SCENE II.
Enter Mrs. Ford.
Mrs. Ford.
Mistress Page, trust me, I was going to your house.
Mrs. Page.
And trust me, I was coming to you; you look
very ill.
Mrs. Ford.
Nay, I'll ne'er believe that: I have to shew to the
contrary.
Mrs. Page.
'Faith you do, in my mind.
Mrs. Ford.
Well, I do then; yet I say, I could shew you to
the contrary: O mistress Page, give me some counsel.
Mrs. Page.
What's the matter, woman?
Mrs. Ford.
O woman! if it were not for one trifling respect,
I could come to such honour.
Mrs. Page.
Hang the trifle, woman, take the honour; what
is it? dispense with trifles; what is it?
Mrs. Ford.
If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment,
or so, I could be knighted.
Mrs. Page.
What, thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! these Knights
will hack, and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry.
Mrs. Ford.
We burn day-light, here read, read, perceive how
I might be knighted: I shall think the worse of fat men as long
as I have an eye to make difference of men's liking; and yet he
would not swear, praise women's modesty, and gave such orderly
and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have
sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words;
but they do no more adhere, and keep place together, than
the hundreth psalm to the tune of Green Sleeves. What tempest,
-- 253 --
I trow, threw this whale, with so many tun of oyl in his
belly, a'shore at Windsor? how shall I be reveng'd on him? I
think the best way were to entertain him with hope, 'till the
wicked fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you
ever hear the like?
Mrs. Page.
Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and
Ford differs. To thy great comfort in this mystery of ill opinions,
here's the twin-brother of thy letter; but let thine inherit first,
for I protest mine never shall. I warrant he hath a thousand of
these letters, writ with blank-space for different names, nay more;
and these are of the second edition: he will print them out of
doubt, for he cares not what he puts into the press, when he
would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, and lye under
mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles,
ere one chaste man.
Mrs. Ford.
Why, this is the very same, the very hand, the
very words; what doth he think of us?
Mrs. Page.
Nay, I know not; it makes me almost ready to
wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain my self like one
that I am not acquainted withal; for sure, unless he knew some
stain in me, that I know not my self, he would never have
boarded me in this fury.
Mrs. Ford.
Boarding, call it you? I'll be sure to keep him
above deck.
Mrs. Page.
So will I; if he come under my hatches, I'll never
to sea again. Let's be reveng'd on him, let's appoint him
a meeting, give him a show of comfort in his suit, and lead
him on with a fine baited delay, 'till he hath pawn'd his horses
to mine host of the garter.
Mrs. Ford.
Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him
that may not sully the chariness of our honesty: oh that my
husband saw this letter, it would give eternal food to his jealousie.
Mrs. Page.
Why, look where he comes, and my good man
-- 254 --
too; he's as far from jealousie as I am from giving him cause,
and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance.
Mrs. Ford.
You are the happier woman.
Mrs. Page.
Let's consult together against this greasie Knight.
Come hither.
George Sewell [1723–5], The works of Shakespear in six [seven] volumes. Collated and Corrected by the former Editions, By Mr. Pope ([Vol. 7] Printed by J. Darby, for A. Bettesworth [and] F. Fayram [etc.], London) [word count] [S11101].