The Major tells us about the President, being made
Doctor of Laws.

On board the Steam-boat, going from Providence to
York, July 2, 1833.
To my old friend, the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the
Mariners' Church building, second story, eastern end, Fore
Street, away down east, in the state of Maine.

My Dear Friend.—We are driving back again full
chisel, as fast as we come on when we were on the
Rail Road between Washington and Baltimore. And
we've been drivin so fast on a round turn in all the
places where we've been, and have had so much shaking
hands and eating and one thing another to do, that
I could 'nt get time to write to you at half the places
where I wanted to, so I thought I'd set down now,
while the President's laid down to rest him awhile, and
tell you something about Cambridge and Lowell. Ye
see when we were at Boston they sent word to us

[figure description] Page 136.[end figure description]

to come out to Cambridge, for they wanted to make
the President a Doctor of Laws. What upon arth a
Doctor of Laws was, or why they wanted to make the
President one, I could n't think. So when we come
to go up to bed I asked the Gineral about it. And says
I, Gineral, what is it they want to do to you out to Cambridge?
Says he they want to make a Doctor of Laws
of me. Well, says I, but what good will that do?
Why, says he, you know Major Downing, there's a
pesky many of them are laws passed by Congress, that
are rickety things. Some of 'em have very poor constitutions,
and some of 'em have n't no constitutions at
all. So that it is necessary to have somebody there to
Doctor 'em up a little, and not let 'em go out into the
world where they would stan a chance to catch cold
and be sick, without they had good constitutions to bear
it. You know, says he, I have had to doctor the Laws
considerable ever since I've been at Washington, although
I was n't a regular bred Doctor. And I made
out so well about it, that these Cambridge folks think I
had better be mad into a regular Doctor at once, and
then there 'll be no grumbling and disputing about my
practice. Says he, Major, what do you think of it?
I told him I thought it was an excellent plan; and
asked him if he did n't think they would be willing,
bein I'd been round in the military business considerable
for a year or two past, to make me a Doctor of War.
He said he did n't know, but he thought it would be
no harm to try 'em. But says, he Major, I feel a little
kind of streaked about it after all; for they say they
will go talking to me in Latin, and although I studied
it a little once, I dont know any more about it now than
the man in the moon. And how I can get along in
that case I dont know. I told him my way, when any
body talked to me in a lingo that I didn't understand,
was jest to say nothing, but look as knowing as any of
'em, and then they thought I knew a pesky sight more
than any of 'em. At that the Gineral fetched me a
slap on the shoulder and haw hawed right out. Says

[figure description] Page 137.[end figure description]

he, Major Downing, you are the boy for me; I do n't
know how I should get along in this world if it was n't
for you.

So when we got ready we went right to Cambridge
as bold as could be. And that are Cambridge is a real
pretty place; it seems to me I should like to live in
them Colleges as well as any place I've seen. We
went into the Libry, and I guess I stared a little, for I
did n't think before there was half so many books in
the world I should think there was near about enough
to fill a meetin house. I dont believe they was ever
all read or ever will be to all ages.

When we come to go in to be made Doctors of, there
was a terrible crowding round; but they give us a good
place, and then sure enough they did begin to talk in
Latin or some other gibberish; but whether they were
talking to the Gineral, or who 'twas, I could n't tell. I
guess the Gineral was a little puzzled. But he never
said a word, only once in a while bowed a little. And
I spose he happened sometimes to put in the bows in
the wrong place, for I could see some of the sassy students
look up one side once a while, and snicker out of
one corner of their mouths. Howsomever the Gineral
stood it out like a hero, and got through very well.
And when 'twas over, I stept up to Mr. Quincey and
asked him if he would n't be so good as to make me a
Doctor of War, and hinted to him a little about my
services down to Madawaska and among the nullifiers.
At that he made me a very polite bow, and says he,
Major Downing, we should be very happy to oblige you
if we could, but we never give any degrees of war here;
all our degrees are degrees of peace. So I find I shall
have to practice war in the natural way, let nullification,
or what will, come. After 'was all over we went
to Mr. Quincey's and had a capital dinner. And on
the whole had about as good a visit to Cambridge as
most any where.

I meant to a told you considerable about Lowell, but
the steamboat goes so fast, I shant have time to. We

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went all over the Factories; and there! I wont try to
say one word about 'em, for I've been filled with such
a wondermient ever since, that my ideas are all as big
as hay stacks, and if I should try to get one of 'em out
of my head, it would tear it all to pieces. It beat all
that ever I heard of before, and the Gineral said it beat
all that ever he heard of. But what made the Gineral
hold his head up and feel more like a soldier, than he
had before since he was at New Orleans, was when we
marched along the street by them are five thousand
gals, all dressed up and looking as pretty as a million
of butterflies. The Gineral marched along as light as
a boy, and seems to me I never see his eyes shine so
bright afore. After we got along about to the middle
of 'em, he whispered to me, and says he, Major Downing,
is your Cousin Nabby here among 'em; if she is, I
must be introduced to her. I told him she was not; as
they were expecting us to come to Downingville, she
staid to home to help get ready. Well, says he, if any
thing should happen that we can't go to Downingville,
you must send for your Cousin Nabby and Uncle Joshua
to come on to Washington to see me. I will bear
all the expenses, if they will only come, says he; these
northern gals are as much afore our southern and western
gals as can be, and I've thought of you Cousin
Nabby a great deal lately—he looked as though he was
going to say something more, but Mr. Van Buren and
the rest of 'em crowded up along so near that it broke
off, and had to go along.

I see we've got most to York, and shall have to
go ashore in a few minutes, so I cant write any more
now, but remain your sincere and loving friend,

p378-154

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