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In one of the &longs;tates, &longs;outhward
of Philadelphia, I was invited, on a sunday,
to go to church. I will not &longs;ay
which, as I am loth to offend; and our
fa&longs;hionable fellow citizens of the &longs;outh
arm of the union may not think divine
&longs;ervice any credit to them. My friend
apologized for inviting me to &longs;o hum

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drum an amu&longs;ement, by a&longs;&longs;uring me, that
immediately after &longs;ervice, there was to be
a famous match run for a pur&longs;e of a thousand
dollars, be&longs;ides private bets, between
'Squire L's imported hor&longs;e, Slammerkin,
and Colonel F's bay mare, Jenny Driver.
When we arrived at the church, we found
a brilliant collection of well dre&longs;&longs;ed people,
anxiou&longs;ly waiting the arrival of the
par&longs;on, who, it &longs;eems, had a &longs;mall branch
of the river M— to pa&longs;s; and, we afterwards
learned, was detained by the
ab&longs;ence of his negro boy, who was to ferry
him over. Soon after, our impatience
was relieved, by the arrival of the par&longs;on,
in his canonicals: a young man, not of
the mo&longs;t mortified countenance, who,
with a &longs;witch, called &longs;upple jack, in his
hand, belaboured the back and head of
the faulty &longs;lave, all the way from the water
to the church door; accompanying
every &longs;troke, with &longs;uitable language. He
entered the church, and we followed.

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He a&longs;cended the reading de&longs;k, and, with
his face glowing with the exerci&longs;e of his
&longs;upple jack, began the &longs;ervice with, I &longs;aid I
will take heed unto my ways, that I &longs;in not
with my tongue. I will keep my tongue
as it were with a bridle, when I am before
the wicked. When I mu&longs;ed the fire
burned within me, and I &longs;pake with my
tongue, &c. &c. He preached an animated
di&longs;cour&longs;e, of eleven minutes, upon
the practical duties of religion, from the&longs;e
words, remember the &longs;abbath day, to keep
it holy; and read the fourth commandment,
in the communion. The whole congregation
prayed &longs;ervently, that their hearts
might be inclined to keep this holy law.
The ble&longs;&longs;ing was pronounced; and par&longs;on
and people ha&longs;tened to the hor&longs;e race.
I found the par&longs;on as much re&longs;pected on
the turf, as upon the ha&longs;&longs;oc. He was
one of the judges of the race; de&longs;canted,
in the language of the turf, upon the
points of the two rival hor&longs;es, and the

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&longs;leeve of his ca&longs;&longs;oc was heavy laden, with
the principal bets. The confidence of his
pari&longs;hioners was not ill founded; for
they a&longs;&longs;ured me, upon oath and honour,
that he was a gentleman, of as much uprightness
as his grace the archbi&longs;hop of
Canterbury. Ay, they would &longs;port him
for a &longs;ermon or a &longs;ong, again&longs;t any par&longs;on
in the union.

The whole of this extraordinary &longs;cene
was novel to me. Be&longs;ides, a certain staple
of New England I had with me, called
con&longs;cience, made my &longs;ituation, in even
the pa&longs;&longs;ive part I bore in it, &longs;o
awkward and unea&longs;y, that I could not refrain
from ob&longs;erving to my friend my
&longs;urpri&longs;e at the par&longs;on's conduct, in chastising
his &longs;ervant immediately before divine
&longs;ervice. My friend was &longs;o happily influenced
by the habits of the&longs;e liberal, enlightened
people, that he could not even
comprehend the tendency of my remark.
He &longs;uppo&longs;ed it levelled at the

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impropriety, not of the mini&longs;ter, but the man; not
at the act, but the &longs;everity of the chastisement;
and ob&longs;erved, with warmth, that
the par&longs;on &longs;erved the villain right, and,
that if he had been his &longs;lave, he would
have killed the black ra&longs;cal, if he was &longs;ure
he &longs;hould have to pay an hundred guineas
to the public trea&longs;ury for him. I
will note here, that the reader is requested,
whenever he meets with quotations of
&longs;peeches, in the above &longs;cenes, excepting
tho&longs;e during divine &longs;ervice, that he will
plea&longs;e, that is, if his habits of life will permit,
to interlard tho&longs;e quotations with about
as many oaths, as they countain monosylables.
He may re&longs;t a&longs;&longs;ured, that it
will render the &longs;cene abundantly more
natural. It is true, I might have inserted
them my&longs;elf, and &longs;upported thus doing,
by illu&longs;trations and parodies from
grave authors; but I never &longs;wear profanely
my&longs;elf, and I think it almo&longs;t as bad
to oblige my readers to purcha&longs;e the

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imprecations of others. I give this hint of
the introduction of oaths, for the benefit
of my readers to the &longs;outhward of Philadelphia;
who, however they may enjoy a
&longs;cene, which reflects &longs;uch honour upon
their country, when &longs;ea&longs;oned with the&longs;e
palatable expletives, without them perhaps
would e&longs;teem it as ta&longs;tele&longs;s and vapid,
as a game at cards or billiards, without
bets; or boiled veal or turkey, without
ham.

p407-172

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