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Rowson, Mrs., 1762-1824 [1795], Trials of the human heart, volume 2 ('printed for the author, by Wrigley & Berriman', Philadelphia) [word count] [eaf328v2].
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LETTER XXVIII. MERIEL to CELIA. December 25th, 1778.

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I again &longs;it down to proceed in my melancholy
narrative; a month from the
time of my dear mother's death mu&longs;t be passed
over in &longs;ilence; my affliction was poignant,
but time and the efforts of rea&longs;on by
degrees &longs;oftened it. Mr. Welldon &longs;uffered
that time to elap&longs;e before he ventuted to
&longs;ee me; he had placed me with a friend of
his, who is a milliner, and tho' he &longs;ent
every day to enquire after my health, he
avoided vi&longs;iting me, fearing the cen&longs;ure of
the world might injure my reputation. My
grief being in a great mea&longs;ure abated, Mrs.
Lacour took an opportunity of &longs;peaking to
me concerning my future pro&longs;pects in life:
“Mr. Welldon,” &longs;aid &longs;he, “intends, if you
approve the plan, that you &longs;hall remain with
me till you have attained a competent

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knowledge of the millinery bu&longs;ine&longs;s, to be able to
&longs;upport your&longs;elf without being any longer
trouble&longs;ome to your benefactor. I know,
Mi&longs;s Howard,” continued &longs;he, “that Mr.
Welldon does not think you an incumbrance,
and that you are in no danger of
any improper attempts from him; as I have
heard him &longs;ay the innate goodne&longs;s of your
heart has rai&longs;ed you &longs;o in his e&longs;teem, that he
regards you in the light of a &longs;i&longs;ter; and as
&longs;uch will &longs;erve and protect you: but my
dear young lady, you are po&longs;&longs;e&longs;&longs;ed of &longs;trong
&longs;en&longs;ibility and to &longs;uch a heart as your's dependance
mu&longs;t be a heavy burthen. As
another motive for your endeavouring to
render your&longs;elf independent, I mu&longs;t inform
you that Mr. Welldon will in a few weeks
be married, and however innocent your
mind, believe me the world will readily ca&longs;t
illiberal cen&longs;ures on a young woman who
lived in a &longs;tate of dependance on a married
man; and &longs;hould it reach his lady's ears
might be the &longs;ource of great unea&longs;ine&longs;s, if
not the cau&longs;e of an irreparable breach between
them.”

I was convinced of the propriety of the&longs;e
arguments, and chearfully acquie&longs;ced, while
my heart overflowed with gratitude towards
my generous benefactor, and I breathed a
&longs;ilent prayer to heaven, that his felicity in

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the married &longs;tate might be equal to his deserts.

A few days after this, Mr. Welldon called.
I could not refrain my tears at &longs;ight of
this worthy man. Pa&longs;t &longs;cenes of &longs;orrow
ru&longs;hed upon my mind, which joined to the
recollection of my then forlorn, dependant
&longs;ituation almo&longs;t overcame me. He &longs;uffered
me to ea&longs;e my full heart, and then gently
enquiring after my health, and how I liked
Mrs. Lacour's family, hinted at my remaining
with her, till I had attained a competent
knowledge of her bu&longs;ine&longs;s.

“I know, my dear Mi&longs;s Howard,” &longs;aid
he, “that your education and accomplishments
fit you to be placed in a more elevated
&longs;phere. But my good girl mu&longs;t con&longs;ider
that tho&longs;e accompli&longs;hments in her pre&longs;ent
circum&longs;tances will be of no u&longs;e. Nay, if
they are &longs;uffered to appear will only excite
the envy and ill nature of tho&longs;e with whom
&longs;he is at pre&longs;ent obliged to a&longs;&longs;ociate. I would
by no means have you neglect tho&longs;e brilliant
talents, with which nature has endowed you.
It is not to be doubted, but you will find leisure
hours when the pen or the pencil will be
a happy relief to your mind, and prevent
your dwelling too intently on pa&longs;t melancholy
events. But let tho&longs;e hours of relax

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months. Mr. Welldon then told me he had
provided me an apartment to my&longs;elf, and
begged my acceptance of the furniture it
contained. “This day three weeks, Mi&longs;s
Howard,” &longs;aid he, “will make me the happiest
of men in a union with a young lady
of great merit, on whom I have de&longs;ervedly
placed my affections. We &longs;hall &longs;et off immediately
on a vi&longs;it to the continent to &longs;ee
&longs;ome relations, who re&longs;ide con&longs;tantly in the
&longs;outh of France, &longs;o that it may be a long
time before I &longs;ee you again. In this little
pocket-book you will find a trifle to an&longs;wer
your immediate expences, and a direction
to a gentleman, in the city, where in ca&longs;e of
any future exigencies, you may apply, and he
will give you both a&longs;&longs;i&longs;tance and advice.
God ble&longs;s you, my dear girl; you have my
be&longs;t wi&longs;hes, and may re&longs;t a&longs;&longs;ured of my unalterable
friend&longs;hip.” He then &longs;aluted me
with the affection of a brother, and took his
leave.

Soon after he was gone, Mrs. Lacour,
by way of diverting my mind from the gloom
our parting had ca&longs;t over it, a&longs;ked me if I
had no curio&longs;ity to &longs;ee the apartment Mr.
Welldon had furni&longs;hed for me. I followed
her up two pair of &longs;tairs, into a neat back
room, where was a tent bed, of &longs;triped Manchester,
with every nece&longs;&longs;ary apurtenance,

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a ca&longs;e of drawers, a neat dre&longs;&longs;ing ca&longs;e, and
a &longs;mall trunk, the key of which Mrs. Lacour
gave me, and bidding me with a &longs;mile
examine my trea&longs;ures, went down &longs;tairs.

On opening the trunk I found it contained
a piece of grey lute&longs;tring, two pieces of dark
chintz, each enough for a gown, about ten
yards of mu&longs;lin, and a piece of fine linen.
Removing the&longs;e, I di&longs;covered at the bottom,
a neat edition of the Engli&longs;h poets, together
with a bible and common prayer book; here
al&longs;o, I found a roll of drawing paper, which
led me to imagine I was &longs;upplied with other
materials for this elegant amu&longs;ement, and on
opening the drawers, I found I had not been
deceived in my conjectures; for there I
found a box of crayons, pencils and colours,
and a leather writing ca&longs;e, in which was a
letter of truely brotherly advice. On opening
a light clo&longs;et that adjoined my bed chamber,
I di&longs;covered another mark of the friendly
attention of my benefactor; for there
was a &longs;mall piano forte, with a collection of
mu&longs;ic by the be&longs;t ma&longs;ters. My little pocket-book
contained a bank note for fifty pounds.

Oppre&longs;&longs;ed by a &longs;en&longs;e of the&longs;e numerous
obligations, my heart almo&longs;t bur&longs;ting with
grateful emotions, I &longs;unk on my knees by
the bed &longs;ide, and poured forth my thanks

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to the great Di&longs;po&longs;er of all things, entreated
that the choice&longs;t of his ble&longs;&longs;ings might
be &longs;howered on my benefactor, and prayed
his mercy ever to protect and direct me,
nor &longs;uffer me again, impiou&longs;ly to doubt his
power and watchful care.

The next morning, I entered on my new
employment with alacrity. It is an employment
that keeps the mind continually amufed.
Mrs. Lacour is an amiable, chearful
woman, and &longs;ome of her young people, sensible,
well informed girls. I do not like
Mr. Lacour: he appears to me a pert, illiterate
coxcomb. But this does not give me
any great unea&longs;ine&longs;s, as I am not much in
his company, except at meal times. When
the bu&longs;ine&longs;s of the day is fini&longs;hed, I retire to
my own apartment, where writing, reading
or mu&longs;ic, &longs;weetly relaxes and chears my
mind: the time never hangs heavy; I feel
a charming &longs;erenity pervade my heart, and
Hope, that bright cele&longs;tial gue&longs;t, again has
taken up her re&longs;idence in my bo&longs;om. On
a Sundy evening, I never fail vi&longs;iting the
dear &longs;pot, that contains all that was earthly
of my beloved mother. I cannot de&longs;cribe
my &longs;en&longs;ations when I approach the place.
They are far from painful Celia, for the
remembrance of her piety and virtue is a
balm to my heart; and while my eye is

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fixed on the grave where &longs;he lies, my mental
faculties behold her ble&longs;&longs;ed &longs;pirit beatified,
and enjoying the fullne&longs;s of heavenly
bli&longs;s in that man&longs;ion, where, I tru&longs;t, I &longs;hall
one day again embrace her. When I return
from the&longs;e contemplations, my &longs;oul is
&longs;o attuned to harmony, that I &longs;ing the hymns
or anthems &longs;uited to the day, with a pleasure
unde&longs;cribable. I have wrote a few
lines, which you will find fully expre&longs;&longs;ive
of the frame of my mind. I cannot help
regreting, my deare&longs;t friend, the happy
days I &longs;pent with you in the convent, tho'
all-chearing Hope bids me look forward;
and while I take my pre&longs;ent lot with gratitude,
humbly a&longs;pire to a ble&longs;&longs;ed hereafter.
Enclo&longs;ed are the lines I mention; I &longs;ing it
to that &longs;weet plaintive air, we were both &longs;o
fond of. I &longs;hall &longs;ometimes plea&longs;e my&longs;elf
with the thought, that we may perhaps after
you have received this, both &longs;ing it at the
&longs;ame moment. God ble&longs;s you my dear
Celia.

MERIEL.

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Rowson, Mrs., 1762-1824 [1795], Trials of the human heart, volume 2 ('printed for the author, by Wrigley & Berriman', Philadelphia) [word count] [eaf328v2].
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