Dull.

Which is the Duke's own person?

Biron.

This fellow; what wouldst?

Dull.

I my self reprehend his own person, for I am his Grace's Tharborough: but I would see his own person in flesh and blood.

Biron.

This is he.

Dull.

Signior Arme, Arme commends you. There's villany abroad; this letter will tell you more.

Cost.

Sir, the contempts thereof are as touching me.

King.

A letter from the magnificent Armado.

Biron.

How low soever the matter, I hope in God for high words.

Long.

A high hope for a low heav'n; God grant us patience.

Biron.

To hear, or forbear hearing?

Long.

To hear meekly, Sir, to laugh moderately, or to forbear both.

Biron.

Well Sir, be it as the stile shall give us cause to climb in the merriness.

Cost.

The matter is to me, Sir, as concerning Jaquenetta. The manner of it is, I was taken with the manner.

Biron.

In what manner?

Cost.

In manner and form, following, Sir, all those three. I was seen with her in the Manor-house, sitting with her upon the form, and taken following her into the park; which put together, is in manner and form following. Now Sir, for the manner: It is the manner of a man to speak to a woman; for the form, in some form.

Biron.

For the following, Sir?

Cost.

As it shall follow in my correction, and God defend the right.

King.

Will you hear the letter with attention?

Biron.

As we could hear an oracle.

Cost.

Such is the simplicity of man to hearken after the flesh.

King. reads.

Great deputy, the welkin's vice-gerent, and sole dominator of Navarre, my soul's earth's God, and body's fostring patron—

Cost.

Not a word of Costard yet.

King.

So it is—

Cost.

It may be so; but if he say it is so, he is, in telling true; but so.

King.

Peace—

Cost.

Be to me, and every man that dares not fight.

King.

No words.

Cost.

Of other men's secrets I beseech you.

King.

So it is. Besieged with sable-coloured melancholy, I did commend the black oppressing humour to the most wholesome physick of thy health-giving air; and as I am a gentleman, betook my self to walk: The time when? about the sixth hour, when beasts most graze, birds best peck, and men sit down to that nourishment which is call'd supper: so much for the time when. Now for the ground which: which I mean I walkt upon; it is ycleped, thy park. Then for the place where, where I mean I did encounter that obscene and most preposterous event that draweth from my snow-white pen the ebon-colour'd ink, which here thou viewest, beholdest, surveyest, or seest. But to the place where, It standeth north north east and by east from the west corner of thy curious knotted garden. There did I see that low spirited swain, that base minow of thy mirth,

(Cost.

Me?)

that unletter'd small-knowing soul,

(Cost.

Me?)

that shallow vassal,

(Cost.

Still me?)

which as I remember,

hight Costard,

(Cost.

O me!)

sorted and consorted contrary to thy established proclaimed edict and continent canon: which with—O with—but with this I passion to say wherewith:

Cost.

With a wench.

King.

With a child of our grandmother Eve, a female; or for thy more understanding, a woman; him, I (as my ever esteem'd duty pricks me on) have sent to thee, to receive the meed of punishment by thy sweet grace's officer, Anthony Dull, a man of good repute, carriage, bearing and estimation.

Dull.

Me, an't shall please you? I am Anthony Dull.

King.

For Jaquenetta (so is the weaker vessel call'd) which I apprehended with the aforesaid swain, I keep her as a vessel of thy law's fury, and shall at the least of thy sweet notice bring her to tryal. Thine in all complements of devoted and heart-burning heat of duty,

Don Adriano de Armanda.

Biron.

This is not so well as I look'd for, but the best that ever I heard.

King.

Ay the best for the worst. But sirrah, what say you to this?

Cost.

Sir, I confess the wench.

King.

Did you hear the proclamation?

Cost.

I do confess much of the hearing it, but little of the marking of it.

King.

It was proclaim'd a year's imprisonment to be taken with a wench.

Cost.

I was taken with none, Sir, I was taken with a damosel.

King.

Well, it was proclaimed damosel.

Cost.

This was no damosel neither, Sir, she was a virgin.

King.

It is so varied too, for it was proclaim'd virgin.

Cost.

If it were, I deny her virginity: I was taken with a maid.

King.

This maid will not serve your turn, Sir.

Cost.

This maid will serve my turn, Sir.

King.

Sir, I will pronounce sentence; you shall fast a week with bran and water.

Cost.

I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.

King.

And Don Armado shall be your keeper. My lord Biron, see him deliver'd o'er,

Biron.
I'll lay my head to any good man's hat,
  These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn.
Sirrah, come on.

Cost.

I suffer for the truth, Sir: for true it is, I was taken with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is a true girl; and therefore welcome the four cup of prosperity: affliction may one day smile again, and until then, sit thee down, sorrow.