SCENE XIII.
To them, Enter Fool.
Fool.
Let me hire him too, here's my coxcomb.
[Giving his cap.
Lear.
How now my pretty knave? how do'st thou?
Fool.
Sirrah, you were best take my coxcomb.
Kent.
Why, my boy?
Fool.
Why? for taking one's part that is out of favour; nay,
an thou canst not smile as the wind sits, thou'lt catch cold shortly.
There take my coxcomb; why, this fellow has banish'd two
of his daughters, and did the third a blessing against his will; if
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thou follow him, thou must needs wear my coxcomb. How now
nuncle? would I had two coxcombs, and two daughters.
Lear.
Why, my boy?
Fool.
If I give them all my living, I'll keep my coxcomb my
self; there's mine, beg another of thy daughters.
Lear.
Take heed, Sirrah, the whip.
Fool.
Truth's a dog must to kennel, he must be whip'd out,
when the lady brach may stand by th' fire and stink.
Lear.
A pestilent gall to me.
Fool.
Sirrah, I'll teach thee a speech.
[To Kent.
Lear.
Do.
Fool.
Mark it, nuncle;
Have more than thou showest,
Speak less than thou knowest,
Lend less than thou owest,
Ride more than thou goest,
Learn more than thou trowest,
Set less than thou throwest:
Leave thy drink and thy whore,
And keep within door,
And thou shalt have more
Than two tens to a score.
Kent.
This is nothing, fool.
Fool.
Then it is like the breath of an unfee'd lawyer, you give
me nothing for't; can you make no use of nothing, nuncle?
Lear.
Why no, boy, nothing can be made out of nothing.
Fool.
Pr'ythee tell him, so much the rent of his land comes to:
he will not believe a fool.* note
[To Kent.
-- 22 --
† noteLear.
Dost thou call me fool?
&plquo;Fool.
&plquo;All thy other titles thou hast given away; that thou
wast born with.&prquo;
&plquo;Kent.
&plquo;This is not altogether fool, my lord.&prquo;
&plquo;Fool.
&plquo;No faith, Lords and great men will not let me; if I
had a monopoly on't, they would have part on't: nay the Ladies
too, they'll not let me have all fool my self, they'll be snatching.
Give me an egg nuncle, and I'll give thee two crowns.&prquo;
Lear.
What two crowns shall they be?
Fool.
Why after I have cut the egg i'th' middle and eat up
the meat, the two crowns of the egg: when thou clovest thy
crown i'th' middle and gav'st away both parts, thou bor'st thine
ass on thy back o'er the dirt; thou had'st little wit in thy bald
crown, when thou gav'st thy golden one away: if I speak like
my self in this, let him be whip'd that first finds it so.
Fools ne'er had less grace in a year,
[Singing.
For wisemen are grown foppish,
And know not how their wits to wear,
Their manners are so apish.
Lear.
When were you wont to be so full of songs, sirrah?
Fool.
I have used it, nuncle, e'er since thou mad'st thy daughters
thy mothers; for when thou gav'st them the rod, and put'st
down thine own breeches, then they
For sudden joy did weep,
[Singing.
And I for sorrow sung,
That such a King should play bo peep,
And go the fools among.
Pr'ythee nuncle keep a school-master that can teach thy fool to
lie; I would fain learn to lie.
Lear.
If you lie, sirrah, we'll have you whipt.
Fool.
I marvel what kin thou and thy daughters are: they'll
-- 23 --
have me whipt for speaking true, thou'lt have me whipt for
lying, and sometimes I am whipt for holding my peace. I had
rather be any kind o' thing than a fool, and yet I would not be
thee, nuncle; thou hast pared thy wit o' both sides, and left
nothing i'th' middle; here comes one o'th' parings.
George Sewell [1723–5], The works of Shakespear in six [seven] volumes. Collated and Corrected by the former Editions, By Mr. Pope ([Vol. 7] Printed by J. Darby, for A. Bettesworth [and] F. Fayram [etc.], London) [word count] [S11101].
