SCENE I.
Rochester. An Inn Yard.
Enter a Carrier, with a Lanthorn in his Hand.
Car.
Heigh ho! An't be not four by the day, I'll be
hang'd: Charles' wain is over the new chimney, and yet
our horse not pack'd. What, ostler!
Ost. [within.]
Anon, anon.
Car.
I pr'ythee, Tom, beat Cut's saddle, put a few
flocks in the point; the poor note jade is wrung in the withers
out of all cess.
Enter another Carrier.
2. C.
Pease and beans are as dank here as a dog, and
that is note the next way to give poor jades the bots: this
house is turn'd upside down, since Robin ostler note dy'd.
1 C.
Poor fellow! never joy'd since the price of oats
rose; it was the death of him.
2. C.
I think, this be note the most villainous house in all
London road for fleas: I am stung like a tench.
-- 24 --
1. C.
Like a tench? by the mass note, there is ne'er a king
christen note, could be better bit than I have been since the
first cock.
2. C.
Why, they will note allow us ne'er a jourden, and
then we leak in the chimney note; and your chamber-lie
breeds fleas like a loach.
1. C.
What, ostler! come away, and be hang'd, come
away.
2. C.
I have a gammon of bacon, and two razes of
ginger, to be deliver'd as far as Charing-cross.
1. C.
God's body note! the turkies in my panier note are quite
starv'd.—What, ostler!—A plague on thee! hast thou
never an eye in thy head? canst not hear? An 'twere not
as good a note deed as drink, to break the pate of thee note, I am
a very villain. Come, and be hang'd; Hast no faith in
thee?
Enter Gads-hill.
Gad.
Good morrow, carriers. What's o'clock?
1. C.
I think, it be two o'clock.
Gad.
I pr'ythee, lend me thy lanthorn, to see my
gelding in the stable.
1. C.
Nay, soft, I pray ye; I know note a trick worth two
of that, i'faith note.
Gad.
I pr'ythee note, lend me thine.
2. C.
Ay, when, canst tell?—Lend me thy lanthorn,
quoth a' note?—marry, I'll see thee hang'd first.
Gad.
Sirrah carrier, what time do you mean to come
to London?
2. C.
Time enough to go to bed with a candle, I
warrant thee.—Come, neighbour Mugs, we'll call up
the gentlemen; they will along with company, for they
have great charge.
[Exeunt Carriers.
-- 25 --
Gad.
What, ho! chamberlain!
Cha. [within.]
At hand, quoth pick-purse.
Gad.
That's e'en as fair, as—at hand, quoth the
chamberlain: for thou vary'st no more from picking of
purses, than giving direction doth from labouring; thou
lay'st the plot how.
Enter Chamberlain.
Cha.
Good morrow, master Gads-hill. It holds current,
that I told you yesternight: There's a franklin in
the wild of Kent, hath brought three hundred marks
with him in gold: I heard him tell it to one of his company,
last night at supper; a kind of auditor; one that
hath abundance of charge too, God knows what. They
are up already, and call for eggs and butter; they will
away presently.
Gad.
Sirrah, if they meet not with saint Nicholas'
clerks,14Q0615 I'll give thee this neck.
Cha.
No, I'll none of it: I pr'ythee note, keep that for
the hangman; for, I know, thou worship'st saint Nicholas
as truly as a man of falshood may.
Gad.
What talkest thou to me of the hangman? if I
hang, I'll make a fat pair of gallows: for, if I hang,
old sir John hangs with me; and, thou know'st note, he's no
starveling. Tut! there are other Trojans that thou dream'st
not of, the which, for sport sake, are content to do the
profession some grace; that would, if matters should be
look'd into, for their own note credit sake, make all whole.
I am join'd with no foot land-rakers; no long-staff, six-penny
strikers; none of these mad, mustachio, purple-hu'd
malt-worms: but with nobility, and tranquillity;
burgomasters, and great mynheers note note;14Q0616 such as can hold
in; such as will strike sooner than speak, and speak
-- 26 --
sooner than drink,14Q0617 and drink sooner than pray: And yet
I note lie; for they pray continually to their saint, the common-wealth:
or, rather, not pray to note her, but prey on
her; for they ride up and down on her, and make her
their boots.
Cha.
What, the common-wealth their boots? will
she hold out water in foul way?
Gad.
She will, she will; justice hath liquor'd her.
We steal as in a castle, cock-sure; we have the receipt
of fern-seed, we walk invisible.
Cha.
Nay, by my faith note; I think, you note are more beholding
to the night, than to fern note-seed, for your walking
invisible.
Gad.
Give me thy hand: thou shalt have a share in
our purchase, note as I am a true man.
Cha.
Nay, rather let me have it, as you are a false thief.
Gad.
Go to; Homo is a common name to all men.
Bid the ostler bring my gelding note out of the stable. Farewel,
you note muddy knave.
[Exeunt.
SCENE II.
Gad's-Hill. The Road down it.
Enter the Prince, and Poins.
Poi.
Come, shelter, shelter; I have remov'd Falstaff's
horse, and he frets like a gum'd velvet.
Pri.
Stand close.
[putting himself before him.
Enter Falstaff.
Fal.
Poins! Poins, and be hang'd! Poins!
Pri.
Peace, ye fat-kidney'd rascal; What a brawling note
dost thou keep?
Fal.
Where's Poins note, Hal?
Pri.
He is walk'd up to the top of the hill; I'll go
seek him.
[feigning to go.
-- 27 --
Fal.
I am accurst to rob in that thief's company:
the rascal hath removed my horse, and ty'd him I know
not where: If I travel but four foot by the square note further
afoot, I shall break my wind. Well note I doubt not
but to die a fair death for all this, if I 'scape hanging
for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company
hourly any time this two and twenty year note, and yet I am
bewitch'd with the rogue's company. If the rascal have
not given me medicines to make me love him, I'll be
hang'd; it could not be else; I have drunk medicines.—
Poins!—Hal!—a plague upon you both!—Bardolph! note—
Peto!—I'll starve, ere I'll rob note a foot further. An 'twere
not as good a deed as drink note, to turn true man, and to
leave these note rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever
chew'd with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground, is
threescore and ten miles afoot with me; and the stony-hearted
villains know it well enough: A plague upon't,
when thieves cannot be true one to another! [Whistle.]
Whew!—A plague light note upon you all! Give me note my
horse, you rogues; give me my horse, and be hang'd.
Pri.
Peace, ye fat-guts! lie down; lay thine ear
close to the ground, and list if thou canst note hear the
tread of travellers.
Fal.
Have you any leavers to lift me up again, being
down? 'Sblood note, I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot
again, for all the coin in thy father's exchequer.
What a plague mean ye, to colt me thus?
Pri.
Thou ly'st, thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.
Fal.
I pr'ythee, good prince Hal, help me to my
horse; good king's son.
Pri.
Out, you note rogue! shall I be your ostler?
Fal.
Go, note hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent
-- 28 --
garters! If I be ta'en, I'll peach for this. An I have not
ballads made on you note all, and sung to filthy tunes, let a
cup of sack be my poison: when a jest note is so forward,
and afoot too,—I hate it.
Enter Gads-hill; Bardolph, and Peto, with him.
Gad.
Stand.
Fal.
So I do, against my will.
Poi.
O, 'tis our setter;14Q0618 I know his voice.—Bardolph,
what news?
[coming forward, with the Prince.
Bar.
Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards; there's
money of the king's coming down the hill, 'tis going
to the king's exchequer.
Fal.
You lie, you rogue; 'tis going to the king's tavern.
Gad.
There's enough to make us all.
Fal.
To be hang'd.
Pri.
Sirs, note you four shall front them in the narrow
lane; Ned Poins note, and I, will walk lower: if they 'scape
from your encounter, then they light on us.
Pet.
How note many be there of them. note note
Gad.
Some eight, or ten.
Fal.
'Zounds note, will they not rob us?
Pri.
What, a coward, sir John Paunch?
Fal.
Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your note grandfather;
but yet no coward, Hal.
Pri.
Well note, we leave that to the proof.
Poi.
Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge;
when thou need'st him, there thou shalt note find him: Farewel,
and stand fast.
Fal.
Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hang'd.
Pri.
Ned, where are our disguises?
Poi.
Here, hard by; stand close.
[retiring, to put them on.
-- 29 --
Fal.
Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say
I note; every man to his business.
Enter Travellers.
1. T.
Come, neighbour,
The boy shall lead our horses down the hill;
We'll walk afoot a while, and ease our legs.
Thi.
Stand note.
Tra.
Jesu note bless us!
Fal.
Strike; down with them, cut
The villains' throats:—
Ah, whoreson caterpillars! bacon-fed knaves!
They hate us youth: down with them, fleece them.
1. T.
O,
We are undone, both we and ours, for ever.
Fal.
Hang ye, gorbelly'd knaves; Are ye note undone?
No, ye fat chuffs; I would, your store were here!
On, bacons, on;—What, ye knaves!—on, I say;
Young men must live: You are grand-jurors, are ye note?
We'll jure ye, i'faith.
[Exeunt, driving them out.
Pri.
The thieves have bound the true men: [looking
out.] Now could thou and I rob the thieves, and go
merrily to London, it would be argument for a week,
laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever.
Poi.
Stand close, I hear them coming.
[retire again.
Enter the Thieves again.
Fal.
Come, my masters, let us share, [throwing down
the Booty.] and then to horse before day.
They all sit round about it.
An the prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards,
there's no equity stirring: there's no more note valour in that
Poins, than in a wild-duck.
Pri.
Your money.
[rushing out upon them.
-- 30 --
Poi.
Villains!
Falstaff, and the rest, scramble up: he makes
a Blow, or two, and they run; leaving their
Booty behind them.
Pri.
Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse:
The thieves are scatter'd note, and possess'd with fear
So strongly, that they dare not meet each other;
Each takes note his fellow for an officer.
Away, good Ned. Fat Falstaff sweats note to death,
And lards the lean earth as he walks along:
Wer't not for laughing, I should pity him.
Poi.
How the rogue roar'd!
[Exeunt.
SCENE III.
Warkworth. A Room in the Castle.
Enter Hotspur, with a Letter.
Hot.
—But, for mine own part, my lord, [reading.] I
could he well contented to be there, in respect of the love
I bear your house. He could be contented,—Why, is he
not then? In respect note of the love he bears our house:—
he shews in this, he loves his own barn better than he
loves our house. Let me see some more. The purpose you
undertake, [reading again.] is dangerous,—Why, that's
certain; 'tis dangerous to take a cold, to sleep, to drink:
but I tell you, my lord fool, out of this nettle, danger,
we pluck note this flower, safety. The purpose you undertake,
[reading.] is dangerous; the friends you have note named, uncertain;
the time itself unsorted; and your whole plot too light,
for the counterpoize of so great an opposition. Say you so,
say you so? I say unto you again, you are a shallow
cowardly hind, and you lie. What a lack-brain is this?
By the lord, our plot is a good plot note, as ever was lay'd;
our friends note true and constant: a good plot, good friends,
-- 31 --
and full of expectation: an excellent plot, very good
friends; What a frosty-spirited rogue is this? Why, my
lord of York commends the plot, and the general course
of the action. 'Zounds, an I note were now by this rascal, I
could brain him with his lady's fan. Is there not my
father, my uncle, and myself? lord Edmond Mortimer,
my lord of York, and Owen Glendower? is there not,
besides, the Douglas? Have I not all their letters, to
meet me in arms by the ninth of the next month? and
are they not note, some of them, set forward already? What
a pagan rascal is this, an infidel note? Ha! you shall see
now, in very sincerity of fear and cold heart, will he to
the king, and lay open all our proceedings. O, I could
divide myself, and go to buffets, for moving such a dish
of skim'd note milk with so honourable an action. Hang
him! let him tell the king, we are prepar'd: I will set
forward note to-night.—How now, Kate?
Enter Lady Percy.
I must leave you within these two note hours.
Lad.
O my good lord, why are you thus alone?
For what offence have I, this fortnight, been
A banish'd woman from my Harry's bed?
Tell me, sweet lord, what is't that takes from thee
Thy stomack, pleasure, and thy golden sleep?
Why dost thou bend thine eyes upon the note earth;
And start so often, when thou sit'st alone?
Why hast thou lost the fresh blood in thy cheeks;
And given my treasures, and my rights of thee,
To thick-ey'd musing, and curst melancholy?
In thy note faint slumbers, I by thee have note watch'd,
And heard thee murmur tales of iron wars:
Speak terms of manage to thy bounding steed;
-- 32 --
Cry, Courage!—to the field! And thou hast talk'd
Of sallies, and retires; of note trenches, tents note,
Of palisadoes, frontiers note, parapets;
Of basilisks, of cannon, culverin;
Of prisoners' ransom note, and of soldiers slain,
And all the 'currents note of a heady fight.
Thy spirit within thee hath been so at war,
And thus hath note so bestir'd thee in thy sleep,
That beads note of sweat have stood note upon thy brow,
Like bubbles in a late-disturbed stream:
And in thy face strange motions have appear'd,
Such as we see when men restrain their breath
On some great sudden haste note. O, what portents are these?
Some heavy business hath my lord in hand,
And I must know it, else he loves me not.
Hot.
What, ho! [Enter a Servant.] is Gilliams with the packet gone?
Ser.
He is, my lord, an hour ago note.
Hot.
Hath Butler brought note those horses from the sheriff's note?
Ser.
One horse, my lord, he brought but even now.
Hot.
What horse? a roan note, a crop-ear, is it not?
Ser.
It is, my lord.
Hot.
That roan shall be my throne.
Well, I will back him straight: O note, esperance!—14Q0619
Bid Butler lead him forth into the park.
[Exit Servant.
Lad.
But hear you, my lord.
Hot.
What sayest thou, my lady?
Lad.
What is it carries you away?
Hot.
Why, my horse,
My love, my horse.
Lad.
Out, you mad-headed ape!
A weazle hath not such a deal of spleen;
-- 33 --
As you are tost with. Now, in sooth note, in sooth,
I'll know your business, Harry, that I will.
I fear, my brother Mortimer doth stir
About his title; and hath sent for you,
To line his enterprize: But if you go—
Hot.
So far afoot, I shall be weary, love.
Lad.
Come, come, you paraquito, answer me
Directly to note this question that I ask note.
In faith note, I'll break thy little finger, Harry,
An note if thou wilt not tell me true note.
Hot.
Away,
Away, you trifler! Love? I love thee not,
I care not for thee, Kate; this is no world,
To play with mammets, and to tilt with lips:
We must have bloody noses, and crack'd crowns,
And pass them current too.—God's me, my horse!—
What note say'st thou, Kate? what would'st thou have with me?
Lad.
Do you note not love me? do you note not, indeed?
Well, do not then; for, since you love me not,
I will not love myself. Do you not love me?
Nay, tell me, if you speak note in jest, or no.
Hot.
Come, wilt thou see me ride?
And when I am o' horse-back, I will swear,
I love thee infinitely. But hark you, Kate;
I must not have you henceforth question me
Whither note I go, nor reason whereabout:
Whither note I must, I must; and, to conclude,
This evening must I leave you, note gentle Kate.
I know you wise; but yet no farther note wise,
Than Harry Percy's wife: constant you are;
But yet a woman: and for secresy,
No lady closer; for I well note believe,
-- 34 --
Thou wilt not utter what thou dost not know;
And so far will note I trust thee, gentle Kate.
Lad.
So note far?
Hot.
Not an inch further. But hark you, Kate:
Whither I go, thither shall you go too;
To-day will I set forth, note to-morrow you.
Will this content you, Kate?
Lad.
It must, of force.
[Exeunt.
SCENE IV.
East-cheap. A Room in a Tavern.
Enter the Prince, and Poins.
Pri.
Ned, pr'ythee, come out of that fat room, and
lend me thy hand to laugh a little.
Poi.
Where hast been, Hal?
Pri.
With three or four logger-heads, amongst three
or four score hogs-heads. I have sounded note the very base
string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn brother to a leash
of drawers; and can call them all by their christian
names note, as—Tom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already
upon their salvation, note that, though I be but note prince of
Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy: and note tell me note flatly,
I am no proud note Jack, like Falstaff; but a Corinthian, a
lad of mettle, a good boy,—by the lord, so they call
me; note and, when I am king of England, I shall command
all the good lads in East-cheap. They call—drinking
deep, dying scarlet: and when you breath note14Q0620 in your watering,
they note cry—hem! and bid you play it off. To
conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an
hour, that I can drink with any tinker in his own language
during my life. I tell note thee, Ned, thou hast lost
much honour, that thou wert not with me in this action.
But, sweet Ned,—To sweeten which name of Ned, I
-- 35 --
give thee this &dagger2; penny-worth of sugar, clapt even now
into my hand by an under-skinker: one that never spake
other English in his life, than—Eight shillings and sixpence,
and—You are welcome; with this shrill addition,—
Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint of bastard in the half-moon,
or so. But, Ned, to drive away the time note 'till Falstaff
come, I pr'ythee, do thou stand in some by-room, while
I question my puny drawer, to what end he gave me
the sugar; and do thou note never leave calling—Francis,
that his tale to me may be nothing but—anon. Step
aside, and I'll shew thee a precedent note.
Poi.
Francis!
Pri.
Thou art perfect.
Poi.
Francis!
[Exit Poins.
Enter Drawer.
Dra.
Anon, anon, sir.—Look down into the pomgranate,
Ralph.
Pri.
Come hither, Francis.
Dra.
My lord.
Pri.
How long hast thou to serve, Francis?
Dra.
Forsooth, five years, and as much as to—
Poi. [within.]
Francis!
Dra.
Anon, anon, sir.
Pri.
Five years note! by'r-lady, a long lease for the clinking note
of pewter. But, Francis, dar'st thou be so valiant, as
to play the coward with thy indenture, and shew it a
fair pair of heels note, and run from it.
Dra.
O Lord, sir! I'll be sworn upon all the note books
in England, I could find in my heart—
Poi. [within.]
Francis!
Dra.
Anon, anon, sir. note
Pri.
How old art thou, Francis?
-- 36 --
Dra.
Let me see,—About Michaelmas next, I shall be—
Poi. [within.]
Francis!
Dra.
Anon, sir:—Pray you note, stay a little, my lord.
Pri.
Nay, but hark you, Francis: For the sugar thou
gav'st me,—'twas a note penny-worth, was't not?
Dra.
O Lord, sir note! I would, it had been two.
Pri.
I will give thee for it a thousand pound: ask
me when thou wilt, and thou shalt have it.
Poi. [within.]
Francis!
Dra.
Anon, anon.
Pri.
Anon, Francis? No, Francis: but to-morrow,
Francis; or, Francis, on thursday note; or, indeed, Francis,
when thou wilt. But, Francis,—
Dra.
My lord?
Pri.
Wilt thou rob14Q0621 this leathern-jerkin, chrystal-button,
knot-pated note, agat-ring, puke-stocking note, caddice-garter,
smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch,—
Dra.
O Lord, sir, who do you mean?
Pri.
Why then, your brown bastard is your only
drink: for, look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet
will sully: in Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much.
Dra.
What, sir?
Poi. [within.]
Francis!
Pri.
Away, you rogue; Dost thou not note hear them
call?
[Here they both call him; the Drawer stands
amaz'd, not knowing which way to go.
Enter Vintner.
Vin.
What! stand'st thou still, and hear'st such a
calling? look to the guests within. [Exit Drawer.] My
lord, old sir John with half a dozen more are at the
door; Shall I let them in?
Pri.
Let them alone note a while, and then open the
-- 37 --
door.—[Exit Vintner.] Poins!
Re-enter Poins.
Poi.
Anon, anon, sir.
Pri.
Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at
the door; Shall we be merry?
Poi.
As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye;
What cunning match have you made with this jest of
the drawer? come, what's the issue?
Pri.
I am now of all humours, that have shew'd themselves
humours, fince note the old days of goodman Adam, to
the pupil age of this present twelve o'clock note at midnight.
Re-enter Drawer, with Bottles.
What's o'clock, Francis?
Dra.
Anon, anon, sir.
Pri.
That ever this fellow should have fewer words
than a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry
is—up-stairs, and down-stairs; his eloquence, the parcel
of a reck'ning. I am not yet of Percy's mind, the
Hot-spur of the north; he that kills me some six or seven
dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says
to his wife,—Fie upon this quiet life! I want work. O my
sweet Harry, says she, how many hast thou kill'd to-day?
Give my roan horse a drench, says he; and answers, Some
fourteen, an hour after; A trifle, a trifle! I pr'ythee, call
in Falstaff; I'll play Percy, and that damn'd brawn shall
play dame Mortimer his wife. Rivo, says the drunkard.
Call in ribs, call in tallow.
Enter Falstaff, Gads-hill, Bardolph, and Peto.
Poi.
Welcome, Jack. Where hast thou been?
Fal.
A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance
too! marry, and amen.—Give me a cup of sack, boy.—
Ere I lead this life long, I'll sow nether stocks,14Q0622 and
-- 38 --
mend them, and foot them note too. A plague of all cowards!
—Give me a cup of sack, rogue.—Is there no
virtue extant?
[drinks.
Pri.
Didst thou never see Titan [to Poins] kiss a dish
of butter; pitiful-hearted butter,14Q0623 that note melted at the
sweet tale of the sun note? if thou didst, then behold that
compound.
Fal.
You rogue, here's lime in this sack too:—There
is nothing but roguery to be found in villainous note man:
Yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in
it note; a villainous coward. Go thy ways, old Jack; die
when thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be not
forgot upon the face of the earth, then am I a shotten
herring. There lives note not three good men unhang'd in
England; and one of them is fat, and grows old: God
help the while! a bad world, I say! I would, I were a
weaver; I could sing psalms, or any thing. A plague note of
all cowards, I say still!
Pri.
How now, wool-sack? what mutter you?
Fal.
A king's son! If I do not beat thee out of thy
kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all thy subjects
afore thee like a flock of wild-geese, I'll never
wear hair on my face more. You prince of Wales!
Pri.
Why, you whoreson round man, what's the matter?
Fal.
Are you not note a coward? answer me to that;
And Poins there?
Poi.
'Zounds note, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward,
by the Lord note, I'll stab thee.
Fal.
I call thee coward? I'll see thee damn'd, ere I
call thee coward: but I would give a thousand pound,
I could run as fast as thou canst. You are strait enough
in the shoulders, you care not who sees your back; Call
-- 39 --
you that, backing of your friends? A plague upon such
backing! give me them that will face me.—Give me a
cup of sack:—I am a rogue, if I drunk to-day.
Pri.
O villain! thy lips are scarce wip'd since thou
drunk'st last.
Fal.
All's one for that. [drinks again.] A plague of
all cowards, still say I!
Pri.
What's the matter?
Fal.
What's the matter? here be four of us note, have
ta'en a thousand pound this morning note.
Pri.
Where is it, Jack? where is it?
Fal.
Where is it? taken from us it is; a hundred
upon poor four of us.
Pri.
What, a hundred, man?
Fal.
I am a rogue, if I were not at half note-sword with
a dozen of them two hours together. I have 'scap'd by
miracle. I am eight times thrust through note the doublet;
four, through the hose; my buckler cut through note and
through; my sword hack'd like a hand-saw, ecce signum:
I never dealt better since I was a man: all would not
do. A plague of all cowards!—Let them speak: if they
speak more or less than truth, they are villains, and
the sons of darkness.
Pri.
Speak note, sirs; How was it?
Gad.
We note four set upon some dozen note,—
Fal.
Sixteen, at least, my lord.
Gad.
And note bound them:
Pet.
No, no, they were not bound.
Fal.
You rogue, they were bound, every man of
them; or I am a Jew else, an Hebrew note Jew.
Gad.
As note we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men
set upon us;
-- 40 --
Fal.
And unbound the rest, and then came note in the
other note.
Pri.
What, fought you note with them all?
Fal.
All? I know not what you note call, all; but if I
fought not with fifty of them, I am a bunch of radish note:
if there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old
Jack, then am I no two-leg'd creature.
Poi.
Pray note God note, you have not murther'd some of them.
Fal.
Nay, that's past praying for; I have pepper'd
two of them: two, I am sure, I have pay'd; two rogues
in buckrom suits. I tell thee what, Hal,—if I tell thee
a lie, spit in my face, call me horse: Thou know'st my
old ward note;—here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four
rogues in buckrom let drive at me:
Pri.
What, four? thou said'st but two even now.
Fal.
Four, Hal; I told thee four.
Poi.
Ay, ay, he said four.
Fal.
These four came all afront, and mainly thrust
at me. I made me no note more ado, but took all their seven
points note in my target, thus.
Pri.
Seven? why, there were but four even now.
Fal.
In buckrom?
Poi.
Ay, four, in buckrom suits.
Fal.
Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.
Pri.
Pr'ythee, let him alone; we shall have more anon.
Fal.
Dost thou hear me, Hal?
Pri.
Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.
Fal.
Do so, for it is worth the list'ning to. These
nine in buckrom, that I told thee of,—
Pri.
So, two more already.
Fal.
Their points being broken,—
Poi.
Down fell their hose note.
-- 41 --
Fal.
Began to give me ground: But I follow'd me
close, came in foot and hand; and, with a thought,
seven of the eleven I pay'd.
Pri.
O monstrous! eleven buckrom men grown out
of two!
Fal.
But, as the devil would have it, three misbegotten
knaves, in Kendal green, came at my back, and
let drive at me;—for it was so dark, Hal, that thou
could'st not see thy hand.
Pri.
These lies are like the father note that begets them;
gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brain'd
guts; thou knotty-pated fool; thou whoreson,
obscene, greasy tallow-catch note,—14Q0624
Fal.
What, art thou mad, art thou mad? is not the
truth the truth?
Pri.
Why, how could'st thou know these men in
Kendal green, when it was so dark thou could'st not see
thy hand? come, tell us your reason; What say'st thou
to this?
Poi.
Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.
Fal.
What, upon compulsion? No; were I note at the
strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not
tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion?
if reasons were as plenty as note black-berries, I would
give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.
Pri.
I'll be no longer guilty of this sin; this sanguine
coward, this bed-presser, this horse-back-breaker,
this huge hill of flesh:
Fal.
Away, you note starveling, you elf-skin note, you dry'd
neat's-tongue, bull's-pizzle, you stock-fish,—O, for
breath to utter what note is like thee!—you tailor's yard, you
sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck;—
-- 42 --
Pri.
Well, breath a while, and then to it again:
and when thou hast tir'd note thyself in base comparisons,
hear me speak but this. note
Poi.
Mark, Jack.
Pri.
We two saw you four set on four; you bound note
them, and were masters of their wealth: mark now,
how plain a note tale shall put you down. Then did we two
set on you four; and, with a word, out-fac'd you from
your note prize, and have it; yea, and can shew it you here note
in the house:—and, Falstaff, you carry'd your guts away
as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roar'd for
mercy, and still ran note and roar'd, as ever I heard bull-calf.
What a slave art thou, to hack thy sword as thou hast
done; and then say, it was in fight? What trick, what
device, what starting-hole canst thou now find out, to
hide thee from this open and apparent shame?
Poi.
Come, let's hear, Jack; What trick hast thou now?
Fal.
I note knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why,
hear ye note, my masters; Was it for me, to kill the heir apparent?
should I turn upon the true prince? Why, thou
know'st, I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware instinct;
the lion will not touch the true prince: instinct is a great
matter; I was a note coward on instinct: I shall think the
better of myself, and thee, during my life; I for a
valiant lion, and thou for a true prince. But, lads note,
Enter Hostess.
I am glad, you have the money.—Hostess, clap to the
doors; watch to-night, pray to-morrow.—Gallants,
lads, boys, hearts of gold, All the titles of note good-fellowship
come to you! What, shall we be merry? shall we
have a play extempore?
Pri.
Content; and the argument shall be, thy running away.
-- 43 --
Fal.
Ah! no more of that, Hal, an thou lov'st me.
Hos.
My note lord the prince,—
Pri.
How now, my lady the hostess? wh at say'st
thou to me?
Hos.
Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the
court at door, would speak with you: he says, he comes
from your father.
Pri.
Give him as much14Q0625 as will make him a royal
man, and send him back again to my mother.
Fal.
What manner of man is he?
Hos.
An old man.
Fal.
What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight?
—Shall I give him his answer?
Pri.
Pr'ythee, do, Jack.
Fal.
'Faith, and I'll send him packing.
[Exit.
Pri.
Now, sirs; by'r-lady note, you fought fair;—so did
you, Peto;—so did you, Bardolph: you are lions too,
you ran away upon instinct; you will not touch the true
prince, no, fie!
Bar.
'Faith, I ran when I saw others run.
Pri.
Tell note me now in earnest, How came Falstaff's
sword so hack'd?
Pet.
Why, he hack'd it with his dagger; and said,
he would swear truth out of England, but he would
make you believe it was done in fight; and persuaded
us to do the like.
Bar.
Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass,
to make them bleed; and then to beslubber note our garments
with it, and swear it was the blood of true men.
I did that I did not this seven year note before, I blush'd to
hear his monstrous devices.
Pri.
O villain, thou stol'st a cup of sack eighteen
-- 44 --
years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever
since thou hast blush'd extempore: Thou hadst fire and
sword on thy side, and yet thou ran'st away; What instinct
hadst thou for it?
Bar.
My lord, do you see these meteors?14Q0626 do you behold
these exhalations?
Pri.
I do.
Bar.
What think you they portend?
Pri.
Hot livers, and cold purses.
Bar.
Choler, my lord, if rightly taken.
Re-enter Falstaff.
Pri.
No, if rightly taken, halter.—Here comes lean
Jack, here comes bare-bone note.—How now, my note sweet
creature of bombast? How long is't ago, Jack, since
thou saw'st thine own knee?
Fal.
My own knee? when I was about thy years,
Hal, I was not an eagle's talon note in the waste; I could
have crept into any alderman's thumb-ring: A plague
of sighing and grief! it blows a man up like a bladder.
There's villainous news abroad: here was sir John Bracy note
from your father; you must to note the court in the morning.
That same note mad fellow of the north, Percy; and he
of Wales, that gave Amaimon the bastinado, and made
Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liege-man
upon the cross of a Welsh hook,—What, a plague, call
you him?
Poi.
O, Glendower.
Fal.
Owen, Owen; the note same;—and his son-in-law,
Mortimer; and old Northumberland; and the sprightly note
Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs o'horseback up a hill
perpendicular:
Pri.
He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol note
-- 45 --
kills a sparrow flying.
Fal.
You have hit it.
Pri.
So did he never the sparrow.
Fal.
Well, that rascal hath good mettle in him; he
will not run.
Pri.
Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise
him so for running?
Fal.
O' horse back, ye cuckoo: but, afoot note, he will
not budge a foot.
Pri.
Yes, Jack, upon instinct.
Fal.
I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too,
and one Mordake, and a thousand blew-caps more:
Worcester is stoln away to-night note; thy father's beard is
turn'd white with the news; you may buy land now as
cheap as stinking mackerel.
Pri.
Then, 'tis note like, if there come a hot June, note and
this civil buffetting hold, we shall buy maidenheads as
they buy hob-nails, by the hundreds.
Fal.
By the mass, lad, thou say'st true; it is like, we
shall have good trading that way. But, tell me, Hal,
art thou not note horribly afeard? thou being heir apparent,
could the world pick thee out three such enemies again,
as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil
Glendower? Art thou not note horribly afraid? doth not thy
blood thrill at it?
Pri.
Not a whit; I note lack some of thy instinct.
Fal.
Well, thou wilt be horribly chid to-morrow,
when thou comest to thy father: if thou love note me,
practise an answer.
Pri.
Do thou stand for my father, and examine me
upon the particulars of my life.
Fal.
Shall I? content:—this chair shall be my
-- 46 --
state, [clapping himself down in it.] this dagger my
scepter, and this cushion my crown.
Pri.
Thy state is taken for a joint-stool, thy golden
scepter for a leaden dagger, and thy precious rich
crown for a pitiful bald crown.
Fal.
Well note, an the fire of grace be not quite out of
thee, now shalt thou be moved.—Give me a cup of sack
to make mine eyes note look red, that it may be thought I
have wept; for I must speak in passion, and I will do it
in king Cambyses' vein.14Q0627
[drinks.
Pri.
Well, here is my leg.
Fal.
And here is my speech: Stand aside, nobility.
Hos.
This note is excellent sport, i'faith.
Fal.
Weep not, sweet queen, for trickling tears are vain.
Hos.
O the father, how note he holds his countenance!
Fal.
For God's sake, lords, convey my tristful note queen,
For tears do stop the flood-gates of her eyes.
Hos.
O rare! he note doth it as like one of these harlotry
players as ever I see.
Fal.
Peace, good pint-pot: peace, good tickle-brain.—
Harry, I do not only marvel where thou spendest thy
time, but also how thou art accompany'd: for though
the camomile, the more it is troden on note, the faster it
grows; yet youth note, the more it is wasted, the sooner it
wears. That note thou art my son, I have partly thy mother's
word, partly my own note opinion; but chiefly, a villainous
trick of thine eye, and a foolish hanging of thy nether note
lip, that doth warrant me: If then thou be son to me,
here lies note the point;—Why, being son to me, art thou
so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun note of heaven prove a
micher, and eat black-berries? a question not to be
ask'd: Shall the son of England prove a thief, and take
-- 47 --
purses? a question to be ask'd. There is a thing, Harry,
which thou hast often heard of, and it is known to many
in our land by the name of pitch: this pitch, as ancient
writers do report, doth defile; so doth the company thou
keepest: for, Harry, now I do not speak to thee in drink,
but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not in
words only, but in woes also: And yet there is a virtuous
man, whom I have often noted in thy company,
but I know not his name.
Pri.
What manner of man, an it like your majesty?
Fal.
A goodly portly man, i'faith, and a corpulent;
of a chearful look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble
carriage; and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by'r-lady,
inclining to threescore; and now I remember me,
his name is Falstaff: if that man should be lewdly given,
he deceiveth note me; for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks:
If then the tree14Q0628 may be known by the fruit, as the fruit
by the tree, then, peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue
in that Falstaff: him keep with, the rest banish.
And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me, where
hast thou been this month?
Pri.
Dost thou speak like a king? [plucking him out
of his Chair.] do thou stand for me, and I'll play my
father.
Fal.
Depose me? if thou dost it half so gravely, so
majestically, both in word and matter, note hang me up by
the heels for a rabbet-sucker, or a poulterer's note hare.
Pri.
Well, here I am set.
Fal.
And here I stand:—judge, my masters.
Pri.
Now, Harry? whence come you?
Fal.
My noble lord, from East-cheap.
Pri.
The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.
-- 48 --
Fal.
'Sblood, my note lord, they are false:—nay, I'll
tickle ye for a young prince, i'faith note.
Pri.
Swear'st thou, ungracious boy? henceforth
ne'er look on me: Thou art violently carry'd away
from grace: there is a devil haunts thee, in the likeness
of a fat old note man; a tun of man is thy companion. Why
dost thou converse with that trunk of humours, that
bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swoln parcel of dropsies,
that huge bombard of sack, that stuft cloak-bag of
guts, that roasted Manning-tree oxe with the pudding note in
his belly, that reverend note vice,14Q0629 that grey iniquity, that
father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he
good, but to taste sack and drink it? wherein neat and
cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it? wherein cunning,
but in craft? wherein crafty, but in villany?
wherein villainous, but in all things? wherein worthy,
but in nothing?
Fal.
I would, your grace would take me with you;
Whom means your grace?
Pri.
That villainous abominable mis-leader of youth,
Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.
Fal.
My lord, the man I know:
Pri.
I know, thou dost.
Fal.
But to say, I know more harm in him than in
myself, were to say more than I know. That he is old,
(the more the pity) his white hairs do witness it: but
that he is (saving your reverence) a whore-master,
that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, God
help note the wicked! if to be old and merry be a sin, then
many an old host that I know is damn'd: if to be
fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh's lean kine are to
be loved. No, my good lord; banish Peto, banish Bardolph,
-- 49 --
banish Poins: but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind
Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff,
[A great knocking heard: Exeunt Hostess, and Drawer; Bardolph follows.
and therefore more valiant being as he is old Jack Falstaff,
banish not him thy Harry's company, banish not
him thy Harry's company; banish plump Jack, and banish
all the world.
Pri.
I do, I will.
Re-enter Bardolph, running.
Bar.
O, my lord, my lord; the sheriff note, with a most
monstrous watch, is at the door.
Fal.
Out, you note rogue! play out the play: I have much
to say in the behalf of that Falstaff.
Re-enter Hostess, hastily.
Hos.
O Jesu note, my lord, my lord!—
Pri.
Heigh note, heigh! the devil rides upon a fiddle-stick:
—What's the matter?
Hos.
The sheriff and all the watch are at the door:
they are come to search the house; Shall I let them in?
Fal.
Dost thou hear,14Q0630 Hal? never call a true piece of
gold, a counterfeit: if thou dost, thou art essentially mad note,
without seeming so.
Pri.
And thou a note natural coward, without instinct.
Fal.
I deny your major: if you will deny the sheriff,
so; if not, let him enter: if I become not a cart as well
as another man, a plague on my bringing up! I hope,
I shall as soon be strangl'd with a halter, as another.
Pri.
Go, hide thee behind the arras;—the rest walk
up above. Now, my masters, for a true face, and good
conscience.
Fal.
Both which I have had: but their date is out,
-- 50 --
and therefore I'll hide me.
Pri.
Call in the sheriff.
[Exeunt All but the Prince.
Enter Sheriff, and Carrier.
Now, master sheriff; what's your will with me?
She.
First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry
Hath follow'd certain men unto this house.
Pri.
What men?
She.
One of them is well note known, my gracious lord;
A gross fat man.
Car.
As fat as butter, sir.
Pri.
The man, I do assure you, is not here;
For I myself at this time have employ'd him.
And, sheriff, I engage note my word to thee,
That I will, by to-morrow dinner-time,
Send him to answer thee, or any man,
For any thing he shall be charg'd withal:
And so let me entreat you leave the house.
She.
I will, my lord: There are two gentlemen
Have in this robbery lost three hundred note marks.
Pri.
It may be so: if he have rob'd these men,
He shall be answerable; and so, farewel.
She.
Good night, my noble lord.
Pri.
I think, it is good morrow; Is it not?
She.
Indeed, my lord, I think it be two note o'clock.
[Exeunt Sheriff, and Carrier.
Pri.
This oily rascal is known as well as Paul's:—
Re-enter Peto.
Go, call him forth.
Pet.
Falstaff!—fast asleep behind the arras, and
snorting like a horse.
Pri.
Hark how hard he fetches breath: Search his
pockets. [Peto searches.] What hast thou found?
-- 51 --
Pet.
Nothing but papers, my lord.
Pri.
Let's see what they be note; read them.
Pet. note [reads.]
Item, a capon; 2. s. 2. d. Item, sauce;
4. d. Item, sack, two gallons; 5. s. 8. d. Item, anchovies
and sack after supper; 2. s. 6. d. Item, bread; a
half-penny.
Pri. note
O monstrous! but one half-penniworth of bread
to this intolerable deal of sack!—What there is else,
keep close; we'll read it at more advantage: there let
him sleep 'till day. I'll to the court in the morning:
we must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honourable.
I'll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot; and,
I know, his death will be a march note of twelve-score. The
money shall be pay'd back again, with advantage. Be
with me betimes in the morning; and so good morrow,
Peto.
Pet.
Good morrow, good my lord.
[Exeunt.
Edward Capell [1767], Mr William Shakespeare his comedies, histories, and tragedies, set out by himself in quarto, or by the Players his Fellows in folio, and now faithfully republish'd from those Editions in ten Volumes octavo; with an introduction: Whereunto will be added, in some other Volumes, notes, critical and explanatory, and a Body of Various Readings entire (Printed by Dryden Leach, for J. and R. Tonson [etc.], London) [word count] [S10601].
