Patroclus.
Ach.
I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine to-night,
Which with my scimitar I'll cool to-morrow.—
Patroclus, let us feast him to the heighth.
Pat.
Here comes Thersites.
Enter Thersites, with a Letter.
Ach.
How now, thou core of note envy?
Thou crusty batch of nature, what's the news?
The.
Why, thou picture of what thou seemest, and
idol of ideot-worshippers, here's &dagger2; a letter for thee.
Ach.
From whence, fragment?
The.
Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
[Achilles reads.
Pat.
Who keeps the tent now?
The.
The surgeon's box, or the patient's wound.
Pat.
Well said, adversity! and what need these tricks note?
The.
Pr'ythee, be silent, boy; I note profit not by thy talk:
thou art thought to note be Achilles' male harlot note.14Q1234
Pat.
Male harlot, you rogue? what's that?
The.
Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten
diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures, loads
of gravel i'the back, catarrhs, lethargies, cold palsies, note
raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, wheezing lungs, bladders
full of impostume, sciaticas, lime-kilns i'the palm, incurable
bone-ach, and the rivel'd fee-simple of the
tetter, take and take again such preposterous discoveries!
Pat.
Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou, what
meanest note thou to curse thus?
The.
Do I curse thee?
Pat.
Why, no, you ruinous but; you whorson indistinguishable
-- 96 --
cur, no.
The.
No? why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
immaterial skein of sleive silk note, thou green sarcenet flap
for a sore eye, thou tossel note of a prodigal's purse, thou?
Ah, how the poor world is pester'd with such waterflies;
diminutives of nature!
Pat.
Out, gall!
The.
Finch-egg!
Ach.
My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
From my great purpose in to-morrow's battle:
Here is a letter from queen Hecuba;
A token from her daughter, my fair love;
Both taxing me, and gaging me to keep
An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it:
Fall, Greeks; note fail, fame; honour, or go, or stay;
My major vow lies here, this I'll obey.—
Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent;
This night in banqueting must all be spent.—
Away, Patroclus.
[Exeunt Ach. and Pat.
The.
With too much blood, and too little brain,
these two may run mad; but if with too much brain,
and too little blood, they do, I'll be a curer of madmen.
Here's Agamemnon,—an honest fellow enough,
and one that loves quails; but he has not so much
brain as ear-wax: And the goodly transformation of
Jupiter there, his brother, the note bull,—the primitive
statue, and obelisque note memorial of cuckolds; a thrifty
shooing-horn in a chain, hanging at his brother's
leg note,—to what form, but that he is of, should wit
larded with malice, and malice forced note with wit, turn
him to? to an ass, were nothing; he is both ass and
oxe: to an oxe, were nothing; he is both oxe and ass.
-- 97 --
To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, note a toad, a lizard,
an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, I would
not care: but to be Menelaus, I would conspire against
destiny. Ask me not what note I would be, if I were not
Thersites; for I care not to be the louse of a lazar, so I
were not Menelaus. Hey-day! sprites note, and fires!
Enter Agamemnon, Ajax, Hector,
Ulysses, Nestor, Diomed, Troilus, and
Menelaus, with Lights.
Aga.
We go wrong, we go wrong.
Aja.
No, yonder 'tis;
There, where we see the lights. note
Hec.
I trouble you.
Aja.
No, not a whit.
Uly.
Here comes himself to guide you.
Enter Achilles.
Ach.
Welcome, brave Hector;—welcome, princes all.
Aga.
So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good night.
Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.
Hec.
Thanks, and good night, to the Greeks' general.
Men.
Good night, my lord.
Hec.
Good night, sweet Menelaus.14Q1235
The.
Sweet draff: Sweet, quoth a'! sweet sink, sweet sewer.
Ach.
Good night, and welcome, both at once note, to those
That go, or tarry.
Aga.
Good night.
[Exeunt Aga. and Men.
Ach.
Old Nestor tarries;—and you too, Diomed,
Keep Hector company an hour or two.
Dio.
I cannot, lord; I have important business,
The tide whereof is now.—Good night, great Hector.
Hec.
Give me your hand.
[to Dio.
&clquo;Uly.
&clquo;Follow his torch, he goes to Calchas' tent;&crquo;
-- 98 --
&clquo;I'll keep you company.&crquo;
&clquo;Tro.
&clquo;Sweet sir, you honour me.&crquo;
Hec.
And so, good night.
[Exit Diomed; Uly. and Tro. following.
Ach.
Come, come, enter my tent.
[Exeunt Achilles, Hector, Ajax, and Nestor.
The.
That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a
most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when
he leers, than I will a serpent when he hisses: he will
spend his mouth, and promise, like Brabler the hound;
but when he performs, astronomers foretel it; it note is
prodigious, there will come some change; the sun
borrows of the moon, when Diomed keeps his word.
I will rather leave to see Hector, than not to dog him:
they say, he keeps a Trojan drab, and uses the traitor
Calchas' tent note: I'll after. Nothing but lechery! all incontinent
varlets!
[Exit.
Edward Capell [1767], Mr William Shakespeare his comedies, histories, and tragedies, set out by himself in quarto, or by the Players his Fellows in folio, and now faithfully republish'd from those Editions in ten Volumes octavo; with an introduction: Whereunto will be added, in some other Volumes, notes, critical and explanatory, and a Body of Various Readings entire (Printed by Dryden Leach, for J. and R. Tonson [etc.], London) [word count] [S10601].
