Maria.
-- 53 --
Oli.
I have sent after him: He says, he'll come14Q0443;
How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?
For youth is bought more oft, than beg'd, or borrow'd.
I speak too loud.—
Where is Malvolio?—he is sad, and civil,
And suits well for a servant with my fortunes;—
Where is Malvolio?
Mar.
He's coming, madam;
But in very strange manner: he is, sure, possest, madam.
Oli.
Why, what's the matter? does he rave?
Mar.
No, madam,
He does nothing but smile: your ladyship were best
To have some guard about you, if he come,
For, sure, the man is tainted in his wits.
Oli.
Go, call him hither.—I'm as mad as he,
If sad and merry madness note equal be.—
Enter Malvolio.
How now, Malvolio?
Mal.
Sweet, lady,—
[smiles fantastically.
Oli.
Smil'st thou?
I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
Mal.
Sad, lady? I could be sad: This does make
some obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering;
But what of that? if it please the eye of one, it is
with me as the very true sonnet note has it, Please one, and
please all.
Oli.
Why note, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?
Mal.
Not black in my mind, though yellow in my
legs: It did come to his hands, and commands shall
be executed. I think, we do know the sweet Roman
hand.
Oli.
Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
-- 54 --
Mal.
To bed? ay, sweet heart; and I'll come to thee.
Oli.
God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so,
and kiss thy hand so oft?
Mar.
How do you, Malvolio?
Mal.
At your request? Yes; Nightingales answer daws.
Mar.
Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness
before my lady?
Mal.
Be not afraid of greatness: 'Twas well writ.
Oli.
What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?
Mal.
Some are born great,—
Oli.
Ha?
Mal.
Some atchieve greatness,—
Oli.
What say'st thou?
Mal.
And some have greatness thrust upon them.
Oli.
Heaven restore thee!
Mal.
Remember who commended thy yellow stockings;—
Oli.
Thy yellow stockings?
Mal.
And wish'd to see thee cross-garter'd.
Oli.
Cross-garter'd?
Mal.
Go to: thou art made, if thou desir'st to be so;—
Oli.
Am I made?
Mal.
If not, let me see thee a servant still.
Oli.
Why, this is very midsummer madness.
Enter a Servant.
Ser.
Madam, the young gentleman of the count
Orsino's is return'd; I could hardly intreat him back;
he attends your ladyship's pleasure.
Oli.
I'll come to him. [Exit Ser.] Good Maria, let
this fellow be look'd to. Where's my cousin Toby? Let
some of my people have a special care of him; I would
not have him miscarry for the half of my dowry.
[Exeunt Olivia, and Maria.
-- 55 --
Mal.
Oh ho, do you come near me now? no worse
man than sir Toby to look to me? This concurs directly
with the letter: she sends him on purpose, that I
may appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to
that in the letter. Cast thy humble slough, says she: be
opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants; let thy
tongue note tang arguments note of state, put thyself into the trick
of singularity: and, consequently, sets down the manner
how; as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow
tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth.
I have lim'd her: but it is Jove's doing, and Jove
make me thankful. And, when she went away now,
Let this fellow be look'd to: Fellow! not Malvolio, nor
after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres
together; that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a
scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance,
—What can be said? Nothing, that can be, can
come between me and the full prospect of my hopes.
Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be
thanked.
Re-enter Maria, with Sir Toby, and Fabian.
Sir T.
Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If
all the devils in hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself
possess'd him, yet I'll speak to him.
Fab.
Here he is, here he is:—How is't with you,
sir? how is't with you, man?
Mal.
Go off; I discard you; let me enjoy my private;
go off.
Mar.
Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him!
did not I tell you?—Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have
a care of him.
-- 56 --
Mal.
Ah, ha, does she so?
Sir T.
Go to, go to; peace, peace, we must deal
gently with him; let me alone.—How do you, Malvolio?
how is't with you? What, man; defy the devil:
consider, he's an enemy to mankind.
Mal.
Do you know what you say?
Mar.
La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he
takes it at heart. Pray God, he be not bewitch'd!
Fab.
Carry his water to the wise woman.
Mar.
Marry, and it shall be done to-morrow morning,
if I live. My lady would not lose him for more
than I'll say.
Mal.
How now, mistress?
Mar.
O lord!
Sir T.
Pr'ythee, hold thy peace, this is not the way;
Do you not see, you move him? let me alone with him.
Fab.
No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the
fiend is rough, and will not be roughly us'd.
Sir T.
Why, how now, my bawcock? how dost thou,
chuck?
Mal.
Sir?
Sir T.
Ay, biddy, come with me. What, man; 'tis
not for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan: Hang
him foul collier? note
Mar.
Get him to say his prayers, good sir Toby, get
him to pray.
Mal.
My prayers, minx?
Mar.
No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.
Mal.
Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow
things: I am not of your element; you shall know
more hereafter.
[Exit Malvolio.
-- 57 --
Sir T.
Is't possible?
Fab.
If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could
condemn it as an improbable fiction.
Sir T.
His very genius hath taken the infection of
the device, man.
Mar.
Nay, pursue him now; lest the device take air,
and taint.
Fab.
Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
Mar.
The house will be note the quieter.
Sir T.
Come, we'll have him in a dark room, and
bound. My niece is already in the belief that he's mad;
we may carry it thus, for our pleasure, and his penance,
'till our very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to
have mercy on him: at which time, we will bring the
device to the bar, and crown thee for a finder of madmen:
But see, but see.
Enter Sir Andrew.
Fab.
More matter for a May morning.
Sir A.
Here's the † challenge, read it; I warrant,
there's vinegar and pepper in't.
Fab.
Is't so saucy?
Sir A.
Ay, is't? I warrant him: do but read.
Sir T.
Give me. [reads.] Youth, whatsoever thou art,
thou art but a scurvy fellow:
Fab.
Good, and valiant.
Sir T.
Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do
call thee so, for I will shew thee no reason for't.
Fab.
A good note: that keeps you from the blow
of the law.
Sir T.
Thou com'st to the lady Olivia, and in my sight
she uses thee kindly: but thou ly'st in thy throat, that is not
the matter I challenge thee for.
-- 58 --
Fab.
Very brief, and exceeding note good senseless.
Sir T.
I will way-lay thee going home: where if it be
thy chance to kill me,—
Fab.
Good.
Sir T.
Thou kill'st me like a rogue and a villain.
Fab.
Still you keep o'the windy side of the law:
Good.
Sir T.
Fare thee well; And God have mercy upon one of
our souls! He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is
better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him,
and thy sworn enemy,
Andrew Ague-cheek.
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot: I'll giv't
him.
Mar.
You may have very fit occasion for't; he is now
in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by
depart.
Sir T.
Go, sir Andrew; scout me for him at the corner
of the orchard, like a bum-bailiff: so soon as ever thou
see'st him, draw; and, as thou draw'st, swear horribly: note
for it comes to pass oft, that a terrible oath, with a
swaggering accent sharply twang'd off, gives manhood
more approbation than ever proof itself would have
earn'd him. Away.
Sir A.
Nay, let me alone for swearing.
[Exit Sir Andrew.
Sir T.
Now will not I deliver his letter: for the behaviour
of the young gentleman gives him out to be of
good capacity and breeding, his employment between
his lord and my niece confirms no less; therefore this
letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror
in the youth, he will find it comes from a clod-pole.
-- 59 --
But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word
of mouth; set upon Ague-cheek a notable report of valour;
and drive the gentleman (as, I know, his youth
will aptly receive it) into a most hideous opinion of his
rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity: This will so fright
them both, that they will kill one another by the look,
like cockatrices.
Enter Olivia, and Viola.
Fab.
Here he comes with your niece: give them
way 'till he take leave, and presently after him.
Sir T.
I will meditate the while upon some horrid
message for a challenge.
[Exeunt Sir Toby, Fabian, and Maria.
Oli.
I have said too much unto a heart of stone,
And lay'd mine honour too unchary out note:
There's something in me, that reproves my fault;
But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
That it but mocks reproof.
Vio.
With the same 'haviour note that your passion bears,
Goes on my master's grief note.
Oli.
Here, wear this &dagger2; jewel for me, 'tis my picture;
Refuse it not, it hath no tongue to vex you:
And, I beseech you, come again to-morrow.
What shall you ask of me, that I'll deny;
That honour, sav'd, may upon asking give?
Vio.
Nothing but this, your true love for my master.
Oli.
How with mine honour may I give him that,
Which I have given to you?
Vio.
I will acquit you.
Oli.
Well, come again to-morrow: Fare thee well;
A fiend, like thee, might bear my soul to hell.
[Exit Olivia.
-- 60 --
Re-enter Sir Toby, and Fabian.
Sir T.
Gentleman, God save thee.
Vio.
And you, sir.
Sir T.
That defense thou hast, betake thee to't: of
what nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know
not; but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as the
hunter, attends thee at the orchard end: dismount thy
tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is
quick, skilful, and deadly.
Vio.
You mistake, sir, I am sure, no man hath any
quarrel to me; my remembrance is very free and clear
from any image of offence done to any man.
Sir T.
You'll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore,
if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your
guard; for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength,
skill, and wrath, can furnish man withal.
Vio.
I pray you, sir, what is he?
Sir T.
He is knight14Q0444, dub'd with unhack'd note rapier, and
on carpet consideration; but he is a devil in private
brawl: souls and bodies hath he divorc'd three; and
his incensement at this moment is so implacable, that
satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death and sepúlcher:
hob, nob, is his word; give't, or take't.
Vio.
I will return again into the house, and desire
some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have
heard of some kind of men, that put quarrels purposely
on others, to taste their valour; belike, this is a man of
that quirk.
Sir T.
Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of
a very competent injury; therefore, get you on, and
give him his desire. Back you shall not to the house,
unless you undertake that with me, which with as much
-- 61 --
safety you might answer him: note therefore, on, or strip
your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that's
certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.
Vio.
This is an uncivil, as note strange. I beseech you,
do me this courteous office, to note know of the knight what
my offence to him is; it is something of my negligence,
nothing of my purpose.
Sir T.
I will do so.—Signior Fabian, stay you by this
gentleman 'till my return.
[Exit Sir Toby.
Vio.
Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
Fab.
I know, the knight is incens'd against you,
even to a mortal arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance
more.
Vio.
I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
Fab.
Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read
him by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof
of his valour. He is, indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody,
and fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in
any part of Illyria: Will you walk towards him? I will
make your peace with him, if I can.
Vio.
I shall be much bound to you for't: I am one,
that had rather go with sir priest, than sir knight; I care
not who knows so much of my mettle.
Re-enter Sir Toby, with Sir Andrew.
Sir T.
Why, man, he's a very devil, I have not seen
such a virago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard,
and all, and he gives me the stuck-in, with such
a mortal motion that it is inevitable; and on the answer,
he pays you as note surely as your feet hit note the ground
they step on: They say, he has been fencer to the
Sophy.
Sir A.
Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him.
-- 62 --
Sir T.
Ay, but he will not now be pacify'd; Fabian
can scarce hold him yonder.
Sir A.
Plague on't; an I thought he had been valiant,
and so cunning in fence, I'd have seen him damn'd
ere I'd have challeng'd him. Let him let the matter slip,
and I'll give him my horse, grey Capilet.
Sir T.
I'll make the motion: Stand here, make a
good shew on't; this shall end without the perdition of
souls:—&clquo;Marry, I'll ride your horse, as well as I ride
you.—I have his horse [to Fab.] to take up the quarrel;
I have persuaded him, the youth's a devil.&crquo;
&clquo;Fab.
&clquo;He is as horribly conceited of him; and
pants, and looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.&crquo;
Sir T.
There's no remedy, sir, [to Vio.] he will fight
with you for's oath's sake: marry, he hath better bethought
him of his quarrel, and he finds that now scarce
to be worth note talking of: therefore draw, for the supportance
of his vow; he protests, he will not hurt you.
&clquo;Vio.
&clquo;Pray God defend me! A little thing would
make me tell them how much I lack of a man.&crquo;
Fab.
Give ground, if you see him furious.
Sir T.
Come, sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman
will, for his honour's sake, have one bout with
you; he cannot by the duello avoid it: but he has promis'd
me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not
hurt you. Come on; to't.
Sir A.
Pray God, he keeps his oath!
[draws.
Vio.
I do assure you, [to Sir And.] 'tis against my
will.
[draws.
Enter Antonio; draws, and runs between.
Ant.
Put up your sword:—If this young gentleman
Have done offence, I take the fault on me;
-- 63 --
If you offend him, I for him defy you.
Sir T.
You, sir? why, what are you?
Ant.
One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
Than you have heard him brag to you he will.
Sir T.
Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
Enter two Officers.
Fab.
O, good sir Toby, hold; here come the officers.
Sir T.
I'll be with you anon.
[to Antonio.
Vio.
Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.
Sir A.
Marry, will I, sir: and, for that I promis'd
you, I'll be as good as my word; he will bear you
easily, and reins well.
1. O.
This is the man; do thy office.
2. O.
Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit
Of count Orsino.
Ant.
You do mistake me, sir.
1. O.
No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head:—
Take him away; he knows, I know him well.
Ant.
I must obey.—This comes with seeking you:
But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.
What will you do? Now my necessity
Makes me to ask you for my purse: It grieves me
Much more, for what I cannot do for you,
Than what befals myself. You stand amaz'd;
But be of comfort.
2. O.
Come, sir, away.
Ant.
I must intreat of you
Some of that money back.
Vio.
What money, sir?
For the fair kindness you have shew'd me here,
And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,
-- 64 --
Out of my lean and low ability
I'll lend you something: my having is not much;
I'll make division of my present with you:
Hold, There's † half my coffer.
Ant.
Will you deny me now?
Is't possible, that my deserts to you
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unfound a man,
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.
Vio.
I know of none;
Nor know I you by voice, or any feature:
I hate ingratitude more in a man,
Than lying, vainness, babling drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice, whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood.
Ant.
O heavens themselves!
2. O.
Come, sir, I pray you, go.
Ant.
Let me speak a little. This youth, that you see here,
I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death;
Reliev'd him with such sanctity of love,—
And to his image, which, methought, did promise
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
1. O.
What's that to us? the time goes by; away.
Ant.
But, o, how vile an idol proves this god!—
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.—
In nature there's no blemish, but the mind;
None can be call'd deform'd, but the unkind:
Virtue is beauty; but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks, o'er-flourish'd by the devil.
1. O.
The man grows mad; away with him.
2. O.
Come, come, sir.
-- 65 --
Ant.
Lead me on.
[Exeunt Officers with Ant.
Vio.
Methinks, his words do from such passion fly,
That he believes himself; so do not I:
Prove true, imagination, o, prove true,
That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
Sir T.
Come hither, knight, come hither, Fabian;
we'll whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
[converse apart.
Vio.
He nam'd Sebastian: I my brother know
Yet living in my glass; even such, and so,
In favour was my brother; and he went
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate: O, if it prove,
Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love.
[Exit Viola.
Sir T.
A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward
than a hare: his dishonesty appears, in leaving his friend
here in necessity, and denying him; and for his cowardship,
ask Fabian.
Fab.
A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
Sir A.
'Slid, I'll after him again, and beat him.
Sir T.
Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
Sir A.
An I do not,—
[Exit.
Fab.
Come, let's see the event.
Sir T.
I dare lay any money, 'twill be nothing yet.
Edward Capell [1767], Mr William Shakespeare his comedies, histories, and tragedies, set out by himself in quarto, or by the Players his Fellows in folio, and now faithfully republish'd from those Editions in ten Volumes octavo; with an introduction: Whereunto will be added, in some other Volumes, notes, critical and explanatory, and a Body of Various Readings entire (Printed by Dryden Leach, for J. and R. Tonson [etc.], London) [word count] [S10601].
