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Once more, my beloved Celia, I am
permitted to addre&longs;s you; but I will
not addre&longs;s you in the voice of complaint,
becau&longs;e I might have been far more wretched
than I am. Much gratitude is therefore
due to that benignant power, who has protected
me through many dangers, and &longs;aved
me from an evil which I could hardly have
endured and lived. My &longs;en&longs;es too are restored,
my life pre&longs;erved by almo&longs;t a miracle;
and &longs;hall I, &longs;urrounded by the&longs;e marvelous
ble&longs;&longs;ings, dare to repine becau&longs;e I do not
enjoy that tranquility of heart which young
women of my age and fortune in general possess.
I do not repine; I &longs;ubmit to the chastening
hand of heaven, I hope with that patience,
which is the Chri&longs;tian's duty. I do
not even pre&longs;ume to enquire, why the&longs;e
things are permitted; but yet my heart bleeds
with my recent afflictions, and would fain

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&longs;eek ea&longs;e by pouring forth its &longs;orrows to that
dear friendly girl, who will pity and &longs;ooth
them. You mu&longs;t, long ere this, have received
Deborah's letter, which has no doubt
filled you with amazement. It is my &longs;ad
ta&longs;k to explain to you the my&longs;tery that invelopes
my conduct. To no other per&longs;on
breathing will I unfold my labouring heart:
no, not even to kind hearted Deborah, or my
my dear &longs;uffering mother: but to you, Celia,
to you who&longs;e thoughts are detached from
the world, to you who will con&longs;ider this confidence
as &longs;acred: to you I will venture to
di&longs;clo&longs;e a &longs;cene, the remembrance of which,
even at this moment, chills the vital tide that
nouri&longs;hes my heart. But you, my gentle
friend, well I know, tho' &longs;truck with horror
at the tale I &longs;hall unfold, will join with me
in offering to the throne of grace, fervent
prayers for the author of my &longs;orrows. “Oh
thou Father, creator of the univer&longs;e, look
down upon him, pardon his manifold offences,
touch his heart that he may &longs;ee his
errors, and oh! of thy infinite mercy, blot
this la&longs;t tran&longs;gre&longs;&longs;ion from the book of life.”
This is my daily prayer—but to proceed in
my &longs;ad ta&longs;k:

The day my mother went into Effex I
felt my &longs;pirits unu&longs;ually oppre&longs;&longs;ed, I rode
out in the afternoon with my father, he

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was extremely gay in his conver&longs;ation, indeed,
I thought too much &longs;o, as he treated
&longs;ome &longs;ubjects with a levity which greatly
&longs;hocked me, and &longs;ome expre&longs;&longs;ions e&longs;caped
him which wounded my delicacy, but this
did not &longs;o much &longs;urpri&longs;e me as he had frequently
indulged him&longs;elf in very improper
conver&longs;ation, not only before me, but other
young women, who vi&longs;ited at the hou&longs;e, for
which my mother always reproved him, but
he in general turned it off with a laugh.
However, as I had no per&longs;on with me in the
chai&longs;e, his manner was extremely embarassing,
nay even di&longs;tre&longs;&longs;ing, for he &longs;aluted me
&longs;everal times, told me he was afraid of shewing
much affection to me before my mother,
who in her heart hates me; but, that if I
was a good girl, he would not care for my
mother, but &longs;hew me every kindne&longs;s in his
power; that I &longs;hould go where I plea&longs;ed, and
do whatever my inclinations led me to. Astonished
at this conver&longs;ation, I hardly knew
what to an&longs;wer, and was extremely glad
when we got home. I would have retired
immediately to my appartment, but he insisted
on my &longs;taying to &longs;up with him, &longs;aying
he had ordered a chicken on purpo&longs;e for me.
I reluctantly complied. During &longs;upper he
drank very freely and would have had me
drink &longs;everal gla&longs;&longs;es of wine; which as I was
unaccu&longs;tomed to I re&longs;olutely refu&longs;ed. When

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I had &longs;upped he would have me play him a
tune, after which he &longs;ung a &longs;ong more adapted
to the ta&longs;te of a libertine than the cha&longs;te
ears of a daughter. At ten o'clock I retired,
and, tho' greatly &longs;urprized at my father's conduct,
yet having nothing particularly heavy
on my mind, I &longs;oon fell a&longs;leep, I never had
been u&longs;ed to lock my door, and you may
imagine my terror when being awoke by a
noi&longs;e in the room, I felt a man's hand take
hold of mine; I gave a faint &longs;cream, fright
deprived me of much power, but how were
my fears increa&longs;ed, when I heard my father
&longs;ay, “hu&longs;h! don't make a noi&longs;e, it is only
me.” “You, &longs;ir,” I replied, &longs;tarting up,
“and what can be the cau&longs;e of your coming
here.” I cannot remember his an&longs;wer, Celia,
but I know he caught me in his arms. I
&longs;prang from him with a violent effort, and
quitting the bed, the darkne&longs;s of the night
befriended me and I ru&longs;hed out of the room
into Deborah's chamber. After this I kept
my apartment for &longs;everal days, nor did I
intend to have left it again till my mother's
return, pretending indi&longs;po&longs;ition; but he
wrote me a letter, in which he a&longs;&longs;erted that
he had mi&longs;taken my chamber for the housemaid's,
with whom he confe&longs;&longs;ed he had an
intrigue. Oh Celia! what a humaliating confession
from a father to a child, &longs;ure none but
an unprincipled rake could have brought

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him&longs;elf to make it. He begged I would not
mention the circum&longs;tance to my mother, and
promi&longs;ed amendment in future. Alas! I
was deceived by this letter and again ventured
down to my meals. The day Deborah
had leave to go out I &longs;pent the chief part below,
he was remarkably re&longs;erved in his behaviour,
and &longs;eemed even indifferent and
inattentive to me, &longs;carcely &longs;peaking the whole
day. At &longs;upper I drank as u&longs;ual one gla&longs;s
of wine and then retired; I felt an unaccountable
drow&longs;ine&longs;s come over me; but it had
been a &longs;torm all the evening, and the almo&longs;t
ince&longs;&longs;ant fla&longs;hes of lightning, with di&longs;tant
rumbling thunder, prevented my indulging
it. I had partly undre&longs;&longs;ed my&longs;elf and was
&longs;itting on the &longs;ide of the bed endeavouring
to compo&longs;e my&longs;elf, (for I am greatly terrified
at lightning,) when the door opened,
and my father entered; he immediately &longs;hut
the door and turned the key. To de&longs;cribe
my horror is impo&longs;&longs;ible, or to give you the
mo&longs;t di&longs;tant idea of the &longs;cene that en&longs;ued;
but never to the late&longs;t hour I have to breathe,
will it be era&longs;ed from my memory. My repeated
&longs;creams were of no avail. Deborah
was from home, and the other maids &longs;lept too
far off to hear me. Oh! how often did I
wi&longs;h that the vivid lightning, which every
moment illumined the room, would &longs;trike
me dead. At length a mo&longs;t tremendous clap

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of thunder bur&longs;t as it were directly over us.
It ennerved, even the arm of hardened guilt,
but it encouraged me. I &longs;eized the opportunity
to fling open the window and declare,
if he did not in&longs;tantly quit my chamber, I
would throw my&longs;elf out, and &longs;eeing a penknife
lay on the window &longs;eat, I &longs;natched it
up: “come not near me, &longs;ir,” &longs;aid I,
“for the moment you lay your hand upon
me, this &longs;hall put an end to your exi&longs;tence.”
my fury which had wrought me almo&longs;t to a
&longs;tate of frenzy, intimidated him. “Be patient,
Meriel,” &longs;aid he, “&longs;hut the window and
get into bed, you will catch your death with
cold.” “Better be dead,” &longs;aid I, “than
live with di&longs;honour.” “I &longs;wear,” he replied,
“by all that is &longs;acred, if you will go quietly
to bed I will quit the room immediately.”

“You &longs;hall quit it in&longs;tantly,” &longs;aid I, in a
menacing accent; “am I not your child,
and do you dare invade the virtue it is
your duty to protect?” Celia, I felt at that
moment as tho' I could have encountered
almo&longs;t any thing; that I could have bared
my bo&longs;om to the &longs;troke of death, and even
met the blow with thankfulne&longs;s; he &longs;aw my
increa&longs;ing frenzy, and trembling unlocked
the door and left the room. The moment
he was gone I locked my&longs;elf in, and overcome
with horror and di&longs;tre&longs;s, fell almo&longs;t

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lifeless on the bed: how long I continued in
this &longs;tate of torpor I cannot tell; but the
fir&longs;t u&longs;e I made of my returning &longs;en&longs;es was
to think of e&longs;caping from the hou&longs;e, and in
this I was re&longs;olutely determined, when I
heard him again at the door demanding admission:
the candle was now gone out, and
the window &longs;till open; the thought was momentary:
I formed no plan for &longs;upport, nor
even thought of a place where to &longs;eek an
a&longs;ylum; but, &longs;tarting up, I pulled the
&longs;heets off the bed, and, undre&longs;&longs;ed as I was,
&longs;lipped by them into the garden. How I escaped,
unhurt, heaven alone can tell: the
moment I felt my&longs;elf on the ground I thanked
God for my deliverance, and going out
of the back garden gate, ran as fa&longs;t as my
&longs;trength would permit, as I imagined, toward
a neighbouring village; but as the
day began to dawn, I found I had taken a
wrong road, and was at the entrance of a
large wood; I was afraid to return, le&longs;t I
&longs;hould meet my father; therefore, forcing
my way into the thicke&longs;t part, I found a
little hovel, which had been made by &longs;ome
unfortunate wanderer, of branches and dry
leaves: into this poor &longs;helter I crept, and
here fir&longs;t di&longs;covered that my faithful Lubin
was with me. The little affectionate animal
crept clo&longs;e up to me, licking my hands and
face, as tho' he wi&longs;hed to comfort me; in

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this &longs;ituation, my cloaths wet, my &longs;pirits
harra&longs;&longs;ed, and nature overcome, I &longs;unk into
a &longs;lumber. But here I mu&longs;t drop my pen,
for memory no longer bears any traces of
the en&longs;uing &longs;cenes, till I awoke in my own
bed and &longs;aw Deborah weeping by my &longs;ide.
Farewell, I will write again &longs;oon.