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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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[figure description] Page 113.[end figure description]

It is highly important, when a man makes up his
minde tew bekum a raskall, that he shud examine
hisself clusly, and see if he aint better konstructed
for a phool.

I argy in this way, if a man is right he cant be
too radikal, if he is rong he kant be too conservatiff.

“Tell the truth, and shame the Devil;” i kno
lots ov people, who can shame the devil easy enuff
but the tother thing bothers them.

If yu don't beleaf in “total depravity,” buy a
quart ov gin and studdy it.

Their is one advantage in a plurality ov wifes;
tha fite each other, insted ov their hustbands.

-- 114 --

[figure description] Page 114.[end figure description]

It is a verry delicate job to forgive a man, without
lowering him in his own estimashun, and yures

As a gineral thing, when a woman wares the
britches, she has a good rite tew them.

I am poor, and I am glad that i am, for i find
that wealth makes more people mean, than it duz

Woman's inflooense is powerful — espeshila when
she wants enny thing.

No man luvs tu git beat, but it is better tew git
beat than tew be rong.

Awl kind ov bores are a nuisance, but it is better
tew be bored with a 2 inch auger, than a

“Be sure yu are rite then go ahed;” but in
kase ov doubt go ahed enny wa.

Sekts and creeds ov religion, are like pocket

-- 115 --

[figure description] Page 115.[end figure description]

compesses, good enuff tu pinte out the direction, but
the nearer the pole yu git the wuss tha wurk.

The rode tew Ruin, is alwus kept in good repair,
and the travellers pay the expense ov it.

If a man begins life bi being fust Lutenant in his
familee, he never need to look for promoshun.

I hav got as much munny as sum folks, but i hav
got as much impudence as enny ov them, and that
is the next thing tew munny.

It aint often that a man's reputashun outlasts his

Dont mistake arroganse for wisdum; menny people
hav thought tha was wise, when tha was onla

The man who kant git ahed, without pulling
others back, iz a limited cuss.

Woman will sumtimes confess her sins, but i never
knu one tu confess her faults.

-- 116 --

[figure description] Page 116.[end figure description]

Thare is onla one advantage, that i kan see, in
going tew the Devil, and that is, the rode is easy,
and yu are sure tew git thare.

Lastly — i am violently opposed tu arden speerits
as a bevridge, but for manufaktering purposes,
i think a leetle of it tastes good.

-- --

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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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