SCENE II.
Enter Humber, his hair hanging over his shoulders, his arms all bloody, and a dart in his hand.
Hum.
What basilisk was hatched in this place,
Where every thing consumed is to nought?
What fearful fury haunts these cursed groves,
Where not a root is left for Humber's meat?
Hath fell Alecto, with envenom'd blasts,
Breathed forth poison in these tender plains?
Hath triple Cerberus, with contagious foam,
Sow'd aconitum 'mongst these wither'd herbs?
Hath dreadful Fames6 note, with her charming rods,
Brought barrenness on every fruitful tree?
What, not a root, no fruit, no beast, no bird,
To nourish Humber in this wilderness!
What would you more, you fiends of Erebus?
My very entrails burn for want of drink;
My bowels cry, Humber give us some meat;
But wretched Humber can give you no meat,
-- 242 --
These foul accursed groves afford no meat,
This fruitless soil, this ground, brings forth no meat,
The gods, hard-hearted gods, yield me no meat:
Then how can Humber give you any meat?
Enter Strumbo, wearing a Scotch-cap, with a pitch-fork in his hand.
Strum.
How do you, masters, how do you? how
have you scap'd hanging this long time? I'faith I
have scaped many a scouring this year; but I thank
God I have past them all with a good coraggio,
and my wife and I are in great love and charity
now, I thank my manhood and my strength. For
I will tell you, masters: Upon a certain day at night
I came home, to say the very truth, with my stomach
full of wine, and ran up into the chamber,
where my wife soberly sat rocking my little baby,
leaning her back against the bed, singing lullaby.
Now when she saw me come with my nose foremost,
thinking that I had been drunk (as I was indeed),
she snatch'd up a faggot-stick in her hand, and came
furiously marching towards me, with a big face, as
though she would have eaten me at a bit; thundering
out these words unto me: Thou drunken knave,
where hast thou been so long? I shall teach thee how to
benight me* note another time: and so she began to play
knaves trumps. Now, although I trembled, fearing
she would set her ten commandments7 note in my face,
I ran within her, and taking her lustily by the middle,
I carried her valiantly to the bed, and flinging her
upon it, flung myself upon her, and there I delighted
her so with the sport I made, that ever after
she would call me sweet husband; and so banish'd
brawling for ever. And to see the good will of the
-- 243 --
wench!—she bought with her portion a yard of land,
and by that I am now become one of the richest
men in our parish. Well, masters, what's a'clock?
It is now breakfast time; you shall see what meat I
have here for my breakfast.
[Sits down, and takes out his victuals.
Hum.
Was ever land so fruitless as this land?
Was ever grove so graceless as this grove?
Was ever soil so barren as this soil?
Oh no: the land where hungry Fames dwelt,
May no ways equalize this cursed land;
No, even the climate of the torrid zone
Brings forth more fruit than this accursed grove.
Ne'er came sweet Ceres, ne'er came Venus here;
Triptolemus, the god of husbandmen,
Ne'er sow'd his seed in this foul wilderness.
The hunger-bitten dogs of Acheron,
Chas'd from the nine-fold Pyriphlegethon,
Have set their foot-steps in this damned ground.
The iron-hearted Furies, arm'd with snakes,
Scatter'd huge Hydras over all the plains;
Which have consum'd the grass, the herbs, the trees,
Which have drunk up the flowing water-springs.
[Strumbo hearing his voice starts up, and puts his
meat in his pocket, endeavouring to hide himself.
Hum.
Thou great commander of the starry sky,
That guid'st the life of every mortal wight,
From the enclosures of the fleeting clouds
Rain down some food, or else I faint and die:
Pour down some drink, or else I faint and die.
O Jupiter, hast thou sent Mercury
In clownish shape to minister some food?
Some meat, some meat, some meat.
Strum.
O alas, sir, you are deceiv'd. I am not
Mercury; I am Strumbo.
Hum.
Give me some meat, villain; give me some meat,
Or 'gainst this rock I'll dash thy cursed brains,
-- 244 --
And rent thy bowels with my bloody hands.
Give me some meat, villain; give me some meat.
Strum.
By the faith of my body, good fellow, I
had rather give an whole ox, than that thou should'st
serve me in that sort. Dash out my brains! O horrible!
terrible! I think I have a quarry of stones in
my pocket.
[Aside.
[He makes as though he would give him some, and as he
puts out his hand, the Ghost of Albanact enters, and
strikes him on the hand. Strumbo runs out, Humber
following him.
Ghost.
Lo, here the gift of fell ambition,
Of usurpation and of treachery!
Lo, here the harms that wait upon all those
That do intrude themselves in others' lands,
Which are not under their dominion!
[Exit.
Edmond Malone [1780], Supplement to the edition of Shakspeare's plays published in 1778 By Samuel Johnson and George Steevens. In two volumes. Containing additional observations by several of the former commentators: to which are subjoined the genuine poems of the same author, and seven plays that have been ascribed to him; with notes By the editor and others (Printed for C. Bathurst [and] W. Strahan [etc.], London) [word count] [S10911].
