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J. Payne Collier [1842–1844], The works of William Shakespeare. The text formed from an entirely new collation of the old editions: with the various readings, notes, a life of the poet, and a history of the Early English stage. By J. Payne Collier, Esq. F.S.A. In eight volumes (Whittaker & Co. [etc.], London) [word count] [S10101].
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SCENE I. France. An English Court of Guard. Enter Fluellen and Gower.

Gow.

Nay, that's right; but why wear you your leek to-day? Saint Davy's day is past.

Flu.

There is occasions, and causes, why and wherefore, in all things: I will tell you, as my friend, captain Gower. The rascally, scald, beggarly, lowsy, pragging knave, Pistol, which you and yourself, and all the world, know to be no petter than a fellow, look you now, of no merits, he is come to me, and prings me pread and salt yesterday, look you, and bid me eat my leek. It was in a place where I could not breed no contention with him; but I will be so pold as to wear it in my cap till I see him once again, and then I will tell him a little piece of my desires.

Gow.

Why, here he comes, swelling like a turkey-cock.

Enter Pistol.

Flu.

'Tis no matter for his swellings, nor his turkey-cocks.— Got pless you, ancient Pistol! you scurvy, lowsy knave, Got pless you!

Pist.
Ha! art thou Bedlam? dost thou thirst, base Trojan,
To have me fold up Parca's fatal web?
Hence! I am qualmish at the smell of leek.

Flu.

I peseech you heartily, scurvy lowsy knave, at my desires, and my requests, and my petitions, to eat, look you, this leek; because, look you, you do not love it, nor your affections, and your appetites, and your digestions, does not agree with it, I would desire you to eat it.

Pist.

Not for Cadwallader, and all his goats.

-- 562 --

Flu.

There is one goat for you. [Strikes him.] Will you be so goot, scald knave, as eat it?

Pist.

Base Trojan, thou shalt die.

Flu.

You say very true, scald knave, when Got's will is. I will desire you to live in the mean time, and eat your victuals: come, there is sauce for it. [Striking him again.] You called me yesterday, mountain-squire, but I will make you to-day a squire of low degree2 note. I pray you, fall to: if you can mock a leek, you can eat a leek.

Gow.

Enough, captain: you have astonished him.

Flu.

I say, I will make him eat some part of my leek, or I will peat his pate four days.—Pite, I pray you; it is goot for your green wound, and your ploody coxcomb.

Pist.

Must I bite?

Flu.

Yes, certainly, and out of doubt, and out of question too, and ambiguities.

Pist.

By this leek, I will most horribly revenge. I eat, and eat I swear—

Flu.

Eat, I pray you. Will you have some more sauce to your leek? there is not enough leek to swear by.

Pist.

Quiet thy cudgel: thou dost see, I eat.

Flu.

Much goot do you, scald knave, heartily. Nay, pray you, throw none away; the skin is goot for your proken coxcomb. When you take occasions to see leeks hereafter, I pray you, mock at 'em; that is all.

Pist.

Good.

Flu.

Ay, leeks is goot.—Hold you; there is a groat to heal your pate.

-- 563 --

Pist.

Me a groat!

Flu.

Yes; verily, and in truth, you shall take it, or I have another leek in my pocket, which you shall eat.

Pist.

I take thy groat, in earnest of revenge.

Flu.

If I owe you any thing, I will pay you in cudgels: you shall be a woodmonger, and buy nothing of me but cudgels. God be wi' you, and keep you, and heal your pate.

[Exit.

Pist.

All hell shall stir for this.

Gow.

Go, go; you are a counterfeit cowardly knave. Will you mock at an ancient tradition, begun upon an honourable respect, and worn as a memorable trophy of predeceased valour, and dare not avouch in your deeds any of your words? I have seen you gleeking3 note and galling at this gentleman twice or thrice. You thought, because he could not speak English in the native garb, he could not therefore handle an English cudgel: you find it otherwise; and, henceforth, let a Welsh correction teach you a good English condition. Fare ye well.

[Exit.

Pist.
Doth fortune play the huswife with me now?
News have I, that my Doll is dead i' the spital4 note
Of malady of France;
And there my rendezvous is quite cut off.
Old I do wax, and from my weary limbs
Honour is cudgelled. Well, bawd I'll turn,
And something lean to cutpurse of quick hand.
To England will I steal, and there I'll steal:
And patches will I get unto these cudgell'd scars,
And swear, I got them in the Gallia wars.
[Exit.

-- 564 --

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J. Payne Collier [1842–1844], The works of William Shakespeare. The text formed from an entirely new collation of the old editions: with the various readings, notes, a life of the poet, and a history of the Early English stage. By J. Payne Collier, Esq. F.S.A. In eight volumes (Whittaker & Co. [etc.], London) [word count] [S10101].
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