Robin.
Fal.
Mine host of the Garter!
Host.
What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly,
and wisely.
Fal.
Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my
followers.
Host.
Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them
wag; trot, trot.
-- 189 --
Fal.
I sit at ten pounds a week.
Host.
Thou'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheazar6 note.
I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he
shall tap: said I well, bully Hector?
Fal.
Do so, good mine host.
Host.
I have spoke; let him follow.—Let me see
thee froth, and lime7 note: I am at a word; follow.
[Exit Host.
Fal.
Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good
trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered
servingman, a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.
Bard.
It is a life that I have desired. I will thrive.
[Exit Bard.
Pist.
O base Gongarian wight! wilt thou the spigot
wield8 note
?
Nym.
He was gotten in drink: is not the humour
conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the
humour of it9 note.
Fal.
I am glad I am so acquit of this tinder-box:
his thefts were too open; his filching was like an unskilful
singer, he kept not time.
Nym.
The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest 11Q0062.
-- 190 --
Pist.
Convey the wise it call10 note. Steal? foh! a fico
for the phrase!
Fal.
Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
Pist.
Why then, let kibes ensue.
Fal.
There is no remedy; I must coney-catch, I
must shift.
Pist.
Young ravens must have food.
Fal.
Which of you know Ford of this town?
Pist.
I ken the wight: he is of substance good.
Fal.
My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
Pist.
Two yards, and more.
Fal.
No quips now, Pistol: indeed I am in the waist
two yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am
about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to
Ford's wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses,
she carves, she gives the leer of invitation 11Q0063: I can construe
the action of her familiar style; and the hardest
voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is, “I
am sir John Falstaff's.”
Pist.
He hath studied her will1 note, and translated her
will; out of honesty into English.
Nym.
The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?
Fal.
Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her
husband's purse; he hath legions of angels 11Q0064.
Pist.
As many devils entertain, and “To her, boy,”
say I.
Nym.
The humour rises; it is good: humour me the
angels.
Fal.
I have writ me here a letter to her; and here
another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good
eyes too, examin'd my parts with most judicious œiliads2 note:
-- 191 --
sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot, sometimes
my portly belly.
Pist.
Then did the sun on dunghill shine.
Nym.
I thank thee for that humour.
Fal.
O! she did so course o'er my exteriors with such
a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did
seem to scorch me up like a burning glass. Here's
another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she is a
region in Guiana, all gold and bounty 11Q0065. I will be cheater
to them both3 note, and they shall be exchequers to me:
they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade
to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress
Page; and thou this to mistress Ford. We will thrive,
lads, we will thrive.
Pist.
Shall I sir Pandarus of Troy become,
And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!
Nym.
I will run no base humour: here, take the
humour-letter. I will keep the 'haviour of reputation.
Fal.
Hold, sirrah, [to Robin,] bear you these letters tightly:
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.—
Rogues, hence! avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go;
Trudge, plod away o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack!
Falstaff will learn the humour of this age4 note 11Q0066,
French thrift, you rogues: myself, and skirted page.
[Exeunt Falstaff and Robin.
Pist.
Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd, and fullam holds,
And high and low5 note
beguile the rich and poor.
-- 192 --
Tester I'll have in pouch, when thou shalt lack,
Base Phrygian Turk.
Nym.
I have operations6 note, which be humours of revenge.
Pist.
Wilt thou revenge?
Nym.
By welkin, and her star. 11Q0067
Pist.
With wit, or steel?
Nym.
With both the humours, I:
I will discuss the humour of this love to Page7 note.
Pist.
And I to Ford8 note shall eke unfold,
How Falstaff, varlet vile,
His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
And his soft couch defile.
Nym.
My humour shall not cool: I will incense
Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness,
for the revolt of mine1 note is dangerous: that is
my true humour.
Pist.
Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second
thee; troop on.
[Exeunt.
-- 193 --
J. Payne Collier [1842–1844], The works of William Shakespeare. The text formed from an entirely new collation of the old editions: with the various readings, notes, a life of the poet, and a history of the Early English stage. By J. Payne Collier, Esq. F.S.A. In eight volumes (Whittaker & Co. [etc.], London) [word count] [S10101].
