Grumio.

Fie, fie on all tired jades, on all mad masters, and all foul ways! was ever man so beaten? was ever man so raide? was ever man so weary? I am sent before to make a fire, and they are coming after to warm them: now were I not a little pot, and soon hot, my very lips might freeze to my teeth, my tongue to the roof of my mouth, my heart in my belly, ere I should come by a fire to thaw me; but I with blowing the fire shall warm my self; for considering the weather, a taller man than I will take cold: holla, hoa, Curtis!

Curt.

Who is it that calls so coldly?

Gru.

A piece of ice. If thou doubt it, thou may'st slide from my shoulder to my heel, with no greater a run but my head and my neck. A fire, good Curtis.

Curt.

Is my master and his wife coming, Grumio?

Gru.

Oh ay, Curtis, ay; and therefore fire, fire, cast on no water.

Curt.

Is she so hot a shrew as she's reported?

Gru.

She was, good Curtis, before the frost; but thou know'st winter tames man, woman and beast, for it hath tam'd my old master, and my new mistress, and my self, fellow Curtis.

Curt.

Away, you three-inch'd fool; I am no beast.

Gru.

Am I but three inches? why thy horn is a foot, and so long am I at the least. But wilt thou make a fire, or shall I complain on thee to our mistress, whose hand, she being now at hand, thou shalt soon feel to thy cold comfort, for being slow in thy hot office.

Curt.

I pry'thee, good Grumio, tell me, how goes the world?

Gru.

A cold world, Curtis, in every office but thine; and therefore fire: do thy duty, and have thy duty; for my master and mistress are almost frozen to death.

Curt.

There's fire ready; and therefore, good Grumio, the news.

Gru.

Why, Jack boy, ho boy, and as much news as thou wilt.

Curt.

Come, you are so full of conycatching.

Gru.

Why therefore fire; for I have caught extream cold. Where's the cook? is supper ready, the house trimm'd, rushes strew'd, cobwebs swept, the servingmen in their new fustain, their white stockings, and every officer his wedding garment on? be the Jacks fair within, the Jills fair without, carpets laid, and every thing in order?

Curt.

All ready: and therefore I pray thee what news?

Gru.

First, know my horse is tired, my master and mistress fall'n out.

Curt.

How?

Gru.

Out of their saddles into the dirt; and thereby hangs a tale.

Curt.

Let's ha't, good Grumio.

Gru.

Lend thine ear.

Curt.

Here.

Gru.

There.

Curt.

This is to feel a tale, not to hear a tale.

Gru.

And therefore 'tis call'd a sensible tale: and this cuff

was but to knock at your ear, and beseech listning. Now I begin: imprimis we came down a foul hill, my master riding behind my mistress.

Curt.

Both on one horse?

Gru.

What's that to thee?

Curt.

Why a horse.

Gru.

Tell thou the tale. But hadst thou not crost me, thou should'st have heard how her horse fell, and she under her horse: thou should'st have heard in how miry a place, how she was bemoil'd, how he left her with the horse upon her, how he beat me because her horse stumbled, how she waded through the dirt to pluck him off me; how he swore, how she pray'd that never pray'd before; how I cry'd, how the horses ran away, how her bridle was burst, how I lost my crupper; with many things of worthy memory, which now shall die in oblivion, and thou return unexperienc'd to thy grave.

Curt.

By this reckoning he is more shrew than she.

Gru.

Ay, and that thou and the proudest of you all shall find when he comes home. But what talk I of this? call forth Nathaniel, Joseph, Nicholas, Philip, Walter, Sugersop, and the rest: let their heads be sleekly comb'd, their blue coats brush'd, and their garters of an indifferent knit; let them curt'sie with their left legs, and not presume to touch a hair of my master's horse tail, 'till they kiss their hands. Are they all ready?

Curt.

They are.

Gru.

Call them forth.

Curt.

Do you hear, ho? you must meet my master to countenance my mistress.

Gru.

Why she hath a face of her own.

Curt.

Who knows not that?

Gru.

Thou it seems, that call'st for company to countenance her.

Curt.

I call them forth to credit her.

Enter four or five Serving-men.

Gru.

Why she comes to borrow nothing of them.

Nat.

Welcome home, Grumio.

Phil.

How now, Grumio?

Jos.

What, Grumio!

Nich.

Fellow Grumio!

Nath.

How now, old lad.

Gru.

Welcome you; how now you; what you; fellow you; and thus much for greeting. Now, my spruce companions, is all ready, and all things neat?

Nat.

All things are ready; how near is our master?

Gru.

E'en at hand, alighted by this; and therefore be not— cock's passion, silence, I hear my master.