CHAPTER I.
Popular Talk of the Excursion—Programme of the Trip—Duly Ticketed for the
Excursion—Defection of the Celebrities 19

CHAPTER II.
Grand Preparations—An Imposing Dignitary—The European Exodus—Mr.
Blucher's Opinion—Stateroom No. 10—The Assembling of the Clans—At
Sea at last 26

CHAPTER III.
“Averaging” the Passengers—“Far, far at Sea”—Tribulation among the
Patriarchs—Seeking Amusement under Difficulties—Five Captains in the
Ship 32

CHAPTER IV.
The Pilgrims Becoming Domesticated—Pilgrim Life at Sea—“Horse-Billiards”—
The “Synagogue”—The Writing School—Jack's “Journal”—The
“Q. C. Club”—The Magic Lantern—State Ball on Deck—Mock Trials—
Charades—Pilgrim Solemnity—Slow Music—The Executive Officer Delivers
an Opinion 38

CHAPTER V.
Summer in Mid-Atlantic—An Eccentric Moon—Mr. Blucher Loses Confidence—
The Mystery of “Ship Time”—The Denizens of the Deep—“Land-Ho!”—
The First Landing on a Foreign Shore—Sensation among the
Natives—Something about the Azores Islands—Blucher's Disastrous Dinner—
The Happy Result 47

CHAPTER VI.
Solid Information—A Fossil Community—Curious Ways and Customs—Jesuit
Humbuggery—Fantastic Pilgrimizing—Origin of the Russ Pavement—
Squaring Accounts with the Fossils—At Sea Again 55

CHAPTER VII.
A Tempest at Night—Spain and Africa on Exhibition—Greeting a Majestic
Stranger—The Pillars of Hercules—The Rock of Gibraltar—Tiresome
Repetition—“The Queen's Chair”—Serenity Conquered—Curiosities of
the Secret Caverns—Personnel of Gibraltar—Some Odd Characters—A
Private Frolic in Africa—Bearding a Moorish Garrison (without loss of
life)—Vanity Rebuked—Disembarking in the Empire of Morocco 62

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CHAPTER VIII.
The Ancient City of Tangier, Morocco—Strange Sights—A Cradle of Artiquity—
We become Wealthy—How they Rob the Mail in Africa—The
Danger of being Opulent in Morocco 76

CHAPTER IX.
A Pilgrim in Deadly Peril—How they Mended the Clock—Moorish Punishments
for Crime—Marriage Customs—Looking Several ways for Sunday—
Shrewd Practice of Mohammedan Pilgrims—Reverence for Cats—Bliss of
being a Consul-General 83

CHAPTER X.
Fourth of July at Sea—Mediterranean Sunset—The “Oracle” is Delivered of
an Opinion—Celebration Ceremonies—The Captain's Speech—France in
Sight—The Ignorant Native—In Marseilles—Another Blunder—Lost in
the Great City—Found Again—A Frenchy Scene 90

CHAPTER XI.
Getting “Used to it”—No Soap—Bill of Fare, Table d'hôte—“An American
Sir!”—A Curious Discovery—The “Pilgrim” Bird—Strange Companionship—
A Grave of the Living—A Long Captivity—Some of Dumas' Heroes—
Dungeon of the Famous “Iron Mask.” 98

CHAPTER XII.
A Holiday Flight through France—Summer Garb of the Landscape—Abroad
on the Great Plains—Peculiarities of French Cars—French Politeness—
American Railway Officials—“Twenty Mnutes to Dinner!”—Why there
are no Accidents—The “Old Travellers”—Still on the Wing—Paris at
Last—French Order and Quiet—Place of the Bastile—Seeing the Sights—
A Barbarous Atrocity—Absurd Billiards 105

CHAPTER XIII.
More Trouble—Monsieur Billfinger—Re-Christening the Frenchman—In the
Clutches of a Paris Guide—The International Exposition—Fine Military
Review—Glimpse of the Emperor Napoleon and the Sultan of Turkey 118

CHAPTER XIV.
The Venerable Cathedral of Notre-Dame—Jean Sanspeur's Addition—Treasures
and Sacred Relics—The Legeud of the Cross—The Morgue—The
Outrageous Can-Can—Blondin Atlame—The Louvre Palace—The Great
Park—Showy Pageantry—Preservation of Noted Things 130

CHAPTER XV.
French National Burying-Ground—Among the Great Dead—The Shrine of
Disappointed Love—The Story of Abelard and Heloise—“English Spoken
Here”—“American Drinks Compounded Here”—Imperial Honors to an
American—The Over-estimated Grisette—Departure from Paris—A Deliberate
Opinion Concerning the Comeliness of American Women 139

CHAPTER XVI.
Versailles—Paradise Regained—A Wonderful Park—Paradise Lost—Napoleonic
Strategy 153

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CHAPTER XVII.
War—The American Forces Victorious—“Home Again”—Italy in Sight—
The “City of Palaces”—Beauty of the Genoese Women—The “Stub-Hunters”—
Among the Palaces—Gifted Guide—Church Magnificence—
“Women not Admitted”—How the Genoese Live—Massive Architecture—
A Scrap of Ancient History—Graves for 60,000 159

CHAPTER XVIII.
Flying Through Italy—Marengo—First Glimpse of the Famous Cathedral—
Description of some of its Wonders—A Horror Carved in Stone—An
Unpleasant Adventure—A Good Man—A Sermon from the Tomb—
Tons of Gold and Silver—Some More Holy Relics—Solomon's Temple
Rivalled 171

CHAPTER XIX.
“Do You Wis zo Haut can be?”—La Scala—Petrarch and Laura—Lucrezia
Borgia—Ingenious Frescoes—Ancient Roman Amphitheatre—A Clever
Delusion—Distressing Billiards—The Chief Charm of European Life—An
Italian Bath—Wanted: Soap—Crippled French—Mutilated English—The
Most Celebrated Painting in the World—Amateur Raptures—Uninspired
Critics—Anecdote—A Wonderful Echo—A Kiss for a France 183

CHAPTER XX.
Rural Italy by Rail—Fumigated, According to Law—The Sorrowing Englishman—
Night by the Lake of Como—The Famous Lake—Its Scenery—
Como compared with Tahoe—Meeting a Shipmate 199

CHAPTER XXI.
The Pretty Lago di Lecco—A Carriage Drive in the Country—Astonishing
Sociability in a Coachman—A Sieepy Land—Bloody Shrines—The Heart
and Home of Priestcraft—A Thrilling Mediæval Romance—The Birthplace
of Harlequin—Approaching Venice 207

CHAPTER XXII.
Night in Venice—The “Gay Gondolier”—The Grand Fête by Moonlight—The
Notable Sights of Venice—The Mother of the Republics Desolate 217

CHAPTER XXIII.
The Famous Gondola—The Gondola in an Unromantic Aspect—The Great
Square of St. Mark and the Winged Lion—Snobs, at Home and Abroad—
Sepulchres of the Great Dead—A Tilt at the “Old Masters”—A Contraband
Guide—The Conspiracy—Moving Again 228

CHAPTER XXIV.
Down Through Italy by Rail—Idling in Florence—Dante and Galileo—An
Ungrateful City—Dazzling Generosity—Wonderful Mosaics—The Historical
Arno—Lost Again—Found Again, but no Fatted Calf Ready—The
Leaning Tower of Pisa—The Ancient Duomo—The Old Original First
Pendulum that Ever Swung—An Enchanting Echo—A New Holy
Sepulchre—A Relic of Antiquity—A Fallen Republic—At Leghorn—At
Home Again, and Satisfied, on Board the Ship—Our Vessel an Object of
Grave Suspicion—Gen. Garibaldi Visited—Threats of Quarantine 244

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CHAPTER XXV.
The Works of Bankruptcy—Railway Grandeur—How to Fill an Empty
Treasury—The Sumptuousness of Mother Church—Ecclesiastical Splendor—
Magnificence and Misery—General Execration—More Magnificence—
A Good Word for the Priests—Civita Vecchia the Dismal—Off for
Rome 255

CHAPTER XXVI.
The Modern Roman on His Travels—The Grandeur of St. Peter's—Holy Relics—
Grand View from the Dome—The Holy Inquisition—Interesting Old
Monkish Frauds—The Ruined Coliseum—The Coliseum in the Days of
its Prime—Ancient Play-bill of a Coliseum Performance—A Roman
Newspaper Criticism 1700 Years Old 266

CHAPTER XXVII.
“Butchered to Make a Roman Holiday”—The Man who Never Complained—
An Exasperating Subject—Asinine Guides—The Roman Catacombs—
The Saint Whose Fervor Burst his Ribs—The Miracle of the Bleeding
Heart—The Legend of Ara Cœli 284

CHAPTER XXVIII.
Picturesque Horrors—The Legend of Brother Thomas—Sorrow Scientifically
Analyzed—A Festive Company of the Dead—The Great Vatican Museum—
Artist Sins of Omission—The Rape of the Sabines—Papal Protection of
Art—High Price of “Old Masters”—Improved Scripture—Scale of Rank
of the Holy Personages in Rome—Scale of Honors Accorded Them—Fossilizing—
Away for Naples 298

CHAPTER XXIX.
Naples—In Quarantine at Last—Annunciation—Ascent of Mount Vesuvius—
A Two-Cent Community—The Black Side of Neapolitan Character—
Monkish Miracles—Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued—The Stranger
and the Hackman—Night View of Naples from the Mountain-side—
Ascent of Vesuvius Continued 308

CHAPTER XXX.
Ascent of Vesuvius Continued—Beautiful View at Dawn—Less Beautiful
View in the Back Streets—Ascent of Vesuvius Continued—Dwellings a
Hundred Feet High—A Motley Procession—Bill of Fare for a Pedler's
Breakfast—Princely Salaries—Ascent of Vesuvius Continued—An Average
of Prices—The Wonderful “Blue Grotto”—Visit to Celebrated
Localities in the Bay of Naples—The Poisoned “Grotto of the Dog”—A
Petrified Sea of Lava—The Ascent Continued—The Summit Reached—
Description of the Crater—Descent of Vesuvius 315

CHAPTER XXXI.
The Buried City of Pompeii—How Dwellings Appear that have been Unoceupied
for Eighteen Hundred Years—The Judgment Seat—Desolation—The
Footprints of the Departed—“No Women Admitted”—Theatres, Bakeshops,
Schools, etc.—Skeletons Preserved by the Ashes and Cinders—The
Brave Martyr to Duty—Rip Van Winkle—The Perishable Nature of
Fame 327

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CHAPTER XXXII.
At Sea Once More—The Pilgrims all Well—Superb Stromboli—Sicily by
Moonlight—Scylla and Charybdis—The “Oracle” at Fault—Skirting the
Isles of Greece—Ancient Athens—Blockaded by Quarantine and Refused
Permission to Enter—Running the Blockade—A Bloodless Midnight Adventure—
Turning Robbers from Necessity—Attempt to Carry the Acropolis
by Storm—We Fail—Among the Glories of the Past—A World of
Ruined Sculpture—A Fairy Vision—Famous Localities—Retreating in
Good Order—Captured by the Guards—Travelling in Military State—Safe
on Board Again 337

CHAPTER XXXIII.
Modern Greece—Fallen Greatness—Sailing Through the Archipelago and the
Dardanelles—Footprints of History—The First Shoddy Contractor of
whom History gives any Account—Anchored Before Constantinople—
Fantastic Fashions—The Ingenious Goose-Rancher—Marvellous Cripples—
The Great Mosque—The Thousand and One Columns—The Grand
Bazaar of Stamboul 354

CHAPTER XXXIV.
Scarcity of Morals and Whiskey—Slave-Girl Market Report—Commercial
Morality at a Discount—The Slandered Dogs of Constantinople—Questionable
Delights of Newspaperdom in Turkey—Ingenious Italian
Journalism—No More Turkish Lunches Desired—The Turkish Bath
Fraud—The Narghileh Fraud—Jackplaned by a Native—The Turkish
Coffee Fraud 368

CHAPTER XXXV.
Sailing Through the Bosporus and the Black Sea—“Far-Away Moses”—
Melancholy Sebastopol—Hospitably Received in Russia—Pleasant English
People—Desperate Fighting—Relic Hunting—How Travellers Form
“Cabinets” 381

CHAPTER XXXVI.
Nine Thousand Miles East—Imitation American Town in Russia—Gratitude
that Came Too Late—To Visit the Autocrat of All the Russias 387

CHAPTER XXXVII.
Summer Home of Royalty—Practising for the Dread Ordeal—Committee on
Imperial Address—Reception by the Emperor and Family—Dresses of
the Imperial Party—Concentrated Power—Counting the Spoons—At the
Grand Duke's—A Charming Villa—A Knightly Figure—The Grand
Duchess—A Grand Ducal Breakfast—Baker's Boy, the Famine-Breeder—
Theatrical Monarchs a Fraud—Saved as by Fire—The Governor-General's
Visit to the Ship—Official “Style”—Aristocratic Visitors—“Mun-chausenizing”
with Them—Closing Ceremonies 390

CHAPTER XXXVIII.
Return to Constantinople—We Sail for Asia—The Sailors Burlesque the
Imperial Visitors—Ancient Smyrna—The “Oriental Splendor” Fraud—
The “Biblical Crown of Life”—Pilgrim Prophecy-Savans—Sociable
Armenian Girls—A Sweet Reminiscence—“The Camels are Coming,
Ha-ha!” 403

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CHAPTER XXXIX.
Smyrna's Lions—The Martyr Polycarp—The “Seven Churches”—Remains
of the Six Smyrnas—Mysterious Oyster Mine—Oysters Seeking Scenery—
A Millerite Tradition—A Railroad Out of its Sphere 412

CHAPTER XL.
Journeying Toward Ancient Ephesus—Ancient Ayassalook—The Villanous
Donkey—A Fantastic Procession—Bygone Magnificence—Fragments of
History—The Legend of the Seven Sleepers 418

CHAPTER XLI.
Vandalism Prohibited—Angry Pilgrims—Approaching Holy Land!—The
“Shrill Note of Preparation—Distress About Dragomans and Transporta-tion—
The “Long Route” Adopted—In Syria—Something about Beirout—
A Choice Specimen of a Greek “Ferguson”—Outfits—Hideous Horse-flesh—
Pilgrim “Style”—What of Aladdin's Lamp? 430

CHAPTER XLII.
“Jacksonville,” in the Mountains of Lebanon—Breakfasting above a Grand
Panorama—The Vanished City—The Peculiar Steed, “Jericho”—The
Pilgrim's Progress—Bible Scenes—Mount Hermon, Joshua's Battle-Fields,
etc.—The Tomb of Noah—A Most Unfortunate People 438

CHAPTER XLIII.
Patriarchal Customs—Magnificent Baalbec—Description of the Ruins—Scrib-bling
Smiths and Joneses—Pilgrim Fidelity to the Letter of the Law—The
Revered Fountain of Baalam's Ass 445

CHAPTER XLIV.
Extracts from Note-Book—Mahomet's Paradise and the Bible's—Beautiful Damascus,
the Oldest City on Earth—Oriental Scenes within the Curious Old
City—Damascus Street Car—The Story of St. Paul—The “Street called
Straight”—Mahomet's Tomb and St. George's—The Christian Massacre—
Mohammedan Dread of Pollution—The House of Naaman—The Horrors
of Leprosy 454

CHAPTER XLV.
The Cholera by way of Variety—Hot—Another Outlandish Procession—Pen-and-Ink
Photograph of “Jonesborough,” Syria—Tomb of Nimrod, the
Mighty Hunter—The Stateliest Ruin of All—Stepping over the Borders
of Holy Land—Bathing in the Sources of Jordan—More “Specimen”-
Hunting—Ruins of Cesarea-Philippi—“On This Rock Will I Build my
Church”—The People the Disciples Knew—The Noble Steed “Baalbec”—
Sentimental Horse Idolatry of the Arabs 465

CHAPTER XLVI.
Dan—Bashan—Genessaret—A Notable Panorama—Smallness of Palestine—
Scraps of History—Character of the Country—Bedouin Shepherds—
Gilmpses of the Hoary Past—Mr. Grimes's Bedonins—A Battle-Ground
of Joshua—That Soldier's Manner of Fighting—Barak's Battle—The
Necessity of Unlearning Some Things—Desolation.

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CHAPTER XLVII.
Jack's Adventure—Joseph's Pit—The Story of Joseph—Joseph's Magnanim-ity
and Esau's—The Sacred Lack of Genessaret—Enthusiasm of the Pilgrims—
Why We did not Sail on Galilee—About Capernaum—Concerning
the Saviour's Brothers and Sisters—Journeying toward Magdala.

CHAPTER XLVIII.
Curious Specimens of Art and Architecture—Public Reception of the Pilgrims—
Mary Magdalen's House—Tiberias and its Queer Inhabitants—The Sacred
Sea of Galilee—Galilee by Night.

CHAPTER XLIX.
The Ancient Baths—Ye Apparition—A Distinguished Panorama—The Last
Battle of the Crusades—The Story of the Lord of Kerak—Mount Tabor—
What one Sees from its Top—A Memory of a Wonderful Garden—The
House of Deborah the Prophetess.

CHAPTER L.
Toward Nazareth—Bitten By a Camel—Grotto of the Annunciation, Nazareth—
Noted Grottoes in General—Joseph's Workshop—A Sacred Bowlder—
The Fountain of the Virgin—Questionable Female Beauty—Literary Curiosities.

CHAPTER LI.
The Boyhood of the Saviour—Unseemly Antics of Sober Pilgrims—Home of
the Witch of Endor—Nain—Profanation—A Popular Oriental Picture—
Biblical Metaphors Becoming steadily More Intelligible—The Shunem
Miracle—The “Free Son of The Desert”—Ancient Jezreel—Jehu's
Achievements—Samaria and its Famous Siege.

CHAPTER LII.
A Curious Remnant of the Past—Shechem—The Oldest “First Family” on
Earth—The Oldest Manuscript Extant—The Genuine Tomb of Joseph—
Jacob's Well—Shiloh—Camping with the Arabs—Jacob's Ladder—More
Desolation—Ramah, Beroth, the Tomb of Samuel, the Fountain of Beira—
Impatience—Approaching Jerusalem—The Holy City in Sight—Noting
its Prominent Features—Domiciled Within the Sacred Walls.

CHAPTER LIII.
“The Joy of the Whole Earth”—Description of Jerusalem—Church of the
Holy Sepulchre—The Stone of Unction—The Grave of Jesus—Graves
of Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea—Places of the Apparition—The
Finding of the Three Crosses—The Legend—Monkish Impostures—The
Pillar of Flagellation—The Place of a Relic—Godfrey's Sword—“The
Bonds of Christ”—“The Center of the Earth”—Place whence the Dust
was taken of which Adam was Made—Grave of Adam—The Martyred
Soldier—The Copper Plate that was On the Cross—The Good St. Helena—
Place of the Division of the Garments—St. Dimas, the Penitent Thief—
The Late Emperor Maximilian's Contribution—Grotto wherein the Crosses
were Found, and the Nails, and the Crown of Thorns—Chapel of the
Mocking—Tomb of Melchizedek—Graves of Two Renowned Crusaders—
The Place of the Crucifixion.

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CHAPTER LIV.
The “Sorrowful Way”—The Legend of St. Veronica's Handkerchief—An Illustrious
Stone—House of the Wandering Jew—The Tradition of the
Wanderer—Solomon's Temple—Mosque of Omar—Moslem Traditions—
“Women not Admitted”—The Fate of a Gossip—Turkish Sacred Relics—
Judgment Seat of David and Saul—Genuine Precious Remains of
Solomon's Temple—Surfeited with Sights—The Pool of Siloam—The Garden
of Gethsemane and Other Sacred Localities.

CHAPTER LV.
Rebellion in the Camp—Charms of Nomadic Life—Dismal Rumors—En Route
for Jericho and The Dead Sea—Pilgrim Strategy—Bethany and the Dwelling
of Lazarus—“Bedouins!”—Ancient Jericho—Misery—The Night
March—The Dead Sea—An Idea of What a “Wilderness” in Palestine is—
The Holy Hermits of Mars Saba—Good St. Saba—Women not Admitted—
Buried from the World for all Time—Unselfish Catholic Benevolence—
Gazelles—The Plain of the Shepherds—Birthplace of the Saviour,
Bethlehem—Church of the Nativity—Its Hundred Holy Places—The Famous
“Milk” Grotto—Tradition—Return to Jerusalem—Exhausted.

CHAPTER LVI.
Departure from Jerusalem—Samson—The Plain of Sharon—Arrival at Joppa—
House of Simon the Tanner—The Long Pilgrimage Ended—Character
of Palestine Scenery—The Curse.

CHAPTER LVII.
The Happiness of being at Sea once more—“Home” as it is in a Pleasure-Ship—
“Shaking Hands” with the Vessel—Jack in Costume—His Father's
Parting Advice—Approaching Egypt—Ashore in Alexandria—A
Deserved Compliment for the Donkeys—Invasion of the Lost Tribes of
America—End of the Celebrated “Jaffa Colony”—Scenes in Grand Cairo—
Shepheard's Hotel Contrasted with a Certain American Hotel—Preparing
for the Pyramids.

CHAPTER LVIII.
“Recherché” Donkeys—A Wild Ride—Specimens of Egyptian Modesty—Moses
in the Bulrushes—Place where the Holy Family Sojourned—Distant
view of the Pyramids—A Nearer View—The Ascent—Superb View
from the top of the Pyramid—“Backsheesh! Backsheesh!”—An Arab
Exploit—In the Bowels of the Pyramid—Strategy—Reminiscence of
“Holiday's Hill”—Boyish Exploit—The Majestic Sphynx—Things the
Author will not Tell—Grand Old Egypt.

CHAPTER LIX.
Going Home—A Demoralized Note-Book—A Boy's Diary—Mere Mention of
Old Spain—Departure from Gadiz—A Deserved Rebuke—The Beautiful
Madeiras—Tabooed—In the Delightful Bermudas—An English Welcome—
Good-by to “Our Friends the Bermudians”—Packing Trunks for Home—
Our First Accident—The Long Cruise Drawing to a Close—At Home
Amen.

CHAPTER LX.
Thankless Devotion—A Newspaper Valedictory.