[figure description] Page 250.[end figure description]

“My morals will appear to you far from rigid,
yet my conduct will fall &longs;hort of your &longs;u&longs;picions.
I am now to confe&longs;s actions le&longs;s excu&longs;able, and yet
&longs;urely they will not entitle me to the name of a
de&longs;perate or &longs;ordid criminal.

“Your hou&longs;e was rendered, by your frequent
and long ab&longs;ences, ea&longs;ily acce&longs;&longs;ible to my curio&longs;ity.
My meeting with Pleyel was the prelude to direct
intercour&longs;e with you. I had &longs;een much of the
world, but your character exhibited a &longs;pecimen of
human powers that was wholly new to me. My
intercour&longs;e with your &longs;ervant furni&longs;hed me with
curious details of your dome&longs;tic management. I
was of a different &longs;ex: I was not your hu&longs;band; I
was not even your friend; yet my knowledge of
you was of that kind, which conjugal intimacies
can give, and, in &longs;ome re&longs;pects, more accurate.
The ob&longs;ervation of your dome&longs;tic was guided by
me.

“You will not be &longs;urprized that I &longs;hould sometimes
profit by your ab&longs;ence, and adventure to examine
with my own eyes, the interior of your chamber.
Upright and &longs;incere, you u&longs;ed no watchfulne&longs;s,
and practifed no precautions. I &longs;crutinized every
thing, and pried every where. Your clo&longs;et was
u&longs;ually locked, but it was once my fortune to find
the key on a bureau. I opened and found new &longs;cope
for my curio&longs;ity in your books. One of the&longs;e was
manu&longs;cript, and written in characters which

[figure description] Page 251.[end figure description]

essentially agreed with a &longs;hort-hand &longs;y&longs;tem which I had
learned from a Je&longs;uit mi&longs;&longs;ionary.

“I cannot ju&longs;tify my conduct, yet my only
crime was curio&longs;ity. I peru&longs;ed this volume with
eagerne&longs;s. The intellect which it unveiled, was
brighter than my limited and feeble organs could
bear. I was naturally inqui&longs;itive as to your ideas
re&longs;pecting my deportment, and the my&longs;teries that
had lately occurred.

“You know what you have written. You
know that in this volume the key to your inmo&longs;t
&longs;oul was contained. If I had been a profound and
malignant impo&longs;tor, what plenteous materials were
thus furni&longs;hed me of &longs;tratagems and plots!

“The coincidence of your dream in the summer-house
with my exclamation, was truly wonderful.
The voice which warned you to forbear
was, doubtle&longs;s, mine; but mixed by a common
proce&longs;s of the fancy, with the train of vi&longs;ionary
incidents.

“I &longs;aw in a &longs;tronger light than ever, the dangerousness
of that in&longs;trument which I employed,
and renewed my re&longs;olutions to ab&longs;tain from the u&longs;e
of it in future; but I was de&longs;tined perpetually to
violate my re&longs;olutions. By &longs;ome perver&longs;e fate, I
was led into circum&longs;tances in which the exertion
of my powers was the &longs;ole or the be&longs;t means of
e&longs;cape.

“On that memorable night on which our la&longs;t
interview took place, I came as u&longs;ual to Mettingen.
I was apprized of your engagement at your
brother's, from which you did not expect to return
till late. Some incident &longs;ugge&longs;ted the de&longs;ign of visiting
your chamber. Among your books which I
had not examined, might be &longs;omething tending to
illu&longs;trate your character, or the hi&longs;tory of your

[figure description] Page 252.[end figure description]

family. Some intimation had been dropped by you in
di&longs;cour&longs;e, re&longs;pecting a performance of your father,
in which &longs;ome important tran&longs;action in his life was
recorded.

“I was de&longs;irous of &longs;eeing this book; and &longs;uch
was my habitual attachment to my&longs;tery, that I preferred
the clande&longs;tine peru&longs;al of it. Such were the
motives that induced me to make this attempt. Judith
had di&longs;appeared, and finding the hou&longs;e unoccupied,
I &longs;upplied my&longs;elf with a light, and proceeded
to your chamber.

“I found it ea&longs;y, on experiment, to lock and
unlock your clo&longs;et door without the aid of a key.
I &longs;hut my&longs;elf in this rece&longs;s, and was bu&longs;ily exploring
your &longs;helves, when I heard &longs;ome one enter
the room below. I was at a lo&longs;s who it could
be, whether you or your &longs;ervant. Doubtful, however,
as I was, I conceived it prudent to extingui&longs;h
the light. Scarcely was this done, when &longs;ome one
entered the chamber. The foot&longs;teps were ea&longs;ily
di&longs;tingui&longs;hed to be yours.

“My &longs;ituation was now full of danger and perplexity.
For &longs;ome time, I cheri&longs;hed the hope that
you would leave the room &longs;o long as to afford me
an opportunity of e&longs;caping. As the hours pa&longs;&longs;ed,
this hope gradually de&longs;erted me. It was plain that
you had retired for the night.

“I knew not how &longs;oon you might find occa&longs;ion
to enter the clo&longs;et. I was alive to all the horrors
of detection, and ruminated without cea&longs;ing, on
the behaviour which it would be proper, in ca&longs;e of
detection, to adopt. I was unable to di&longs;cover any
con&longs;i&longs;tent method of accounting for my being thus
immured.

“It occurred to me that I might withdraw you
from your chamber for a few minutes, by

[figure description] Page 253.[end figure description]

counterfeiting a voice from without. Some me&longs;&longs;age from
your brother might be delivered, requiring your prefence
at his hou&longs;e. I was deterred from this &longs;cheme
by reflecting on the re&longs;olution I had formed, and on
the po&longs;&longs;ible evils that might re&longs;ult from it. Be&longs;ides,
it was not improbable that you would &longs;peedily retire
to bed, and then, by the exerci&longs;e of &longs;ufficient caution,
I might hope to e&longs;cape unob&longs;erved.

“Meanwhile I li&longs;tened with the deepe&longs;t anxiety
to every motion from without. I di&longs;covered nothing
which betokened preparation for &longs;leep. Instead
of this I heard deep-drawn &longs;ighs, and occasionally
an half-expre&longs;&longs;ed and mournful ejaculation.
Hence I inferred that you were unhappy. The true
&longs;tate of your mind with regard to Pleyel your own
pen had di&longs;clo&longs;ed; but I &longs;uppo&longs;ed you to be framed
of &longs;uch materials, that, though a momentary &longs;adne&longs;s
might affect you, you were impregnable to any permanent
and heartfelt grief. Inquietude for my own
&longs;afety was, for a moment, &longs;u&longs;pended by &longs;ympathy
with your di&longs;tre&longs;s.

“To the former con&longs;ideration I was quickly
recalled by a motion of yours which indicated I
knew not what. I fo&longs;tered the per&longs;ua&longs;ion that you
would now retire to bed; but pre&longs;ently you approached
the clo&longs;et, and detection &longs;eemed to be inevitable.
You put your hand upon the lock. I
had formed no plan to extricate my&longs;elf from the
dilemma in which the opening of the door would
involve me. I felt an irreconcilable aver&longs;ion to detection.
Thus &longs;ituated, I involuntarily &longs;eized the
door with a re&longs;olution to re&longs;i&longs;t your efforts to open
it.

“Suddenly you receded from the door. This deportment
was inexplicable, but the relief it afforded
me was quickly gone. You returned, and I once

[figure description] Page 254.[end figure description]

more was thrown into perplexity. The expedient
that &longs;ugge&longs;ted it&longs;elf was precipitate and inartificial.
I exerted my organs and called upon you to hold.

“That you &longs;hould per&longs;i&longs;t in &longs;pite of this admonition,
was a &longs;ubject of a&longs;toni&longs;hment. I again resisted
your efforts; for the fir&longs;t expedient having
failed, I knew not what other to refort to. In this
&longs;tate, how was my a&longs;toni&longs;hment increa&longs;ed when I
heard your exclamations!

“It was now plain that you knew me to be
within. Further re&longs;i&longs;tance was unavailing and useless.
The door opened, and I &longs;hrunk backward.
Seldom have I felt deeper mortification, and more
painful perplexity. I did not con&longs;ider that the truth
would be le&longs;s injurious than any lie which I could
ha&longs;tily frame. Con&longs;cious as I was of a certain degree
of guilt, I conceived that you would form the
mo&longs;t odious &longs;u&longs;picions. The truth would be imperfect,
unle&longs;s I were likewi&longs;e to explain the mysterious
admonition which had been given; but that
explanation was of too great moment, and involved
too exten&longs;ive con&longs;equences to make me &longs;uddenly
re&longs;olve to give it.

“I was aware that this di&longs;covery would a&longs;&longs;ociate
it&longs;elf in your mind, with the dialogue formerly heard
in this clo&longs;et. Thence would your &longs;u&longs;picions be
aggravated, and to e&longs;cape from the&longs;e &longs;u&longs;picions
would be impo&longs;&longs;ible. But the mere truth would be
&longs;ufficiently opprobrious, and deprive me for ever of
your good opinion.

“Thus was I rendered de&longs;perate, and my mind
rapidly pa&longs;&longs;ed to the contemplation of the u&longs;e that
might be made of previous events. Some good
genius would appear to you to have interpo&longs;ed to
&longs;ave you from injury intended by me. Why, I &longs;aid,
&longs;ince I mu&longs;t &longs;ink in her opinion, &longs;hould I not cheri&longs;h

[figure description] Page 255.[end figure description]

this belief? Why not per&longs;onate an enemy, and
pretend that cele&longs;tial interference has fru&longs;trated my
&longs;chemes? I mu&longs;t fly, but let me leave wonder and
fear behind me. Elucidation of the my&longs;tery will
always be practicable. I &longs;hall do no injury, but
merely talk of evil that was de&longs;igned, but is now
pa&longs;t.

“Thus I extenuated my conduct to my&longs;elf, but
I &longs;carcely expect that this will be to you a &longs;ufficient
explication of the &longs;cene that followed. Tho&longs;e habits
which I have imbibed, the rooted pa&longs;&longs;ion which
po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;es me for &longs;cattering around me amazement
and fear, you enjoy no opportunities of knowing.
That a man &longs;hould wantonly impute to him&longs;elf the
mo&longs;t flagitious de&longs;igns, will hardly be credited, even
though you reflect that my reputation was already,
by my own folly, irretrievably ruined; and that it
was always in my power to communicate the truth,
and rectify the mi&longs;take.

“I left you to ponder on this &longs;cene. My mind
was full of rapid and incongruous ideas. Compunction,
&longs;elf-upbraiding, hopele&longs;ne&longs;s, &longs;atisfaction
at the view of tho&longs;e effects likely to flow from my
new &longs;cheme, mi&longs;givings as to the beneficial re&longs;ult of
this &longs;cheme took po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ion of my mind, and &longs;eemed
to &longs;truggle for the ma&longs;tery.

“I had gone too far to recede. I had painted
my&longs;elf to you as an a&longs;&longs;a&longs;&longs;in and ravi&longs;her, withheld
from guilt only by a voice from heaven. I had
thus reverted into the path of error, and now, having
gone thus far, my progre&longs;s &longs;eemed to be irrevocable.
I &longs;aid to my&longs;elf, I mu&longs;t leave the&longs;e precincts
for ever. My acts have bla&longs;ted my fame in
the eyes of the Wiclands. For the &longs;ake of creating
a my&longs;terious dread, I have made my&longs;elf a villain.
I may complete this my&longs;terious plan by &longs;ome new

[figure description] Page 256.[end figure description]

impo&longs;ture, but I cannot aggravate my &longs;uppo&longs;ed
guilt.

“My re&longs;olution was formed, and I was &longs;wiftly
ruminating on the means for executing it, when
Pleyel appeared in &longs;ight. This incident decided my
conduct. It was plain that Pleyel was a devoted
lover, but he was, at the &longs;ame time, a man of cold
re&longs;olves and exqui&longs;ite &longs;agacity. To deceive him
would be the &longs;weete&longs;t triumph I had ever enjoyed.
The deception would be momentary, but it would
likewi&longs;e be complete. That his delu&longs;ion would &longs;o
&longs;oon be rectified, was a recommendation to my
&longs;cheme, for I e&longs;teemed him too much to de&longs;ire to
entail upon him la&longs;ting agonies.

“I had no time to reflect further, for he proceeded,
with a quick &longs;tep, towards the hou&longs;e. I
was hurried onward involuntarily and by a mechanical
impul&longs;e. I followed him as he pa&longs;&longs;ed the recess
in the bank, and &longs;hrowding my&longs;elf in that
&longs;pot, I counterfeited &longs;ounds which I knew would
arre&longs;t his &longs;teps.

“He &longs;topped, turned, li&longs;tened, approached, and
overheard a dialogue who&longs;e purpo&longs;e was to vanquish
his belief in a point where his belief was mo&longs;t
difficult to vanqui&longs;h. I exerted all my powers to
imitate your voice, your general &longs;entiments, and
your language. Being ma&longs;ter, by means of your
journal, of your per&longs;onal hi&longs;tory and mo&longs;t &longs;ecret
thoughts, my efforts were the more &longs;ucce&longs;sful.
When I reviewed the tenor of this dialogue, I cannot
believe but that Pleyel was deluded. When I
think of your character, and of the inferences
which this dialogue was intended to &longs;ugge&longs;t, it
&longs;eems incredible that this delu&longs;ion &longs;hould be produced.

“I &longs;pared not my&longs;elf. I called my&longs;elf murderer,

[figure description] Page 257.[end figure description]

thief, guilty of innumerable prejuries and mi&longs;deeds:
that you had deba&longs;ed your&longs;elf to the level of &longs;uch
an one, no evidence, methought, would &longs;uffice to
convince him who knew you &longs;o thoroughly as
Pleyel; and yet the impo&longs;ture amounted to proof
which the mo&longs;t jealous &longs;crutiny would find to be
unexceptionable.

“He left his &longs;tation precipitately and re&longs;umed
his way to the hou&longs;e. I &longs;aw that the detection of
his error would be in&longs;tantaneous, &longs;ince, not having
gone to bed, an immediate interview would take
place between you. At fir&longs;t this circum&longs;tance was
con&longs;idered with regret; but as time opened my eyes
to the po&longs;&longs;ible con&longs;equences of this &longs;cene, I regarded
it with plea&longs;ure.

“In a &longs;hort time the infatuation which had led
me thus far began to &longs;ub&longs;ide. The remembrance
of former rea&longs;onings and tran&longs;actions was renewed.
How often I had repented this kind of exertion;
how many evils were produced by it which I had
not fore&longs;een; what occa&longs;ions for the bittere&longs;t remorse
it had admini&longs;tered, now pa&longs;&longs;ed through my
mind. The black catalogue of &longs;tratagems was now
increa&longs;ed. I had in&longs;pired you with the mo&longs;t vehement
terrors: I had filled your mind with faith in
&longs;hadows and confidence in dreams: I had depraved
the imagination of Pleyel: I had exhibited you to
his under&longs;tanding as devoted to brutal gratifications
and con&longs;ummate in hypocri&longs;y. The evidence which
accompanied this delu&longs;ion would be irre&longs;i&longs;tible to
one who&longs;e pa&longs;&longs;ion had perverted his judgment,
who&longs;e jealou&longs;y with regard to me had already been
excited, and who, therefore, would not fail to
overrate the force of this evidence. What fatal
act of de&longs;pair or of vengeance might not this error
produce?

[figure description] Page 258.[end figure description]

“With regard to my&longs;elf, I had acted with a
phrenzy that &longs;urpa&longs;&longs;ed belief. I had warred again&longs;t
my peace and my fame: I had bani&longs;hed my&longs;elf from
the fellow&longs;hip of vigorous and pure minds: I was
&longs;elf-expelled from a &longs;cene which the munificence
of nature had adorned with unrivalled beauties, and
from haunts in which all the mu&longs;es and humanities
had taken refuge.

“I was thus torn by conflicting fears and tumultuous
regrets. The night pa&longs;&longs;ed away in this
&longs;tate of confu&longs;ion; and next morning in the gazette
left at my ob&longs;cure lodging, I read a de&longs;cription and
an offer of reward for the apprehen&longs;ion of my person.
I was &longs;aid to have e&longs;caped from an Iri&longs;h prison,
in which I was confined as an offender convicted
of enormous and complicated crimes.

“This was the work of an enemy, who, by
fal&longs;ehood and &longs;tratagem, had procured my condemnation.
I was, indeed, a pri&longs;oner, but e&longs;caped, by
the exertion of my powers, the fate to which I was
doomed, but which I did not de&longs;erve. I had hoped
that the malice of my foe was exhau&longs;ted; but I
now perceived that my precautions had been wi&longs;e,
for that the intervention of an ocean was insufficient
for my &longs;ecurity.

“Let me not dwell on the &longs;en&longs;ations which this
di&longs;covery produced. I need not tell by what &longs;teps
I was induced to &longs;eek an interview with you, for
the purpo&longs;e of di&longs;clo&longs;ing the truth, and repairing,
as far as po&longs;&longs;ible, the effects of my mi&longs;conduct. It
was unavoidable that this gazette would fall into
your hands, and that it would tend to confirm every
erroneous impre&longs;&longs;ion.

“Having gained this interview, I purpo&longs;ed to
&longs;eek &longs;ome retreat in the wilderne&longs;s, inacce&longs;&longs;ible to
your inquiry and to the malice of my foe, where

[figure description] Page 259.[end figure description]

I might henceforth employ my&longs;elf in compo&longs;ing a
faithful narrative of my actions. I de&longs;igned it as
my vindication from the a&longs;per&longs;ions that had re&longs;ted
on my character, and as a le&longs;&longs;on to mankind on
the evils of credulity on the one hand, and of imposture
on the other.

“I wrote you a billet, which was left at the
hou&longs;e of your friend, and which I knew would, by
&longs;ome means, &longs;peedily come to your hands. I entertained
a &longs;aint hope that my invitation would be
complied with. I knew not what u&longs;e you would
make of the opportunity which this propo&longs;al afforded
you of procuring the &longs;eizure of my per&longs;on; but
this fate I was determined to avoid, and I had no
doubt but due circum&longs;pection, and the exerci&longs;e of
the faculty which I po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ed, would enable me to
avoid it.

“I lurked, through the day, in the neighbourhood
of Mettingen: I approached your habitation
at the appointed hour: I entered it in &longs;ilence, by a
trap-door which led into the cellar. This had formerly
been bolted on the in&longs;ide, but Judith had, at
an early period in our intercour&longs;e, removed this
impediment. I a&longs;cended to the fir&longs;t floor, but met
with no one, nor any thing that indicated the presence
of an human being.

“I crept &longs;oftly up &longs;tairs, and at length perceived
your chamber door to be opened, and a light to be
within. It was of moment to di&longs;cover by whom
this light was accompanied. I was &longs;en&longs;ible of the
inconveniencies to which my being di&longs;covered at
your chamber door by any one within would subject
me; I therefore called out in my own voice,
but &longs;o modified that it &longs;hould appear to a&longs;cend from
the court below, `Who is in the chamber? Is it
Mi&longs;s Wieland?'

[figure description] Page 260.[end figure description]

“No an&longs;wer was returned to this &longs;ummons. I
li&longs;tened, but no motion could be heard. After a
pau&longs;e I repeated my call, but no le&longs;s ineffectually.

“I now approached nearer the door, and adventured
to look in. A light &longs;tood on the table, but
nothing human was di&longs;cernible. I entered cautiously,
but all was &longs;olitude and &longs;tillne&longs;s.

“I knew not what to conclude. If the hou&longs;e
were inhabited, my call would have been noticed;
yet &longs;ome &longs;u&longs;picion in&longs;inuated it&longs;elf that &longs;ilence was
&longs;tudiou&longs;ly kept by per&longs;ons who intended to &longs;urprize
me. My approach had been wary, and the &longs;ilence
that en&longs;ued my call had likewi&longs;e preceded it; a circumstance
that tended to di&longs;&longs;ipate my fears.

“At length it occurred to me that Judith might
po&longs;&longs;ibly be in her own room. I turned my &longs;teps
thither; but &longs;he was not to be found. I pa&longs;&longs;ed into
other rooms, and was &longs;oon convinced that the hou&longs;e
was totally de&longs;erted. I returned to your chamber,
agitated by vain &longs;urmi&longs;es and oppo&longs;ite conjectures.
The appointed hour had pa&longs;&longs;ed, and I di&longs;mi&longs;&longs;ed the
hope of an interview.

“In this &longs;tate of things I determined to leave a
few lines on your toilet, and pro&longs;ecute my journey
to the mountains. Scarcely had I taken the pen
when I laid it a&longs;ide, uncertain in what manner to
addre&longs;s you. I ro&longs;e from the table and walked acro&longs;s
the floor. A glance thrown upon the bed acquainted
me with a &longs;pectacle to which my conceptions of
horror had not yet reached.

“In the mid&longs;t of &longs;huddering and trepidation, the
&longs;ignal of your pre&longs;ence in the court below recalled
me to my&longs;elf. The deed was newly done: I only
was in the hou&longs;e: what had lately happened justified
any &longs;u&longs;picions, however enormous. It was
plain that this cata&longs;trophe was unknown to you: I

[figure description] Page 261.[end figure description]

thought upon the wild commotion which the discovery
would awaken in your brea&longs;t: I found the
confu&longs;ion of my own thoughts unconquerable, and
perceived that the end for which I &longs;ought an interview
was not now to be accompli&longs;hed.

“In this &longs;tate of things it was likewi&longs;e expedient
to conceal my being within. I put out the light
and hurried down &longs;tairs. To my un&longs;peakable surprize,
notwith&longs;tanding every motive to fear, you
lighted a candle and proceeded to your chamber.

“I retired to that room below from which a door
leads into the cellar. This door concealed me from
your view as you pa&longs;&longs;ed. I thought upon the spectacle
which was about to pre&longs;ent it&longs;elf. In an exigence
&longs;o abrupt and &longs;o little fore&longs;een, I was again
&longs;ubjected to the empire of mechanical and habitual
impul&longs;es. I dreaded the effects which this shocking
exhibition, bur&longs;ting on your unprepared &longs;en&longs;es,
might produce.

“Thus actuated, I &longs;tept &longs;wi&longs;tly to the door, and
thru&longs;ting my head forward, once more pronounced
the my&longs;terious interdiction. At that moment, by
&longs;ome untoward fate, your eyes were ca&longs;t back, and
you &longs;aw me in the very act of utterance. I fled
through the dark &longs;ome avenue at which I entered,
covered with the &longs;hame of this detection.

“With diligence, &longs;timulated by a thou&longs;and ineffable
emotions, I pur&longs;ued my intended journey.
I have a brother who&longs;e farm is &longs;ituated in the bosom
of a &longs;ertile de&longs;ert, near the &longs;ources of the Leheigh,
and thither I now repaired.

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