Shillaber, B. P. (Benjamin Penhallow), 1814-1890 [1854], Life and sayings of Mrs. Partington and others of the family. (J. C. Derby, New York) [word count] [eaf677T].
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AN INTERESTING FACT.
Dr. Digg and Old Roger were conversing upon wonders
in nature, and the doctor had given a long account
of discoveries he had made, during his travels in the East,
of intelligence in different kinds of animals — the elephant,
the ichneumon, and Oxford County bear, being
particularly mentioned for their sagacity. With regard
to the last-named description of animals, he relied principally
upon the testimony of his friend Fitzwhistler, who
had given him some wonderful particulars concerning
their habits, Mr. F. having stated to him, during a conversation,
that the Oxford County bear has been known
to be at times devotedly attached to New England rum,
and to make no great scruples about using, now and then,
tobacco in its various forms, which he considered a degree
of intelligence very nearly approximating to the refinement
of human civilization, and surpassing that of all
other animals.
-- 382 -- p677-419
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Roger admitted the truth in the main of what the
doctor submitted, but said that however much he was disposed
to yield to Fitzwhistler and the doctor in most
matters, in this one particular of superiority he must
differ from them, for there were animals in his own State,
New Hampshire, that excelled them all. The doctor had
not claimed for either class he had named any knowledge
in mathematics; but, from a long residence in the Granite
State, he had found it generally known that among the
serpent family there were frequently found great adders.
The doctor, with that greatness of mind so characteristic
of the individual, immediately tendered his hat to
Roger, who magnanimously placed it again upon the
pundit's head.
NEW PATENTS.
We often read, in Patent-office reports, of patents being
granted for improvement in “governors.” We don't
care how much governors are improved, and all efforts in
this direction will receive the full “consent of the governed.”
We have seen, too, not long since, that a patent
has been given for an improvement in “railing.” This
invention must be of vast utility in quarrelsome neighborhoods,
where the quality of the railing has long needed
improvement.
-- 383 -- p677-420
BRIEF ANSWERS.
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It is a terrible affliction to fall into the hands of one
who either cannot or will not answer a question directly—
who will either evade a direct answer, or, by an everlasting
prolixity in replying, render his information useless.
The question you ask, like the eye of the “ancient
mariner,” holds you fast, and you cannot escape until, as
the reviewers say, you “arrive at the end of the volume.”
For instance, Mr. Walker is out in the country and going
towards a certain place. He is in doubt about what
direction he shall take, and asks a man, whom he meets,
the way to —. “Why,” the man replies, after hesitating
for five minutes, “if you should go back a quarter
of a mile, you could take the road that leads round by
the old mill — but that 'd be a little further; or you can
take the road straight ahead, and get over the wall and
cut across, only there 's a swamp in the way, which 'd
bring you about half a mile out of the way; or you may
go through Deacon Willy's pasture — you can see his barn
from here — and, when you come to the barn, take the path
that leads through the woods — this is the furtherest way,
but the galls allers go through this way when they go home
with their sweethearts; or you can go up the road to
he left, and when you come to the cross roads, turn to the
ight; or the shortest way is for you to go right ahead,
and you 'll get there in half an hour.”
-- 384 -- p677-421
ORGANS.
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“A quiet tone is observable in the Russian organs!”
said Mrs. Partington, as the line in the telegraph news
arrested her eye. She mused upon it a moment.
“Church organs, I dare say; and we heard the other
day that the Emptier of Russia — dear, pious man! —
was organizing his soldiers to go and give the gospel to
the Turks at the point of the bayonet. Quiet-toned
organs! Well, I wonder if they won't get one for our
church, that 'll play nothing but serious tunes; for the one
we 've got 'll play Yankee Doodle jest as well as Old
Hundred, and for my part I don't put no faith into it.”
She looked at the vane, on the top of a distant spire, that
turned in the wind, and mixed its variableness with
church organs that played many tunes, and men of the
church as variable as the organs, while Ike was teasing
the kitten with a bran-new cap-border that the old lady
was just doing up.
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