Doll Tear-sheet.
Hos.
Sweet note heart, methinks now you are in an excellent
good temperality: your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily
as heart would desire; and your colour, I
warrant you, is as red as any rose: note But, i' faith note, you
have drunk too much canaries; and that's a marvellous
searching wine, and it perfumes the blood ere one can note
say—What's this? How do you now?
Dol.
Better than I was. Hem.
Hos.
Why, that's well note said; A good heart's worth
gold. Look, here note comes sir John.
Enter Falstaff, singing.
Fal.
When Arthur14Q0686 first in court.—
Empty the jordan.
[pointing to the other Room. Exit Drawer.
And was a worthy king;—
How now, mistress Doll?
Hos.
Sick of a calm: yea, good sooth note.
Fal.
So is all her sect; if they note be once in a calm,
they are sick.
Dol.
You note muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you
give me?
Fal.
You make fat rascals, mistress Doll.
Dol.
I make them! gluttony and diseases make
them; I note make them not.
Fal.
If the cook help to make note the gluttony, you
help to make the diseases, Doll: we catch of you, Doll,
we catch of you; grant that, my poor virtue, grant that.
-- 39 --
Dol.
Ay, marry; our note chains, and our jewels.
Fal.
Your brooches,—Pearls, and ouches;—for to serve
bravely, is, to come halting off, you know: To come
off the breach with his pike bent bravely, and to surgery
bravely; to venture upon the charg'd chambers
bravely;—
Dol.
Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself! note
Hos.
Why, this note is the old fashion; you two never
meet, but you fall to some discord: you are both, in
good troth note, as rheumatick as two dry toasts; you cannot
one bear with another's confirmities. What the
good-year! one must bear, and that must be you: [to
Doll.] you are the weaker vessel, as they say, the emptier
vessel.
Dol.
Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full
hogs-head? there's a whole merchant's venture of Bourdeaux
stuff in him; you have not seen a hulk better stuft
in the hold.—Come, I'll be friends with thee, Jack:
thou art going to the wars; and whether I shall ever see
thee again, or no, there is nobody cares. note
Re-enter Drawer.
Dra.
Sir, ancient Pistol's below note, and would speak
with you.
Dol.
Hang him, swaggering rascal! let him not come
hither: it is the foul-mouth'st rogue in England.
Hos.
If he swagger, let him not come here: no, by
my faith; note I must live among my note neighbours; I'll no
swaggerers: I am in good name and fame with the very
best;—shut the door;—there comes no swaggerers here:
I have not liv'd all this while, to have swaggering now;—
shut the door, I pray you.
Fal.
Dost thou hear, hostess?—
-- 40 --
Hos.
Pray you, pacify yourself, sir John; there comes
no swaggerers here.
Fal.
Dost thou hear? it is mine ancient.
Hos.
Tilly-fally, sir John, never tell me; your note ancient
swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before
master Tisick, the deputy, the other note day: and, as he said
to me,—it was note no longer ago than wednesday last,—
Neighbour Quickly, says he,—master Dumb note, our minister,
was by then;—neighbour Quickly, says he, receive those
that are civil; for, saith he note, you are in an ill name;—
now he said note so, I can tell whereupon;—for, says he, you
are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore take
heed what guests you receive: receive, says he, no swaggering
companions:—There comes none here;—you
would bless you to hear what he said:—no, I'll no
swaggerers.
Fal.
He's no swaggerer, hostess; a tame cheater,
he; you note may stroak him as gently as a puppy grey-hound:
he will note not swagger with a Barbary hen, if her
feathers turn back in any shew of resistance.—Call him
up, drawer.
[Exit Drawer.
Hos.
Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest
man my house, nor no cheater: But I do not love swaggering;
I note am the worse, when one says—swagger: feel,
masters, how I shake; look you, I warrant you.
Dol.
So you do, hostess.
Hos.
Do I? yea, in very truth, do I, an 'twere note an
aspen leaf: I cannot abide swaggerers.
Enter Ancient Pistol, strutting; Bardolph, and Page, with him.
Pis.
'Save note you, sir John!
Fal.
Welcome, ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge
-- 41 --
you with a cup of sack; [filling, and reaching out to him.]
do you discharge upon mine hostess.
Pis.
I will discharge upon her, sir John, with two
bullets.
[filling another Glass for the Hostess.
Fal.
She is pistol-proof, sir; you shall hardly note offend
her.
Hos.
Come, I'll drink no proofs, nor no bullets: [putting
the Glass from her.] I'll note drink no more than will do
me good, for no man's pleasure, I.
Pis.
Then to you, mistress Dorothy; I will charge you.
Dol.
Charge me? I scorn you, scurvy companion.
What! you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linnen
mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat for
your master.
Pis.
I know you, mistress Dorothy.
Dol.
Away, you cut-purse rascal! you filthy bung,
away! by this wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy
chaps, an you note play the saucy cuttle with me. Away,
you bottle-ale rascal, you basket-hilt stale jugler you!
Since when, I pray you, sir? What, with note two points on
your shoulder? much!
Pis.
I note will murther your ruff for this.
[reaching at it.
Fal.
No more, Pistol; I would not have you go off note
here: discharge yourself of our company, Pistol.
Hos.
No, good captain Pistol; not here, sweet captain.
Dol.
Captain! thou abominable damn'd cheater, art
thou not asham'd to be call'd—captain? if captains note were
of my mind, they would truncheon you out, for taking
their names upon you before you have earn'd them.
You a captain, you slave! for what? for tearing a poor
whore's ruff in a bawdy-house?—He a captain! Hang
-- 42 --
him, rogue! he lives upon mouldy stew'd-pruins, and
dry'd cakes. A captain! these note villains will make the
word, captain, odious; therefore note captains had need look
to it. note
Bar.
Pray thee, go down, good ancient.
Fal.
Hark thee hither, mistress Doll.
Pis.
Not I: I tell thee what, corporal Bardolph; I could
tear her;—I'll be reveng'd on her.
Pag.
Pray thee, go down.
Pis.
I'll see her damn'd first;
To Pluto's damned lake, to note the infernal deep,
Where Erebus and tortures vile also.
Hold hook and line, say I. Down!
Down dogs, down faitors note;14Q0687 Have we not Hiren here?
[clapping his Hand to his Sword.
Hos.
Good captain Peesel, be quiet; it is very late: note
I beseek you now, aggravate your choler.
Pis.
These be good humours, indeed! Shall pack-horses,
And hollow pamper'd jades of Asia,
Which cannot go but thirty miles note a day,
Compare with Cæsars note, and with Cannibals,
And Trojan Greeks?
Nay, rather, damn them with king Cerberus;
And let the welkin roar. Shall we fall foul for toys?
Hos.
By my troth, captain, these are very bitter
words.
Bar.
Be gone, good ancient: this will grow to a
brawl anon.
Pis.
Die note men, like dogs; give crowns away, like pins:
Have we not Hiren here?
Hos.
O'my note word, captain, there's none such here.
What the good-year! do you think, I would deny her?
-- 43 --
for God's sake, be note quiet.
Pis.
Then, Feed, and be fat, my fair Calipolis.—
Come, give's some note sack.—
Si fortuna14Q0688 me tormenta, sperato me contenta note.—
Fear we broad-sides? no, let the fiend give fire:
Give me some sack;—and, sweet heart, lye note thou there.
[to his Sword.
Come we to full points here; [seizing upon a Bottle.] And are et cætera's nothing note?
Fal.
Pistol, I would be quiet.
Pis.
Sweet knight, I note kiss thy neaf: What! we have seen
The seven stars.
Dol.
Thrust note him down stairs; I cannot endure such
a fustian rascal.
Pis.
Thrust him down stairs! know we not Galloway nags?
Fal.
Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat
shilling: nay, if he do nothing but speak nothing, he
shall note be nothing here.
Bar.
Come, get you down stairs.
Pis.
What! shall we have incision? shall we embrew?
[snatching up his Sword, and drawing.
Then, death, rock me asleep; abridge my doleful days!
Why then, let grievous, gastly, gaping wounds
Untwine the sisters three! come, Atropos, I say!
Hos.
Here's goodly stuff note toward!
Fal.
Give me my rapier, boy.
[to the Page.
Dol.
I pray thee note, Jack, I pray thee, do not draw.
Fal.
Get you down stairs.
[drawing, and driving Pistol out.
Hos.
Here's a goodly tumult! I'll forswear keeping
house, before note I'll be in these tirrits and frights. So;
murther, I warrant now.—Alas, alas! put up your naked
-- 44 --
weapons, put up your naked weapons.
[Exeunt Pistol, and Bardolph.
Dol.
I pray thee, Jack, be quiet; the rascal is gone:
Ah, you whorson little valiant villain, you!
Hos.
Are you not hurt i'th' groin? methought, he
made a shrewd thrust at your belly.
Re-enter Bardolph.
Fal.
Have you turn'd him out of doors note?
Bar.
Yes, sir note. The rascal's drunk: you have hurt
him, sir, i'the note shoulder.
Fal.
A rascal! to brave me!
Dol.
Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! Alas, poor
ape, how thou sweat'st? Come, let me wipe thy face;
come on, you whorson chops: [wiping him.] Ah, rogue, note
I love thee. Thou art as valorous as Hector of Troy,
worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better than the
nine worthies: Ah, villain!
Fal.
A rascally note slave! I will toss the rogue in a
blanket.
Dol.
Do, if thou dar'st for thy heart: if thou dost note,
I'll canvass thee between a pair of sheets.
Enter two or three Fidlers.
Pag.
The musick is come, sir.
Fal.
Let them play;—Play, sirs.—Sit on my knee,
Doll. [Musick.] A rascal bragging slave! the rogue fled
from me like quick-silver.
Dol.
I'faith note, and thou follow'dst him like a church.
Thou whorson little tidy Bartholomew note boar-pig, when
wilt thou leave fighting o'days, and foining o'nights note,
and begin to patch up thine old body for heaven?
Enter the Prince, and Poins, at a Distance, in the Habit of Drawers.
-- 45 --
Fal.
Peace, good Doll! do not speak like a death's-head;
do not bid me remember mine end.
Dol.
Sirrah, what humour is note the prince of?
Fal.
A good shallow young fellow: he would note have
made a good pantler, he would have chip'd note bread well.
Dol.
They say, Poins hath a note good wit.
Fal.
He a good wit? hang him, baboon! his wit is note as
thick as Tewksbury mustard; there is note no more conceit in
him, than is in a mallet.
Dol.
Why doth the note prince love him so then?
Fal.
Because their legs are both of a bigness; and
he plays note at quoits well; and eats conger and fennel; and
drinks off candles' ends for flap-dragons; and rides the
wild mare with the boys; and jumps upon joint-stools;
and swears with a good grace; and wears his boot note
very smooth, like unto the sign of the leg; and
breeds no bate with telling of discreet stories: and
such other gambol faculties he hath note, that shew a weak
mind and an able body, for the which the prince admits
him: for the prince himself is such another; the
weight of a hair will turn note scales between their aver-dupois.
Pri.
Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off?
Poi.
Let's note beat him before his whore.
Pri.
Look, if the note wither'd elder hath not his poll
claw'd like a parrot.
Poi.
Is it not strange, that desire should so many
years out-live performance?
Fal.
Kiss me, Doll.
[she kisses him.
Pri.
Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! what
says the almanack to that?
Poi.
And, look, whether the fiery Trigon, his man,
-- 46 --
[seeing Bardolph sweet upon the Hostess.] be not lisping
to note14Q0689 his master's note old tables; his note-book, his counsel-keeper.
Fal.
Thou dost give me flattering busses.
Dol.
Nay, truly; I note kiss thee with a most constant heart.
Fal.
I am old, I am old.
Dol.
I love thee better than I love e'er a scurvy young
boy of them all.
Fal.
What stuff wilt have note a kirtle of? I shall receive
money o'thursday note: thou note shalt have a cap to-morrow. A
merry song, come: it grows late, we'll to-bed. Thou't note
forget me, when I am gone.
Dol.
Thou't note set me a weeping, an thou say'st so:
prove that ever I dress myself handsome 'till thy return.
Well, harken the end note.
Fal.
Some sack, Francis.
Pri. Poi.
Anon, anon, sir.
[coming forward.
Fal.
Ha! [starting up.] a bastard son of the king's?—
And art not thou Poins, his brother?
Pri.
Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a
life dost thou lead?
Fal.
A better than thou; I am a gentleman, thou art
a drawer.
Pri.
Very true, sir; and I come to draw you out by
the ears.
[they uncase.
Hos.
O, the Lord preserve thy good note grace! welcome note
to London. Now heaven bless note that sweet face of thine!
what, are note you come from Wales?
Fal.
Thou whorson mad compound of majesty,—by
this light flesh and corrupt blood, [laying his Hand upon
Doll.] thou art welcome.
Dol.
How! you fat fool, I scorn you.
-- 47 --
Poi.
My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge,
and turn all to a merriment, if you take not the
heat.
Pri.
You whorson candle-mine, you, how vilely did
you speak of me even note now, before this honest, virtuous,
civil gentlewoman?
Hos.
'Blessing note o'your good heart! and so she is, by
my troth.
Fal.
Didst thou hear me?
Pri.
Yes; and note you knew me, as you did when you
ran away by Gads-hill: you knew, I was at your back;
and spoke it on purpose, to try my patience.
Fal.
No, no, no; not so; I did not think, thou wast
within hearing.
Pri.
I shall drive you then to confess the wilful
abuse; and then I know how to handle you.
Fal.
No abuse, Hal, on mine note honour; no abuse.
Pri.
No! to note dispraise me; and call me—pantler,
and bread-chipper note, and I know not what?
Fal.
No abuse, Hal.
Poi.
No abuse!
Fal.
No abuse, Ned, in the world note; honest Ned, none.
I disprais'd him before the wicked, that the wicked
might not fall in love with him: note—in which doing, I
have done the part of a careful friend, and a true subject,
and thy father is to give me thanks for it. No abuse,
Hal;—none, Ned, none;—no, boys note, none.
Pri.
See now, whether pure fear, and entire cowardice,
doth not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman,
to close with us. Is she of the wicked? Is thine hostess
here of the wicked? Or is the boy note of the wicked? or honest
Bardolph, whose zeal burns in his nose, of the wicked?
-- 48 --
Poi.
Answer, thou dead elm, answer.
Fal.
The fiend hath prick'd down Bardolph irrecoverable;
and his face is Lucifer's privy-kitchen, where
he doth nothing but roast malt-worms. For the boy,—
there is a good angel about him; but the devil out-bids
him note too.
Pri.
For the women,—
Fal.
For one of them,—she is in hell already, and
burns, poor soul note: For the other,—I owe her money; and
whether she be damn'd for that, I know not.
Hos.
No, I warrant you.
Fal.
No, I think, thou art not; I think, thou art quit
for that: Marry, there is another indictment upon thee,
for suffering flesh to be eaten in thy house, contrary to
the law; for the which, I think, thou wilt howl.
Hos.
All vit'lars do so: What's note a joint of mutton,
or two, in a whole lent?
Pri.
You gentlewoman,—
Dol.
What says your grace?
Fal.
His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.
[Knocking heard.
Hos.
Who knocks so loud at door? look to the note door
there, Francis.
Enter Peto, hastily.
Pri.
Peto, how now? what news?
Pet.
The king your father is at Westminster;
And there are twenty weak and weary'd posts,
Come from the north: and, as I came along,
I met, and over-took, a dozen captains,
Bare-headed, sweating, knocking at the taverns,
And asking every one for sir John Falstaff.
Pri.
By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame note,
-- 49 --
So idly to prophane the precious time;
When tempest of commotion, like the south
Born with black vapour, doth begin to melt,
And drop upon our bare unarmed heads.
Give me my sword, and cloak:—Falstaff, good night.
[Exeunt Prince, Poi. Pet. and Bar.
Fal.
Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night,
and we must hence, and leave it unpick'd. [Knock.] More
knocking at the door?—[Re-enter Bardolph.] How now?
what's the matter?
Bar.
You must away to court, sir, presently;
A dozen captains stay at door for you.
Fal.
Pay the musicians, sirrah.—[to the Page.] Farewel,
hostess;—farewel, Doll.—You see, my good wenches,
how men of merit are sought after: the undeserver may
sleep, when the man of action is call'd on. Farewel,
good wenches:—If I be not sent away post, I will see
you again ere I go.
Dol.
I cannot speak;—If my heart be not ready to
burst:—Well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.
Fal.
Farewel, farewel.
[Exeunt Fal. and Bar.
Hos.
Well, fare thee well: I have known thee these
twenty nine years, come pescod-time; but an honester,
and truer-hearted man,—Well, fare thee well.
Bar. [within.]
Mistress Tear-sheet,—
Hos.
What's the matter?
Bar.
Bid note mistress Tear-sheet come to my master.
Hos.
O, run, Doll, run; run, good Doll.
[Exeunt. note
Edward Capell [1767], Mr William Shakespeare his comedies, histories, and tragedies, set out by himself in quarto, or by the Players his Fellows in folio, and now faithfully republish'd from those Editions in ten Volumes octavo; with an introduction: Whereunto will be added, in some other Volumes, notes, critical and explanatory, and a Body of Various Readings entire (Printed by Dryden Leach, for J. and R. Tonson [etc.], London) [word count] [S10601].
