Come, taylor, let us see these ornaments. Enter Haberdasher.
Lay forth the gown. What news with you, Sir?

Hab.
Here is the cap your worship did bespeak.

Pet.
Why this was moulded on a porringer,
A velvet dish; fie, fie, 'tis lewd and filthy:
Why 'tis a cockle or a walnut-shell,
A knack, a toy, a trick, a baby's cap.
Away with it, come, let me have a bigger.

Kath.
I'll have no bigger, this doth fit the time,
And gentlewomen wear such caps as these.

Pet.
When you are gentle, you shall have one too,
And not 'till then.

Hor.
That will not be in haste.

Kath.
Why, Sir, I trust I may have leave to speak,
And speak I will. I am no child, no babe,
Your betters have endur'd me say my mind;
And if you cannot, best you stop your ears.
My tongue will tell the anger of my heart,
Or else my heart concealing it will break:
And rather than it shall, I will be free,
Even to the utmost as I please in words.

Pet.
Why thou say'st true, it is a paltry cap,
A custard coffin, a bauble, a silken pie,

I love thee well in that thou lik'st it not.

Kath.
Love me, or love me not, I like the cap,
And I will have it, or I will have none.

Pet.
Thy gown? why ay; come taylor, let us see't.
O mercy heav'n, what masking stuff is here?
What? this a sleeve? 'tis like a demi-cannon;
What, up and down carv'd like an apple-tart?
Here's snip, and nip, and cut, and slish, and slash,
Like to a censer in a barber's shop:
Why what a devil's name, taylor, call'st thou this?

Hor.
I see she's like to've neither cap nor gown.

Tay.
You bid me make it orderly and well,
According to the fashion of the time.

Pet.
Marry and did: but if you be remembred,
I did not bid you marr it to the time.
Go hop me over every kennel home,
For you shall hop without my custom, Sir:
I'll none of it; hence, make your best of it.

Kath.
I never saw a better fashion'd gown,
More queint, more pleasing, nor more commendable:
Belike you mean to make a puppet of me.

Pet.
Why true, he means to make a puppet of thee.

Tay.
She says your worship means to make a puppet of her.

Pet.
Oh most monstrous arrogance!
Thou lyest, thou thread, thou thimble,
Thou yard, three quarters, half yard, quarter, nail,
Thou flea, thou nit, thou winter cricket thou!
Brav'd in mine own house with a skein of thread!
Away, thou rag, thou quantity, thou remnant,
Or I shall so be-mete thee with thy yard,
As thou shalt think on prating whilst thou liv'st:
I tell thee I, that thou hast marr'd her gown.

Tay.
Your worship is deceiv'd, the gown is made

Just as my master had direction.
Grumio gave order how it should be done.

Gru.

I gave him no order, I gave him the stuff.

Tay.

But how did you desire it should be made?

Gru.

Marry, Sir, with needle and thread.

Tay.

But did you not request to have it cut?

Gru.

Thou hast fac'd many things.

Tay.

I have.

Gru.

Face not me: thou hast brav'd many men, brave not me, I will neither be fac'd nor brav'd. I say unto thee, I bid thy master cut out the gown, but I did not bid him cut it to pieces. Ergo thou liest.

Tay.

Why here is the note of the fashion to testify.

Pet.

Read it.

Gru.

The note lies in's throat if he say I said so.

Tay.

Imprimis, a loose-bodied gown.

Gru.

Master, if ever I said loose-bodied gown, sow me up in the skirts of it, and beat me to death with a bottom of brown thread: I said a gown.

Pet.

Proceed.

Tay.

With a small compast cape.

Gru.

I confess the cape.

Tay.

With a trunk sleeve.

Gru.

I confess two sleeves.

Tay.

The sleeves curiously cut.

Pet.

Ay there's the villany.

Gru.

Error i'th'bill, Sir, error i'th' bill: I commanded the sleeves should be cut out, and sow'd up again, and that I'll prove upon thee, tho' thy little finger be armed in a thimble.

Tay.

This is true that I say, an I had thee in place where, thou shou'dst know it.

Gru.

I am for thee straight: take thou the bill, give me thy meet-yard, and spare not me.

Hor.

God-amercy, Grumio, then he shall have no odds.

Pet.

Well, Sir, in brief the gown is not for me.

Gru.

You are i'th' right, Sir, 'tis for my mistress.

Pet.

Go take it up unto thy master's use.

Gru.

Villain, not for thy life: take up my mistress's gown for thy master's use!

Pet.

Why, Sir, what's your conceit in that?

Gru.
Oh, Sir, the conceit is deeper than you think for;
Take up my mistress's gown unto his master's use?
Oh fie, fie, fie.

Pet.
Hortensio, say thou wilt see the taylor paid. [Aside.
Go take it hence, be gone, and say no more.

Hor.
Taylor, I'll pay thee for thy gown to-morrow,
Take no unkindness of his hasty words:
Away I say, commend me to thy master. [Exit Tayl.

Pet.
Well come my Kate, we will unto your father's,
Even in these honest mean habiliments:
Our purses shall be proud, our garments poor;
For 'tis the mind that makes the body rich.
And as the sun breaks through the darkest clouds,
So honour peereth in the meanest habit.
What; is the jay more precious than the lark,
Because his feathers are more beautiful?
Or is the adder better than the eel,
Because his painted skin contents the eye?
Oh no, good Kate; neither art thou the worse
For this poor furniture, and mean array.
If thou account'st it shame, lay it on me;
And therefore frolick; we will hence forthwith,
To feast and sport us at thy father's house.
Go call my men, and let us straight to him,
And bring our horses unto Long-lane end,
There will we mount, and thither walk on foot.

Let's see, I think 'tis now some seven a-clock,
And well we may come there by dinner-time.

Kath.
I dare assure you, Sir, 'tis almost two;
And 'twill be supper-time ere you come there.

Pet.
It shall be seven ere I go to horse:
Look what I speak, or do, or think to do,
You are still crossing it; Sirs, let't alone,
I will not go to-day, and ere I do,
It shall be what a clock I say it is.

Hor.
Why so: this gallant will command the sun. [Exeunt Pet. Kath. and Hor. Lord.

Who's within there?

Asleep again! go take him easily up, and put him in his own apparel again. But see you wake him not in any case.