Evans.
Shal.
Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a
star-chamber matter of it: if he were twenty sir John
Falstaffs, note he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire,—
Slen.
In the county of Gloster, justice of peace and
coram.
Shal.
Ay, cousin Slender, and custalorum.
Slen.
Ay, and ratolorum note too; and a gentleman born,
master parson; who writes himself, armigero; in any bill,
warrant, quittance, or obligation, armigero.
Shal.
Ay, that I do; and have done, any time these
three hundred years.
Slen.
All his successors, gone before him, have don't note;
and all his ancestors, that come after him, may: they
may give the dozen white luces in their coat.
Shal.
It is an old coat.
Sir H.
The dozen white louses do become an old coat
-- 4 --
well; it agrees well passant: it is a familiar beast to man,
and signifies—love.
Shal.
The luce14Q0044 [to Slen. showing him his Seal-ring.]
is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.
Slen.
I may quarter, coz'.
Shal.
You may, by marrying.
Sir H.
It is marring, indeed, note if he quarter it.
Shal.
Not a whit.
Sir H.
Yes, py'r-lady; if he has a quarter of your
coat, there is but three skirts note for yourself, in my simple
conjectures: but that is all one: If sir John Falstaff have
committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church,
and will be glad to do my benevolence, to make atonements
and compremises between you.
Shal.
The council shall hear it; it is a riot.
Sir H.
It is not meet the council hear a note riot; there is
no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall desire
to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take
your visaments note in that.
Shal.
Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the
sword should end it.
Sir H.
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end note
it: and there is also another device in my prain, which,
peradventure, prings goot discretions note with it: There is
Anne Page, which is daughter to master Thomas Page, note14Q0045
which is pretty virginity.
Slen.
Mistress Anne Page? she has brown hair, and
speaks small like note a woman.
Sir H.
It is that fery person for all the 'orld, note as just
as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of monies,
and gold, and silver, is her grandsire, upon his
death's bed, (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!)
-- 5 --
give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old:
It were a goot motion, note if we leave our pribbles and
prabbles, and desire a marriage between master Abraham,
and mistress Anne Page.
Shal.
Did her grandsire14Q0046 leave her seven hundred
pound?
Sir H.
Ay, and his father note note is make her a petter
penny.
Shal.
I know the young gentlewoman; she has good
gifts.
Sir H.
Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities note, is
good gifts.
Shal.
Well, let us see honest master Page: Is Falstaff
there?
Sir H.
Shall I tell you a lye? I do despise a liar, as
I do despise one that is false; or, as I despise one that
is not true: The knight sir John is there; and I beseech
you, be ruled by your well-willers: I will peat the
door for master Page.—What, hoa! Got pless note your house
here!
Enter Page.
Page.
Who's there?
Sir H.
Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and
justice Shallow: and here is young note master Slender; that,
peradventures, shall tell you another tale, if matters
grow to your likings.
Page.
I am glad to see your worships well: I thank
you for my venison, master Shallow.
Shal.
Master Page, I am glad to see you; Much
good do it your good heart! I wish'd your venison
better; it was ill killed:—How doth good mistress
Page?—and I thank you always with my heart, la;
-- 6 --
with my heart.
Page.
Sir, I thank you.
Shal.
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
Page.
I am glad to see you, good master Slender.
Slen.
How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard
say, he was out-run on Cotsall.
Page.
It could not be judg'd, sir.
Slen.
You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
Shal.
That he will not;14Q0047—'tis your fault, 'tis your
fault: 'Tis a good dog.
Page.
A cur, sir.
Shal.
Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; Can
there be more said? he is good, and fair. Is sir John
Falstaff here?
Page.
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a
good office between you.
Sir H.
It is spoke as a christians ought to speak.
Shal.
He hath wrong'd me, master Page.
Page.
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Shal.
If it be confessed, it is not redressed; Is not
that so, master Page? He hath wrong'd me; indeed, he
hath; at a word, he hath; believe me; Robert Shallow
esquire saith, he is wronged.
Page.
Here comes sir John.
Enter Sir John Falstaff, Nym, Pistol, and Bardolph.
Fals.
Now, master Shallow; you'll complain of me
to the king?
Shal.
Knight, you have beaten my men, kill'd my
deer, and broke open my lodge.
Fals.
But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter?
Shal.
Tut note a pin! this shall be answer'd.
-- 7 --
Fals.
I will answer it straight;—I have done all
this:—That is now answer'd.
Shal.
The council shall know this.
Fals.
'Twere better for you if it were known in
council? you'll be laugh'd at.
Sir H.
Pauca verba, sir John; good worts.
Fals.
Good worts! good cabbage:—Slender, I broke
your head; What matter have you against me?
Slen.
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against
you; and against your coney-catching rascals, Bardolph,
Nym, and Pistol.
Bard.
You Banbury cheese!14Q0048
Slen.
Ay, it is no matter.
Pist.
How now, Mephostophilus?
Slen.
Ay, it is no matter.
Nym.
Slice, I say! pauca, pauca; slice! that's my
humour.
Slen.
Where's Simple my man?—can you tell,
cousin?
Sir H.
Peace, I pray you! Now let us understand:
There is three umpires in this matter, as I understand:
that is—master Page, fidelicet, master Page; and there is
myself, fidelicet, myself; and the three party is, lastly and
finally, mine host of the garter.
Page.
We three, to hear it, and end it between
them.
Sir H.
Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my
note-book; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause,
with as great discreetly as we can.
Fals.
Pistol,—
Pist.
He hears with ears.
Sir H.
The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this,
-- 8 --
He hears with ear? Why, it is affectations.
Fals.
Pistol, did you pick master14Q0049 Slender's purse?
Slen.
Ay, by these gloves, did he, (or I would I
might never come in mine own great chamber again
else) of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two-pence
a-piece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
Fals.
Is this true, Pistol?
Sir H.
No, it is false, if it is a pickpurse.
Pist.
Ha, thou mountain foreigner!—
Sir John and master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten note bilboe:—
Word of denial in thy labras here;
Word of denial; froth and scum, thou ly'st.
Slen.
By these gloves, then 'twas † he.
Nym.
Be avis'd, sir, and pass good humours: I will
say, marry trap, with you, if you run the nuthook's
humour note on me; that is the very note of it.
Slen.
By this hat, then † he in the red face had it:
for though I cannot remember what I did when you
made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
Fals.
What say you, Scarlet and John?
Bard.
Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman
had drunk himself out of his five sentences;
Sir H.
It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!
Bard.
And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashier'd;
and so conclusions past the careeres.
Slen.
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; note but 'tis no
matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in
honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be
drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of
God, and not with drunken knaves.
-- 9 --
Sir H.
So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
Fals.
You hear all these matters deny'd, gentlemen;
you hear it.
Enter Mistress Anne Page, with Wine; Mist. Ford,
and Mist. Page, following her.
Page.
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink
within.
Slen.
O heaven! this is mistress Anne Page.
Page.
How now, mistress Ford?
Fals.
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well
met: by your leave, good mistress.
[kissing her.
Page.
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome:—Come,
we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen;
I hope, we shall drink down all unkindness.
[Exeunt All, but Shal. Slen. and Sir H. Evans.
Slen.
I had rather than forty shillings, I had my
book of songs and sonnets here:—
Enter Simple.
How now, Simple; where have you been? I must wait
on myself, must I? You have not the book of riddles
about you, have you?
Simp.
Book of riddles! why, did you not lend it to
Alice Short-cake, upon Alhallowmas last, a fortnight afore
Michaelmas? note14Q0050
Shal.
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A
word with you, coz: marry, this, coz; There is, as
'twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by sir
Hugh here;—Do you understand me?
Slen.
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be
so, I shall do that that is reason.
Shal.
Nay, but understand me.
Slen.
So I do, sir.
-- 10 --
Sir H.
Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I
will description the matter to you, if you be capacity
of it.
Slen.
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says:
I pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his
country, simple though I stand here.
Sir H.
But that is not the question; the question is
concerning your marriage.
Shal.
Ay, there's the point, sir.
Sir H.
Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress
Anne Page.
Slen.
Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any
reasonable demands.
Sir H.
But can you affection the 'oman? let us command
to know that of your mouth, or of your lips;—
for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of
the mouth;—Therefore, precisely, can you carry note your
good will to the maid?
Shal.
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
Slen.
I hope, sir,—I will do as it shall become one
that would do reason.
Sir H.
Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must
speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards
her.
Shal.
That you must; Will you, upon good dowry,
marry her?
Slen.
I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
request, cousin, in any reason.
Shal.
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz;
what I do is to pleasure you, coz: Can you love the
maid?
Slen.
I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if
-- 11 --
there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven
may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are
marry'd, and have more occasion to know one another:
I hope, upon familiarity will grow more content: note but
if you say, marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely
dissolv'd, and dissolutely.
Sir H.
It is a fery discretion answer; save the faul'
is in the 'ort, dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our
meaning, resolutely;—his meaning is good.
Shal.
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
Slen.
Ay, or else I would I might be hang'd, la.
Re-enter Anne Page.
Shal.
Here comes fair mistress Anne:—'Would I
were young, for your sake, mistress Anne!
Anne.
The dinner is on the table; my father desires
your worships' note company.
Shal.
I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne.
Sir H.
Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at
the grace.
[Exeunt Shallow, and Sir Hugh Evans.
Anne.
Will't please your worship to come in, sir?
Slen.
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am
very well.
Anne.
The dinner attends you, sir.
Slen.
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth:—
Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon my
cousin Shallow; [Exit Simple.] a justice of peace sometime
may be beholding to his friend for a man:—I
keep but three men and a boy yet, 'till my mother be
dead: But what though? yet I live note like a poor gentleman
born.
Anne.
I may not go in without your worship: they
will not sit, 'till you come.
-- 12 --
Slen.
I'faith, I'll eat nothing: I thank you as much
as though I did.
Anne.
I pray you, sir, walk in.
Slen.
I had rather walk here, I thank you: I bruis'd
my shin th' other day with playing at sword and dagger
with a master of fence, three veneys for a dish of
stew'd prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the
smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be
there bears i' th' town?
Anne.
I think, there are, sir; I heard them talk'd of.
Slen.
I love the sport well; but I shall as soon quarrel
at it, as any man in England:—You are afraid, if
you see the bear loose, are you not?
Anne.
Ay, indeed, sir.
Slen.
That's meat and drink to me now: I have
seen Sackerson loose, twenty times; and have taken him
by the chain: but, I warrant you, the women have so
cry'd and shriek'd at it, that it pass'd:—but women,
indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favour'd
rough things.
Re-enter Page.
Page.
Come, gentle master Slender, come; we stay
for you.
Slen.
I'll eat note nothing, I thank you, sir.
Page.
By cock and pye, you shall not choose, sir:
come, come.
Slen.
Nay, pray you, lead the way.
Page.
Come on, sir.
Slen.
Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
Anne.
Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.
Slen.
Truly, I will not go first; truly, la: I will
not do you that wrong.
-- 13 --
Anne.
I pray you, sir.
Slen.
I'll rather be unmannerly, than troublesome:
You do yourself wrong, indeed, la.
[Exeunt.
Edward Capell [1767], Mr William Shakespeare his comedies, histories, and tragedies, set out by himself in quarto, or by the Players his Fellows in folio, and now faithfully republish'd from those Editions in ten Volumes octavo; with an introduction: Whereunto will be added, in some other Volumes, notes, critical and explanatory, and a Body of Various Readings entire (Printed by Dryden Leach, for J. and R. Tonson [etc.], London) [word count] [S10601].
