Ber.

A plague upon him, muffled! he can say nothing of me; hush.

1 Lord.

Hoodman comes: Portotartarossa.

Int.

He calls for the tortures; what will you say without 'em?

Par.

I will confess what I know without constraint; if ye pinch me like a pasty, I can say no more.

Int.

Bosko Chimurcho.

1 Lord.

Biblibindo chicurmurco.

Int.

You are a merciful general: our general bids you answer to what I shall ask you out of a note.

Par.

And truly, as I hope to live.

Int.

First demand of him, how many horse the Duke is strong. What say you to that?

Par.

Five or six thousand, but very weak and unserviceable; the troops are all scatter'd, and the commanders very poor rogues, upon my reputation and credit, and as I hope to live.

Int.

Shall I set down your answer so?

Par.

Do, I'll take the sacrament on't, how and which way you will: all's one to me.

Ber.

What a past-saving slave is this?

1 Lord.

Y'are deceiv'd, my Lord, this is Monsieur Parolles, the gallant militarist, that was his own phrase, that had the whole theory of war in the knot of his scarf, and the practice in the chape of his dagger.

2 Lord.

I will never trust a man again for keeping his sword clean, nor believe he can have every thing in him by wearing his apparel neatly.

Int.

Well, that's set down.

Par.

Five or six thousand horse I said, I will say true, or thereabouts set down, for I'll speak truth.

1 Lord.

He's very near the truth in this.

Ber.

But I con him no thanks for't, in the nature he delivers it.

Par.

Poor rogues, I pray you say.

Int.

Well, that's set down.

Par.

I humbly thank you, Sir, a truth's a truth, the rogues are marvellous poor.

Int.

Demand of him of what strength they are a-foot. What say you to that?

Par.

By my troth, Sir, if I were to live this present hour I will tell true. Let me see, Spurio a hundred and fifty, Sebastian so many, Corambus so many, Jaques so many; Guiltian, Cosmo, Lodowick and Gratii, two hundred and fifty each; mine own company, Chitopher, Vaumond, Bentii, two hundred and fifty each; so that the muster file, rotten and sound, upon my life amounts not to fifteen thousand pole, half of the which dare not shake the snow from off their cassocks, lest they shake themselves to pieces.

Ber.

What shall be done to him?

1 Lord.

Nothing, but let him have thanks. Demand of him my conditions, and what credit I have with the Duke.

Int.

Well, that's set down. You shall demand of him, whether one captain Dumain be i'th' camp, a Frenchman; what his reputation is with the Duke, what his valour, honesty, and expertness in war; or whether he thinks it were not possible with well-weighing sums of gold to corrupt him to a revolt. What say you to this? what do you know of it?

Par.

I beseech you let me answer to the particular of the Interrogatories. Demand them singly.

Int.

Do you know this captain Dumain?

Par.

I know him, he was a botcher's prentice in Paris, from whence he was whipt for getting the sheriff's fool with child, a dumb innocent, that could not say him nay.

Ber.

Nay, by your leave hold your hands, tho' I know his brains are forfeit to the next tile that falls.

Int.

Well, is this captain in the Duke of Florence's camp?

Par.

Upon my knowledge he is, and lowsie.

1 Lord.

Nay, look not so upon me, we shall hear of your lordship anon.

Int.

What is his reputation with the Duke?

Par.

The Duke knows him for no other but a poor officer

of mine, and writ to me the other day to turn him out o'th' band. I think I have his letter in my pocket.

Int.

Marry we'll search.

Par.

In good sadness I do not know, either it is there, or it is upon a file with the Duke's other letters in my tent.

Int.

Here 'tis, here's a paper, shall I read it to you?

Par.

I do not know if it be it or no.

Ber.

Our interpreter does it well.

1 Lord.

Excellently.

Int.

Dian; the Count's a fool, and full of gold.

Par.

That is not the Duke's letter, Sir; that is an advertisement to a proper maid in Florence, one Diana, to take heed of the allurement of one Count Rousillon, a foolish idle boy, but for all that very ruttish. I pray you, Sir, put it up again.

Int.

Nay, I'll read it first, by your favour.

Par.

My meaning in't, I protest, was very honest in the behalf of the maid; for I knew the young Count to be a dangerous and lascivious boy, who is a whale to virginity, and devours up all the fry it finds.

Ber.

Damnable! both sides rogue.

Interpreter reads the letter.

When he swears oaths, bid him drop gold, and take it.
  After he scores, he never pays the score:
Half won is match well made, match and well make it:
  He ne'er pays after-debts, take it before.
And say a soldier (Dian) told thee this:
Men are to † ^notemell with, boys are not to kiss.
For count of this, the Count's a fool, I know it,
Who pays before, but not when he does owe it.

Thine, as he vow'd to thee in thine ear,
Parolles.

Ber.

He shall be whipt through the army with this rhime in his forehead.

2 Lord.

This is your devoted friend, Sir, the manifold linguist and the armi-potent soldier.

Ber.

I could endure any thing before but a cat, and now he's a cat to me.

Int.

I perceive, Sir, by the general's looks, we shall be fain to hang you.

Par.

My life, Sir, in any case; not that I am afraid to die, but that my offences being many, I would repent out the remainder of nature. Let me live, Sir, in a dungeon, i'th' stocks, any where, so I may live.

Int.

We'll see what may be done, so you confess freely; therefore once more to this captain Dumain: you have answer'd to his reputation with the Duke, and to his valour. What is his honesty?

Par.

He will steal, Sir, an egg out of a cloister: for rapes and ravishments he parallels Nessus. He professes not keeping of oaths; in breaking them he is stronger than Hercules. He will lie, Sir, with such volubility, that you would think truth were a fool: drunkenness is his best virtue, for he will be swine-drunk, and in his sleep he does little harm, save to his bed-cloaths about him; but they know his conditions, and lay him in straw. I have but little more to say, Sir, of his honesty, he has every thing that an honest man should not have; what an honest man should have, he has nothing.

1 Lord.

I begin to love him for this.

Ber.

For this description of thine honesty? a pox upon him for me, he is more and more a cat.

Int.

What say you to his expertness in war.

Par.

Faith, Sir, h'as led the drum before the English tragedians: to belie him I will not, and more of his soldiership I know not, except in that country, he had the honour to be

the officer at a place there call'd Mile-end, to instruct for the doubling of files. I would do the man what honour I can, but of this I am not certain.

1 Lord.

He hath out-villain'd villany so far that the rarity redeems him.

Ber.

A pox on him, he's a cat still.

Int.

His qualities being at this poor price, I need no tro ask you if gold will corrupt him to revolt.

Par.

Sir, for a Quart-d'ecu he will sell the fee-simple of his salvation, the inheritance of it, and cut th'intail from all remainders, and a perpetual succession for it perpetually.

Int.

What's his brother, the other captain Dumain?

2 Lord.

Why do's he ask him of me?

Int.

What's he?

Par.

E'en a crow o'th' same nest; not altogether so great as the first in goodness, but greater a great deal in evil. He excels his brother for a coward, yet his brother is reputed one of the best that is. In a retreat he out-runs any lackey; marry in coming on he has the cramp.

Int.

If your life be saved, will you undertake to betray the Florentine?

Par.

Ay, and the captain of his horse, Count Rousillon.

Int.

I'll whisper with the general and know his pleasure.

Par.

I'll no more drumming, a plague of all drums; only to seem to deserve well, and to beguile the supposition of that lascivious young boy the Count, have I run into danger; yet who would have suspected an ambush where I was taken.

Int.

There is no remedy, Sir, but you must die; the general says, you that have so traiterously discovered the secrets of your army, and made such pestiferous reports of men very nobly held, can serve the world for no honest use; therefore you must die. Come, headsman, off with his head.

Par.

O lord, Sir, let me live, or let me see my death.

Int.
That shall you, and take your leave of all your friends: [Unbinding him.
So, look about you; know you any here?

Ber.
Good morrow, noble captain.

2 Lord.
God bless you, captain Parolles.

1 Lord.
God save you, noble captain.

2 Lord.

Captain, what greeting will you to my Lord Lafeu? I am for France.

1 Lord.

Good captain, will you give me a copy of that same sonnet you writ to Diana in behalf of the Count Rousillon? if I were not a very coward, I'd compel it of you; but fare you well.

Int.

You are undone, captain, all but your scarf, that has a knot on't yet.

Par.

Who cannot be crush'd with a plot?

Int.

If you could find out a country where but women were that had receiv'd so much shame, you might begin an impudent nation. Fare you well, Sir, I am for France too, we shall speak of you there.