Borachio.
Dogb.
Is our whole dissembly appeared?
-- 253 --
Verg.
O! a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
Sexton7 note.
Which be the malefactors?
Dogb.
Marry, that am I and my partner8 note.
Verg.
Nay, that's certain: we have the exhibition to
examine.
Sexton.
But which are the offenders that are to be
examined? let them come before master constable.
Dogb.
Yea, marry, let them come before me.—What
is your name, friend?
Bora.
Borachio.
Dogb.
Pray write down Borachio.—Yours, sirrah?
Con.
I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
Dogb.
Write down master gentleman Conrade.—
Masters, do you serve God?
Con. Bora.
Yea, sir, we hope.
Dogb.
Write down—that they hope they serve God:
—and write God first; for God defend but God should
go before such villains9 note!—Masters, it is proved already
that you are little better than false knaves, and it will
go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for
yourselves?
Con.
Marry, sir, we say we are none.
-- 254 --
Dogb.
A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but
I will go about with him.—Come you hither, sirrah; a
word in your ear, sir: I say to you, it is thought you
are false knaves.
Bora.
Sir, I say to you, we are none.
Dogb.
Well, stand aside.—'Fore God, they are both
in a tale. Have you writ down, that they are none?
Sexton.
Master constable, you go not the way to
examine: you must call forth the watch that are their
accusers.
Dogb.
Yea, marry, that's the eftest way1 note:—Let the
watch come forth.—Masters, I charge you, in the
prince's name, accuse these men.
1 Watch.
This man said, sir, that Don John, the
prince's brother, was a villain.
Dogb.
Write down—prince John a villain.—Why,
this is flat perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.
Bora.
Master constable,—
Dogb.
Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy
look, I promise thee.
Sexton.
What heard you him say else?
2 Watch.
Marry, that he had received a thousand
ducats of Don John, for accusing the lady Hero wrongfully.
Dogb.
Flat burglary as ever was committed.
Verg.
Yea, by the mass, that it is.
Sexton.
What else, fellow?
1 Watch.
And that Count Claudio did mean, upon
his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly,
and not marry her.
Dogb.
O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting
redemption for this.
Sexton.
What else?
2 Watch.
This is all.
Sexton.
And this is more, masters, than you can deny.
-- 255 --
Prince John is this morning secretly stolen away: Hero
was in this manner accused, in this very manner refused,
and, upon the grief of this, suddenly died. Master
constable, let these men be bound, and brought to
Leonato's: I will go before, and show him their
examination.
[Exit.
Dogb.
Come, let them be opinioned.
Verg.
Let them be in the hands—
Con.
Off, coxcomb2 note!
Dogb.
God's my life! where's the sexton? 11Q0185 let him
write down the prince's officer, coxcomb.—Come, bind
them.—Thou naughty varlet!
Con.
Away! you are an ass; you are an ass.
Dogb.
Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou
not suspect my years?—O, that he were here to write
me down an ass!—but, masters, remember, that I am
an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not
that I am an ass.—No, thou villain, thou art full of
piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I
am a wise fellow; and, which is more, an officer; and,
which is more, a householder; and, which is more, as
pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina; and one
that knows the law, go to; and a rich fellow enough,
go to; and a fellow that hath had losses; 11Q0186 and one that
hath two gowns, and every thing handsome about him.
Bring him away. O, that I had been writ down an ass!
[Exeunt.
-- 256 --
J. Payne Collier [1842–1844], The works of William Shakespeare. The text formed from an entirely new collation of the old editions: with the various readings, notes, a life of the poet, and a history of the Early English stage. By J. Payne Collier, Esq. F.S.A. In eight volumes (Whittaker & Co. [etc.], London) [word count] [S10101].