SCENE I.
Rochester. An Inn Yard.
Enter a Carrier, with a Lantern in his hand.
1 Car.
Heigh ho! An't be not four by the day, I'll
be hanged: Charles' wain is over the new chimney, and
yet our horse not packed. What, ostler!
Ost. [Within.]
Anon, anon.
1 Car.
I pr'ythee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a few
flocks in the point; the poor jade is wrung in the
withers out of all cess7 note.
-- 248 --
Enter another Carrier.
2 Car.
Peas and beans are as dank here as a dog8 note,
and that is the next way to give poor jades the bots:
this house is turned upside down, since Robin ostler
died.
1 Car.
Poor fellow! never joyed since the price of
oats rose: it was the death of him.
2 Car.
I think, this be the most villainous house in
all London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench.
1 Car.
Like a tench? by the mass, there is ne'er a
king in Christendom could be better bit, than I have
been since the first cock.
2 Car.
Why, they will allow us ne'er a jordan, and
then we leak in your chimney; and your chamber-lie
breeds fleas like a loach9 note.
1 Car.
What, ostler! come away and be hanged;
come away.
2 Car.
I have a gammon of bacon, and two razes of
ginger, to be delivered as far as Charing-cross.
1 Car.
'Odsbody! the turkeys in my pannier are
quite starved.—What, ostler!—A plague on thee! hast
thou never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An
'twere not as good a deed as drink, to break the pate
of thee, I am a very villain.—Come, and be hanged:—
hast no faith in thee?
Enter Gadshill.
Gads.
Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock?
-- 249 --
1 Car.
I think it be two o'clock.
Gads.
I pr'ythee, lend me thy lantern, to see my
gelding in the stable.
1 Car.
Nay, soft, I pray ye: I know a trick worth
two of that, i' faith.
Gads.
I pr'ythee, lend me thine.
2 Car.
Ay, when? canst tell1 note?—Lend me thy lantern,
quoth a?—marry, I'll see thee hanged first.
Gads.
Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to
come to London?
2 Car.
Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I
warrant thee.—Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up
the gentlemen: they will along with company, for they
have great charge.
[Exeunt Carriers.
Gads.
What, ho! chamberlain!
Cham. [Within.]
At hand, quoth pick-purse2 note.
Gads.
That's even as fair as—at hand, quoth the
chamberlain; for thou variest no more from picking of
purses, than giving direction doth from labouring; thou
lay'st the plot how.
Enter Chamberlain3 note.
Cham.
Good morrow, master Gadshill. It holds
current, that I told you yesternight: there's a franklin
in the wild of Kent, hath brought three hundred marks
with him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his
company, last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one
that hath abundance of charge too, God knows what4 note.
They are up already, and call for eggs and butter: they
will away presently.
-- 250 --
Gads.
Sirrah, if they meet not with saint Nicholas'
clerks5 note, I'll give thee this neck.
Cham.
No, I'll none of it: I pr'ythee, keep that for
the hangman; for, I know, thou worship'st saint Nicholas
as truly as a man of falsehood may.
Gads.
What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if
I hang, I'll make a fat pair of gallows; for, if I hang,
old sir John hangs with me, and thou knowest he's no
starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that thou
dreamest not of, the which, for sport sake, are content
to do the profession some grace, that would, if matters
should be looked into, for their own credit sake, make
all whole. I am joined with no foot land-rakers, no
long-staff, sixpenny strikers: none of these mad, mustachio
purple-hued malt-worms; but with nobility and
tranquillity; burgomasters, and great oneyers6 note; such as
can hold in; such as will strike sooner than speak, 11Q0583 and
speak sooner than drink, and drink sooner than pray:
and yet I lie; for they pray continually to their saint,
the commonwealth; or, rather, not pray to her, but
prey on her, for they ride up and down on her, and
make her their boots.
Cham.
What! the commonwealth their boots? will
she hold out water in foul way?
Gads.
She will, she will; justice hath liquored her.
-- 251 --
We steal as in a castle, cock-sure; we have the receipt
of fern-seed, we walk invisible7 note.
Cham.
Nay, by my faith; I think you are more
beholding to the night, than to fern-seed, for your
walking invisible.
Gads.
Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in
our purchase8 note, as I am a true man.
Cham.
Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false
thief.
Gads.
Go to; homo is a common name to all men9 note.
Bid the ostler bring my gelding out of the stable.
Farewell, you muddy knave.
[Exeunt.
J. Payne Collier [1842–1844], The works of William Shakespeare. The text formed from an entirely new collation of the old editions: with the various readings, notes, a life of the poet, and a history of the Early English stage. By J. Payne Collier, Esq. F.S.A. In eight volumes (Whittaker & Co. [etc.], London) [word count] [S10101].
