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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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Yankee Noshuns.

In gazeing at the different kind ov noshuns that
prevale jist now, we are struck with the vitality, and
permiskuousness, ov the Yankee noshuns. These
are a kind ov noshuns that reside in Nu England,
but travel awl over the world. They are for the
present known az the lead gimblet, the basswood
sperm-kandle, and the sole leather juise harp noshun,
relieved at times, by the hickory lossenge, the charkole
led pensil, and the lard bears ile noshun, and
okasionally interlined, tew keep up the appetite,
with paper razor straps, plaster-paris sheep shears,
and the sour milk opedeldock noshun, which iz warranted
tew kure the attack ov a 50 cent shinplaster,
in 4 seckunds; to which has lately bin added, pewter
jak knives, with pork rhine handles, and itch
intement, made out ov strong butter, and lamblak.
Yankee noshuns are the affek ov tew mutch genius.

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Hoss Noshuns.

It iz really curis how folks differ in their noshuns
about hosses, sum wants a bob-tailed hoss, and sum
dont, sum wants a bay, and sum wants a yaller, and
sum wants any culler so bad that they hav tew be
sent tew state prizon, tew be healed ov their pashion
for the nobel animal, the hoss. I knu ov one old
feller who waz very noshunal, he wouldn't hav a
hoss only jist so high, he never stabled him, and let
him git hiz own fodder, he kept him for 47 years,
and the hoss outlived him, the last time I saw the
hoss he waz alive, but poor az wood; the old feller
called the hoss “saw-buck,” and sed he waz sired bi
carpenter, out ov a white ash skantling. Hoss noshuns
are well enuff, but they never ought tew be
allowed tew interfere with a man's final salvashun.

Rum Noshuns.

Perhaps thare iz no subjek that moste men agree
on so well bi the gallon, but when it comes down tew
a drink, that they are so full ov noshuns about, az
their rum. I hav seen lots ov old-fashioned people,
who never thought ov drinking tanzy, unless they

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put rum into it, and wouldn't no more drink a gincoktale
without nutmeg on the top ov it, than they
would skim milk. Then agin their iz sum who must
hav Jamaka, or the bronkeetis, one, or tuther; and
sum who must hav the belly-ake 3 or 4 times a day,
or they kant relish brandee and sugar. But thare
waz one beardless boy, over whose hed skase 14 summers
had melted, who beats them awl, he aktually
hove a fust class mint julek away, and called for
anuther, jist bekause it wouldn't suk fast enuff,
through the straw; I call this letting a man's good
sense git the better ov his judgment. Rum noshuns
are like gitting struk with litening, the theory iz
well enuff, but the praktis is a bad one tew git into.

Religious Creed Noshuns.

The idee that thare iz onla one way tew git tew
Heaven iz awl rong, but the idee that there iz but
one Heaven tew git tew, iz awl right. Az a gineral
thing nations go tew war for the most ornary things,
so men will fite the wust kind, for a religious noshun,
that they hain't got the fust smell of. I dont
care, for mi part, whether a man iz a piscopaleyen,
or a soft shell baptiss, nor I don't think the Lord

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duz nuther. Religious creed noshuns for man, are
like the scent the foxes leave for the hounds, the less
thare iz ov it, the more kerful the dorg hunts, and
the less likely he iz tew take enny uther trak.

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Billings, Josh, 1818-1885 [1866], Josh Billings, hiz sayings. With comic illustrations. (Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf674T].
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