replied

“Well, I wish I may be turned ashore on a
grating, with a pig for a coxswain, if I wouldn't
sooner have struck my old mother than you.
Don't you remember your old chummy, Bill
Bowlin, the side boy, who was put into the mizen

“Remember you, yes,” said Jack, trying to
pull open his swollen eye lids, “but you said your
name was Bowhorn.”

-- 179 --

[figure description] Page 179.[end figure description]

“'Tother was only a purser's name,” said Jerry,
“but my real name is Jeremiah Bowhorn.”

This discovery, of course, caused a good deal
of talk and wonder, and more drinking, and more
singing had to follow. While we were in the middle
of a roaring chorus, Mr. Ruffin, the mate,
came to the forecastle scuttle, and called out,
“hallo, there below!”

“Hull high, and you wont break your shins,”
answered Jerry.

“Do you know who you are talking to?” said
Mr. Ruffin, gruftly.

“Yes, I know who you are,” replied Jerry,
“you were picked up along shore, the other day,
with an eye out.”

“What is that you say?” called out Mr. Ruffin
in great anger.

“Our Sal says she seed you in the museum for
a show,” replied another of the sailors, mimicking
the voice of an old woman.

“Come up on deck, and keep watch, you rascal,”
said Mr. Ruffin.

“Hadn't you better keep it yourself, as you
are up there,” said Jerry.

“Come up at once,” said Mr. Ruffin, “or I'll
be down among you in less time than a cat can
lick her ear.”

-- 180 --

[figure description] Page 180.[end figure description]

“Come along,” growled Jack Snaggs, “and
I'll straiten that ere crooked eye of yourn.”

Nothing will rouse a man's temper like an allusion
to his personal blemishes; and he will fight
in defence of his deformities when his character
might be assailed with impunity. The reply of
Jack Snaggs brought Mr. Ruffin into the forecastle
at a bound, as soon as the words were uttered.
The stairs which led into the forecastle had been
removed to make more room, and it showed no
small degree of courage in Mr. Ruffin, to intrude
himself among us, as there was no way for him to
retreat. He had no sooner landed on the floor,
than somebody put out the light, and with one
accord they all fell afoul of him and beat him until
he cried murder. Feeling certain that I should
have abundant cause to wish for an opportunity to
do so, before the voyage should be ended, I could
not restrain an inclination to give him two or three
smart kicks myself. At last he begged for mercy,
and the sailors took him up and helped him on
deck; and glad enough, no doubt, he was to escape
with the breath in his body.

They struck a light again as soon as they had
disposed of Mr. Ruffin, and to their utter dismay,
discovered that in the scuffle the keg of whiskey
had been overturned, and all the liquor spilled.

-- 181 --

[figure description] Page 181.[end figure description]

It was immediately determined that Jack Snaggs
should go on deck and ask permission of the
mate to go ashore and get a fresh supply of
grog, and if he should refuse, as it was presumed
he would, all hands were to rush up and
seize the mate, tie him to the fife-rail, and then
take the boat and go ashore.

It will be seen in the next chapter with what
success this plan was carried into execution.

-- 182 --

CHAPTER XVIII. According to promise, relates how Mr. Ruffin was tied to the fife rail, and how the sailors went ashore in the jolly boat, and how they returned again.

[figure description] Page 182.[end figure description]

Mr. Paterson, the second mate, having been
married only the night before, had obtained permission
from the captain to sleep ashore with his
wife; the cook was drunk in his berth; so there
was nobody for the mate to call to his assistance
but the steward; it was not, therefore, a very
valiant feat which my shipmates had undertaken
to perform.

Jack Snaggs went on deck, and found Mr. Ruffin
walking fore and aft, with his arms folded, and
his mind, no doubt, busily employed in devising
plans for “working up” the sailors when he should
get them off soundings, to pay them for the drubbing
they had given him.

“What the h— do you want?” he growled
out, as Jack approached him.

“If you please, sir,” said Jack, in a supplicating
voice, “I left all my white shirts ashore at
the washerwoman's, and I want to borrow the loan
of the jolly-boat to go after them.”

“Go below, you mutinous scoundrel,” replied

-- 183 --

[figure description] Page 183.[end figure description]

the mate, “or I'll blow your brains out.” At the
same time he called to the steward to bring him
his pistols,

But Mr. Snaggs was not a man to stand still
and have his brains blown out; so he caught Mr.
Ruffin in his arms, and held him fast, until the men,
who were waiting to hear a scuffle, rushed on
deck, and according to previous arrangement,
bound him hand and foot, and then lashed him to
the fife rail. The steward, in the mean time, had
come on deck with the pistols, and Mr. Ruffin ordered
him to shoot Jack Snaggs, but he declined
doing any such thing, saying he didn't ship for it.
Jerry had sense enough to reflect that pistols were
dangerous instruments, so he took them out of
the negro's hands, and threw them overboard.
They then lowered away the jolly boat, and finding
themselves masters of the ship, they came to the
conclusion that they would take their chests
ashore with them, for fear they might wish to remain
after they got there. One of the sailors
said they could go before the Mayor and swear
they were afraid of their lives, and that would
clear them from all harm. They accordingly put
all their baggage into the boat, and insisted that
I should go with them; but I was afraid of the
consequences, and refused to go. They made me

-- 184 --

[figure description] Page 184.[end figure description]

promise that I would not release the mate, and
then they jumped into the boat, gave three cheers,
and pushed off. As soon as they were gone, I
jumped down into the forecastle, crept into a berth,
and snored away with all my might, pretending to
be fast asleep.

Mr. Ruffin was no sooner set at liberty by the
steward, than he came forward, swearing and cursing
most horribly; he jumped down into the forecastle,
and going to the berth where the black
cook was fast asleep, began to flog him with a
piece of tarred rope; but finding he could not
wake up the negro, he came to the berth where I
lay, probably attracted by the noise I made
through my nose, in trying to appear as though I
was sound asleep, and the first thing I perceived
was a stinging cut across my shoulder from a
rope's end. I started up to avoid a repetition.
“Haul yourself out of that, you green horn,”
exclaimed Mr. Ruffin, “and come upon deck and
keep watch.” So without any opposition, I followed
Mr. Ruffin on deck; he ordered me to keep
watch for the remainder of the night, and to
rouse him at seven bells in the morning; he
then went below, and after knocking the steward
down, and kicking him for falling, he went to

-- 185 --

[figure description] Page 185.[end figure description]

I paced the deck until I grew weary and sleepy,
and then I wrapped myself up in a monkey jacket
and lay down, and was soon lost in sleep.
Dreams are not often interesting at second hand,
so I shall not intrude upon my kind reader those
with which I was visited on this occasion.

I felt a sudden twinge at my ear, which broght
me upon my feet, and opening my eyes, the first
object I saw was the ugly face of Mr. Ruffin.
“This is a pretty way to keep watch,” said the
mate; “the sun has been up these two hours.”

“I dare say,” I replied, rubbing my eyes.

I felt stiff and lame, and it was some time before I
could move myself with my accustomed activity.
Mr. Ruffin made a signal of distress, by hoisting the
ensign union down, and very soon Captain Gunnel
came off with a boat full of men. The mate related
to him the particulars of the last night's rebellion,
with a few gratuitous additions respecting
his own valorous achievements; at which Captain
Gunnel was so enraged, that he called the steward
to him, and then knocked him down the cabin
stairs, for having refused to shoot Jack Snaggs;
he then struck the cook over the head with an iron
soup ladle, and shook his finger at me in a threatening
manner. After having promised to do a good
many horrible things, he got into the boat and

-- 186 --

[figure description] Page 186.[end figure description]

started for the shore, and in less than an hour, he
returned with the ship's jolly boat, and all the deserters;
but they were as drunk as lords, and Mr.
Ruffin, the cook, and myself, were forced to hoist
them on board. Another boat came off soon after,
with half a dozen riggers, and the pilot; the wind
springing up fair, the ship was got underway, and
we were soon outside of the Hook, and before sunset,
the Highlands of Neversink looked like a little
blue speck in the horizon.

The first three days I was deadly sick, and I am
entirely ignorant of every thing that took place
during that time. The fourth day I began to recover
my appetite, and as it returned I devoured the
coarse food voraciously, which my stomach had
refused to receive before. I gradually gained
strength, and ran up and down the rigging without
fear, and felt as happy and as careless as the porpoises,
which leaped about our ship's bows. All
the sailors, with the exception of Jack Snaggs, had
recovered from the effects of their dissipation, and
they jumped at the call of Mr. Ruffin, and appeared
to obey his orders with as hearty a will as
though nothing had ever happened between them.
Captain Gunnell had lain aside his white waistcoat
and ruffle shirt, and made his appearance on the
quarter deck, in a dress not much better than a

-- 187 --

[figure description] Page 187.[end figure description]

sailors. I have no doubt he felt himself much more
at his ease, than he did when dressed up in his
shore suit.

The weather was bright and warm, and every
thing appeared joyous and pleasant; the ship
bounded and dashed through the water, leaving a
foaming white track behind her, and throwing the
spray from her bows like drifts of snow; the very
waves appeared to leap up with pleasure, and the
glorious sun seemed to look down upon us with
intelligent kindness, for there was not another object
that we could see upon the waters, to be gladdened
by his beams; and at night the stars twinkled
merrily and brightly, as though they kept watch
over our destinies; the winds and the waves made
music expressly for our ears, at least I could not
but think so, for there were none to participate
with us in these delights. I was very happy, and
had it not been for thoughts of home, and dreams of
Georgiana De Lancey, I could have remained forever
at sea; at least I felt so then. Every day I
learned the name of some new rope, and added to
my nautical acomplishments, by practising, in my
watch below, the art of making running bowlines
and turk's heads.

I have said that all hands had recovered from
the effects of their drinking, but Jack Snaggs; he,

-- 188 --

[figure description] Page 188.[end figure description]

unfortunately, had contrived to smuggle on board
in his chest a jug of rum, of which he drank so
constantly, that the delirium tremens, or, as the
sailors called it, the horrors, was the consequence.
It was a melancholy sight to see a stout vigorous
man, like Jack, stand with terrified looks, and cry
out that the evil one was in pursuit of him; whenever
he laid down in his birth, he would exclaim,
“there he is, there he is — save me, save me,”
and then the sweat would start upon his forehead,
and his teeth would chatter like a man's in an ague

On the fifth day after we left port, towards sunset,
a heavy black cloud was seen in the horizon
ahead, and, as it grew dark, a constant succession
of flashes of vivid lightning appeared to dart from
it. The sailors said we were getting into the Gulph
Stream. The cloud began to rise as we approached
it, and the air grew warm and oppressive. We
were soon in thick darkness, which was relieved,
however, by continual flashes of lightning; the
thunder pealed and rattled over our heads, and our
ship trembled like a leaf; soon the rain came
down in torrents, and sudden gusts of wind assailed
us on either quarter. Fortunately, we had
shortened sail, and made every preparation for a
storm before it grew dark. The courses were

-- 189 --

[figure description] Page 189.[end figure description]

hauled up, the topsails close reefed, the jib and
spanker hauled down, and a storm staysail set. All
hands had been called upon deck, except Jack
Snaggs, who, on account of his horrors, was allowed
to remain below; and we all stood huddled
together, on the quarter deck, that we might be in
readiness to carry into execution any orders which
should be given. For my own part, I enjoyed the
sublimity of the scene highly, and felt not the least
fear; indeed, the only thing which annoyed me was
the water running down my back, which rather
dampened my admiration of the tempest. The
sky was pitch black, but the sea was covered with
little particles of luminous matter, so numerous and
so bright, that they cast a greenish glare upon our
ship, and showed in strong relief all her spars and
ropes against the sky; in addition to this strange
and unnatural light, a ball of phosphorescent matter
had gathered at each mast head, and at the ends
of the yards, and gave the ship the appearance of
being illuminated with goblin lanterns. These were
novel sights to me, but to the sailors, and even to
Captain Gunnel and the mate, they were sights of
terror; these men who, on ordinary occasions,
were full of ribald jests and wanton oaths, now
stood with hushed voices, apparently waiting for
some expected evil. They knew from experience,

-- 190 --

[figure description] Page 190.[end figure description]

the dangers which surrounded them; but I, from
ignorance, was without fear or apprehension. I
stood looking over the gunnel, watching the
lightning as it crinkled along on the surface of the
waves, when a shrill cry rising above the tumult of
the elements, and the pelting of the rain and the
roaring of the thunder, caused all hands to start
with fear. The sound came from the forward part
of the ship, and I recognized in it the voice of
Jack Snaggs; a flash of lightning the next moment
showed the poor wretch standing between the
night heads, with his hands thrown above his
head, as if preparing to leap into the ocean.
“Bear a hand forward,” exclaimed the captain,
“and save him—be quick.” But it was too late;
we heard him as he plunged, and I ran to the ship's
side, and caught a glimpse of him struggling in
the water; we threw overboard all the loose articles
about deck, but they were of no avail; it was
the last we ever saw of poor Jack.

-- 191 --

CHAPTER XIX. Will bring us into port.

[figure description] Page 191.[end figure description]

The next morning we were out of the Gulph,
and the sky was as blue, the wind as fair, and the
sun as bright and as warm as before; the waves
again seemed to leap up with joy, and the ship
bounded and dashed through the water as gayly as
ever; and I should have forgotten the events of the
night before, had it not been that Jack Snaggs
was missing from our mess.

“Harry,” said Mr. Ruffin, the mate.

“Sir?” said I.

“Take a slush shoe, and go up aloft and grease
the peril of the maintopsail yard; the slush was all
washed off by the rain last night.”

“I don't comprehend you, sir,” I replied.

“Don't what?” exclaimed the mate.

“I don't comprehend you.”

“What the h—is that? don't spout any of
your dictionary to me, but go do as I order you.”

All hands, except the man at the wheel, were
aloft, some at one mast head and some at another;
there was no one to whom I could apply for information,
and I had not the most vague idea of what

-- 192 --

[figure description] Page 192.[end figure description]

a peril could be. However, I thought, I will go
up and grease the maintopsail yard all over, and
then I shall be sure of greasing the peril. So I
got a bucket of warm grease from the cook, and,
not without a good deal of difficulty, succeeded in
getting it into the main top. I sat the bucket of
grease down in the top to rest myself, and at the
same time to take a look at the maintopsail yard,
to see if there was any curious looking article
about it, that probably bore the name of a peril.
But I could see nothing which apparently needed
greasing. I looked down on deck again, and observing
that the Captain and Mr. Ruffin were busy
on the quarter deck looking at the sun, with their
quadrants, it occurred to me that I might slip
down on deck, and get my Blunt's Navigator out
of the forecastle, and take it up into the top with me,
where I could look for the meaning of the puzzling
word at my leisure. I accordingly left the bucket of
warm grease standing in the top, and slid down on
deck by the mainstay, and got into the forecastle
unperceived; but I had scarcely got the Navigator
into my hand, when I heard a terrible outcry
on deck, and Mr. Ruffin calling out my name with
all his might. I dropped the Navigator, and jumped
upon deck, and it was not long before I found
out the cause of the tumult.

-- 193 --

[figure description] Page 193.[end figure description]

Now it happened, that in consequence of Captain
Gunnell having got all his sea clothes wet the
night before, he had been obliged to dress himself
in his long shore suit, while his other duds, as he
called them, were hung up on the spanker boom
to dry; it being also clean shirt day with Mr.
Ruffin, he too had dressed himself in a new calico
shirt and a blue roundabout, for which he paid two
pound ten to a Liverpool tailor, and which was as
good as new, for Mr. Ruffin having a wife and
half a dozen children, was very careful of his
clothes. Now, Captain Gunnell and Mr. Ruffin,
as I have observed before, were on the quarter
deck, taking an observation of the sun, but as the
wind was drawing aft, and the ship kept coming
up, the maintopsail kept dodging against the sun,
and obstructing their view, so they took their stations
amidships directly under the maintop, where
they could have a better sight

“Does she rise yet?” asked Capt. Gunnell,
putting his quadrant to his eye, and turning his
face upward; “does she rise, sir?” for sailors
call every thing she, even the sun.

“Ay, ay, sir,” replied the mate, who also had
his face turned upward, with one eye shut, and
the other applied to his quadrant, while his mouth
was wide open.

-- 194 --

[figure description] Page 194.[end figure description]

It unluckily happened that while the captain
and mate were in this position, the man at the
wheel put his hand in his pocket to feel for his tobacco,
and a sea striking the ship at the same
moment under the counter, the wheel was knocked
out of his other hand, which caused the ship
suddenly to broach to, and the motion overturned
the bucket of warm grease in the top, and down
came a torrent of slush, which covered the Captain
and his mate from head to foot; and not a small
quantity found its way down Mr. Ruffin's throat.
Of course there was no observation got that day. I
cannot pretend to relate what happened after I came
upon deck, for I was so much terrified when I discovered
the mischief that was done, as to be quite
beside myself. The captain ordered Mr. Ruffin to
log me, and swore he would send me back to the
States in irons, by the first man of war he should
meet with, to be tried for my life. He threatened,
besides, to feed me on bread and water the remainder
of the voyage, and to stop all my wages,
to pay for his clothes which I had spoiled.

I told Captain Gunnell the reason of my leaving
the grease bucket in the top; and after that,
neither he nor the mate ever refused to explain
the meaning of any term which I did not understand.

-- 195 --

[figure description] Page 195.[end figure description]

It was more than two months after we left the
Hook, when, at day break in the morning, we
made the land on our lee bow. It proved to be
Cape St. Marys, at the mouth of the Rio de la
Plata, and as the wind was fair, we were soon
making our way up the yellow waters of this famous
river. We passed by Monte Video without
dropping anchor, and on the fourth day after
entering the river, we were moored in five fathom
hole, opposite Buenos Ayres. Captain Gunnell
dressed himself in his greasy blue suit, and went
ashore in the jolly boat. He sent back orders to
the mate not to allow a soul to leave the ship. I
was grieved to hear this order, for I longed to set
my feet once more upon dry land; and the sight
of the domes and towers rising above the flatroofs
of the distant city, excited the strongest curiosity
in me to have a nearer view of them. I had
heard extravagant stories told of the magnificence
of the old churches, which were erected in
this city by the Jesuits, when the province abounded
with gold and silver; of crucifixes of solid
ingots, and altars and images of gold, sparkling
with precious stones. Night after night, when
the labor of the day was over, have I sat gazing at
the faint and glimmering lights ashore, until I fell
asleep, and dreamed of walking with black eyed

-- 196 --

[figure description] Page 196.[end figure description]

Spanish girls beneath the lofty roof of some cathedral,
the floors of which were paved with pure

But Mr. Ruffin was determined that dreams
like these should never be realized. It was a favorite
maxim with him, to obey orders if you
break owners; and I do not believe he would
have consented for a man to leave the ship if she
had been sinking. He was one of those strict
disciplinarians, who will keep the letter of the
law, even though they break the spirit of it in
so doing.

Jerry Bowhorn and I had become fast friends,
and he was as anxious as myself to go ashore,
though from different motives; he wanted to see
the girls, and have a blow out of grog, and I
wanted to see the churches and hear the women
talk Spanish. Had Jack Snaggs been living,
we would have tied the mate to the fife rail, and
gone ashore in spite of him, and the Captain's orders.
There was no one in the forecastle besides
Jerry to whom I could have safely trusted a
plan for committing such an outrage, and, even
had I been disposed to do so, we were all so tired
and weary with hard work when it came night,
that we were glad enough to lay down to rest.
There is nothing which will so effectually quell

-- 197 --

[figure description] Page 197.[end figure description]

discontent, and put an end to a revolt, as good hard
work; a man who is tired to death with labor has
but an indifferent appetite for treason.

At last an opportunity offered for both Jerry
and myself to gratify our desires. We had been
in the roads almost three weeks, and we had not
seen Captain Gunnell during that time, when at
the close of a dark and blustering day, he came
on board in a shore boat, which he dismissed as
soon as he left her. I thought he had taken a
very strange time to visit us, but I was glad to
see him again, although he didn't put himself to
the trouble of speaking to me. He was dressed
in a new suit of clothes, and I thought he looked
remarkably fine; indeed it was so long since I
had seen any body besides Mr. Ruffin and the
swarthy custom house officer, that he must have
looked very bad indeed for me to have thought

As soon as the Captain came on board, he took
the custon house officer on one side, and I observed
they were in very earnest conversation.
The officer at last shrugged his shoulders, and
was walking away, when the Captain took a roll
of bank bills, as I supposed, from his pocket
book, and gave him, upon which they resumed
their conversation, and then the Captain ordered

-- 198 --

[figure description] Page 198.[end figure description]

the jolly boat to be lowered away, and Jerry and
I were told to get into her. I obeyed the order
with great alacrity, thinking an opportunity had
come of visiting the city. But Jerry told me I
had no great cause for rejoicing, as he understood
perfectly well the nature of the expedition on
which we were bound; he said the Captain had
chosen a stormy night for smuggling some goods
on shore, and that he had bribed the custom
house officer to assist him in landing them. “However,”
said Jerry, “if you choose to join me, we
will work a traverse, and get ashore in spite of

I told him I would join him in any thing he
might propose or undertake short of murder and
robbery, for my desire to go ashore amounted to
a frenzy.

Jerry's supposition proved true; the jolly boat
was filled with small packages of light goods,
and then the Captain and the custom house officer
got into her, and we shoved off from the ship,
and began to pull in for the shore, the second mate
acting as coxswain, while Jerry and I pulled at
the oars. The night was dark and stormy, and
the waves ran high, which caused us to make but
little headway. I rowed with all my might, but
the Captain got angry, and swore at me for not

-- 199 --

[figure description] Page 199.[end figure description]

rowing better. I had never been accustomed to
handle an oar, and I suppose I exerted myself
twice as much as was necessary, for, by the time
we reached the shore, my hands and arms
were so violently cramped I could hardly move

The faithless guardian of the customs pointed
to a spot opposite to the Recolata, a spacious cemetery,
with a large chapel for the performance of
the burial services, as being the best and most secure
place to land the goods; but the boat was
deep, and there being no pier, we could not approach
very near to the beach. So the Captain
asked Jerry if he thought he could carry him
ashore on his shoulders.

“Certainly I can, sir,” replied Jerry, “I could
carry two just like you.”

“But, consider,” said Captain Gunnell, “I
am very heavy, much heavier than you think I

“And I am very strong in my back,” replied
Jerry, “I was always considered so; I once carried
old Commodore Pottgut ashore on my back,
in Ballyparaso.”

“You did?” said the Captain.

“To to sure I did,” replied Jerry, “when I
was in the States' service.”

-- 200 --

[figure description] Page 200.[end figure description]

“Well,” replied the Captain, “if you carried
him, you can carry me, I know.”

Accordingly, Jerry jumped into the water,
which was almost up to his middle, and Captain
Gunnell tucked the tails of his coat under his
arms, and took the watch out of his fob, and held
it in his hand to prevent it from getting wet in
case of an accident, and then mounted himself
upon Jerry's shoulders. He was a pretty good
load, but Jerry, as he said, was very strong in
his back, and he bore off his burden very steadily,
but not exactly in the direction of the shore.
When he had gone about three times the length
of the boat, he suddenly stopped, and gave a
loud scream.

“Hush, you rascal,” said the Captain, in a
suppressed voice, “you will alarm the guard.”

“I can't help it,” roared Jerry, “I have got
the cramp. Oh!”

“Silence, you villain,” exclaimed the Captain;
“if you let me drop, I'll send you on board the
prison ship, and have you flogged.”

“O, Captain Gunnell,” again shouted Jerry,
“I shall let you drop unless somebody comes to
my assistance. Come here, Franco, and lend
me a hand to keep the Captain from falling.”

-- 201 --

[figure description] Page 201.[end figure description]

“Jump,” said the second mate, “before he lets
the Captain fall.”

I didn't wait to be ordered a second time, but
leaped into the water, and Jerry seeing me coming
towards him, suddenly shook his burden from
his shoulders, and called to me to follow him, and
off we started, leaving the Captain floundering in
the water. We soon reached the shore, and
climbed up a steep bank, and ran about half a
mile, without stopping either to speak or look behind

-- 202 --

CHAPTER XX. Relates what happened after getting ashore.

[figure description] Page 202.[end figure description]

There is no danger,” said Jerry, “that we
shall be pursued to-night,” as we stopped to take
breath, “so let us find a place to lodge in, and in
the morning we will look about us.”

Although I was wet and weary, my hands covered
with blisters, and the night was dark, and
the wind was cold, yet my spirits were light as a
feather. The uncertainty of our prospects, and
a curiosity to see what the morning's light would
reveal, kept my thoughts from dwelling on the
destitute condition in which we were placed.
We were outside of the town, but there were no
indications that we were in the immediate vicinity
of a populous city, and there was neither a tree,
nor a house to be seen. It was as still and as
desolate as the great desert.

“Come,” said Jerry, “let us get amongst the
houses, and I will soon hunt out something to eat,
and a bed, never fear.”

“Have you got any money?” I inquired, for
I began to fear it would be no easy matter to
procure food and lodging without it.

-- 203 --

[figure description] Page 203.[end figure description]

“Not so much as would jingle on a tombstone,”
replied Jerry, “but I have got something
that we can make a raise with, I dare say; here's
the captain's watch. I caught it out of his hand
to keep it from getting wet, and forgot to stop
and return it to him.”

I was very sorry to hear this, and told Jerry
I would never consent to his selling the watch,
nor take any part of the proceeds of it; but he
succeeded in silencing my scruples, by reminding
me that the wages which were due us, and the
clothes which we had left behind, would repay the
captain for the loss of his watch.

We turned our faces towards the city, and
soon found ourselves in a dark, narrow street,
with low, flat-roofed houses on each side, having
windows with iron bars and gratings, which gave
them the appearance of prisons. We walked
some distance down this street without meeting
any one, or seeing a light in any of the houses.
At length we came to a house which give some
evidences of its being inhabited. A light was
streaming from a half-opened door, into which I
peeped, and discovered a swarthy looking man
with long black hair hanging down his shoulders;
he wore a conical shaped red cap, and a green
jacket, embroidered with silk braid; he was

-- 204 --

[figure description] Page 204.[end figure description]

sitting on a low stool, singing in a subdued voice,
and thrumming on a guitar; at a table, on which
were standing a brown jug and two or three tumblers,
were seated two men dressed similarly to
the other, apparently amusing themselves by
making passes at each other with long, murderous-looking
knives, which they parried with great
dexterity; they formed a highly picturesque group;
but thinking the society of gentlemen who amused
themselves after such a fashion, not very desirable,
we continued our walk in search of a house of
more promising appearance, until we came to a
cross street, which by the aid of a very dim lamp
we discovered was the Calle Viente Cinco de
. By the captain's watch it was near midnight,
and we began to be apprehensive that we
should be compelled to spend a sleepless and a
supperless night in the streets, for we could neither
see a soul stirring, nor catch the glimpse of a
light in any of the houses. As we stood hesitating
which way to turn next, our ears were suddenly
gladdened by a shout of many voices from the
house opposite to where we were standing, and
the oaths and expressions which we heard assured
us they were not uttered by Spaniards. We
knocked loudly at the door of the house without
any hesitation, and it was soon opened by a tall

-- 205 --

[figure description] Page 205.[end figure description]

muscular looking man in a blue jacket, who exclaimed,
upon seeing us, “d—n your souls, what
do you want?”

“We want something to eat, and a bed,” said

“The divil take your carcasses then,” said the
man, “why didn't you come before?”

“Because we couldn't get ashore,” replied

“Have you run away from your ship?” asked
the man.

“Yes, Sir,” I replied.

“Yankees too. Och faith, it is all right; come
in, and go back into the abbey, and tell the cook
to give you some beef. But stop, and take a drop
of brandy first.” We walked in, and he bolted
the door again.

There were about twenty sailors seated at a
long table, with cards in their hands, pipes in their
mouths, and glasses standing before them. They
had apparently just arrived at that point in good
fellowship and merry-making, where a man feels
himself impelled to call his friend a thief and a
liar, and to strike any one in the face who may
happen to sit along side of him. But as Jerry
and myself were perfectly sober, of course we felt
no disposition to participate in their boisterous

-- 206 --

[figure description] Page 206.[end figure description]

mirth, but on the contrary we regarded them with
feelings which would have done honor to a tetotaller.
We passed on through this apartment,
preceded by the man who admitted us, into a
little square building, which he called the “round
house;” here he ordered the cook, who was a
one-legged old sailor, to give us some supper.
The cook placed before us, with very little delay,
a huge piece of roast beef, a couple of very small
loaves of bread, and a pitcher of aqua vitæ.

When the keen edge of our appetites was taken
off, we asked the cook, who was solacing himself
with a paper segar, what the name of our entertainer

“None of your gammon, my coveys,” replied
the cook, “you know Jemmy as well as I do.”

“If that is the name of the landlord here,” I
replied, “I can swear that I never heard of him

The cook having given vent to his astonishment
in a multitude of curious oaths, informed us
that our entertainer was Irish Jemmy, who had
deserted many years before from an English Sloop
of War, but who now kept a house for runaway
sailors, and who was universally known as the
sailors' friend.

“Jemmy is the best man as ever lived,” said the

-- 207 --

[figure description] Page 207.[end figure description]

cook; “he will feed you on beef and rum as long
as you have a mind to stay in his house, and never
ask you when you are going; and when you do
go, if you havn't got a jacket, he'll give you one.
But then you musn't make him mad.”

“Ah,” said Jerry, “who would make such a
man mad?”

“Why, you might do it by accident, and then
he would as lief kill you as drink a horn of brandy,”
replied the cook.

“He never did kill any one, did he?” I asked,
somewhat alarmed at the cook's account.

“He shot his wife wonst in this very blessed
room,” replied the cook, in a low voice, “Cos
as she disputed him when he was swipy.”

“And why didn't the authorities arrest him,
and hang him,” I asked.

“What, just for shooting his wife?” replied the
cook; “you may tell your mammy when you see
her, they don't do such things in this here country.
Besides, if she didn't wish to be shooted, she
oughtent to have disputed him; warnt he her husband?
Sarved her right.”

“Did she die?” I asked.

“Dead as a door nail. And now he's got
another reg'lar nice young heifer,” replied the

-- 208 --

[figure description] Page 208.[end figure description]

“Of course,” replied Jerry, “he never so much
as winks one of his blackguard eyes at his customers,
if he does shoot his wives.”

“Don't he?” replied the cook; “why bless yer
heart, 'twas him as broke my leg, cos I made him

“He break your leg,” said Jerry, letting his
knife fall.

“To be sure he did,” replied the cook, “what
on it. I dont care; he's got to find me in grub
all the rest o' my days, besides all the new duck
I want for frocks and trowsers. I am nothing but
an old bugger, it makes no odds whether I've got
one leg or two; I'm not running arter the gals,
like you young chaps.”

“Are you an American?” I asked, feeling my
sympathies excited for the old cook.

“Me a yankee!” replied the cook, disdainfully.
“No, I am a reg'lar born cockerny. Do you
know what that is? A real citizen of Lunnun,”
he continued, answering his own question; “and
do you know what makes me a citizen of Lunnun?”

“I suppose it is because you were born there,”
I replied.

“No, that aint it, young feller,” he replied.

-- 209 --

[figure description] Page 209.[end figure description]

“Because you were born in Bow Bells,” replied

“That aint it,” said the cook. “It's because I
was born in the cells of New-Gate, you green
horn; I knew you couldn't tell.” And so saying,
the old cook hobbled away with the remains of
the beef, chuckling at the recollection of his illustrious

I was not particularly well pleased with the
cook's account of Irish Jemmy, so I proposed to
Jerry to start for the pampas in the morning, and
wait there until our ship should sail. Jerry agreed
to do so; and as he had fortunately brought a
pistol ashore with him, he swore if Irish Jemmy
offered to harm a hair of my head, he would shoot
him without any hesitation. But as we had eaten
Jemmy's beef, and drank his brandy, I told Jerry
we would first talk about paying him, and then we
could shoot him afterwards, if there should be any
necessity for doing so.

Jerry acknowledged this was right and proper,
and said he would leave the Captain's watch in
pledge, until we might return. But when we
proposed it to Jemmy, he would listen to no such

“Tut, tut,” he said, “don't bother me with your
nonsense. Put up your watch; you may eat and

-- 210 --

[figure description] Page 210.[end figure description]

drink here as loug as you like in welcome, for
nothing, if you only pay me out of your advance,
when you get a ship.”

He said we might go out into the camp if we
chose, and if we escaped the Montaneros and the
Indians, we should find a hearty welcome at any
estancia or saladara, that we might fall in with,
where, if we were fond of jerked beef and farina,
we might stay forever, and no questions would be
asked us.

We were delighted to hear so good an account
of the hospitable habits of the Gauchos, and retired
to bed, with an intention of setting out for the
country as soon as it should be light. But the
fleas prevented us from closing our eyes, and as we
found it was impossible to sleep, we set off before
the day broke.

-- 211 --

CHAPTER XXI. Adventures in the Pampas, a Pampara, &c.

[figure description] Page 211.[end figure description]

We made our exit from the town by the same
narrow street through which we entered it the night
before; and we made such good use of our legs,
that by the time the sun peeped up above the level
plain, which lay stretched out to the horizon before
us, we could see nothing of the city at our backs,
but the domes and spires of the churches and convents.
Magnificent objects they were at a distance;
but a near view of their dilapidated walls, and the
nasty finery of their interiors, completely dispelled
all the bright dreams in which I had indulged of
their splendor. Alas! alas! that the Cross of
Christ should be elevated on a towering dome,
only to designate a collection of every thing that
is wretched in taste and balsphemous in art.

We continued to trudge on without meeting
with either Gauchos or Montaneros; and as the
day advanced, and our hunger increased, we began
to have serious misgivings of getting neither
jerked beef nor farina for our dinners. But we walked
sturdily on, neither being willing to give out first,
and at last we descried a clump of trees, at the

-- 212 --

[figure description] Page 212.[end figure description]

apparent distance of two or three miles, and shaped our
course for them, expecting to find an estancia; but
on reaching them, they proved to be a small orchard
of peach trees, with the walls of a house
standing near, which appeared recently to have
been burned. The house was surrounded by a
deep ditch, with a small draw bridge. We looked
for something eatable, but in vain. As we were
leaving the place, we discovered a party of horsemen
approaching, so we halted for them to come
up. As they were riding at a furious gallop, it
was not long before they were along side of us.
There were four of them; fine cut-throat looking
rascals they were. The foremost and youngest of
them, was a noble looking fellow, and he sat as
easily and as gracefully upon his horse's back, as
though he had been born there. His face was full
and swarthy, his shoulders broad, and his eyes
black and fiery; his long glossy black hair streamed
upon the wind as he rode. On his head he wore
a broad brimmed hat, and over his shoulders a
scarlet poncho, the simplest, but most graceful covering
ever worn upon a man's back. His legs
were bare. The other three were leaner and
dirtier, and their ponchos were coarse and ragged.

One of the horsemen spoke to us in Spanish,
which neither of us could understand; but Jerry

-- 213 --

[figure description] Page 213.[end figure description]

supposing they asked us what we were in search of,
replied, “very much of the beef and the farina,
signors.” This they understood as little as we had
understood them, and they directly saluted us in a
manner which we could not fail to feel, if we did
not understand.

The fine looking fellow in the red poncho, drew
his sabre, and gave Jerry a hearty thwack across
his shoulders, with the flat of it; and one of the
ragged rascals at the same time complimented me
in a similar manner, with the handle of a spear,
which he carried in his hand. This had a similar
effect upon both of us, for, without any concerted
action, we immediately took to our legs and scampered
for life; but we soon found ourselves stretched
upon the ground, for these fine fellows had, with
inconceivable dexterity, contrived to throw a small
cord around our heels, with which they tripped us
up. Finding it was impossible to escape, we made
no further attempt, and our captors having bestowed
two or three more whacks upon our shoulders,
motioned to us to get up behind them. As I had
taken a fancy to the wearer of the scarlet poncho,
I mounted behind him, and Jerry got up behind
the ruffian who had belabored me with the handle
of his spear. We were no sooner mounted, than
away they started at a hard gallop; it was with the

-- 214 --

[figure description] Page 214.[end figure description]

greatest difficulty that I made out to keep my seat.
I clung to the scarlet poncho with all my might,
and came near two or three times bringing both
the wearer of it and myself to the ground, for which
I was favored with some of the choicest curses in
the Gaucho dialect. We rode for more than an
hour, without in the least slackening our speed.
By and by, we came to an enclosure, where there
were a great number of horses. The Gauchos dismounted,
and caught, with their lassos, fresh horses
for themselves, and for Jerry and myself. When
they were remounted, they motioned to us to follow
them, and off they started again at a full gallop,
and off came Jerry and myself, almost simultaneously.
Fortunately, neither of us was hurt by
the fall, so we mounted again, and started once
more, and succeeded in keeping our seats; we had
no saddles, and it was terrible hard riding, for we
galloped very hard. Soon, however, my blood
became heated, and the rapidity with which we
scoured over the plain, excited my feelings, and I
experienced a sensation of wild delight, which I
had never felt before. I forgot my hunger, my
bruises, my perilous situation, and the aimless
journey on which I was bound, and thought how
happy I should be if I could but ride on forever
over those boundless plains.

-- 215 --

[figure description] Page 215.[end figure description]

These sensations lasted but a short time; our
horses began, after a while, to flag, their motions
became more uneasy, and my blood began to
cool, and feelings of hunger and weariness began
to oppress me. The sun was sinking in the west,
and a heavy, dull looking cloud, apparently
charged with rain, and wind, and lightning, was
rising in the opposite direction, when we came to
another roofless house, with blackened and smoky
walls, exactly like the one we had left. It was
surrounded by a deep ditch, with a draw bridge,
but there were no peach trees near it. There was
a drove of cattle grazing near, and one of our
captors caught a young bullock with a lasso by
his hind heels, and brought him to the ground;
and another of the Gauchos severed the head of
the animal from his body; it was quick work.
We all dismounted, and from the movement of
the Gauchos, Jerry perceived that they intended
to cook the bullock. So we set ourselves to work,
to collect together a heap of sticks, over which
they erected a gallows, from which they suspended
the carcass, without even divesting it of its skin.
One of the Gaucho's took a little pouch from beneath
a scarlet girdle, which he wore around his
waist, and having struck a light, he set fire to
the heap of sticks, which cracked and snapped

-- 216 --

[figure description] Page 216.[end figure description]

right merrily, and crisped the hide of the bullock.
This manner of roasting beef was entirely novel
to me, and under other circumstances, I might not
have regarded it with very pleasant yearnings;
but as it was, my mouth watered as I stirred up
the fire, and the carcass hissed, and cracked, and
sputtered. My appetite was so keen, it appeared
to me the heighth of human bliss to sit down to
sup off a whole ox.

It grew dark very suddenly, and the sky was
completely overcast with clouds. The fire, as we
stirred it up, and added fresh fagots, cast around
a lurid glare, which fell upon the forms of the
Gauchos, who were stretched out upon the ground,
wrapped in their ponchos, taking a nap, while the
bullock was roasting; the grazing cattle and the
blackened walls of the house were the only other
objects which the light revealed. It was a scene
of savage picturesqueness, and I should have enjoyed
it highly, had I not been so hungry. When
we thought the beef was sufficiently roasted, we
let the fire go down, and called up the Gauchos,
who began immediately to rake away the coals,
and make preparation for taking the bullock down.
But they suddenly stopped, and having listened for
a moment with hushed breath, they began to extinguish
the flaming embers, and to smother the

-- 217 --

[figure description] Page 217.[end figure description]

fire by throwing sand upon it. Judging from the
earnestness with which they set themselves to work,
we conjectured they had some good cause for doing
so, and we aided them with all our might,
Presently the sound of horses' feet was heard,
which grew plainer and plainer every moment;
the practised ears of the Gauchos had enabled
them to distinguish it long before it reached ours.
Having extinguished the fire, they caught their
horses and mounted them, and Jerry and I were
about to do the same, when one of the Gauchos
struck me across the shoulders with his sabre, and
throwing me the end of his lasso, the other being
fastened to a ring in his saddle, pointed to the
roasted carcass, to which I made it fast. I then
mounted my horse; the Gauchos appeared impatient
to be gone, but they walked their horses,
dragging the roasted bullock after them, and
Jerry and I followed in the rear. The tramp of
horses' feet approaching us, grew more and more
distinct, and from the sound there appeared to be
a numerous troop. The Gaucho who was dragging
along the carcass, finding it an incumbrance,
cast off his lasso and left it behind him. We continued
to walk our horses a little further, and then
we came to a halt. The horsemen from whom
we were fleeing were, as I judged from the

-- 218 --

[figure description] Page 218.[end figure description]

exclamations of our captors, a party of Indians, who
were attracted by the light of our fire. If they
had surprised us, they would have cut our throats
first, and then regaled themselves with the bullock
which we had been roasting for our supper; a consummation,
which it was any thing but pleasant to

From the actions of the Gauchos, I concluded
they considered themselves in danger of being
surprised, and I was impatient to start off on
a gallop. Our safety, however, was in the
pitchy darkness of the night, which almost
prevented our seeing each other, although we
were closely huddled together. By and by, the
horsemen reached the spot which we had left, and
came to a halt. They raked open the coals, which
sent up a few glimmering sparks, but not light
enough to reveal the forms of the marauders. We
could hear them yelling and shouting, apparently
giving vent to their disappointment in not finding
their expected prey. Presently we heard them in
motion again, and I thought they were going to
continue on their way, but my heart died within
me, when I discovered that they were riding in a
circuit around us, probably supposing that we
were somewhere in their immediate neighborhood.
From the sound of the horses' feet, there must

-- 219 --

[figure description] Page 219.[end figure description]

have been at least thirty of them. Round and
round they rode, sometimes approaching us so
closely, that we could hear their voices, as they
muttered to themselves. The Gauchos held their
breaths, and ground their teeth; they kept their
sabres in their hands, and their horses reined up
ready for a start. Jerry and myself were closely
huddled together, but we were afraid to speak,
even in a whisper; he trembled like a leaf, and
whether I trembled or not, I came near dying with
fright. I thought that my time was come, and the
prophecy of my cousin about to be fulfilled. I
saw myself, in imagination, with my throat cut
from ear to ear, blasting upon a desert plain, and
I thought of my poor mother, and my heart broken
sister. The horsemen, Indians or Montaneros,
or whatever they were, continued to ride
around and about us, sometimes almost touching
us as they flew past. Once I thought I could distingush
a dusky form, but before I could assure
myself of it, it was lost in the darkness. At last
the troop halted again, and after giving another
yell, they galloped back in the direction which
they came, and as the sound of their horses' feet
grew fainter and fainter, my heart grew stouter
and stouter, and by the time the sound had died
entirely away, thoughts of the roasted bullock

-- 220 --

[figure description] Page 220.[end figure description]

began to intrude themselves into my mind. Doubtless,
the musings of the Gauchos were running in
the same direction, for they dismounted from their
horses, and groped their way back to the ruined
house which we had left, feeling about on the
ground, as they went, and Jerry and I did the
same, but without finding the bullock. Strangely
enough, we were unable to find it at all, and the
Gauchos each lighted a paper cigar, and crawled
up alongside of the half demolished house, and
stretched themselves out to sleep. Happy fellows,
they could solace themselves with the unsubstantial
fumes of a paper cigar, and take their rest on
the bare ground without inconvenience. Jerry
and myself sat together on the ground, conjecturing
the probable motives of the Gauchos in making
us their captives, and offering such encouragement
to each other, as our minds could suggest.

Although the sky was filled with black and
heavy clouds, there was not a breath of wind
stirring. The atmosphere was warm and oppressive,
and I experienced a difficulty of respiration.
The horizon in the south-east had for some
time been constantly illuminated with flashes of
lightning, and every thing seemed to give notice
of an approaching storm. One of the Gauchos
started up, and exclaimed, “pampara,” upon which

-- 221 --

[figure description] Page 221.[end figure description]

the others withdrew from beneath the walls of the
house, and drew their ponchoes closely about them,
and lay down again in an exposed spot. I looked
to the east, and discovered the cause of the Gaucho's
exclamation. A bright yellowish cloud was
rising rapidly above the horizon, and spreading
itself over the sky; we were not kept long in
ignorance of its quality, for it soon burst, and a
gust of wind and hail swept over us, compared
with which the hardest gale I had ever experienced
was a gentle zephyr. It was well with the Gauchos
that they had crawled away from the walls
of the house, for they were prostrated in a moment.
As we were unable to stand upon our feet, we
threw ourselves upon the ground, with our faces
down, and a cloud of dust and leaves, branches
of trees, sticks, hail-stones, and fire, passed over
our backs. I was expecting every moment to
hear the troop of horsemen rush by on the wings
of the wind. The uproar and hurly burly of the
elements did not continue long; but when the tumult
began to subside, the rain began to pour down in
torrents. The Gauchos raised themselves up,
made the sign of the cross, muttered their prayers,
and laid down again, and apparently they soon fell
asleep. But I was not used to sleeping under

-- 222 --

[figure description] Page 222.[end figure description]

such circumstances, and, if I could have slept with
the rain pouring down upon me, my fears would
have kept me awake. Jerry himself was nodding,
and I was left alone to my reflections.

It was very evident that the Gauchos had no
intention of robbing us, for they had made no
attempt to search our persons, and I could not
believe that they had made captives of us for the
mere pleasure of beating us; the only use to
which I imagined they could put us, was to compel
us to join them on some perilous expedition
against the Indians.

That was an enterprise for which I had not the
least possible inclination. There was neither
profit nor honor to be gained in it; nothing that
would enable me either to gain the affections of
Georgiana De Lancey, or to triumph over my
haughty cousin. Weak and exhausted as I was,
and hopeless as the attempt seemed, I resolved to
make an effort to escape, and find my way back
to Buenos Ayres. It so happened that on the
afternoon in which I left the ship, I had taken the
pocket handkerchief of Georgiana De Lancey,
and tied it about my neck underneath my shirt,
and now pressing it to my heart, I thought of its
lovely owner, and the blood seemed to start with
quickened pulsations through my veins; it gave

-- 223 --

[figure description] Page 223.[end figure description]

me new life and fresh vigor to go through with
my resolution.

I jogged my companion, and told him what I
had resolved to do; he was at first loth to join me,
fearing that, if the Gauchos should awake before
we could make our escape, they would murder us
for making the attempt. But I soon prevailed
upon him to accompany me, and we crept away
from where the Gauchos were sleeping, upon our
hands and knees, until we were securely out of
their hearing. We were lucky in catching two
of the horses which were within the enclosure of
the ditch, and having walked them quietly over
the little bridge, we mounted them, and turning
our backs to the rain, galloped away as fast as
they would carry us. I felt at first very stiff and
sore, but the motion of the horse soon made me
feel warm and supple. We galloped away at the
imminent risk of breaking our necks till daylight
appeared, when the rain began to abate, and the
wind to lull. We were far enough from the Gauchos
to have no fear of them; but there was no
house in sight, and I felt that I could not hold out
much longer without food or rest. We continued
to ride until the sun was above the horizon, when
our eyes were gladdened by the sight of a house,
a long way off, with wreaths of blue smoke

-- 224 --

[figure description] Page 224.[end figure description]

ascending from the chimney; it was the most beautiful
sight that ever met my eyes; never before
did smoke find favor with me. We turned our
horses' heads directly for the smoking chimney,
and when we got to the house, which was only a
rude hut, we dismounted from our horses, and
walked in without any ceremony. Our appearance
told our tale; there was no need of words,
even though we could have spoken them. The
inmate of the hut understood our wants, and
treated us kindly. In the centre of the floor was
a bright fire, on one side of which, stuck upon a
long stick, was half of a sheep roasting, and suspended
over the fire from the end of a pole was a
pot boiling and bubbling, and sending forth a
savory odor, which caused the water to run out
of both corners of my mouth. A swarthy looking
Gaucho, and his still swarthier wife, with three
naked children, were seated on the bare clay floor
watching the fire. The man beckoned us to the
fire, and the woman brought us a log to sit upon,
while the children crowded around their father's
knees, and stared at us with their fingers in their

Jerry observed that these little Gauchos conducted
themselves for all the world like the children
in the States, for they, he said, always put

-- 225 --

[figure description] Page 225.[end figure description]

their fore fingers in their mouths when they saw
a stranger.

By the time our clothes were dry, the mutton
was roasted, and the Gaucho's wife having spread
it on a board, and taken the pot off the pole, gave
each of us a small biscuit, and something like a
squash shell; the man motioned to us to eat, and
we fell to, first upon the roast and then upon the
boiled, and then upon the roast and then upon
the boiled again.

It was a delicious meal. Such mutton! and
such soup! The Gaucho and the Gaucho's wife
looked at us with amazement, as we devoured the
fat and juicy meat, and swallowed the scalding
hot pot liquor. Many and hearty were the encomiums
which Jerry and I pronounced upon our
entertainers as we devoured their mutton. Jerry
swore that the Gaucho was the gentlemanliest
man he had ever seen in his life, and I told his
wife, although she could not understand a word
of what I was saying, that she was the handsomest
woman in the world but one, and that was
Georgiana De Lancey.

At length, our appetites began to fail us, and
Jerry, in the fullness of his gratitude, pulled out
the Captain's watch, and offered it to our host, at
the same time turning out his pockets to show

-- 226 --

[figure description] Page 226.[end figure description]

that we had nothing else to offer in payment for
our breakfast. The Gaucho's eyes sparkled at
sight of the watch, but he struck his hand upon
his breast, and shook his head indignantly, and
told us in very excellent pantomime that his feelings
were hurt by the offer. I rebuked Jerry
for insulting the honest man's feelings by offering
him such a trifle.

“What, then, shall we give him,” said Jerry;
“you know we hav'n't got a midi to bless ourselves.”

“Give him,” I replied, “we will give him
nothing, since we have nothing to give; but we
will stay with him, and work for him, to show our

“So we will,” said Jerry, putting the watch in
his fob again; “we will stay with him the rest of
our lives. But I feel confounded sleepy; let us
take a nap on that pile of sheep skins in the corner,
and when we wake we will pitch into the
mutton again. So we lay down upon the sheep
skins to sleep, and when we awoke, the sun was
in the western sky. I felt greatly refreshed, although
somewhat stiff and feverish. Perceiving
that the Gaucho's wife was making preparations
for the afternoon meal, we got up and stretched
ourselves, and when the mutton was ready, the

-- 227 --

[figure description] Page 227.[end figure description]

Gaucho invited us as before, and we began to
eat, but with appetites not half as keen as they
were in the morning; indeed, the mutton appeared
to have lost its exquisite flavor, and the
pot liquor was barely palateable. Jerry actually
found fault because we had but one little biscuit
given us. He said he didn't half like the
Gaucho's looks, and I was obliged to confess that
I thought he had a cut throat cast of the eye. After
dinner was over, we sat picking our teeth in
the door way; I told Jerry I felt more like travelling
than sleeping, and by way of sounding his
feelings, observed, that Buenos Ayres could not
be a very long way off.

Jerry replied that he did not think it was, and
if I would say the word, he was all ready to pull
up stakes and steer for Irish Jemmy's.

I was glad to hear him say so, and we agreed
to set off immediately. I beckoned to the Gaucho,
who was reclining on the floor, with his head
in his wife's lap, and the little Gauchos playing
about him, and tried to make him understand
that we were going to set off for the city, and
wanted him to show us the way. He pointed in
the direction that we must take, and we shook
hands with him and his wife, and then took our
departure on foot. The horses that we rode the

-- 228 --

[figure description] Page 228.[end figure description]

night before having been left to themselves, had
taken themselves off.

The storm had passed over, and the pampas
looked green and pleasant, the sky was soft and
blue, and the sun, though fast sinking in the
west, still imparted a warmth to the air; as a good
man, even in his dying moments, will warm the
soul by his converse.

We trudged on in fine spirits, exhilarated by
the influences of the weather, and the happy contrast
which our condition bore to what it was the
night before. Jerry pulled out his pistol, and on
examination, found it to be in good order. We
resolved to fight if either Indians, or Gauchos, or
Montaneros, should attack us again, and to die
rather than incur the risk of spending another
night like the last. We had advanced about two
miles, when we made these valiant resolves; there
was not a soul in sight, and our courage was
high. The sun had just disappeared behind the
horizon, when we heard the sound of horses' feet
behind us. I looked round, and perceived a
horseman approaching us on full gallop, his poncho
streaming out behind in the wind. We stopped,
and Jerry pulled out his pistol and cocked
it. As the horse neared us very fast, we soon
discovered the rider to be no other than the

-- 229 --

[figure description] Page 229.[end figure description]

Gaucho, whose hut we had just left. He was coming
at a full gallop, and I perceived him to raise
himself upon his stirrups and swing his lasso
round his head, and the next moment I felt the
noose drop over my shoulders, and before I could
disengage myself from it, I was jerked to the
ground, and dragged along with great rapidity.
I heard the clank of the Gaucho's cutlass, as he
drew it from its steel scabbard, and wheeled up
towards Jerry, who levelled his pistol at him and
fired. The Gaucho fell immediately from his saddle,
and his horse stood still. Jerry cut the lasso,
and disengaged me, but I was so terribly frightened
I could not stand upon my feet for some minutes;
my head swam round, and I felt deadly
sick; the sight of the bleeding Gaucho was by no
means calculated to restore me. However, I
soon recovered from my fright, and began to assist
Jerry in stopping the blood which gushed out,
thick and black, from the wound in the Gaucho's
breast. Unfortunately, neither Jerry nor myself
had on a linen shirt, but I tore the lining out of
my jacket, and with it tried to stop the wound,
but it was in vain. The poor wretch never
spoke after he fell; his eyes were rolled up in his
head, and his teeth ground together. He was
evidently dead, but I was unwilling to leave him.

-- 230 --

[figure description] Page 230.[end figure description]

I was horror struck at the thought of our kind
entertainer having been murdered by one of us
who had so lately been sheltered beneath his

“Come,” said Jerry, “we must not stop to
set up an Irish howl over the blackguard now;
he's as dead as Julius Cæsar, and it is not his
fault that we are not taking our measure on the
green sward, with the heart's blood running out
of a hole in our breasts, instead of himself. I
am sorry he's dead though, any how, for we eat
his mutton, and this is a poor way of discharging
a debt.”

“Well,” I replied, “since we can't restore him
to life, let us, at least, restore his body to his poor

“No, no,” said Jerry, “let us mount his horse
and be off towards Buenos Ayres, or they will
make mince meat of us if we are caught here.”

So both of us mounted the Gaucho's horse, and
rode as fast as he would carry us towards Buenos

I remember having heard that the Gauchos,
though they would never deny a stranger a shelter
beneath their roof, nor molest him while a guest,
yet they would rob him if they could after he had
left their door. This may not be true, but I have

-- 231 --

[figure description] Page 231.[end figure description]

no doubt of the intention of the Gaucho to murder
us, for the sake of the watch, which his sense of
honor would not allow him to accept as a present,
while we were his guests.

Jerry and I indulged in a good many grave
speculations on this singular trait of character,
which helped to pass away the time, and to divert
our thoughts from the unpleasant situation in
which we were placed. We both came to the conclusion,
that, strange and incredible as it might
appear for a man to treat us with every kindness,
while we were under his roof, and then attempt to
rob us as soon as we had left it, it was not a whit
more wonderful than that, at home, a man could
be a knave, a cheat, and a turncoat in politics,
and at the same time be a gentleman and a christian
in private life.

-- 232 --

CHAPTER XXII. Return to Buenos Ayres and Departure for Rio.

[figure description] Page 232.[end figure description]

When the sun rose the next morning, the towers
and domes of the city were in sight; glad enough
we were to see them once more. For fear of exciting
suspicion, we dismounted from our horse
and proceeded into town on foot. We went directly
to Irish Jemmy's, where we learned that the
Two Marys had parted her cables, during the
pampara which we had encountered in the pampas,
and that in consequence of all the cargo being out,
she had capsized and sunk; the water being shallow,
the crew had saved themselves by clinging to
the tops of the masts which were still out of water.

We were now no longer in fear of Captain Gunnell,
and I prevailed upon Jerry to return him the
watch. After having satisfied myself with rambling
about the city, and having discovered that
the precious metals were no longer the principal
articles of traffic, and that nothing more precious
than hides and horns had taken their place, I determined
to seek my fortune elsewhere, and accordingly
I shipped on board the brig Juno, bound
to Rio de Janeiro. Jerry had shipped, unbeknown

-- 233 --

[figure description] Page 233.[end figure description]

to me, to go to the coast of Africa, in a slaver
which lay at Encinada. We parted very reluctantly,
for we were endeared to each other, and I
could not help shedding tears when I shook his
hand and bade him good bye.

Just ten days after leaving the mouth of the river,
we entered the magnificent harbor of Rio. I felt
myself amply repaid for all the hardships I had
encountered since leaving home, by the sight of
this beautiful bay, with its mountains clothed with
eternal green, and its waters and sky of unchanging

Our brig lay at anchor, and after the cargo was
discharged, I went ashore one afternoon, to look
at the city, and while I stood in the palace square,
watching the young Emperor, who was playing in
one of the balconies of the palace, I felt myself
suddenly seized by the arms, and looking up, found
that I was in the hands of a Brazilian naval officer,
who was accompanied by two men with cutlasses
in their hands. The captain of the brig had cautioned
me before I went ashore, to keep an eye to
windward for a press gang who were picking up
all the sailors they could pounce upon for a frigate
in the harbor.

As the officer who had seized me by the arms,
turned to speak to one of the men, I gave a sud

-- 234 --

[figure description] Page 234.[end figure description]

den spring and cleared myself from his grasp. I
immediately took to my heels and ran for life, the
two men with the cutlasses following in pursuit.
Fortunately, I was not encumbered with any superfluous
clothing; a pair of duck trowsers, a calico
shirt, and a light straw hat, was all the weight I
carried. By a dexterous leap over a heap of bannanas,
I gained a slight advantage over my pursuers;
away I went, making my heels fly, but without
knowing where I should land. In turning the
corner of a street, I overturned an old bald-headed
priest, who stood under an awning, with a silver
plate in his hand, begging patacs of the passers by;
I meant no disrespect to his black gown, but I was
in too great a hurry to stop to make an apology,
so I kept on my way and reached the wharf just as
a boat was shoving off with an American ensign
flying at her stern. I gave a leap and landed just
inside of her gunwale, without doing any other damage
than knocking the skin off of my shins, and
breaking in the corner of the bowman's tarpaulin.

“How dare you leap on board this boat,” exclaimed
a cadaverous looking man, with an epaulet
on his shoulder, who sat with his arms folded in
the stern sheets.

As soon as I recovered my breath, I explained
the cause of my hasty visit.

-- 235 --

[figure description] Page 235.[end figure description]

“Very well, sir,” said he, “I will teach you
better manners. Back water.”

The boat was backed up along side of the stairs
at the end of the wharf.

“Go ashore, sir,” said the man with the epaulet.

“I hope, sir,” I replied, “you will not turn me
ashore to the mercy of the press gang, from which
I have just escaped.”

“How dare you hesitate, you scoundrel!” said
the epauletted gentleman, with severity.

“Because I am an American,” I replied,
“and I thought I had a right to claim your protection.”

“How do I know you are an American?”
he replied snappishly. “Where is your protection?”

“I have got none,” I answered; “the ship to
which I belonged capsized in a pampara, and I
lost the one I had.”

“That is no fault of mine,” replied the officer;
“go to the consul and get a certificate from him
that you are an American, and then I may allow
you to go on board.”

There was another officer in the boat, a light
haired young gentleman, with an anchor worked
on the collar of his jacket, who interfered in my
behalf, and observed, that there would be no

-- 236 --

[figure description] Page 236.[end figure description]

harm in allowing me to go on board the ship, and
then I could return in the market boat in the morning,
and, if necessary, the coxswain could take
me under his protection to the consul's office.

“Very well,” replied the elder officer, “shove

I took a seat in the bows of the boat, and in a
very few minutes we were along side of the ship.
Two little boys, looking like miniature sailors,
with blue shirt collars, and white duck trowsers,
buttoned very tightly round the hips, reached out
the man ropes to the officers for them to ascend
by, and when they had left the boat, I asked
the bowman the name of the ship, and of the

“The name of the ship,” replied the bowman,
“is the sloop of war Columbia, and the name of
the brute who wouldn't allow you to stay on
board the boat is Mr. Wollop; but all hands call
him dismal Jerry, except Mike, the mast man,
and he calls him Sergeant Longshanks; he is first
leftenant of the ship, but he is much fittinger to
be captain of a millinery store than one of Uncle
Sam's ships. The other officer aint no officer at
all; he is nothing but a drunken swab of a young
gentleman by the name of Mr. Ruffalley.”

-- 237 --

[figure description] Page 237.[end figure description]

The boat being made fast to the swinging
boom, I climbed on board the ship, and never having
been on the deck of an armed vessel before, I
was amazed at the sight of such a number of men
lounging about without apparently having anything
to do. Some were reading, others were
sewing, and some were playing drafts with the
marines between the guns. Nobody seemed to
be doing any other duty than amusing themselves,
excepting a sailor dressed in a snowy white shirt
and trowsers, who was walking the poop-deck
with a spy glass under his arm.

But, notwithstanding the apparent contentment
and ease of the sailors, such a set of grumblers
I never encountered before; they all agreed that
a certain unmentionable place would be a pleasant
abode compared with their ship. For my part, I
thought that nothing could be more delightful
than to lounge about a ship's deck, with an awning
spread over your head, an abundance of
oranges and bananas to eat, and the loveliest and
most picturesque scenery in the world to gaze upon.
I found that the Columbia had been almost
three years on the station, and that she would
soon be relieved, and I resolved not to go ashore
again unless I was sent.

At sun down, the band was stationed on the

-- 238 --

[figure description] Page 238.[end figure description]

poop, and played some martial airs, which were
answered, seemingly by echo, from the French and
English frigates which lay moored at some distance
from us. The last tune played was, “Hail
Columbia,” and as the final note died away, a
couple of violins struck up a sadly merry Scotch
reel, in the starboard gangway, and all the
younger and thoughtless part of the crew capered
away with great industry till the perspiration
ran from their faces in streams.

This was all very pleasant, and fixed me in the
determination to stay on board if I could. The
Captain, a man of kind and gentlemanly looks,
was walking the deck with his thumbs thrust in
the arm holes of his waistcoat, apparently utterly
regardless of every thing around him. I thought
he might be thinking of his wife and little ones at
home, and that it would be a favorable opportunity
to speak to him; so I stationed myself by
the fife rail of the main mast, and, as he approached
me, I touched my hat to him. He stopped
and asked me what I wanted.

I told him the reason of my being on board his
ship, and asked him to allow me to enter as an
ordinary seaman.

He replied that he would speak to the first

-- 239 --

[figure description] Page 239.[end figure description]

lieutenant about me in the morning, and then
resumed his walk.

It was a bright and pleasant evening, the sea
breeze had just begun to ripple the still surface
of the bay, and the Magellan clouds, and other
celestial beauties, which are hid from the gaze of
northern eyes, were beginning to show their
bright faces. I felt melancholy, notwithstanding
the mirth and laughter and boisterous gayety of
those around me. Thoughts of home, of the
beautiful Georgiana De Lancey, and of the harsh
prophecy of my cousin, came over me and oppressed
me; I yearned for a sympathetic bosom,
with one throb which beat in unison with my
own; there were none among the living souls
around me. I crept away unperceived, and lay
down on the top gallant forecastle, and stretched
out my arms to the huge fantastic hills which
reared their giant heads against the night sky.

* * * * * * *

The next morning one of the boatswain's mates
told me to go down to the doctor. I accordingly
went and found him on the birth deck with the
lob-lolly boy. The doctor was a little man, with
red hair and a very long nose; he was dressed
in a thread-bare blue suit with tarnished buttons,

-- 240 --

[figure description] Page 240.[end figure description]

and a black bombazine stock; pretty sure signs
that he had a growing family at home, which absorbed
about seven eighths of his pay and rations;
but that was no business of mine. He felt of my
arms and legs, pounded on my chest, and did
some other things, the propriety of which I could
not exactly understand, and having pronounced
me sound in limbs and body, I was enrolled on
the ship's papers as an ordinary seaman.

-- 241 --

CHAPTER XXVII [sic]. Is devoted to a slight sketch of Lieutenant Wallop, and being not at all essential to a proper development of my adventures, may be read or not, as the reader pleases.

[figure description] Page 241.[end figure description]

Mr. Wallop was by courtesy gallant, as all
officers of the navy and army are; he had seen
service on board of a revenue cutter, which
might have been seen during the time of his command,
at least eleven months and some odd days
out of the year, lying quietly at anchor in the
neighborhood of that famous strait known to the
dwellers about Gowannus Bay by the name of
Buttermilk Channel. It was not a service in
which much renown was to be gained, but in
which a good deal of comfort could be taken, and
that with some is quite as desirable as fame.

Mr. Wallop was tall and thin; his face was
pale, and his eyes were fishy in their aspect. He
was troubled with a cough which should have
admonished him that his body was made of perishable
materials, the thought of which, one would
suppose, should have softened his temper and
humanized his feelings: but the effect of it was
the reverse; he seemed to feel a spite towards

-- 242 --

[figure description] Page 242.[end figure description]

every one who enjoyed better health than himself,
and yet he never showed the slightest compassionate
feeling for those who were sick and feeble,
but on the contrary, he did all in his power to
make them miserable. Some people, I doubt not,
considered Mr. Wallop the very nicest person in
the whole world; for there are those who estimate
a man's virtues by the complexion of his garments,
and Mr. Wallop's vest was as spotless as snow,
and his buttons were innocent of rust. He was
cleanly to a degree passing credulity. If others
reckoned cleanliness among the half virtues, he
considered slovenliness as a whole vice, and he
punished all dirty offenders accordingly. If a man
by accident spit upon deck, he flogged him; and if
in his walks about the ship's decks, he discovered
a hat or a jacket, or any other article, no matter
how valuable, out of its proper place, he would
throw it overboard, without asking to whom it
belonged, or moving a muscle in his face. Once,
he threw a jacket overboard, which belonged to
an old sailor who had lost an eye in one of the
engagements of the Constitution, in the last war,
which so enraged the old veteran, that he caught
up his bag, which contained all his earthly store,
and in a paroxysm of rage, threw it out of a port
hole, to keep his jacket company. Mr. Wallop

-- 243 --

[figure description] Page 243.[end figure description]

smiled, but said nothing; and when the old man
appeared at quarters without his jacket, the gallant
lieutenant stopped his grog for a fortnight.

But Mr. Wallop was pious; he read prayers
every Sunday morning on the drum head of the
capstern, for there was no Chaplain on board, and
in the afternoon, he read a chapter or two from
the Bible. His readings, however, were never of
gentleness and mercy, but always of wrath and
indignation. He would smack his lips over the
destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, with as
much apparent satisfaction as though he had been
personally aggrieved by the abominations of those
wicked cities; and a smile of delight would steal
over his cadaverous features, while he read of the
terrible feat of Samuel, in hewing down the captive
Agag, in Gilgal. It is but justice, however,
to say, that Mr. Wallop never allowed himself to
get into a passion; he always had the most perfect
mastery of his passions, and he would give
the harshest commands in the meekest and most
lamb-like voice.

One morning, while we lay at anchor in Rio,
he came out of his state-room, just as the hammocks
were piped up, in his dressing gown and
slippers, and ordered the gratings to be rigged,
and told the boatswain to send Jack Hanson to

-- 244 --

[figure description] Page 244.[end figure description]

him. It was in the gray of the morning, and the
night mists still hung about the ship. Jack Hanson
came aft to the lieutenant; he was a weather
beaten old sailor, who had been petted by all the
officers in the ship, except Mr. Wallop, who never
petted any body but himself. Jack was in some
sort a privileged character, and he had been allowed
to do, and to say, any thing he pleased; but he
had, unfortunately, the night before, drank a glass
of whiskey, which one of the boys had contrived
to smuggle out of the ward room, to pay for a
hammock lashing, which Jack had grafted for
him; and his old head being weak, and his blood
thin, the fumes of the liquor had warmed his feelings,
and he had had the audacity to sing “The
Guerriere so bold,” in a louder tone than exactly
harmonized with Mr. Wallop's ear.

Hanson had not the slightest suspicion that the
preparation for flogging were intended for him;
and when Mr. Wallop told him to take off his
shirt, the old man turned pale with fright.

“I hope you are not going to flog me, sir,”
said Hanson, his lips trembling as he spoke.

“I am,” replied Mr. Wallop, calmly.

“For what, sir?” said Hanson.

“For being drunk,” replied the lieutenant.

“When, sir?”

-- 245 --

[figure description] Page 245.[end figure description]

“Last night.”

“Heaven bless you,” said Hanson, “I was
no more drunk than the sheet anchor is at this
moment. I was only a little swipey.”

“Silence,” said Mr. Wallop. “I say you
were drunk. Tie him up, quarter master.”

“I am an old man, sir,” said Hanson, looking
imploringly up into the lieutenant's face.

“I know you are,” replied Mr. Wallop, in his
mild and gentle voice, “and I would flog you, if
you were my grandfather.”

Hanson was too much of a sailor to bandy
words with his officer, so he took off his shirt, and
the quarter master tied his ancles to the grating,
and his wrists to two eye-bolts in the gangway
above his head. The boatswain's mate, a stout,
active man, with an arm so muscular, as to be
unable to strike a light blow, if he had wished to,
took his station, and leisurely disentangled the
cords of his cat.

“Begin,” said Mr. Wallop.

Hanson groaned as he heard the command
given, and when the first blow fell upon his bare
back, he gave a terrific shriek which went to my
very heart. I had never seen a man flogged before,
and I had no idea that one human being
could inflict such a punishment upon another. I

-- 246 --

[figure description] Page 246.[end figure description]

shuddered at the thought of unwittingly incurring
it myself, and, dreadful as it appeared, the disgrace
appeared to me greater than the suffering.

The master at arms, a gray headed old sailor,
counted the strokes, as they fell upon poor Hanson's
back, with a tremulous voice, and when he
had counted twenty-four, Mr. Wallop motioned
the boatswain's mate to stop, and wrapping his
gown about his lank person, he retired to his
state-room, probably to engage in his morning's

Hanson was cut down, and he went below to
his berth; his back was purple with gore. He
wanted for neither torts of grog, nor sympathising
friends, but the old tar's spirit was broken, and
he never again could be prevailed upon to sing
his favorite song of

“The Guerriere so bold,
On the foaming ocean rolled.”

It was not my intention when I commenced
writing my adventures, to make an omnibus of
them; but I find that when a man makes up his
mind to go down to posterity, he must of necessity
drag others along with him, whether their company
be agreeable or not. Mr. Wallop is one of those
that I am thus compelled to take with me, but to,

-- 247 --

[figure description] Page 247.[end figure description]

render his company as little obnoxious as possible,
I have, as it were, given him an outside seat, all
alone by himself.

-- 248 --

CHAPTER XXIII [sic]. Continues and ends on Shipboard. A narrow Escape from a flogging, and from Death.

[figure description] Page 248.[end figure description]

The next day after I came on board, I was put
into a mess, and when dinner was piped, for they
do nothing on board a man of war without first
being piped, I took my seat with my messmates,
around a huge plumb pudding, and a kid of boiled

I don't know how it happens, but it is always so
arranged on board a man of war, that there is a
bully, a buffoon, and a butt, in each mess. I am
not certain that such is not the case every where;
even in bodies of collected wisdom, I have heard
of things very much like bullying, and buffoonery,
and perhaps there always will be butts in all societies,
as long as there are inequalities of intellects.

Now, in the mess which I had joined, it chanced
that the butt had lately set up for a buffoon, and
they immediately pitched upon me to fill the vacancy
which he had left.

“I say, chummy,” said Tom Sweeny, the captain
of the after guard, “aint your name Newcome?”

“No,” I replied.

-- 249 --

[figure description] Page 249.[end figure description]

“But it's Johnny Comelately, aint it, you?” said
a young mizen topman.

“No,” I replied again, doggedly.

“Well, it's Johnny Raw, I know,” said a foretopman,
who was the bully.

I gave the bully an indignant look, but made
him no reply.

“Well, I'll tell you what it is, sloop mate,” said
Mr. Sweeny, winking to his messmates, “it's my
'pinion the doctor won't pass you no how.”

“Why won't he?” I said.

“Because you have got strong symptoms of the
fantods; your skin is so tight you can't shut your
eyes without opening your mouth.”

At this bright sally, all the mess laughed very
heartily, the captain of the after guard, as a matter
of course, laughing louder than any.

The late butt, who had been absent, now joined
the mess, and perceiving the laudable work in
which his messmates were engaged, took his part,
by saying that the boatswain had sent him to tell
me to go down to the purser's steward, and get a
piece of cheese to make a fid for the foretopgallant

“And when you come along,” added an ugly
old brute, who acted as cook of the mess, “please
to give my complements to the capting, and tell

-- 250 --

[figure description] Page 250.[end figure description]

him as Mister Swazey would be werry much obliged
to him for the loan of one of his eperlets, as I
wants to go ashore this arternoon, to see my sweet
heart, the Countess of Santos.”

“What did you come to sea for any how?”
asked the foretopman.

“I know,” replied Mr. Sweeny, “it was to wear
out his old clothes.”

“No it warn't,” said the cook, “he is a gentleman's
son, and he comed to sea cos as they wanted
him to marry a gal which he didn't like, so he
run'd away.”

“I will tell you what I didn't come to sea for,”
I said, jumping up, “I didn't come to be made fun
of by a dirty rascal like you.”

“O, ah! didn't you mister?” replied the cook.

“No,” I said, throwing down my knife, “and
neither you nor any other man shall make fun of
me.” So saying, I leaped on to the messcloth,
and gave him a blow in the eye, which sent him
reeling against the bulwarks.

“Hallo, there,” cried the officer of the deck,
“what's all that?”

“Nothing, sir,” answered the captain of the after
guard, “only this here Mister Comelately wants
to take charge of the ship.”

“Very well, sir,” replied the officer, “let me

-- 251 --

[figure description] Page 251.[end figure description]

hear no more of this, or I will make every mother's
son of you drink six water grog for a fortnight.”

Whether it was owing to the threat of the officer,
or to the attack I made upon the cook, I cannot
say, but neither the bully, nor the buffoon,
nor the captain of the after guard, ever again
attempted to crack any jokes at my expense.

About a month after this, part of the starboard
watch, to which I belonged, was sent on to Hospital
Island in charge of a midshipman and the
boatswain, to overhaul some rigging, preparatory
to our departure for home. Hospital Island is
one of the pretty little spots of living green
which dot the upper part of the harbor of Rio;
there is on it a pile of grotesque old buildings,
which were once occupied as a convent, but
they are now, or were, rented by the United
States, for a store house for the government ships
on the Brazilian stations.

Mr. Ruffally was the officer whom the first
lieutenant sent in charge of the gang, with the
launch, and he had strict orders, neither to allow
a boat to approach the island, nor one to leave
it, lest grog, in some shape, should be smuggled
on board the ship; for Mr. Wallop believed that
the Evil One entered mankind through their gullets,
in the shape of strong drink, and he was

-- 252 --

[figure description] Page 252.[end figure description]

determined that no evil spirits, nor any other spirits,
should enter his ship's company, at least in
that manner. But Mr. Ruffally liked a horn himself,
and what was more, he had no objection in
the world to others taking a horn, and he was the
very last man in the steerage that Mr. Wallop
should have sent in charge of the starboard
watch to keep them sober. But the first lieutenant
had never known Mr. Ruffally to go ashore
with the other midshipmen, and he thought him
one of the discreetest young gentlemen in the

The reason why Mr. Ruffally did not go ashore
was this: he was once, before Mr. Wallop joined
the ship, appointed caterer of his mess, and the
very first time he went ashore to purchase provisions,
he gambled away all the mess money,
pawned his side arms, lost his gold laced cap, and
came off to the ship with an old straw hat on his
head, and his face most wofully scratched. The
consequences were, the mess had to eat pork and
beans for the next three months, and he was not
allowed to go ashore until he had furnished himself
with side arms, and so forth, and the
state of his finances had not yet enabled him to
do so.

We had not been on the island long, when a

-- 253 --

[figure description] Page 253.[end figure description]

little skiff was seen approaching the shore from
Pragy Grand. Mr. Ruffally discovered the corpulent
form of Portuguese Joe seated in the
stern, and guessing the errand on which the crafty
smuggler was bound, he contrived to busy himself
in the chapel of the convent in overhauling
some old rubbish.

The little skiff touched the beach, and landed,
in the twinkling of an eye, some dozens of bladders
well filled with Aquadente, and Portuguese
Joe being well paid for his trouble, shoved off,
and continued on his way towards the opposite
side of the harbor. Mr. Ruffally made his appearance,
and exchanged a knowing wink with
the boatswain, and very soon contrived to have a
whole bladder of Aquadente to himself, to which
he paid his respects so freely, that he soon was under
the necessity of laying down on the grass, observing,
as he stretched himself out, that the climate
was so enervating he should be under the
necessity of leaving the ship if she was not ordered
home immediately. It was not long before
he was snoring, as Bill Littlepenny said, like seven
bells half struck.

All work now ceased, or rather we all went to
work in good earnest, under the directions of the
boatswain, winding spun yarn round the

-- 254 --

[figure description] Page 254.[end figure description]

bladders of liquor, so that they could be smuggled on
board the ship, where they would be under the
charge of that worthy gentleman, who would
then be enabled to indulge in deep potations of
the most abominable distillation that ever scalded
the throat, or eat up the liver of a man, whenever
he had an inclination. We had hardly got
through with the job of enclosing the bladders of
liquor in a covering of spun yarn, when the signal
was set for the launch to return to the ship.
Mr. Ruffally was too far gone either to move or
speak, so we lifted him into the boat, and laid
him in the stern sheets, and shoved off for the

Mr. Bunker, the boatswain, was very happy;
his eyes sparkled, and his tongue, though apparently
too big for his mouth, was not idle a moment;
he cursed, and laughed, and cried by
turns, and in quick succession; he told stories
about killing whales, and talked about the Essex
Junior and Commodore Porter; and he bet his
silver call, chain and all, against a head of tobacco,
with Bill Littlepenny, a foretopman, that
he could out jump him, out lift him, out drink
him, and out sing him. Such familiarities from
the boatswain, gave the boat's crew immense satisfaction,
and we came along side the ship in

-- 255 --

[figure description] Page 255.[end figure description]

high glee. Myself and a marine were the only
sober men in the launch; but the others, drunk
though they were, had sense enough left not to
make any noisy demonstrations of their happy
condition, as we came within hail of the ship.

The captain was walking the poop, and seeing
Mr. Ruffally lying in the stern sheets of the
boat, he called out to the boatswain, to know what
ailed him.

“I cant say, sir, exactly,” said Mr. Bunker,
very prudently keeping his seat, “but I believe he
is in a fit.”

“A fit!” exclaimed the captain.

“Yes, sir,” replied the boatswain, “appleplexy,
or something of that sort.”

“How long since he was taken?” asked the
doctor, who now appeared at the gangway.

“About two hours since, sir,” replied the boatswain.

“In the name of heaven!” exclaimed the captain,
“why did you not bring him on board before,
or send to the ship for assistance.”

“I had no orders, sir,” replied the boatswain,
gravely, but at the same time giving a comical
twist of his mouth, which set the whole boat's
crew in a broad grin.

“What stupidity!” exclaimed the captain.

-- 256 --

[figure description] Page 256.[end figure description]

“Bear a hand there, Mr. Gravel,” he said, addressing
the officer of the deck, “and get a whip
on the main yard, and hoist Mr. Ruffally on board,
in a chair.”

The doctor ran below for his phlebotomising
instruments, to be in readiness to bleed the unfortunate
midshipman to death, in case he should not
be dead already; and the whole ship was in commotion.
The whip was overhauled, and Mr. Ruffally
put into a large arm chair, out of the captain's
own cabin, and carefully hoisted on board,
in an incredibly short space of time. His case
was immediately reported to the first lieutenant,
who reported it to the captain, who ordered the
drunken young gentleman to be put under arrest.
Mr. Bunker was sent below to his state-room,
with a marine, with a rusty cutlass in his hand,
to stand guard over him. Mr. Wallop looked
paler than ever, and he was seized with a fit of
coughing, which he had no sooner recovered from,
than he ordered all the gang who were on the
island, o come aft and toe a seam in the deck.
But this was a performance which none of them
were equal to, except the sober marine and myself;
so they were all put in irons, and soon became
very noisy.

Mr. Wallop asked me how the men got their

-- 257 --

[figure description] Page 257.[end figure description]

liquor, and whether they had smuggled any on
board. But I remembered the kindness which
Mr. Ruffally had shown me, when I leaped into
the boat, and I was resolved not to betray him, let
the consequences be what they might. So I replied
to Mr. Wallop, that I knew nothing at all
about the matter; as I was not placed in charge
of the men, I had not troubled myself to watch their

“You lie, sir,” said the lieutenant, with a little
more passion than he usually showed, “you do
know all about the matter, and I will flog it out of
you, if you do not tell me.”

This threat was placing me in an antagonist
position, and instead of terrifying me, it only inspired
me with fresh courage to hold out in my
determination. As I had conceived a most thorough
contempt for Mr. Wallop, I could not resist
the inclination to tell him, if he attempted to flog
any thing out of me, he would find it would flog
it into me.

“Order the gratings to be got up instantly,
sir,” said the captain, who overheard me; “and
if he does not tell you, sir, give him two dozen.”

The order was obeyed with great alacrity. The
gratings were placed in the gang-way, and the
boatswain's mate summoned.

-- 258 --

[figure description] Page 258.[end figure description]

“Now, you scoundrel,” said Mr. Wallop, “answer
my question instantly, or I will flog the life
out of you.”

The sight of the preparations for flogging were,
indeed, terrifying, and a glance at the sturdy boatswain's-mate,
with his arm bared, and the cat with
its thongs still red with Jack Hanson's blood, in
his hand, made me quail; but I was resolved to
die, sooner than I would yield to the tyrannical
command of the lieutenant. I made no reply to his
threat, except by a shake of the head.

“Strip off your shirt, you wretch,” he said, trying
to suppress a cough, “and, boatswain's mate,
pipe all hands to witness punishment.”

The order was obeyed. The men came crowding
aft to the gangway; the marines were turned
out under arms; the old gray-headed master at
arms took his staion; the boatswain's mate stood
ready, and the quarter masters, with their nettles
in their hands, were prepared to seize me up. I
took off my shirt, and stepped with my bare feet
upon the gratings; they put the cords about my
ankles, and around my wrists; they were in the act
of making them fast, when I made a sudden spring
on to a gun, and then on top of the hammock nettings,
and from thence into the main rigging. It
was a sudden impulse, for the possibility of escape

-- 259 --

[figure description] Page 259.[end figure description]

had never occurred to me, and, indeed, if the act
had been premeditated, I could not have accomplished
it. Luckily, there was no one aloft, and I
reached the top before the first lieutenant recovered
from the astonishment into which my sudden
leap threw him.

“Come down, sir,” called out the captain, who
stood with his sword in his hand on the poop.

But I made no reply to his command, and
sprung into the topmast rigging.

“Jump aloft there, captain of the main top,”
said Mr. Wallop, “and bring the rascal down, or
throw him out of the top.”

But the captain of the top did not jump quite as
fast as I did, and before he showed his head
through the lubber's hole, I had reached the topmast
cross-trees, where I stood with my arms folded,
and gazed about quite at my leisure. Two other
men were sent up to catch me, and as they moved
rather faster than the captain of the top, I climbed
up the topgallant rigging, and then up the royalmast
shrouds, and clinging around the foot of the
skysail mast, with my feet resting upon the stay
for support, for a moment I almost forgot my perilous
situation. The higher I mounted, the lighter
my spirits grew, and the less fear I felt. So grand
and glorious a view as met my eye, while I gazed

-- 260 --

[figure description] Page 260.[end figure description]

around, might have beguiled a man's thoughts
even upon the gallows. But I was not allowed to
enjoy the prospect long. The captain of the top
reached the topgallant mast head, and told me if I
did not come down, he would certainly haul me
down; but I told him if he came within the reach
of my feet, I would give him a kick, which should
send him headlong to the deck, as sure as his name
was Dick Smith. But the captain was bellowing
through his speaking trumpet, commanding him
to shake me off the mast, and Dick knew no better
than to obey the command of his superior,
even at the risk of his own life, and he began to
climb up towards me. My first impulse was to
carry my threat into execution, which I could have
easily done; but a better thought suggested itself
to me, and I slipped down on the opposite side of
the royal shrouds, and laying hold of the topgallant
lift, slid down and perched myself on the end
of the yard, where, with my arms crossed, I looked
down upon deck, with a feeling of exultation. My
pursuer was about to follow me, when I drew my
knife, and assured him, with an earnestness which
frightened him, that if he made the attempt I would
cut the lift, and both of us should go overboard together.

The captain threatened to shoot me, if I did not

-- 261 --

[figure description] Page 261.[end figure description]

come down, but I preferred being shot to being
flogged, so I shook my head, and folded my arms
again, and turned my face towards the sun, which
was just going down behind the long range of
grotesque and lofty mountains, which bound the
western horizon, giving their peaks of deepest blue
a tinge of gold and crimson. The Sugar Loaf,
and Gloria Hill, and Cocovado, began to look
black and sombre, as the sun withdrew his rays.
The time for sending down the topgallant yards,
on one of which I was perched, had arrived; the
sun had set, but the colors were not hauled down,
and the sunset gun had not been fired.

I could see all the movements that were going
on upon deck, the captain and first lieutenant
were pacing the poop deck in a rage, while the
other officers were collected together in little
knots, and all the men were gazing up at me,
apparently with intense solicitude. Presently I
saw Mr. Wallop speaking to the marine who had
returned from the island with me in the launch;
and from what followed I supposed that he too
had refused to tell how the liquor was procured;
for he was seized up at the gangway, and directly
his piercing cries rang through the air, as the
boatswain's mate laid the cat upon his bare back.
I writhed and shuddred every time the

-- 262 --

[figure description] Page 262.[end figure description]

boatswain's mate raised his arm. They gave the
poor marine thirty-six lashes, and then they cut
him down; he behaved manfully, and refused to
divulge a word.

The captain seized his speaking trumpet again,
and called out to me to come down, swearing a
horrible oath, that he would shoot me if I did not.
I only shook my head, and clung more closely to
the lift. He called for the sergeant of marines,
who, I remembered having heard, was an expert
marksman with the rifle. The sergeant went upon
the poop with his rifle in his hand, and the captain
ordered him to take aim at me, and fire; but he
hesitated, upon which the captain drew his sword,
and commanded him again to fire at me, swearing
that he would run him through if he missed me.

I cannot say that I felt any fear; death was a
thousand times preferable to the disgrace of a flogging,
besides, I felt myself innocent of any offence.
And there, too, were the upturned faces of the
whole crew, gazing at me with their hearts in their
eyes, and I knew that I had the sympathy of
every man on board, with the exception of the
captain and Mr. Wallop, and even they, I knew,
could not condemn me in their hearts.

I saw the sergeant bring his rifle to an aim, I
averted my head; there was a death-like stillness

-- 263 --

[figure description] Page 263.[end figure description]

on deck; the next moment I heard the click
of the trigger, and quicker than the ball which
sped from the rifle came the thoughts of my
mother and sister, the gentle Georgiana, and the
prophecy of my haughty cousin; now was its fulfilment,
and all my exertions had come to nought.
O that these thoughts had come but a moment before;
with them in my mind, the gangway would
have been divested of its terrors, the anguish of a
life was crowded into the smallest conceivable
space of time. I made an effort to raise my arm,
but it was too late; the ball whizzed through the
air, and struck the lift just beyond the reach of
my arm. It did not cut it in two, only two strands
of the rope were severed. There was a hope!
How my eyes gazed upon that slender thread
upon which my earthly existence was hanging,
and with what a shock the blood rushed back into
my head as I saw it snap asunder.

In my fall from that fearful height I glanced
against the main yard, which gave a slight turn
to my body, just sufficient to carry me clear of the
main chains into the water. The rush of the air
as I fell, the many-voiced shriek of the crew, and
the roar of the water as I sank beneath its surface,
all sound in my ears even now while I write;
and often since have I started from a deep sleep,

-- 264 --

[figure description] Page 264.[end figure description]

with the same confusion of noises ringing in my

I had scarcely touched the water before a dozen
men had leaped overboard to rescue me, and,
strange as it may seem, the captain was among
the number; they caught me as I rose to the surface,
and lifted me into one of the cutters, from
which I was hoisted on board by the same whip
which was got up for Mr. Ruffally, the cause of
all the tumult. I was scarcely for a minute insensible
to all that was going on, but I did not choose
to show any signs of life till I had been well rubbed,
and had a glass of brandy poured down my
throat, when I opened my eyes, and made a motion
with my hand, just in time to save myself from
being bled by the doctor, who stood by me with
his lancet in his hand. I was then taken below,
and put into a cot, where I lay comfortable enough
for the next three weeks, receiving visits every
day from the doctor, and congratulations and
kind words from all my shipmates, particularly
from the boatswain and the men who were on the
island with me; all of whom had been set at liberty,
without being punished, and even Mr.
Ruffally, the drunken swab of a young gentleman,
was liberated from his confinement.

-- 265 --

CHAPTER XXIX [sic]. Leave Rio, and arrive at New York: a wide interval, but a short chapter.

[figure description] Page 265.[end figure description]

During the time that I was confined to my
cot, our ship was relieved by the arrival of the
Corvette Union; but a revolution having broken
out in Rio, the American merchants residing
there, and the English admiral on the station,
sent to our captain, requesting him to delay his
departure for a few days, until the result of the
outbreak should be known; but he had promised
his crew that he would weigh anchor for home
the day after his relief should arrive; and before
he returned an answer to these requests, he called
the crew aft, and told them he felt it his duty to remain,
but that he could not do so without they
would release him from his promise; they, however,
were too anxious to get home to do so,
and they insisted on his fulfilling it, which he

Mr. Wallop's cough had grown so bad he considered
it prudent to remain on the station, and
when he left the ship, the crew could hardly be
restrained from giving three cheers. The third

-- 266 --

[figure description] Page 266.[end figure description]

day after the ship left Rio, I came upon deck, and
continued to perform my duty the remainder of
the time I was on board, without experiencing
any inconvenience from the effects of my fall.
The officer who succeeded Mr. Wallop as first
lieutenant, was Mr. Futtuck, a good sailor and a
strict disciplinarian; under his command the duty
of the ship was well performed; the crew were
cheerful and obedient, and the cat was dispensed
with. The brutalizing exhibition of one man
flogging another was never again repeated. Mr.
Futtuck was not one of those imbeciles, who are
forced to seek the aid of a boatswain's mate
to compel respect from their inferiors in station.

We were favored with bright skies and full sails
on our homeward passage, and on the forty-seventh
morning after leaving Rio, we came in sight of
the Highlands of Neversink, with their woody
sides and white beach, standing like an old
friend, to greet me on my return, with an unchanged

The wind being favorable, we sailed directly
up to the Navy Yard, and the next day the crew
were paid off. As I was only rated an ordinary
seaman, it will readily be supposed that the
amount of my wages was but small, which was

-- 267 --

[figure description] Page 267.[end figure description]

true enough, and yet I was paid off with more
than double the amount that any of the crew had
to receive.

Mr. Futtuck, the first lieutenant, called the
petty officers together the morning on which we
were paid off, and told them if they did not get
up a subscription for me, as a compliment for my
generosity in refusing to inform on them, even
at the risk of my life, they were no men, and
not deserving the name of sailors; and he promised
them if they did not, he would work the
souls out of them, if he ever caught either of
them on board of a ship again.

They all acknowledged it to be a good and
seamanlike proposition, and showed their convictions
of its propriety, by ripping out some of the
roundest oaths that were ever uttered. A paper
was accordingly drawn up, requesting the purser
to stop out of each man's pay the sum which
should be subscribed against his name, and to pay
the same over to me.

Mr. Ruffally headed the list, by putting down
his name for fifty dollars; but it was not paid, as
he had already overdrawn his account; but he
told me not to think the less of his generosity, as
he intended, when he went back to North Carolina,
to make me a present of a rice plantation

-- 268 --

[figure description] Page 268.[end figure description]

and a hnndred negroes. The boatswain, determined
not to be outdone by a reefer, put down his
name for fifty dollars, which was paid. When
the list was handed in to the purser, it amounted
to something more than a thousand dollars.

As I was the last man that joined the ship, I
was the last paid off; and when the purser reached
me a check, I was startled at the amount, and
told him he had made a mistake; for I knew
nothing about the subscription, it having been
kept a secret from me on purpose. When the
purser explained to me, and told me the money all
belonged to me, I could not help bursting into
tears. I told him my conscience would not allow
me to keep the money, as I had done nothing to
entitle me to it.

“Don't be a simpleton,” said the purser, “you
must take it, for the men are now all ashore, and
most of them drunk before this time. So take the
check, and make a good use of the money. I am
only sorry it is not twice as much.”

So I put the check into my pocket, and having
packed up my few clothes in a canvass bag, I was
about leaving the ship, when Mr. Futtuck called
me to him on the quarter deck.

-- 269 --

[figure description] Page 269.[end figure description]

“Now, Franco,” said Mr. Futtuck, “how
much money have they given you?”

I showed him the check which the purser had
given me.

“Now that is something like,” he exclaimed;
“I am glad of it; you deserve it all, and more
too. If it were not for my poor old aunt, who is
on my hands just now, God bless her! I would
add something handsome to it, I'm d—d if I
wouldn't. However, it's a pretty good sum; more
than I ever expect to be worth, unless the `bill'
should pass both houses, and I know it wont.
But, my fine fellow, don't go among the girls
with a copper in your pocket; they are the very
devil for getting money away from sailors, as I
know to my cost. And take my advice, and don't
go to sea again; it's a dog's life. And yet it is
a pity that you should not, for I don't know exactly
what a smart youngster like you could do
ashore; perhaps you might get the cashiership of
a bank, or something of that sort. However,
keep a stiff upper lip, and if the bill for creating
admirals should pass through Congress, I will
use my influence with the Secretary to get you a
midshipman's warrant. I will, upon my soul; but
the service is going to kingdom come, as it is.
Bless my soul, it eats into my happiness, like

-- 270 --

[figure description] Page 270.[end figure description]

salt water on a gilt button, to think that a set of
broad-shouldered, strong-fisted, stout-hearted,
clear-headed, and free-thoughted, fine fellows,
should be at the mercy of a third rate lawyer or
a second rate hack novelist—fellows that don't
know a cat-head from a cat-harping.”

Knowing it was a peculiarity of Mr. Futtuck's
to talk as long as any one would listen to him, I
thought there would be no more incivility in cutting
him short at one time than another. So I
thanked him for his kind promises and good advice,
which I promised faithfully to observe, and
bade him good bye.

I took my bag under my arm, jumped into the
boat along side, and pulled myself ashore.

All my shipmates had left the ship some time
before me, and she looked dreary enough. The
only signs of life about her were two or three
midshipmen standing on the poop, looking very
anxiously upon the green fields of the Wallabout.
Her colors were hauled down, her masts housed,
her rigging was hanging about in disorder, and
her top gallant yards, the scene of my triumph,
lay upon deck. I gave her a parting glance, and
calling to mind the gang-way and gratings, and

-- 271 --

[figure description] Page 271.[end figure description]

the cat o'nine tails, I turned my back upon her,
and quickened my pace.

My first object was to find a boarding house,
and to divest myself of my short jacket and nankin
collared shirt.

Previous section

Next section

Briggs, Charles F. (Charles Frederick), 1804-1877 [1839], The adventures of Harry Franco. Volume 1 (F. Saunders, New York) [word count] [eaf025v1].
Powered by PhiloLogic