Watch.
Dog.
Are you good men and true?
-- 47 --
Ver.
Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer
salvation, body and soul.
Dog.
Nay, that were a punishment too good for
them, if they should have any allegeance in them, being
chosen for the prince's watch.
Ver.
Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry.
Dog.
First, who think you the most desartless man
to be constable?
1. W.
Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal; for they
can write and read.
Dog.
Come hither, neighbour Seacoal: God hath
bless'd you with a good name: to be a well-favour'd
man is the gift of fortune; but to write and read comes
by nature.
2. W.
Both which, master constable,—
Dog.
You have; I knew it would be your answer:
Well, for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks,
and make no boast of it; and for your writing and
reading, let that appear when there is no need of such
vanity. You are thought here to be the most senseless
and fit man for the constable of the watch; therefore
bear you the lanthorn: This is your charge; You shall
comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any man
stand, in the prince's name.
2. W.
How if he will not stand?
Dog.
Why then, take no note of him, but let him
go; and presently call the rest of the watch together,
and thank God you are rid of a knave.
Ver.
If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is
none of the prince's subjects.
Dog.
True, and they are to meddle with none but
the prince's subjects:—You shall also make no noise in
-- 48 --
the streets; for, for the watch to babble and to talk, note
is most tolerable and not to be endured.
2. W.
We will rather14Q0169 sleep than talk; we know what
belongs to a watch.
Dog.
Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet
watchman; for I cannot see how sleeping should offend:
only, have a care that your bills be not stoln:—Well,
you are to call at all the ale-houses, and bid those that note
are drunk get them to bed.
2. W.
How if they will not?
Dog.
Why then, let them alone 'till they are sober;
if they make you not then the better answer, you may
say, they are not the men you took them for.
2. W.
Well, sir.
Dog.
If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by
virtue of your office, to be no true man; and, for such
kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them,
why, the more is for your honesty.
2. W.
If we know him to be a thief, shall we not
lay hands on him?
Dog.
Truly, by your office, you may; but, I think,
they that touch pitch will be defil'd: the most peaceable
way for you, if you do take a thief, is, to let him shew
himself what he is, and steal out of your company.
Ver.
You have been always call'd a merciful man,
partner.
Dog.
Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will;
much more a man who hath any honesty in him.
Ver.
If you hear a child cry in the night, you must
call to the nurse, and bid her still it.
2. W.
How if the nurse be asleep, and will not hear us?
Dog.
Why then, depart in peace, and let the child
-- 49 --
wake her with crying: for the ewe that will not hear
her lamb when it baes, will never answer a calf when
he bleats.
Ver.
'Tis very true.
Dog.
This is the end of the charge. You, constable,
are to present the prince's own person; if you
meet the prince in the night, you may stay him.
Ver.
Nay, by'r-lady, that, I think, he cannot.
Dog.
Five shillings to one on 't, with any man that
knows the statutes, he may stay him: marry, not without
the prince be willing: for, indeed, the watch ought
to offend no man; and it is an offence to stay a man
against his will.
Ver.
By'r-lady, I think, it be so.
Dog.
Ha, ha, ha! Well, masters, good night: an
there be any matter of weight chances, call up me:
keep your fellows' counsels, and your own, and good
night.—Come, neighbour.
2. W.
Well, masters, we hear our charge: let us go
sit here upon the church-bench till two, and then all
to-bed.
Dog.
One word more, honest neighbours: I pray
you, watch about signior Leonato's door; for the wedding
being there to-morrow, there is a great coyl tonight:
Adieu; be vigitant note, I beseech you.
[Exeunt Dogberry, and Verges.
Enter Borachio, and Conrade.
Bor.
What, Conrade,—
&clquo;2. W.
&clquo;Peace, stir not.&crquo;
Bor.
Conrade, I say,—
Con.
Here, man, I am at thy elbow.
Bor.
Mass, and my elbow itch'd; I thought, there
-- 50 --
would a scab follow.
Con.
I will owe thee an answer for that; and now
forward with thy tale.
Bor.
Stand thee close then under this pent-house,
for it drizzles rain; and I will, like a true drunkard,
utter all to thee.
&clquo;2. W.
&clquo;Some treason, masters; yet stand close.&crquo;
Bor.
Therefore know, I have earned of Don John
a thousand ducats.
Con.
Is it possible that any villany should be so
dear?
Bor.
Thou should'st rather ask, if it were possible
any villany should be so rich: for when rich villains
have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what
price they will.
Con.
I wonder at it.
Bor.
That shews, thou art unconfirm'd: Thou
knowest, that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a
cloak, is nothing to a man.
Con.
Yes, it is apparel.
Bor.
I mean, the fashion.
Con.
Yes, the fashion is the fashion.
Bor.
Tush! I may as well say, the fool's the fool. But
see'st thou not what a deform'd thief this fashion is?
&clquo;1. W.
&clquo;I know that Deform'd; he has been a vile
thief this seven year; note he goes up and down like
a gentleman: I remember his name.&crquo;
Bor.
Did'st thou not hear some body?
Con.
No; 'twas the vane note on the house.
Bor.
See'st thou not, I say, what a deform'd thief
this fashion is? how giddily he turns about all the
hot bloods, between fourteen and five and thirty?
-- 51 --
sometimes fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers in
the reechy painting; sometime, like god Bel's priests
in the old church-window; sometime, like the shaven
Hercules in the smirtcht worm-eaten tapestry, where his
cod-piece seems as massy as his club?
Con.
All this I see; and see note, that the fashion wears
out more apparel than the man: But art not thou thyself
giddy with the fashion too, that thou hast shifted
out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion?
Bor.
Not so neither: but know that I have to-night
wooed Margaret, the lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the
name of Hero; she leans me out at her mistress' chamber-window,
bids me a thousand times good-night,—
I tell this tale vilely: I should first tell thee, how the
prince, Claudio, and my master, planted, and placed,
and possessed by my master Don John, saw afar off in
the orchard this amiable encounter.
Con.
And thought they, Margaret note was Hero?
Bor.
Two of them did, the prince and Claudio,
but the devil my master knew she was Margaret; and
partly by his oaths, which first possess'd them, partly
by the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly
by my villany, which did confirm any slander that
Don John had made, away went Claudio enrag'd;
swore he would meet her, as he was appointed, next
morning at the temple, and there, before the whole
congregation, shame her with what he had seen
o'er night, and send her home again without a husband.
1. W. [starting out upon them.]
We charge you in the
prince's name, stand.
2. W.
Call up the right master constable: We have
-- 52 --
here recovered the most dangerous piece of lecnery
that ever was known in the common-wealth.
1. W.
And one Deform'd is one of them; I know
him, he wears a lock.
Con.
Masters, masters,—
2. W.
You'll be made bring Deform'd forth, I warrant
you.
Con.
Masters,—
1. W.
Never speak, we charge you, let us obey you
to go with us.
Bor.
We are like to prove a goodly commodity,
being taken up of these men's bills.
Con.
A commodity in question, I warrant you.—
Come, we'll obey you.
[Exeunt.
Edward Capell [1767], Mr William Shakespeare his comedies, histories, and tragedies, set out by himself in quarto, or by the Players his Fellows in folio, and now faithfully republish'd from those Editions in ten Volumes octavo; with an introduction: Whereunto will be added, in some other Volumes, notes, critical and explanatory, and a Body of Various Readings entire (Printed by Dryden Leach, for J. and R. Tonson [etc.], London) [word count] [S10601].
