Ward, Artemus, 1834-1867 [1869], Artemus Ward's panorama (as exhibited at the Egyptian Hall, London). Edited by his executors, T. W. Robertson and E. P. Hingston. With thirty-four illustrations. (G.W. Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf485T].
To look up a word in a dictionary, select the word with your mouse and press 'd' on your keyboard.
Back matter
-- --
APPENDIX.
[figure description] Blank Page.[end figure description]
-- --
[figure description] Half-Title.[end figure description]
-- --
[figure description] Blank Page.[end figure description]
-- -- p485-206
[figure description] Appendix. [Page 201].[end figure description]
“Egyptian Hall.—Before a large audience, comprising
an extraordinary number of literary celebrities, Mr. Artemus
Ward, the noted American humorist, made his first appearance
as a public lecturer on Tuesday evening, the place selected for
the display of his quaint oratory being the room long tenanted
by Mr. Arthur Sketchley. His first entrance on the platform
was the signal for loud and continuous laughter and applause,
denoting a degree of expectation which a nervous man might
have feared to encounter. However, his first sentences, and
the way in which they were received, amply sufficed to prove
that his success was certain. The dialect of Artemus bears a
less evident mark of the Western World than that of many
American actors, who would fain merge their own peculiarities
in the delineation of English character; but his jokes are of that
true Transatlantic type, to which no nation beyond the limits
of the States can offer any parallel. These jokes he lets fall
with an air of profound unconsciousness—we may almost say
melancholy—which is irresistibly droll, aided as it is by the
effect of a figure singularly gaunt and lean and a face to match.
And he has found an audience by whom his caustic humour is
thoroughly appreciated. Not one of the odd pleasantries
slipped out with such imperturbable gravity misses its mark,
and scarcely a minute elapses at the end of which the sedate
Artemus is not forced to pause till the roar of mirth has subsided.
There is certainly this foundation for an entente
cordiale between the two countries calling themselves AngloSaxon,
that the Englishman, puzzled by Yankee politics,
thoroughly relishes Yankee jokes, though they are not in the
least like his own. When two persons laugh together, they
cannot hate each other much so long as the laugh continues.
-- --
[figure description] Appendix. [Page 202].[end figure description]
The subject of Artemus Ward's lecture is a visit to the
Mormons, copiously illustrated by a series of moving pictures,
not much to be commended as works of art, but for the
most part well enough executed to give (fidelity granted) a
notion of life as it is among the remarkable inhabitants of
Utah. Nor let the connoisseur, who detects the shortcomings
of some of these pictures, fancy that he has discovered a flaw
in the armour of the doughty Artemus. That astute gentleman
knows their worth as well as anybody else, and while he
ostensibly extols them, as a showman is bound to do, he every
now and then holds them up to ridicule in a vein of the
deepest irony. In one case a palpable error of perspective,
by which a man is made equal in size to a mountain, has
been purposely committed, and the shouts of laughter that
arise as soon as the ridiculous picture appears is tremendous.
But there is no mirth in the face of Artemus; he seems even
deaf to the roar; and when he proceeds to the explanation
of the landscape, he touches on the ridiculous point in a slurring
way that provokes a new explosion.
The particulars of the lecture we need not describe. Many
accounts of the Mormons, more or less credible, and all
authenticated, have been given by serious historians, and Mr.
W. H. Dixon, who has just returned from Utah to London,
is said to have brought with him new stores of solid information.
But to most of us Mormonism is still a mystery, and
under those circumstances a lecturer who has professedly
visited a country for the sake more of picking up fun than
of sifting facts, and whose chief object it must be to make
his narrative amusing, can scarcely be accepted as an
authority. We will, therefore, content ourselves with stating
that the lecture is entertaining to such a degree that to those
who seek amusement its brevity is its only fault; that it is
utterly free from offence, though the opportunities for offence
given by the subject of Mormonism are obviously numerous;
and that it is interspersed, not only with irresistible jokes,
but with shrewd remarks, proving that Artemus Ward is a
man of reflection, as well as a consummate humorist.”
-- 203 -- p485-208
EGYPTIAN HALL, PICCADILLY.
[figure description] Appendix. Page 203.[end figure description]
Every Night (except Saturday) at 8.
SATURDAY MORNINGS AT 3.
Artemus Ward
AMONG THE MORMONS.
During the Vacation the Hall has been carefully Swept out,
and a new Door-Knob has been added to the Door.
Mr. Artemus Ward will call on the Citizens of London, at their residences,
and explain any jokes in his narrative which they may not understand.
A person of long-established integrity will take excellent care of Bonnets,
Cloaks, etc., during the Entertainment; the Audience better leave their
money, however, with Mr. Ward; he will return it to them in a day or
two, or invest it for them in America as they may think best.
-- 204 --
[figure description] Appendix. Page 204.[end figure description]
Nobody must say that he likes the Lecture unless he wishes to be
thought eccentric; and nobody must say that he doesn't like it unless
he really is eccentrio. (This requires thinking over, but it will amply
repay perusal.)
The Panorama used to Illustrate Mr. WARD'S Narrative is
rather worse than Panoramas usually are.
Mr. Ward will not be responsible for any debts of his own contracting.
PROGRAMME.
I.
APPEARANCE OF ARTEMUS WARD,
Who will be greeted with applause. The Stall-keeper is particularly
requestd to attend to this. When quiet has been restored, the
Lecturer will present a rather frisky prologue, of about ten minutes
in length, and of nearly the same width. It perhaps isn't necessary to
speak of the depth:
II.
THE PICTURES COMMENCE HERE, the first one being a view
of the California Steamship. Large crowd of citizens on the wharf, who
appear to be entirely willing that Artemus Ward shall go. “Bless you,
Sir!” they say. “Don't hurry about coming back. Stay away for
years, if you want to!” It was very touching. Disgraceful treatment of
the passengers, who are obliged to go forward to smoke pipes, while the
steamer herself is allowed 2 Smoke Pipes amid-ships. At Panama. A
glance at Mexico.
-- 205 --
[figure description] Appendix. Page 205.[end figure description]
III.
The Land of Gold.
Montgomery Street, San Francisco. The Gold Bricks. Street Scenes.
“The Orphan Cabman, or the Mule Driver's Step-Father.” The Chinese
Theatre. Sixteen square-yards of a Chinese Comic Song.
IV.
The Land of Silver.
Virginia City, the wild young metropolis of the new Silver State.
Fortunes are made there in a day. There are instances on record of
young men going to this place without a shilling—poor and friendless—
yet by energy, intelligence, and a careful disregard to business, they have
been enabled to leave there, owing hundreds of pounds.
V.
The Great Desert at Night.
A dreary waste of Sand. The sand isn't worth saving, however.
Indians occupy yonder mountains. Little Injuns seen in the distance
trundling their war-hoops.
VI.
A Bird's-eye View of Great Salt
Lake City.
With some entirely descriptive talk.
VII.
Main Street, East Side.
The Salt Lake Hotel, which is conducted on Temperance principles.
The landlord sells nothing stronger than salt butter.
VIII.
The Mormon Theatre.
The Lady of Lyons was produced here a short time since, but failed to
satisfy a Mormon andience, on account of there being only one Pauline in
it. The play was revised at once. It was presented the next night, with
fifteen Paulines in the cast, and was a perfect success. All these
statements may be regarded as strictly true. Mr. Ward would not
deceive an infant.
-- 206 --
[figure description] Appendix. Page 206.[end figure description]
IX.
Main Street, West Side.
This being a view of Main Street, West Side, it is naturally a view of
the West Side of Main Street.
X.
Brigham Young's Harem.
Mr. Young is an indulgent father, and a numerous husband. For
further particulars call on Mr. Ward, at Egyptian Hall, any Evening
this Week. This paragraph is intended to blend business with amusement.
XI.
Heber C. Kimball's Harem.
We have only to repeat here the pleasant remarks above in regard to
Brigham.
INTERMISSION OF FIVE MINUTES.
XII.
The Tabernacle.
XIII.
The Temple as it is.
XIV.
The Temple as it is to be.
XV.
The Great Salt Lake.
-- 207 --
[figure description] Appendix. Page 207.[end figure description]
XVI.
The Endowment House.
The Mormon is initiated into the mysteries of his faith here. The
Mormon's religion is singular and his wives are plural.
XVII.
Echo Canyon.
XVIII
The Desert, again.
A more cheerful view. The Plains of Colorado. The Colorado
Mountains “might have been seen” in the distance, if the Artist had
painted'em. But he is prejudiced against mountains, because his uncle
once got lost on one.
XIX.
Brigham Young and his wives. The pretty girls of Utah mostly marry
Young.
XX.
The Rocky Mountains.
XXI.
The Plains of Nebraska.
XXII.
The Prairie on Fire.
-- 208 --
RECOMMENDATIONS.
[figure description] Appendix. Page 208.[end figure description]
Totnes,Oct. 20th, 1866.
Mr. ARTEMUS WARD,
My dear Sir,—My wife was dangerously unwell for over sixteen
years. She was so weak that she could not lift a teaspoon to her mouth.
But in a fortunate moment she commenced reading one of your lectures.
She got better at once. She gained strength so rapidly that she lifted the
cottage piano quite a distance from the floor, and then tipped it over on
to her mother-in-law, with whom she had had some little trouble. We
like your lectures very much. Please send me a barrel of them. If you
should require any more recommendations, you can get any number of
them in this place, at two shillings each, the price I charge for this one,
and I trust you may be ever happy.
I am, Sir,
Yours truly, and so is my wife,
R. SPRINGERS.
An American correspondent of a distinguished journal in Yorkshire
thus speaks of Mr. Ward's power as an Orator:—
“It was a grand scene, Mr. Artemus Ward standing on the platform,
talking; many of the audience sleeping tranquilly in their seats; others,
leaving the room and not returning; others crying like a child at some of
the jokes—all, all formed a most impressive scene, and showed the powers
of this remarkable orator. And when he announced that he should never
lecture in that town again, the applause was absolutely deafening.”
Doors open at Half-past Seven, commence at Eight.
Conclude at Half-past Nine.
EVERY EVENING EXCEPT SATURDAY.
SATURDAY AFTERNOONS at 3 p.m.
-- -- p485-214
ARTEMUS WARD, Dis Programme.
[figure description] Appendix. [Page 209].[end figure description]
Dodworth Hall, 806, Broadway.
OPEN EVERY EVENING.
1. —Introductory.
2. —The Steamer Ariel, en route.
3. —San Francisco.
4. —The Washoe Silver Region.
5. —The Plains.
6. —The City of Saints.
7. —A Mormon Hotel.
8. —Brigham Young's Theatre.
9. —The Council-House.
10. —The Home of Brigham Young.
11. —Heber C. Kimball's Seraglio.
12. —The Mormon House of Worship.
13. —Foundations of the New Temple.
14. —Architect's View of the Temple when finished.
15. —The Great Dead Sea of the Desert.
16. —The House of Mystery.
17. —The Canon.
18. —Mid-Air Sepulture.
19. —A Nice Family Party at Brigham Young's.
-- 210 --
[figure description] Appendix. Page 210.[end figure description]
Official Bureau.
| Secretary of the Exterior |
Mr. E. P. Hingston. |
| Secretary of the Treasury |
Herr Max Field,
(Pupil of Signor Thomaso Jacksoni.) |
| Mechanical Director and Professor of Carpentry |
Signor G. Wilsoni. |
| Crankist |
Mons. Aleck. |
| Assistant Crankist |
Boy (orphan). |
| Artists |
Messrs. Hilliard & Maeder. |
| Reserved Chairists |
Messrs. Persee & Jerome. |
| Moppist |
Signorina O'Flaherty. |
| Broomist |
Mlle. Topsia de St. Moke. |
| Hired Man |
John. |
| Fighting Editor |
Chevalier McArone. |
| Dutchman |
By a Polish Refugee, named McFinnigin. |
| Doortendist |
Mons. Jacques Ridera. |
| Gas Man |
Artemus Ward. |
This Entertainment will open with music. The Soldiers' Chorus from
“Faust.” First time in this city.
Next comes a jocund and discursive preamble, calculated to show what
a good education the Lecturer has.
View the first is a sea-view.—Ariel navigation.—Normal school of
whales in the distance.—Isthmus of Panama.—Interesting interview with
Old Panama himself, who makes all the hats. Old Pan. is a likely sort of
man.
San Francisco.—City with a vigilant government.—Miners allowed to
vote. Old inhabitants so rich that they have legs with golden calves to
them.
-- 211 --
[figure description] Appendix. Page 211.[end figure description]
Town in the Silver region.—Good quarters to be found there.—
Playful population, fond of high-low-jack and homicide.—Silver lying
around loose.—Thefts of it termed silver-guilt.
The plains in Winter.—A wild Moor, like Othello.—Mountains in the
distance forty thousand miles above the level of the highest sea (Musiani's
chest C included).—If you don't believe this you can go there and measur
them for yourself.
Mormodom, sometimes called the City of the Plain, but wrongly;
the women are quite pretty.—View of Old Poly Gamy's house, &c.
The Salt Lake Hotel.—Stage just come in from its overland route and
retreat from the Indians.—Temperance house.—No bar nearer than Salt
Lake sand-bars.—Miners in shirts like Artemus Ward his Programme—
they are read and will wash.
Mormon Theatre, where Artemus Ward lectured.—Mormons like
theatricals, and had rather go to the Play-house than to the Work-house,
any time.—Private boxes reserved for the ears of Brother Brigham's
wives.
Intermission of Fibe Minntes.
Territorial State-House.—Seat of the Legislature.—About as fair a
collection as that at Albany—and “we can't say no fairer than that.”
Residence of Brigham Young and his wives.—Two hundred souls with
but a single thought, Two hundred hearts that beat as one.
-- 212 --
[figure description] Appendix. Page 212.[end figure description]
Seraglio of Heber C. Kimball.—Home of the Queens of Heber.—No
relatives of the Queen of Sheba.—They are a nice gang of darlings.
Mormon Tabernacle, where the men espouse Mormonism and the
women espouse Brother Brigham and his Elders as spiritual Physicians,
convicted of bad doct'rin.
Foundations of the Temple.—Beginning of a healthy little job.—Temple to enclose all out-doors, and be paved with gold at a premium.
The Temple when finished.—Mormon idea of a meeting-house.—
N.B. It will be bigger, probably, than Dodworth Hall.—One of the
figures in the foreground is intended for Heber C. Kimball.—You can
see, by the expression of his back, that he is thinking what a great man
Joseph Smith was.
The Great Salt Lake.—Water actually thick with salt—too saline to
sail in.—Mariners rocked on the bosom of this deep with rock salt.—The
water isn't very good to drink.
House where Mormons are initiated.—Very secret and mysterious
ceremonies.—Anybody can easily find out all about them though, by going
out there and becoming a Mormon
Echo Canon.—A rough bluff sort of affair.—Great Echo.—When
Artemus Ward went through, he heard the echoes of some things the
Indians said there about four years and a half ago.
The Plains again, with some noble savages, both in the live and dead
state.—The dead one on the high shelf was killed in a Fratricidal
Struggle.—They are always having Fratricidal Struggles out in that line
of country.—It would be a good place for an enterprising Coroner to
locate.
-- 213 --
[figure description] Appendix. Page 213.[end figure description]
Brigham Young surrounded by his wives—These ladies are simply
too numerous to mention.
Those of the Audience who do not feel offended with Artemus
Ward are cordially invited to call upon him, often, at his fine new house
in Brooklyn. His house is on the right hand side as you cross the Ferry,
and may be easily distinguished from the other houses by its having a
Cupola and a Mortgage on it.
Soldiers on the battle-field will be admitted to this Entertainment
gratis.
The Indians on the Overland Route live on Route and Herbs,
They are an intemperate people. They drink with impunity, or anybody
who invites them.
Artemus Ward delivered Lectures before
ALL THE CROWNED HEADS OF EUROPE
ever thought of delivering lectures.
TICKETS 50 CTS. RESERVED CHAIRS $1.
Doors open at 7.30 P.M.; Entertainment to commence at 8.
The Piano used is from the celebrated factory of Messrs.
Chickering & Sons, 653, Broadway.
The Cabinet Organ is from the famous factory of Messrs, Mason
& Hamlin, Boston, and is furnished by Mason Brothers, 7 Mercer
Street, New York.
-- --
[figure description] Blank Page.[end figure description]
-- --
NEW BOOKS And New Editions Recently Published by CARLETON, Publisher, NEW YORK.
[figure description] Advertisement. [Page 003].[end figure description]
N.B.—The Publishers, upon receipt of the price in advance, will send any of
the following Books by mail, POSTAGE FREE, to any part of the United States.
This convenient and very safe mode may be adopted when the neighboring Book.
sellers are not supplied with the desired work. State name and address in full.
Victor Hugo.
| LES MISERABLES.—The celebrated novel. One large 8vo volume
paper covers, $2.00; |
cloth bound, $2.50 |
| LES MISERABLES.—In the Spanish language. Fine 8vo. edition,
two vols., paper covers, $4.00; |
cloth bound, $5.00 |
| JARGAL.—A new novel. Illustrated. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| CLAUDE GUEUX, and Last Day of Condemned Man. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
Miss Muloch.
| JOHN HALIFAX.—A novel. |
With illustration. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| A LIFE FOR A LIFE.—A novel. |
With illustration. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
Charlotte Bronte (Currer Bell).
| JANE EYRE.—A novel. |
With illustration. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE PROFESSOR.—A novel. |
With illustration. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| SHIRLEY.—A novel. |
With illustration. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| VILLETTE.—A novel. |
With illustration. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
Hand-Books of Society.
| THE HABITS OF GOOD SOCIETY; with thoughts, hints, and
anecdotes, concerning nice points of taste, good manners,
and the art of making oneself agreeable. The most entertaining
work of the kind. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE ART OF CONVERSATION.—With directions for self-culture.
A sensible and instructive work, that ought to be in the
hands of every one who wishes to be either an agreeable
talker or listener. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| ARTS OF WRITING, READING, AND SPEAKING.—An excellent book
for self-instruction and improvement |
12mo, cloth, $1.50 |
| HAND-BOOKS OF SOCIETY.—The above three choice volumes
are also bound in extra style, full gilt ornamental back,
uniform in appearance, and put up in a handsome box.
Price for the set of three, |
$5.00 |
Algernon Charles Swinburne.
| LAUS VENERIS, AND OTHER POEMS.— |
12mo, cloth, $1.75 |
-- 004 --
[figure description] Advertisement. [Page 004].[end figure description]
Mrs. Mary J. Holmes' Works.
| `LENA RIVERS.— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| DARKNESS AND DAYLIGHT.— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| TEMPEST AND SUNSHINE— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| MARLAN GREY.— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| MEADOW BROOK.— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| INGLISH ORPHANS.— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| DORA DEANE.— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| COUSIN MAUDE.— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| HOMESTEAD ON THE HILLSIDE.— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| HUGH WORTHINGTON.— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| THE CAMERON PRIDE.— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| ROSE MATHER.— |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
| ETHELYN'S MISTAKE.—Just Published. |
A novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.50 |
Miss Augusta J. Evans.
| BEULAH.—A novel of great power. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| MACARIA.—A novel of great power. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| ST. ELMO.—A novel of great power. Just Published. |
12mo. cloth, $2.00 |
By the Author of “Rutledge.”
| RUTLEDGE.—A deeply interesting novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE SUTHERLANDS.—A deeply interesting novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.71 |
| FRANK WARRINGTON.—A deeply interesting novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| ST. PHILIP'S.—A deeply interesting novel. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| LOUIE'S LAST TERM AT ST. MARY'S.— |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| ROUNDHEARTS AND OTHER STORIES.—For children. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| A ROSARY FOR LENT.—Devotional Readings. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
Captain Mayne Reid's Works—Illustrated.
| THE SCALP HUNTERS.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE RIFLE RANGERS.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE TIGER HUNTER.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| OSCEOLA, THE SEMINOLE.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE WAR TRAIL.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE HUNTER'S FEAST.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| RANGERS AND REGULATORS.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE WHITE CHIEF— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE QUADROON.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE WILD HUNTRESS.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE WOOD RANGERS.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| WILD LIFE.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE MAROON.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| LOST LEONORE.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN.— |
A romance. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
| THE WHITE GAUNTLET.— |
Just Published. |
12mo. cloth, $1.75 |
-- --
[figure description] Blank Page.[end figure description]
-- --
[figure description] Blank Page.[end figure description]
-- --
[figure description] Free Endpaper.[end figure description]
-- --
[figure description] Free Endpaper.[end figure description]
-- --
[figure description] Paste-Down Endpaper.[end figure description]
Ward, Artemus, 1834-1867 [1869], Artemus Ward's panorama (as exhibited at the Egyptian Hall, London). Edited by his executors, T. W. Robertson and E. P. Hingston. With thirty-four illustrations. (G.W. Carleton, New York) [word count] [eaf485T].
|
