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When isicles hang by the wall,
  And Dick the shepherd blows his nail,
And Tom bears logs into the hall,
  And milk comes frozen home in pail;
When blood is nipt, and ways be foul,
Then nightly sings the staring owl
Tu-whit, to-who;
  A merry note,
  While greasie Jone doth keel the pot.

-- 179 --


When all aloud the wind doth blow,
  And coughing drowns the parson's saw;
And birds sit brooding in the snow,
  And Marian's nose looks red and raw;
When roasted crabs hiss in the bowl,
Then nightly sings the staring owl,
Tu-whit, to-who;
  A merry note,
  While greasie Jone doth keel the pot.

Arm.
The words of Mercury
Are harsh after the songs of Apollo:
You that way, we this way.
[Exeunt omnes.

-- 181 --

George Sewell [1723–5], The works of Shakespear in six [seven] volumes. Collated and Corrected by the former Editions, By Mr. Pope ([Vol. 7] Printed by J. Darby, for A. Bettesworth [and] F. Fayram [etc.], London) [word count] [S11101].
To look up a word in a dictionary, select the word with your mouse and press 'd' on your keyboard.

Previous section

ACT V. SCENE I. Enter Holofernes, Nathaniel and Dull.

Holofernes.

Satis quod sufficit.

Nath.

I praise God for you, Sir, your reasons at dinner have been sharp and sententious; pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, audacious without impudency, learned without opinion, and strange without heresie: I did converse this quondam-day with a companion of the King's, who is intituled, nominated, or called, Don Adriano de Armado.

Hol.

Novi hominem tanquam te. His humour is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed, his eye ambitious, his gate majestical, and his general behaviour vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.

Nat.

A most singular and choice epithet.

[draws out his table-book.

Hol.

He draweth out the thread of his verbosity finer than the staple of his argument. I abhor such phanatical phantasms, such insociable and point-devise companions, such rackers of orthography, as do speak dout fine, when he should say doubt; det, when he should pronounce debt; d, e, b, t; not d, e, t: he clepeth a calf, cauf: half, hauf: neighbour vocatur nebour;

-- 145 --

neigh abbreviated ne: this is abominable, which we would call abhominable: it insinuateth me of infamy: Ne intelligis Domine, to make frantick, lunatick?

Nath.

Laus deo, bene intelligo.

Hol.

Bome boon for boon prescian; a little scratch, 'twill serve.

†††SCENE II. Enter Armado, Moth and Costard.

Nath.

Vides ne quis venit?

Hol.

Video, & gaudeo.

Arm.

Chirra.

Hol.

Quare Chirra, not Sirra?

Arm.

Men of peace, well encountred.

Hol.

Most military Sir, salutation.

Moth.

They have been at a great feast of languages, and stole the the scraps.

Cost.

O they have liv'd long on the Alms-basket of words. I marvel thy master hath not eaten thee for a word, for thou art not so long by the head as honorificabilitudinitatibus: thou art easier swallow'd than a flap-dragon.

Moth.

Peace, the peal begins.

Arm.

Monsieur, are you not letter'd?

Moth.
Yes, yes, he teaches boys the horn-book:
What is A B spelt backward with the horn on his head?

Hol.

Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.

Moth.

Ba, most silly sheep with a horn. You hear his learning.

Hol.

Quis, quis, thou consonant?

Moth.

The last of the five vowels, if you repeat them, or the fifth if I.

Hol.

I will repeat them, a e I—

-- 146 --

Moth.

The sheep; the other two concludes it out.

Arm.

Now by the salt wave of the Mediteraneum, a sweet touch, a quick venew of wit; snip, snap, quick and home; it rejoiceth my intellect; true wit.

Moth.

Offer'd by a child to an old man: which is wit-old.

Hol.

What is the figure? what is the figure?

Moth.

Horns.

Hol.

Thou disputest like an infant; go, whip thy gigg.

Moth.

Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip about your infamy unum cita, a gigg of a cuckold's horn.

Cost.

And I had but one penny in the world, thou should'st have it to buy ginger-bread; hold, there is the very remuneration I had of thy master, thou half-penny purse of wit, thou pidgeon-egg of discretion. O, and the heav'ns were so pleased that thou wert but my bastard! what a joyful father wouldst thou make me? go too, thou hast it ad dunghil, at the finger's ends, as they say.

Hol.

Oh, I smell false latin, dunghil for unguem.

Arm.

Arts-man preambula; we will be singled from the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at the charge-house on the top of the mountain?

Hol.

Or Mons the hill.

Arm.

At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.

Hol.

I do sans question.

Arm.

Sir, it is the King's most sweet pleasure and affection, to congratulate the princess at her pavilion, in the posteriors of this day, which the rude multitude call the afternoon.

Hol.

The posterior of the day, most generous Sir, is liable, congruent, and measurable for the afternoon: the word is well cull'd, choice, sweet, and apt, I do assure you Sir, I do assure.

Arm.

Sir, the King is a noble gentleman, and my familiar, I do assure ye, my very good friend; for what is inward between us, let it pass—I do beseech thee, remember thy curtesie

-- 147 --

—I beseech thee apparel thy head, and among other importunate and most serious designs, and of great import indeed too—but let that pass, for I must tell thee it will please his Grace (by the world) sometime to lean upon my poor shoulder, and with his royal finger thus dally with my excrement, with my mustachio; but, sweet heart, let that pass. By the world I recount no fable; some certain special honours it pleaseth his greatness to impart to Armado a soldier, a man of travel, that hath seen the world; but let that pass—the very all of all is—but sweet heart, I do implore secrecy—that the King would have me present the princess (sweet chuck) with some delightful ostentation, or show, or pageant, or antick, or fire-work. Now understanding that the curate and your sweet self are good at such eruptions, and sudden breaking out of mirth (as it were) I have acquainted you withal, to the end to crave your assistance.

Hol.

Sir, you shall present before her the nine worthies. Sir, as concerning some entertainment of time, some show in the posterior of this day, to be rendred by our assistants at the king's command, and this most gallant, illustrate and learned gentleman, before the princess: I say none so fit as to present the nine worthies.

Nath.

Where will you find men worthy enough to present them?

Hol.

Joshua, your self, this gallant gentleman Judas Machabeus, this swain (because of his great limb or joint) shall pass Pompey the great, and the page Hercules.

Arm.

Pardon, Sir, error: he is not quantity enough for that worthy's thumb; he is not so big as the end of his club.

Hol.

Shall I have audience? he shall present Hercules in minority: his Enter and Exit shall be strangling a snake; and I will have an apology for that purpose.

Moth.

An excellent device: so if any of the audience hiss,

-- 148 --

you may cry; well done, Hercules, now thou crushest the snake; that is the way to make an offence gracious, tho' few have the grace to do it.

Arm.

For the rest of the worthies?

Hol.

I will play three my self.

Moth.

Thrice worthy gentleman.

Arm.

Shall I tell you a thing?

Hol.

We attend.

Arm.

We will have, if this fadge not, an antique. I beseech you follow.

Hol.

Via good-man Dull, thou hast spoken no word all this while.

Dull.

Nor understood none neither, Sir.

Hol.

Allons, we will employ thee.

Dull.

I'll make one in a dance, or so: or I will play on the taber to the worthies, and let them dance the hay.

Hol.

Most Dull, honest Dull, to our sport away.

[Exe. SCENE III. †††Enter Princess, and Ladies.

Prin.
Sweet hearts, we shall be rich ere we depart,
If fairings come thus plentifully in.
A lady wall'd about with diamonds!
Look you, what I have from the loving King.

Rosa.
Madam, came nothing else along with that?

Prin.
Nothing but this? yes, as much love in rhime,
As would be cram'd up in a sheet of paper,
Writ on both sides the leaf, margent and all,
That he was fain to seal on Cupid's name.

Rosa.
That was the way to make his god-head wax,
For he hath been five thousand years a boy.

-- 149 --

Kath.
Ay, and a shrewd unhappy gallows too.

Rosa.
You'll ne'er be friends with him, he kill'd your sister.

Kath.
He made her melancholy, sad and heavy,
And so she died; had she been light like you,
Of such a merry, nimble, stirring spirit,
She might have been a grandam ere she dy'd.
And so may you; for a light heart lives long.

Rosa.
What's your dark meaning, mouse, of this light word?

Kath.
A light condition, in a beauty dark.

Rosa.
We need more light to find your meaning out.

Kath.
You'll marr the light by taking it in snuff:
Therefore I'll darkly end the argument.

Rosa.
Look what you do, you do it still i'th' dark.

Kath.
So do not you, for you are a light wench.

Rosa.
Indeed I weigh not you, and therefore light.

Kath.
You weigh me not, O that's, you care not for me.

Rosa.
Great reason; for past care is still past cure.

Prin.
Well bandied both; a set of wit well play'd.
But Rosaline, you have a favour too?
Who sent it? and what is it?

Rosa.
I would you knew.
And if my face were but as fair as yours,
My favour were as great, be witness this.
Nay, I have verses too, I thank Biron.
The numbers true; and were the numbring too,
I were the fairest goddess on the ground.
I am compar'd to twenty thousand a notefairs.
O he hath drawn my picture in his letter.

Prin.
Any thing like?

Rosa.
Much in the letters, nothing in the praise.

Prin.
Beauteous as ink; a good conclusion.

Kath.
Fair as a text B in a copy-book.

-- 150 --

Rosa.
Ware pencils. How? let me not die your debter,
My red dominical, my golden letter.
O that your face were not so full of Oes.

Prin.
Pox of that jest, and I beshrew all shrews:
But Katherine, what was sent to you
From fair Dumain?

Kath.
Madam, this glove.

Prin.
Did he not send you twain?

Kath.
Yes, madam; and moreover,
Some thousand verses of a faithful lover.
A huge translation of hypocrisie,
Vildly compil'd, profound simplicity.

Mar.
This, and these pearls, to me sent Longaville.
The letter is too long by half a mile.

Prin.
I think no less; dost thou not wish in heart
The chain were longer, and the letter short?

Mar.
Ay, or I would these hands might never part.

Prin.
We are wise girls, to mock our lovers so.

Rosa.
They are worse fools to purchase mocking so.
That same Biron I'll torture ere I go.
O that I knew he were but in by th' week,
How I would make him fawn, and beg, and seek,
And wait the season, and observe the times,
And spend his prodigal wits in bootless rhimes,
And shape his service all to my behests,
And make him proud to make me proud with jests,
So pertaunt like would I o'ersway his state,
That he should be my fool, and I his fate.

Prin.
None are so surely caught, when they are catch'd,
As wit turn'd fool; folly in wisdom hatch'd
Hath wisdom's warrant, and the help of school,
And wit's own grace to grace a learned fool.

-- 151 --

Rosa.
The blood of youth burns not in such excess,
As gravities revolt to wantonness.

Mar.
Folly in fools bears not so strong a note,
As fool'ry in the wise, when wit doth dote:
Since all the power thereof it doth apply,
To prove by wit, worth in simplicity.
SCENE IV. Enter Boyet.

Prin.
Here comes Boyet, and mirth is in his face.

Boyet.
O, I am stab'd with laughter, where's her Grace?

Prin.
Thy news, Boyet?

Boyet.
Prepare, madam, prepare.
Arm, wenches, arm, incounters mounted are
Against your peace, love doth approach disguis'd,
Armed in arguments, you'll be surpriz'd.
Muster your wits, stand in your own defence,
Or hide your heads like cowards, and fly hence.

Prin.
Saint Dennis, to saint Cupid; what are they
That charge their breath against us? say, scout, say.

Boyet.
Under the cool shade of a sycamore,
I thought to close mine eyes some half an hour;
When lo to interrupt my purpos'd rest,
Toward that shade, I might behold, addrest
The King and his companions; warily
I stole into a neighbour thicket by,
And over-heard, what you shall over-hear:
That by and by disguis'd they will be here.
Their herald is a pretty knavish page,
That well by heart hath conn'd his embassage.
Action and accent did they teach him there;
Thus must thou speak, and thus thy body bear;

-- 152 --


And ever and anon they made a doubt,
Presence majestical would put him out:
For, quoth the King, an angel shalt thou see,
Yet fear not thou, but speak audaciously.
The boy reply'd, an angel is not evil;
I should have fear'd her, had she been a devil.
With that all laugh'd, and clap'd him on the shoulder,
Making the bold wag by their praises bolder.
One rubb'd his elbow thus, and fleer'd, and swore,
A better speech was never spoke before.
Another with his finger and his thumb,
Cry'd via, we will do't, come what will come.
The third he caper'd and cry'd, all goes well:
The fourth turn'd on the toe, and down he fell.
With that they all did tumble on the ground,
With such a zealous laughter, so profound,
That in this spleen ridiculous appears,
To check their folly, passions, solemn tears.

Prin.
But what, but what, come they to visit us?

Boyet.
They do, they do; and are apparel'd thus,
Like Muscovites, or Russians, as I guess.
Their purpose is to parley, court and dance,
And every one his love-feat will advance
Unto his several mistress; which they'll know
By favours sev'ral, which they did bestow.

Prin.
And will they so? the gallants shall be taskt;
For, ladies, we will every one be maskt:
And not a man of them shall have the grace,
Despight of sute, to see a lady's face.
Hold Rosaline, this favour thou shalt wear,
And then the King will court thee for his dear:
Hold, take thou this my sweet, and give me thine,
So shall Biron take me for Rosaline.

-- 153 --


And change your favours too, so shall your loves
Woo contrary, deceiv'd by these removes.

Rosa.
Come on then, wear the favours most in sight.

Kath.
But in this changing, what is your intent?

Prin.
The effect of my intent is to cross theirs;
They do it but in mocking merriment,
And mock for mock is only my intent.
Their several councils they unbosom shall
To loves mistook, and so be mockt withal,
Upon the next occasion that we meet
With visages display'd to talk and greet.

Rosa.
But shall we dance, if they desire us to't?

Prin.
No, to the death we will not move a foot,
Nor to their pen'd speech render we no grace:
But while 'tis spoke, each turn away her face.

Boyet.
Why that b notecontempt will kill the c notespeaker's heart,
And quite divorce his memory from his part.

Prin.
Therefore I do it, and I make no doubt
The rest will ne'er come in, if he be out.
There's no such sport, as sport by sport o'erthrown;
To make theirs ours, and ours none but our own;
So shall we stay mocking intended game,
And they well mockt, depart away with shame.
[Sound.

Boyet.
The trumpet sounds, be maskt, the maskers come.
†††SCENE V. Enter the King, Biron, Longaville, Dumain, and attendants, disguis'd like Muscovites. Moth with Musick, as for a masquerade.

Moth.

All hail the richest beauties on the earth.

Biron.

Beauties no richer than rich taffata.

Moth.

A holy parcel of the fairest dames that ever turn'd their back to mortal views.

[The ladies turn their backs to him.

-- 154 --

Biron.

Their eyes, villain, their eyes.

Moth.

That ever turn'd their eyes to mortal views. Out—

Biron.

True; out indeed.

Moth.

Out of your favours, heav'nly spirit, vouchsafe not to behold.

Biron.

Once to behold, rogue.

Moth.
Once to behold with your sun-beamed eyes—
With your sun-beamed eyes—

Biron.
They will not answer to that epithete;
You were best call it daughter-beamed eyes.

Moth.
They do not mark me, and that brings me out.

Biron.
Is this your perfectness? be gone, you rogue.

Rosa.
What would these strangers? know their minds, Boyet.
If they do speak our language, 'tis our will
That some plain man recount their purposes.
Know what they would.

Boyet.
What would you with the Princess?

Biron.
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

Rosa.
What would they, say they?

Boyet.
Nothing but peace and gentle visitation.

Rosa.
Why that they have, and bid them so be gone.

Boyet.
She says you have it, and you may be gone.

King.
Say to her, we have measur'd many miles,
To tread a measure with her on the grass.

Boyet.
They say they have measur'd many a mile,
To tread a measure with you on the grass.

Rosa.
It is not so. Ask them how many inches
Is in one mile: if they have measur'd many,
The measure then of one is easily told.

Boyet.
If to come hither you have measur'd miles,
And many miles; the Princess bids you tell,
How many inches doth fill up one mile?

-- 155 --

Biron.
Tell her we measure them by weary steps.

Boyet.
She hears her self.

Rosa.
How many weary steps
Of many weary miles you have o'ergone,
Are number'd in the travel of one mile?

Biron.
We number nothing that we spend for you,
Our duty is so rich, so infinite,
That we may do it still without accompt.
Vouchsafe to shew the sunshine of your face,
That we (like savages) may worship it.

Rosa.
My face is but a moon, and clouded too.

King.
Blessed are clouds, to do as such clouds do.
Vouchsafe, bright moon, on these thy stars to shine
(Those clouds remov'd) upon our watery eyne.

Rosa.
O vain petitioner, beg a greater matter;
Thou now requests but moon-shine in the water.

King.
Then in our measure, vouchsafe but one change;
Thou bid'st me beg, this begging is not strange.

Rosa.
Play musick then; nay you must do it soon.
Not yet? no dance? thus change I like the moon.

King.
Will you not dance? how come you thus estrang'd?

Rosa.
You took the moon at full, but now she's chang'd.

King.
Yet still she is the moon, and I the man.

Rosa.
The musick plays, vouchsafe some motion to it:
Our ears vouchsafe it.

King.
But your legs should do it.

Rosa.
Since you are strangers, and come here by chance,
We'll not be nice, take hands, we will not dance.

King.
Why take you hands then!

Rosa.
Only to part friends.
Curt'sie, sweet hearts, and so the measure ends.

King.
More measure of this measure; be not nice.

Rosa.
We can afford no more at such a price.

-- 156 --

King.
Prize your selves then; what buys your company?

Rosa.
Your absence only.

King.
That can never be.

Rosa.
Then cannot we be bought; and so adieu;
Twice to your visor, and half once to you.

King.
If you deny to dance, let's hold more chat.

Rosa.
In private then.

King.
I am best pleas'd with that.

Biron.
White-handed mistress, one sweet word with thee.

Prin.
Honey, and milk, and sugar; there is three.

Biron.
Nay then two treys; and if you grow so nice,
Methegline, wort, and malmsey; well run, dice:
There's half a dozen sweets.

Prin.
Seventh sweet adieu,
Since you can cog, I'll play no more with you.

Biron.
One word in secret.

Prin.
Let it not be sweet.

Biron.
Thou griev'st my gall.

Prin.
Gall, bitter.

Biron.
Therefore meet.

Dum.
Will you vouchsafe with me to change a word?

Mar.
Name it.

Dum.
Fair lady.

Mar.
Say you so? fair lord:
Take that for your fair lady.

Dum.
Please it you;
As much in private, and I'll bid adieu.

Kath.
What, was your vizard made without a tongue?

Long.
  I know the reason, lady, why you ask.

Kath.
O for your reason, quickly Sir, I long.

Long.
  You have a double tongue within your mask,
And would afford my speechless vizard half.

Kath.
Veal, quoth the Dutch man; is not veal a calf?

Long.
A calf, fair lady?

-- 157 --

Kath.
No, a fair lord calf.

Long.
Let's part the word.

Kath.
No, I'll not be your half;
Take all and wean it; it may prove an ox.

Long.
Look how you butt your self in these sharp mocks!
Will you give horns, chaste lady? do not so.

Kath.
Then die a calf before your horns do grow.

Long.
One word in private with you ere I die.

Kath.
Bleat softly then, the butcher hears you cry.

Boyet.
The tongue of mocking wenches are as keen
  As is the razor's edge invisible,
Cutting a smaller hair than may be seen,
  Above the sense of sense, so sensible
Seemeth their conference, their conceits have wings,
Fleeter than arrows, bullets, wind, thought, swifter things.

Rosa.
Not one word more, my maids; break off, break off.

Biron.
By heav'n all dry beaten with pure scoff.

King.
Farewell, mad wenches, you have simple wits.
[Exeunt. SCENE VI.

Prin.
Twenty adieus, my frozen Muscovites.
Are these the breed of wits so wondred at?

Boyet.
Tapers they are, with your sweet breaths puft out.

Rosa.
Well-liking wits they have, gross, gross, fat, fat.

Prin.
O poverty in wit, kingly poor flout:
Will they not (think you) hang themselves to-night?
  Or ever but in vizards shew their faces?
This pert Biron was out of count'nance quite.

Rosa.
O! they were all in lamentable cases.
The King was weeping-ripe for a good word.

Prin.
Biron did swear himself out of all suit.

Mar.
Dumain was at my service, and his sword:

-- 158 --


No point, quoth I; my servant strait was mute.

Kath.
Lord Longaville said, I came o'er his heart;
And trow you what he call'd me!

Prin.
Qualm, perhaps.

Kath.
Yes, in good faith.

Prin.
Go, sickness as thou art.

Rosa.
Well, better wits have worn plain statute caps.
But will you hear; the King is my love sworn.

Prin.
And quick Biron hath plighted faith to me.

Kath.
And Longaville was for my service born.

Mar.
Dumain is mine as sure as bark on tree.

Boyet.
Madam, and pretty mistresses, give ear:
Immediately they will again be here
In their own shapes; for it can never be,
They will digest this harsh indignity.

Prin.
Will they return?

Boyet.
They will, they will, God knows;
And leap for joy, though they are lame with blows:
Therefore change favours, and when they repair,
Blow like sweet roses in this summer air.

Prin.
How blow? how blow? speak to be understood.

Boyet.
Fair ladies maskt, are roses in their bud:
Dismaskt, their damask sweet commixture shown,
Are angels vailing clouds, or roses blown.

Prin.
Avaunt perplexity! what shall we do,
If they return in their own shapes to woo?

Ros.
Good Madam, if by me you'll be advis'd,
Let's mock them still as well known as disguis'd,
Let us complain to them what fools were here,
Disguis'd like Muscovites in shapeless gear;
And wonder what they were, and to what end
Their shallow shows, and prologue vildly pen'd,

-- 159 --


And their rough carriage so ridiculous,
Should be presented at our tent to us.

Boyet.
Ladies, withdraw, the gallants are at hand.

Prin.
Whip to our tents, as roes run o'er the land.
[Exeunt. SCENE VII. Enter the King, Biron, Longaville, and Dumain, in their own habits.

King.
Fair Sir, God save you. Where's the Princess?

Boyet.
Gone to her tent.
Please it your Majesty command me any service to her?

King.
That she vouchsafe me audience for one word.

Boyet.
I will, and so will she, I know, my lord.
[Exit.

Biron.
This fellow picks up wit as pigeons peas,
And utters it again, when Jove doth please:
He is wit's pedlar, and retails his wares
At wakes and wassals, meetings, markets, fairs:
And we that sell by gross, the Lord doth know,
Have not the grace to grace it with such show.
This gallant pins the wenches on his sleeve;
Had he been Adam he had tempted Eve.
He can carve too, and lisp: why this is he,
That kist away his hand in courtesie.
This is the ape of d noteform, Monsieur the nice,
That when he plays at tables, chides the dice
In honourable terms: nay he can sing
A mean most e notemainly, and in ushering
Mend him who can; the ladies call him sweet;
The stairs as he treads on them kiss his feet.
This is the flower that smiles on every one,
To shew his teeth as white as whale his bone.

-- 160 --


And consciences that will not die in debt,
Pay him the f notedue of honey-tongu'd Boyet.

King.
A blister on his sweet tongue with my heart,
That put Armado's page out of his part.
SCENE VIII. Enter the Princess, Rosaline, Maria, Katherine, and attendants.* note







King.
We come to visit you, and purpose now
  To lead you to our court, vouchsafe it then.

Prin.
This field shall hold me, and so hold your vow:
  Nor God, nor I, delight in perjur'd men.

King.
Rebuke me not for that which you provoke;
  The vertue of your eye must break my oath.

Prin.
You nick-name virtue: vice you should have spoke:
  For virtue's office never breaks mens troth.
Now, by my maiden honour, yet as pure
  As the unsully'd lilly, I protest,
A world of torments though I should endure,
  I would not yield to be your house's guest:
So much I hate a breaking cause to be
Of heav'nly oaths, vow'd with integrity.

King.
O you have liv'd in desolation here,
  Unseen, unvisited, much to our shame.

Prin.
Not so my lord, it is not so I swear,
  We have had pastimes here, and pleasant game.
A mess of Russians left us but of late.

King.
How, madam? Russians?

Prin.
Ay in truth, my lord;

-- 161 --


Trim gallants, full of courtship, and of state.

Rosa.
Madam, speak true. It is not so, my lord:
My lady (to the manner of the days)
In courtesie gives undeserving praise.
We four indeed confronted were with four,
In Russian habit: here they stay'd an hour,
And talk'd apace, and in that hour, my lord,
They did not bless us with one happy word.
I dare not call them fools; but this I think,
When they are thirsty, fools would fain have drink.

Biron.
This jest is dry to me. Fair, gentle, sweet,
Your wit makes wise things foolish; when we greet
With eyes best seeing heaven's fiery eye,
By light we lose light; your capacity
Is of that nature, as to your huge store,
Wise things seem foolish, and rich things but poor.

Rosa.
This proves you wise and rich; for in my eye—

Biron.
I am a fool, and full of poverty.

Rosa.
But that you take what doth to you belong,
It were a fault to snatch words from my tongue.

Biron.
O, I am yours, and all that I possess.

Rosa.
All the fool mine?

Biron.
I cannot give you less.

Rosa.
Which of the vizards was it that you wore?

Biron.
Where? when? what vizard? why demand you this?

Rosa.
There, then, that vizard, that superfluous case,
That hid the worse, and shew'd the better face.

King.
We are descried, they'll mock us now downright.

Dum.
Let us confess, and turn it to a jest.

Prin.
Amaz'd, my lord? why looks your highness sad?

Rosa.
Help, hold his brows, he'll swoon: why look you pale?

-- 162 --


Sea-sick I think, coming from Muscovy.

Biron.
Thus pour the stars down plagues for perjury.
  Can any face of brass hold longer out?
Here stand I, lady, dart thy skill at me,
  Bruise me with scorn, confound me with a flout,
Thrust thy sharp wit quite through my ignorance;
  Cut me to pieces with thy keen conceit;
And I will wish thee never more to dance,
  Nor never more in Russian habit wait.
O! never will I trust to speeches pen'd,
  Nor to the motion of a school-boy's tongue,
Nor never come in vizard to my friend,
  Nor woo in rhime like a blind harper's song;
Taffata phrases, silken terms precise,
  Three-pil'd hyperboles, spruce affectation,
Figures pedantical, these summer flies,
  Have blown me full of maggot ostentation.
I do forswear them, and I here protest,
  By this white glove (how white the hand God knows)
Henceforth my wooing mind shall be exprest
  In russet yeas, and honest kersie noes:
And to begin, wench, so God help me law,
My love to thee is sound, sans crack or flaw.

Rosa.
Sans, sans, I pray you.

Biron.
Yet I have a trick
Of the old rage: bear with me, I am sick.
I'll leave it by degrees: soft, let us see,
Write Lord have mercy on us, and those three,
They are infected, in their hearts it lyes,
They have the plague, and caught it of your eyes:
These lords are visited, you are not free;
For the lord's tokens on you both I see.

-- 163 --

Prin.
No, they are free that gave these tokens to us.

Biron.
Our states are forfeit, seek not to undo us.

Rosa.
It is not so; for how can this be true,
That you stand forfeit, being those that sue.

Biron.
Peace, for I will not have to do with you.

Rosa.
Nor shall not, if I do as I intend.

Biron.
Speak for your selves, my wit is at an end.

King.
Teach us, sweet madam, for our rude transgression
Some fair excuse.

Prin.
The fairest is confession.
Were you not here but even now disguis'd?

King.
Madam, I was.

Prin.
And were you well advis'd?

King.
I was, fair madam.

Prin.
When you then were here,
What did you whisper in your lady's ear?

King.
That more than all the world I did respect her.

Prin.
When she shall challenge this, you will reject her.

King.
Upon mine honour no.

Prin.
Peace, peace, forbear:
Your oath once broke, you force not to forswear.

King.
Despise me when I break this oath of mine.

Prin.
I will, and therefore keep it. Rosaline,
What did the Russian whisper in your ear?

Rosa.
Madam, he swore that he did hold me dear
As precious eye-sight, and did value me
Above this world; adding thereto moreover,
That he would wed me, or else die my lover.

Prin.
God give thee joy of him; the noble lord
Most honourably doth uphold his word.

King.
What mean you, madam? by my life, my troth,
I never swore this lady such an oath.

-- 164 --

Rosa.
By heav'n you did; and to confirm it plain,
You gave me this: but take it, Sir, again.

King.
My faith and this, to th' Princess I did give;
I knew her by this jewel on her sleeve.

Prin.
Pardon me, Sir, this jewel did she wear:
And lord Biron, I thank him, is my dear.
What? will you have me? or your pearl again?

Biron.
Neither of either: I remit both twain.
I see the trick on't; here was a consent,
(Knowing aforehand of our merriment)
To dish it like a Christmas comedy.
Some carry-tale, some please-man, some slight zany,
Some mumble-news, some trencher-knight, some Dick
That smiles his cheek in years, and knows the trick
To make my lady laugh, when she's dispos'd,
Told our intents before; which once disclos'd,
The ladies did change favours, and then we
Following the signs, woo'd but the sign of she:
Now to our perjury to add more terror,
We are again forsworn in will and error.
Much upon this it is. And might not you [To Boyet.
Forestal our sport, to make us thus untrue?
Do not you know my lady's foot by th' g notesquier,
  And laugh upon the apple of her eye,
And stand between her back, Sir, and the fire,
  Holding a trencher, jesting merrily?
You put our page out: go, you are allow'd,
Die when you will, a smock shall be your shrowd.
You leer upon me, do you? there's an eye
Wounds like a leaden sword.

Boyet.
Full merrily
Brave manager, hath this career been run.

Biron.
Lo, he is tilting strait. Peace, I have done.

-- 165 --

Enter Costard.
Welcome pure wit, thou partest a fair fray.

Cost.
O lord Sir, they would know
Whether the three worthies shall come in, or no.

Biron.
What, are there but three?

Cost.
No Sir, but it is very fine;
For every one presents three.

Biron.

And three times thrice is nine?

Cost.

Not so Sir, under correction Sir, I hope it is not so.

You cannot beg us Sir, I can assure you Sir, we know what we know: I hope three times thrice, Sir—

Biron.

Is not nine.

Cost.

Under correction Sir, we know whereuntil it doth amount.

Biron.

By Jove I always took three threes for nine.

Cost.

O lord Sir, it were pity you should get your living by reckoning, Sir.

Biron.

How much is it?

Cost.

O lord Sir, the parties themselves, the actors Sir, will shew whereuntil it doth amount; for my own part, I am, as they say, but to perfect one man in one poor man, Pompion the Great, Sir.

Biron.

Art thou one of the worthies?

Cost.

It pleased them to think me worthy of Pompion the Great: for mine own part, I know not the degree of the worthy; but I am to stand for him.

Biron.

Go bid them prepare.

Cost.

We will turn it finely off, Sir, we will take some care.

King.

Biron, they will shame us; let them not approach.

[Exit Cost.

Biron.
We are shame-proof, my lord; and 'tis some policy
To have one show worse than the King and his company.

King.
I say they shall not come.

-- 166 --

Prin.
Nay, my good lord, let me o'er-rule you now;
That sport best pleases, that doth least know how.
Where zeal strives to content, and the contents
Dies in the zeal of that which it presents;
Their form confounded, makes most form in mirth,
When great things labouring perish in their birth.

Biron.
A right description of our sport, my lord.
SCENE IX. Enter Armado.

Arm.

Anointed, I implore so much expence of thy royal sweet breath, as will utter a brace of words.

Prin.

Doth this man serve God?

Biron.

Why ask you?

Prin.

He speaks not like a man of God's making.

Arm.

That's all one, my fair sweet honey monarch; for I protest the schoolmaster is exceeding fantastical: too too vain, too too vain: but we will put it, as they say, to fortuna delaguar. I wish you the peace of mind, most royal cupplement.

King.

Here is like to be a good presence of worthies: he presents Hector of Troy, the swain Pompey the Great, the parish-curate Alexander, Armado's page Hercules, the pedant Judas Machabeus;


And if these four worthies in their first shew thrive,
These four will change habits, and present the other five.

Biron.
There are five in the first shew.

King.
You are deceiv'd, 'tis not so.

Biron.
The pedant, the braggart, the hedge-priest, the fool, and the boy.
A bare throw at novum, and the whole world again
Cannot prick out five such, take each one in's vein.

King.
The ship is under sail, and here she comes amain.

-- 167 --

Enter Costard for Pompey.

Cost.
I Pompey am.

Boyet.
You lye, you are not he.

Cost.
I Pompey am.

Boyet.
With Libbard's head on knee.

Biron.
Well said old mocker,
I must needs be friends with thee.

Cost.
I Pompey am, Pompey surnam'd the Big.

Dum.
The Great.

Cost.
It is great, Sir; Pompey, surnam'd the Great;
That oft in field, with targe and shield,
  Did make my foe to sweat:
And travelling along this coast, I here am come by chance;
And lay my arms before the legs of this sweet lass of France.
If your ladyship would say thanks Pompey, I had done.

Prin.

Great thanks, great Pompey.

Cost.

'Tis not so much worth; but I hope I was perfect. I made a little fault in great.

Biron.

My hat to a half-penny, Pompey proves the best worthy.

Enter Nathaniel for Alexander.

Nath.
When in the world I liv'd, I was the world's commander.
By east, west, north and south, I spread my conquering might:
My escutcheon plain declares that I am Alisander.

Boyet.
Your nose says no, you are not; for it stands not right.

Biron.
Your nose smells no, in this most tender smelling Knight.

Prin.
The conqueror is dismaid: proceed, good Alexander.

Nath.
When in the world I liv'd, I was the world's commander.

Boyet.
Most true, 'tis right; you were so Alisander.

-- 168 --

Biron.

Pompey the Great.

Cost.

Your servant and Costard.

Biron.

Take away the conqueror, take away Alisander.

Cost.

O Sir, you have overthrown Alisander the conqueror. [to Nath.] You will be scrap'd out of the painted cloth for this; your lion that holds the poll-ax sitting on a closestool, will be given to Ajax; he will be then the ninth worthy. A conqueror, and afraid to speak? run away for shame, Alisander. There, an't shall please you; a foolish mild man, an honest man, look you, and soon dash'd. He is a marvellous good neighbour insooth, and a very good bowler; but for Alisander, alas you see, how 'tis a little o'er-parted: but there are worthies a coming will speak their mind in some other sort.

Biron.

Stand aside, good Pompey.

Enter Holofernes for Judas, and Moth for Hercules.

Hol.
Great Hercules is presented by this imp,
  Whose club kill'd Cerberus that three-headed canus;
And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
  Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus:
Quoniam, he seemeth in minority;
Ergo, I come with this apology.
Keep some state in thy Exit, and vanish.
[Exit Moth.

Hol.
Judas I am.

Dum.
A Judas.

Hol.
Not Iscariot, Sir,
Judas I am, ycleped Machabeus.

Dum.
Judas Machabeus clipt, is plain Judas.

Biron.
A kissing traitor. How art thou prov'd Judas?

Hol.
Judas I am.

Dum.
The more shame for you, Judas.

Hol.
What mean you, Sir?

Boyet.
To make Judas hang himself.

-- 169 --

Hol.
Begin Sir, you are my elder.

Biron.
Well follow'd, Judas was hang'd on an elder.

Hol.
I will not be put out of countenance.

Biron.
Because thou hast no face.

Hol.
What is this?

Boyet.
A cittern head.

Dum.
The head of a bodkin.

Biron.
A death's face in the ring.

Long.
The face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen.

Boyet.
The pummel of Cæsar's faulchion.

Dum.
The carv'd-bone face on a flask.

Biron.
St. George's half cheek in a broch.

Dum.
Ay, and in a broch of lead.

Biron.
Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer;
And now forward, for we have put thee in countenance.

Hol.
You have put me out of countenance.

Biron.
False, we have given thee faces.

Hol.
But you have out-fac'd them all.

Biron.
And thou wert a lion we would do so.

Boyet.
Therefore as he is an ass, let him go.
And so adieu sweet Jude; nay, why dost thou stay?

Dum.
For the latter end of his name.

Biron.
For the Ass to the Jude; give it him. Jud-as away.

Hol.
This is not generous, not gentle, not humble.

Boyet.
A light for monsieur Judas, it grows dark, he may stumble.

Prin.
Alas poor Machabeus, how he hath been baited.
Enter Armado.

Biron.

Hide thy head Achilles, here comes Hector in arms.

Dum.

Tho' my mocks come home by me, I will now be merry.

King.

Hector was but a Trojan in respect of this.

-- 170 --

Boyet.

But is this Hector?

King.

I think Hector was not so clean timber'd.

Long.

His leg is too big for Hector.

Dum.

More calf, certain.

Boyet.

No; he is best indu'd in the small.

Biron.

This can't be Hector.

Dum.

He's a God or a painter, for he makes faces.

Arm.
The armipotent Mars, of launces the Almighty,
Gave Hector a gift.

Dum.
A gilt nutmeg.

Biron.
A lemon.

Long.
Stuck with cloves.

Dum.
No, cloven.

Arm.
The armipotent Mars, of launces the Almighty,
  Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion;
A man so breathed, that certain he would fight ye
  From morn 'till night, out of his pavilion.
I am that flower.

Dum.

That mint.

Long.

That cullambine.

Arm.

Sweet lord Longaville rein thy tongue.

Long.

I must rather give it the rein; for it runs against Hector.

Dum.

Ay, and Hector's a grey-hound.

Arm.
The sweet war-man is dead and rotten;
Sweet chucks, beat not the bones of the bury'd:
But I will forward with my device;
Sweet royalty bestow on me the sense of hearing.

Prin.
Speak brave Hector; we are much delighted.

Arm.
I do adore thy sweet grace's slipper.

Boyet.
Loves her by the foot.

Dum.
He may not by the yard.

Arm.
This Hector far surmounted Hannibal.
  The party is gone.

-- 171 --

Cost.

Fellow Hector, she is gone; she is two months on her way.

Arm.

What mean'st thou?

Cost.

Faith unless you play the honest Trojan, the poor wench is cast away; she's quick, the child brags in her belly already. 'Tis yours.

Arm.

Dost thou infamonize me among potentates? Thou shalt die.

Cost.

Then shall Hector be whipt for Jaquenetta, that is quick by him; and hang'd for Pompey, that is dead by him.

Dum.

Most rare Pompey!

Boyet.

Renown'd Pompey!

Biron.

Greater than great, great, great, great Pompey! Pompey the huge!

Dum.

Hector trembles.

Biron.

Pompey is mov'd, more Ates, more Ates, stir them on, stir them on.

Dum.

Hector will challenge him.

Biron.

Ay, if he have no more man's blood in's belly than will sup a flea.

Arm.

By the north pole I do challenge thee.

Cost.

I will not fight with a pole like a northern man; I'll slash; I'll do't by the sword: I pray you let me borrow my arms again.

Dum.

Room for the incensed worthies.

Cost.

I'll do't in my shirt.

Dum.

Most resolute Pompey.

Moth.

Master, let me take you a button-hole lower. Do you not see Pompey is uncasing for the combat: what mean you? you will lose your reputation.

Arm.

Gentlemen and soldiers pardon me, I will not combat in my shirt.

Dum.

You may not deny it, Pompey hath made the challenge.

-- 172 --

Arm.

Sweet bloods, I both may and will.

Biron.

What reason have you for't?

Arm.

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt, I go woolward for penance.

Boyet.

True, and it was enjoin'd him in Rome for want of linnen; since when, I'll be sworn he wore none, but a dish-clout of Jaquenetta's, and that he wears next his heart for a favour.

SCENE X. Enter Macard.

Mac.

God save you, madam.

Prin.

Welcome Macard, but that thou interruptest our merriment.

Mac.
I'm sorry madam, for the news I bring
Is heavy in my tongue. The King your father—

Prin.

Dead for my life.

Mac.

Even so: my tale is told.

Biron.

Worthies away, the scene begins to cloud.

Arm.

For mine own part, I breathe free breath; I have seen the day of wrong through the little hole of discretion, and I will right my self like a soldier.

[Exeunt Worthies.

King.
How fares your Majesty?

Prin.
Boyet prepare, I will away to-night.

King.
Madam not so, I do beseech you stay.

Prin.
Prepare I say. I thank you, gracious lords,
For all your fair endeavours; and entreat,
Out of a new sad soul, that you vouchsafe
In your rich wisdom to excuse or hide
The liberal opposition of our spirits;
If over-boldly we have born our selves
In the converse of breath, your gentleness
Was guilty of it. Farewel, worthy lord;

-- 173 --


An heavy heart bears not an humble tongue:
Excuse me so, coming so short of thanks,
For my great suit so easily obtain'd.

King.
The extreme parts of time extremely forms
All causes to the purpose of his speed,
And often at his very loose decides
That, which long process could not arbitrate.
And though the mourning brow of progeny
Forbid the smiling courtesie of love,
The holy suit which fain it would convince;
Yet since love's argument was first on foot,
Let not the cloud of sorrow justle it
From what it purpos'd. Since to wail friends lost
Is not by much so wholesome, profitable,
As to rejoice at friends but newly found.

Prin.
I understand you not, my griefs are double.

Biron.
Honest plain words best pierce the h noteear of grief;
And by these badges understand the King.
For your fair sakes have we neglected time,
Play'd foul play with our oaths: your beauty, ladies,
Hath much deformed us, fashioning our humours
Even to th'opposed end of our intents;
And what in us hath seem'd ridiculous,
As love is full of unbefitting strains,
All wanton as a child, skipping and vain,
Form'd by the eye, and therefore like the eye,
Full of straying shapes, of habits, and of forms,
Varying in subjects as the eye doth rowl,
To every varied object in his glance;
Which party-coated presence of loose love
Put on by us, if in your heav'nly eyes,
Have misbecom'd our oaths and gravities;
Those heav'nly eyes that look into these faults,

-- 174 --


Suggested us to make them: therefore, ladies,
Our love being yours, the error that love makes
Is likewise yours. We to our selves prove false,
By being once false, for ever to be true
To those that make us both, fair ladies you;
And even that falshood, in it self a sin,
Thus purifies it self, and turns to grace.

Prin.
We have receiv'd your letters, full of love,
Your favours, the embassadors of love:
And in our maiden council rated them
At courtship, pleasant jest, and courtesie,
As bumbast, and as lining to the time:
But more devout than these are our respects.
Have we not been (and therefore met your loves
In their own fashion) like a merriment?

Dum.
Our letters, madam, shew'd much more than jest.

Long.
So did our looks.

Rosa.
We did not coat them so.

King.
Now at the latest minute of the hour,
Grant us your loves.

Prin.
A time methinks too short,
To make a world-without-end bargain in;
No, no, my lord, your grace is perjur'd much,
Full of dear guiltiness, and therefore this:
If for my love (as there is no such cause)
You will do ought, this shall you do for me;
Your oath I will not trust; but go with speed
To some forlorn and naked hermitage,
Remote from all the pleasures of the world;
There stay until the twelve celestial signs
Have brought about their annual reckoning.
If this austere insociable life
Change not your offer made in heat of blood;

-- 175 --


If frosts, and fasts, hard lodging, and thin weeds
Nip not the gaudy blossoms of your love,
But that it bear this tryal, and last love;
Then at the expiration of the year,
Come challenge me, challenge me by these deserts;
And by this virgin palm, now kissing thine,
I will be thine; and till that instant shut
My woful self up in a mourning house,
Raining the tears of lamentation,
For the remembrance of my father's death.
If this thou do deny, let our hands part,
Neither intitled in the other's heart.

King.
If this, or more than this, I would deny,
  To flatter up these powers of mine with rest;
The sudden hand of death close up mine eye.
  Hence ever then, my heart is in thy breast.

Biron.
And what to me, my love? and what to me?

Rosa.
You must be purged too, your sins are rank,
You are attaint with fault and perjury;
Therefore if you my favour mean to get,
A twelve-month shall you spend, and never rest,
But seek the weary beds of people sick.

Dum.
But what to me, my love? but what to me?

Kath.
A wife, a beard, fair health and honesty;
With three-fold love I wish you all these three.

Dum.
O shall I say, I thank you, gentle wife?

Kath.
Not so, my lord; a twelve-month and a day
I'll mark no words that smooth-fac'd wooers say.
Come when the King doth to my lady come;
Then if I have much love, I'll give you some.

Dum.
I'll serve thee true and faithfully till then.

Kath.
Yet swear not, left ye be forsworn again.

Long.
What says Maria?

-- 176 --

Mar.
At the twelve-month's end,
I'll change my black gown for a faithful friend.

Long.
I'll stay with patience; but the time is long.

Mar.
The liker you, few taller are so young.

Biron.
Studies my lady? mistress, look on me,
Behold the window of my heart, mine eye:
What humble suit attends thy answer there,
Impose some service on me for thy love.

Rosa.
Oft have I heard of you, my lord Biron,
Before I saw you; and the world's large tongue
Proclaims you for a man replete with mocks,
Full of comparisons and wounding flouts,
Which you on all estates will execute,
That lye within the mercy of your wit:
To weed this wormwood from your fruitful brain,
And therewithal to win me, if you please,
Without the which I am not to be won;
You shall this twelve-month term from day to day
Visit the speechless sick, and still converse
With groaning wretches; and your task shall be,
With all the fierce endeavour of your wit,
T'enforce the pained impotent to smile.

Biron.
To move wild laughter in the throat of death?
It cannot be, it is impossible:
Mirth cannot move a soul in agony.

Rosa.
Why that's the way to choak a gibing spirit,
Whose influence is begot of that loose grace,
Which shallow laughing hearers give to fools:
A jest's prosperity lies in the ear
Of him that hears it, never in the tongue
Of him that makes it: then, if sickly ears,
Deaft with the clamours of their own dear groans,
Will hear your idle scorns; continue then,

-- 177 --


And I will have you, and that fault withal:
But if they will not; throw away that spirit,
And I shall find you empty of that fault,
Right joyful of your reformation.

Biron.
A twelve-month? well, befall what will befall,
I'll jest a twelve-month in an hospital.

Prin.
Ay, sweet my lord, and so I take my leave.
[to the King.

King.
No Madam, we will bring you on your way.

Biron.
Our wooing doth not end like an old play;
Jack hath not Jill; these ladies courtesie
Might well have made our sport a comedy.

King.
Come, Sir, it wants a twelve-month and a day,
And then 'twill end.

Biron.
That's too long for a play.
Enter Armado.

Arm.

Sweet Majesty, vouchsafe me.

Prin.

Was not that Hector?

Dum.

The worthy Knight of Troy.

Arm.

I will kiss thy royal finger, and take leave. I am a votary; I have vow'd to Jaquenetta to hold the plough for her sweet love three years. But, most esteem'd greatness, will you hear the dialogue that the two learned men have compiled, in praise of the owl and the cuckow? it should have follow'd in the end of our shew.

King.

Call them forth quickly, we will do so.

Arm.
Holla, approach. Enter all.
This side is Hiems, winter.
This Ver, the spring: the one maintain'd by the owl,
The other by the cuckow.
Ver, begin.

-- 178 --


The SONG.
When daizies pied, and violets blue,
And cuckow-buds of yellow hue,
And lady-smocks all silver white,
Do paint the meadows with delight;
The cuckow then on every tree
Mocks married men; for thus sings he,
Cuckow.
  Cuckow, cuckow: O word of fear,
  Unpleasing to a married ear!

When shepherds pipe on oaten straws,
  And merry larks are ploughmens clocks:
When turtles tread, and rooks and daws,
  And maidens bleach their summer smocks;
The cuckow then on every tree
Mocks married men; for thus sings he,
Cuckow.
  Cuckow, Cuckow: O word of fear,
  Unpleasing to a married ear!

WINTER.
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George Sewell [1723–5], The works of Shakespear in six [seven] volumes. Collated and Corrected by the former Editions, By Mr. Pope ([Vol. 7] Printed by J. Darby, for A. Bettesworth [and] F. Fayram [etc.], London) [word count] [S11101].
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