Mer.
You know, since pentecost the sum is due,
And since I have not much impórtun'd you;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want gilders for my voyage:
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or I'll attach you by this officer.

Gol.
Even just the sum, that I do owe to you,
Is growing to me by Antiphilus:
And, in the instant that I met with you,
He had of me a chain; at five o'clock
I shall receive the money for the same:
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond, and thank you too. Enter Antiphilus Ephesian, and Dromio Ephesian.

Off.
That labour may you save; see, where he comes.

A. S.
While ^note I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou

And buy a rope's end; that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates ^note,
For locking me out of my doors by day.—
But, soft, I see the goldsmith:—get thee gone;
Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.

D. E.
I buy a thousand pound a year! I buy a rope! [Exit Dromio.

A. E.
A man is well holp up, that trusts to you
I promised your presence, and the chain;
But neither chain, nor goldsmith, came to me:
Belike, you thought, our love would last too long,
If it were chain'd together; and therefore came not.

Gol.
Saving your merry humour, here's the &dagger2; note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat, ^note
The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion;
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman:
I pray you, see him presently discharg'd;
For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.

A. E.
I am not furnish'd with the present money;
Besides, I have some business in the town:
Good signior, take the stranger to my house,
And with you take the chain, and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof;
Perchance, I will be there as soon as you.

Gol.
Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?

A. E.
No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.

Gol.
Well, sir, I will; Have you the chain about you?

A. E.
An if I have not, sir, I hope, you have;
Or else you may return without your money.

Gol.
Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain;
Both wind and tide stays for the gentleman ^note,

And I, to blame, have held him here too long.

A. E.
Good lord, you use this dalliance, to excuse
Your breach of promise to the porcupine;
I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.

Mer.
The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.

Gol.
You hear how he impórtunes me; the chain—

A. E.
Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.

Gol.
Come, come; you know, I gave it you even now;
Either send the chain, or send me by some token.

A. E.
Fie, now you run this humour out of breath!
Come, where's the chain? I pray you, let me see it.

Mer.
My business cannot brook this dalliance:
Good sir, say, whe'r you'll answer me, or no;
If not, I'll leave him to the officer.

A. E.
I answer you! what should ^note I answer you?

Gol.
The money that you owe me for the chain.

A. E.
I owe you none, 'till I receive the chain.

Gol.
You know, I gave it you half an hour since.

A. E.
You gave me none; you wrong me much to say so.

Gol.
You wrong me more ^note, sir, in denying it:
Consider how it stands upon my credit.

Mer.
Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.

Off.
I do;—
And charge you in the duke's name to obey me.

Gol.
This touches me in reputation:—
Either consent to pay the sum ^note for me,
Or I attach you by this officer.

A. E.
Consent to pay thee ^note that I never had!
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar'st.

Gol.
Here is thy &dagger2; fee; arrest him, officer:—
I would not spare my brother in this case,

If he should scorn me so apparently.

Off.
I do arrest you, sir; you hear the suit.

A. E.
I do obey thee, 'till I give thee bail:—
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.

Gol.
Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame, I doubt it not. Enter Dromio Syracusan.

D. S.
Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum,
That stays but 'till her owner comes aboard,
And ^note then she ^note bears away: Our fraughtage, sir,
I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought ^note
The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitæ.
The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all,
But for their owner, master, and your self.

A. E.
How now, a madman! why, thou peevish sheep,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?

D. S.
A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.

A. E.
Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;
And told thee to what purpose, and what end.

D. S.
A rope! you sent me for a rope's end as soon;
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.

A. E.
I will debate this matter at more leisure,
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hye thee straight:
Give her this &dagger2; key, and tell her, in the desk,
That's cover'd o'er with Turkish Tapestry,
There is a purse of ducats; let her send it;
Tell her, I am arrested in the street,
And that shall bail me: hye thee, slave; be gone.—
On, officer, to prison 'till it come.

[Exeunt Mer. Gol. Officer, and Antiphilus.

D. S.
To Adriana? that is where we din'd;
Where Dowzabel did claim me for her husband:
She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will;
For servants must their masters' minds fulfil. [Exit. SCENE II. The same. Enter Adriana, and Luciana.

Adr.
Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
  Might'st thou perceive austerely in his eye,
That he did plead in earnest, yea, or no?
  Look'd he or red, or pale; sad, merrily ^note?
What observation mad'st thou in this case,
Of his ^note heart's meteors14Q0142 tilting in his face?

Luc.
First, he deny'd you; you had in him no right.

Adr.
He meant, he did me none: the more my spight.

Luc.
Then swore he, that he was a stranger here.

Adr.
And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.

Luc.
Then pleaded I for you.

Adr.
And what said he?

Luc.
That love, I beg'd for you, he beg'd of me.

Adr.
With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?

Luc.
With words, that in an honest suit might move.
First, he did praise my beauty; then, my speech:

Adr.
Did'st speak him fair?

Luc.
Have patience, I beseech.

Adr.
I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,
Ill-fac'd, worse body'd, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;

Stigmatical in making, worse in mind ^note.

Luc.
Who would be jealous then of such a one?
No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.

Adr.
Ah, but I think him better than I say;
  And yet would herein others' ^note eyes were worse:
Far from her nest the lapwing cries away:
  My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse. Enter Dromio Syracusan.

D. S.
Here, go; the desk, the purse; sweet now, make haste.

Luc.
How hast thou lost thy breath?

D. S.
By running fast.

Adr.
Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well?

D. S.
No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell:
A devil in an everlasting garment hath him,
One whose ^note hard heart is button'd up with steel;
A fiend, a fury ^note, pitiless, and rough;
A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;
A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands
The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands;
A hound that runs counter,14Q0143 and yet draws dry-foot well;
One that, before the judgment, carries poor souls to hell.

Adr.
Why, man, what is the matter?

D. S.
I do not know the matter; he is 'rested on the case.

Adr.
What, is he arrested? tell me, at whose suit?

D. S.
I know not, at whose suit he is arrested, well;
But he's in ^note a suit of buff, which 'rested him, that can I tell:

Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?

Adr.
Go fetch it, sister.—This I wonder at, [Exit Luciana.
That he ^note, unknown to me, should be in debt:—
Tell me, was he arrested on a band?

D. S.
Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;
A chain, a chain; Do you not hear it ring?

Adr.
What, the chain?

D. S.
No, no, the bell: 'tis time, that I were gone;
It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.

Adr.
The hours come back! that did I never hear.

D. S.
O yes, If any hour meet a serjeant, he turns back for very fear.

Adr.
As if time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason?

D. S.
Time is a very bankrout, and owes more than he's worth to season.
Nay, he's a thief too; Have you not heard men say,
That time comes stealing on by night and day?
If time be ^note in debt, and theft, and a serjeant in the way,
Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day? Re-enter Luciana.

Adr.
Go, Dromio, there's &dagger2; the money, bear it strait;
  And bring thy master home immediately.—
Come, sister: I am press'd down with conceit;
  Conceit, my comfort, and my injury. [Exeunt. SCENE III. The same. Enter Antiphilus Syracusan.

A. S.
There's not a man I meet, but doth salute me

As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
And every one doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me, some invite me;
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
Some offer me commodities to buy:
Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop,
And show'd me silks that he had bought for me,
And, therewithal, took measure of my body.
Sure, these are but imaginary wiles,
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here. Enter Dromio Syracusan.

D. S.

Master, here's the &dagger2; gold you sent me for: What, have you14Q0144 got rid of the picture of old Adam new apparel'd?

A. S.

What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?

D. S.

Not that Adam, that kept the paradise; but that Adam, that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf's-skin that was kill'd for the prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.

A. S.

I understand thee not.

D. S.

No? why, 'tis a plain case: he that went, like a base-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a fob, and rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decay'd men, and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest14Q0145 to do more exploits with his mace, than a Maurice pike ^note.

A. S.

What, thou mean'st an officer?

D. S.

Ay, sir, the serjeant of the band; he that brings any man to answer it, that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, ^note

God give you good rest!

A. S.

Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any ship ^note puts forth to-night? may we be gone?

D. S.

Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since, that the bark, Expedition, put forth to-night; and then were you hinder'd by the serjeant, to tarry for the hoy, Delay: Here &dagger2; are the angels that you sent for to deliver you.

A. S.
The fellow is distract, and so am I;
And here we wander in illusions:
Some blessed power deliver us from hence! Enter a Courtezan.

Cou.
Well met, well met, master Antiphilus.
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now:
Is that the chain you promis'd me to-day?

A. S.
Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not!

D. S.

Master, is this mistress Satan?

A. S.

It is the devil.

D. S.

Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof comes, that the wenches say, God damn me; that's as much as to say, God make me a light wench.14Q0146 It is written, they appear to men like angels of light: light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn; Come not near her.

Cou.
Your man and you are marvelous merry, sir.
Will you go with me; we'll mend our dinner here?

D. S.

Master, if you ^note do, expect spoon-meat; so bespeak ^note a long spoon.

A. S.

Why, Dromio?

D. S.

Marry, he must have a long spoon, that must

must eat ^note with the devil.

A. S.
Avoid then, fiend! what tell'st thou me of supping?
Thou art (as you are all) a sorceress:
I conjure thee to leave me, and be gone.

Cou.
Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
Or, for my diamond, the chain you promis'd,
And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.

D. S.
Some devils ask but the parings of one's nail,
A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
A nut, a cherry-stone; but she, more covetous,
Would have a chain:—
Master, be wise; an if you give it her,
The devil will shake her chain, and fright us with it.

Cou.
I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain;
I hope, you do not mean to cheat me so.

A. S.
Avaunt, thou witch!—Come, Dromio, let us go.

D. S.
Fly pride, says the peacock; Mistress, that you know. [Exeunt Dromio, and Antiphilus.

Cou.
Now, out of doubt, Antiphilus is mad,
Else would he never so demean himself:
A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
And for the same he promis'd me a chain;
Both one and other he denies me now.
The reason, that I gather he is mad,
(Besides this present instance of his rage)
Is a mad tale, he told to-day at dinner,
Of his own doors being shut against his entrance:
Belike, his wife, acquainted with his fits,
On purpose shut the doors against his way.
My way is now, to hye home to his house,
And tell his wife, that, being lunatick,
He rush'd into my house, and took perforce

My ring away: This course I fittest choose;
For forty ducats is too much to lose. [Exit. SCENE IV. The same. Enter Antiphilus Ephesian, and the Officer.

A. E.
Fear me not, man, I will not break away;
I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
My wife is in a wayward mood to-day;
And will not lightly trust the messenger,
That I should be attach'd in Ephesus:
I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears. Enter Dromio Ephesian, with the Rope's End.
Here comes my man; I think, he brings the money.—
How now, sir? have you that I sent you for?

D. E.
Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.

A. E.
But where's the money?

D. E.
Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.

A. E.
Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope?

D. E.
I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.

A. E.
To what end did I bid thee hye thee ^note home?

D. E.
To a rope's end, sir; and to that end am I
Return'd.

A. E.
And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. [beating him.

Off.

Good sir, be patient.

D. E.

Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity.

Off.

Good now, hold thy tongue.

D. E.

Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

A. E.

Thou whoreson, senseless villain!

D. E.

I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not

feel your blows.

A. E.

Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.

D. E.

I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service, but blows: When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating: I am wak'd with it, when I sleep; rais'd with it, when I sit; driven out of doors with it, when I go from home; welcom'd home with it, when I return: nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think, when he hath lam'd me, I shall beg with it from door to door.